A Little Oopsie

Gudako stared down blankly from one of the battlements of the Capital City of Gaul, her ginger hair, a proof of her lack of soul, fluttering in the wind.

From this height, she could see the vast swathes of uninhabited land that came with the era they were in... The soldie-...no, peasants looked like ants from where she stood and compared to servants she could obtain by gambling... they were.

"I see no God up here..." Gudako mumbled out, tilting her head ever so slightly, "Except me."

 In other words, she was a delusional bi-... er, she was coming to terms with the supreme power of a Master that could bend heroes of legend to her will... allegedly.

"Damn right! If God gave a shit, he'd help these poor fucks out." Jalter appeared next to her with a massive grin etched across her face. She leaned down, peering at the masses, "You hear me?! Your God is dead!"

"I am your new God."

Jalter looked at Gudako's sudden claim with an estranged expression, "Aren't you getting a little bit ahead of yourself?"

Mechanically turning towards the heathen, a silly smile crept onto Gudako's face, "You wanna find out?"

"...N-No." Jalter averted her gaze, visibly shocked, "Anyway! We lost BB somewhere, good riddance, but Mash was asking for you... something about that little critter you two keep around. And ah… you should go join Nero for food, Emiya's cooking. It's weird how he's doing it in a warzone but gathering hoards of people… like, are we a soup kitchen now? I guess they need it so it's cool?"

"Ah right..."

They were preparing for another battle.

Scouts had come in earlier, reporting something about how there was a Greek Warrior King assigned to recapture Gaul... It looked like it was going to be a siege defence this time.

- 

BB skipped through the empty halls of a palace at a slow pace, taking in the various paintings of naked men with small pps, old ladies, and weird ass drawings of the sky...

"What do they even see in keeping these around~?"

She stopped next to one, tilting her head as she inspected what she thought was a crude piece of art. BB traced her gloved fingers across the canvas, a mischievous grin on her face, and snapped her finger, setting fire to the priceless piece of art and heritage, "Well, at least they make a pretty fire."

"Intruder! Intruder! Alert the guard!"

"But sir, you ARE the guard!"

"The others you dumb piece of shit!"

"Sir yes sir!"

"Oops!" BB bopped her head, closing one eye and sticking out her tongue as she turned to look at the lone soldier approaching her with a spear held out, "Guess I was discovered! Kya~ should I make this a situation and make senpai rescue me?"

Wait no, she'd tried that before... or well, she would try it in the future?

ANYWAY, he just ended up ignoring her and playing cards with the lord of the castle she'd 'infiltrated'.

"Surrender yourself immediately! Our Emperor's mercy extends to all." The man shouted at her with a voice muffled by a legionnaire helmet, "We may write this off as a child's mischief."

"Nooo~! The beasts are going to have their way with BB~! Why am I so cute?!?!"

"What? No! Lady, piss off!" The soldier seemed befuddled by her actions.

But that was alright, the best kouhai left all shocked and enamoured!

"On a slightly related side note! Dear viewers of the BB channel! BB has managed to sneak into the central palace of the United Roman Empire! The Big meanies trying to stop me and senpai from having our beach picnic! What should we do about them, I wonder?" BB held out her hand, trying to emphasise the importance of what she was saying by waving around her arms.

The soldier regarded her strangely, clenching his spear, as he probably waited for his comrades to join in,"...Who the fuck let a crazy lady in?"

"Crazy?" BB gasped exaggeratedly, a hand over her chest, "No! I'm here for the grand purpose of making this more fun for senpai. He complained it was boring seeing deserts and deserts."

"That senpai must be one crazy bastard."

"...What?"

BB appeared next to the man instantaneously, startling him, her purple eyes replaced by glowing crimson ones that swirled with power. She tilted her head to the side, leaning forward, "You know... I think the world would be a better place without you in it."

"Wha-"

The poor victi-... er, soldier, didn't get to finish his word.

BB merely flicked her wrist, and in reaction, the whole corridor fell apart with a boom, like a tornado had passed through it. The chandeliers hanging from the high ceilings had crashed into a cracked ground, spreading fire and glass while countless pieces of art were torn to shreds... even the walls and floor weren't spared, going from a serene reflection of Rome's wealth to something that came out of a post-apocalyptic scene.

As for the soldier who had unknowingly insulted her senpai, well, he caught the attack point blank and simply... ceased to be.

BB clapped her hands with a happy smile and twirled around, "That's what you get! BB is unstoppable!"

"What is the meaning of this?"

"Hoh?" BB whipped around, pleasantly surprised that someone had managed to brush off her righteous punishment, "Who might you be?"

It was a man in a green suit with a top hat, a cane and dark hair that looked like it was a wig made out of a raccoon's fur, carefully acquired from it's posterior.

"I am th-..." 

"I know who you are." BB cut off the man before he could introduce himself, pinching the end of her 'magic wand'.

"Oh?"

"Willy Wonka's neglected twin!"

"...You know, that reminds me of another annoyance."

"Lev Lainur Flauros." BB pointed out with a simple smile etched on her features, "One of those goons working for that manchild who can't see past his own hubris."

Lev paused, putting both hands over his cane, he then eyed her up and down before grinning to reveal a mouth full of jagged teeth, "Child, what gives you the right to insult us?"

"Hmmmm, well, the fact that you don't seem to recognise me for one." BB twirled her wand but then stopped abruptly and matched his grin with a much much more malicious one, "Wait till I get the Sith Lords involved."

"Sith Lords?" Lev regarded her with a poker face, but BB knew he had no idea what the fuck she was talking about because, well, to be honest, she didn't either!

Ignoring him, BB tied a white flag to her wand and held it up, "But alas! I am not here to crush you like the insect you are."

Her heels would get dirty after all.

"Summon that one you're thinking about." She offered cryptically, "I'll help you."

"...Why?"

"Mm, who knows~?"

It wouldn't do for her beloved senpai to be bored, now would it?

"No. Why do I need your help?"

BB pursed her lips, narrowing her eyes in thought, "Because you shouldn't be an ungrateful bad boy?"

"Th-..." Lev opened his mouth to answer but paused midway, a look of disbelief and confusion flashing across his face before he slowly, hesitantly, nodded his head, "Very well."

"Man~, must be annoying to have a human just punch through to your dimension huh?"

"...What? How do you know that?"

BB shrugged with a mischievous smile, "I do take the occasional interest in pests."

-

Hope you enjoyed the chapter.

What could BB be up to?

Also, check out Cliche DxD. We moved it to Honoured_Writer's page, and I finally did a chap for it.