webnovel

Fate/False Order

Accidentally killing yourself is a bummer, dying due to not reading the terms of service is embarrassing, and selling your afterlife is depressing. Now, let's follow Alistair, who, in his great wisdom performed the former while drunk, on his great quest of cleaning the Holy Grail of its corruption. And if that wasn’t hard enough, he needs to clean it during the 4th Holy Grail war, you know, the one with the worlds most feared assassin as a master, a psychopathic murder master and servant duo, a priest who goes on to hide kids in his basement, two of the knights of the round and fucking Gilgamesh in the mix. Safe to say, he’ll be acquiring premium life insurance, before stepping foot into Fuyuki. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Update schedule is three chapters a week, on Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

Leylin_Blackwood · Anime & Comics
Not enough ratings
56 Chs

Vol 2. Chapter 32. Entertainment.

I could feel Mom poking my side. "It's not polite to lean your upper body over the dinner table while we're eating," Mom chastised me halfheartedly.

Eight hours…

Eight FUCKING hours of me being treated as a damn training dummy…

Turning my head to the side, I stared daggers into the prim and proper Artoria, who was pointedly not looking in my direction while eating.

And the bitch dares to act like nothing happened…

Seemingly noticing my gaze, she slowly turned to look at me, before turning to look at Mom. "Do not be too hard on Alistair, he has had a… trying day."

That's one way to put it…

~~Fate/False Order~~

Sidestepping a lunge, I raised my shinai to counter.

The sound of the door creaking open was quickly followed by the sound of my Mother's voice. "Alistair."

Turning my head to the side, I saw Mom and Sakura standing in the doorway, causing my attack to falter, as I fixed my attention on them.

"Mom? I'm in the midd—" "Distractions are the enemy!"

Before I could turn to look at Saber, I threw up a guard, raising my shinai in an overhead guard.

Only for it to crumble like sand, as I felt something slam itself onto my guard, breaking it, before slamming into my head.

"FUUU—"

~~Fate/False Order~~

Shit shit shit shit shit…

Blocking another strike from Saber, I felt my arms practically scream at me to let go of the sword.

I could feel the newly formed blisters on my palms pop at the sudden impact, causing the broken skin to rub against the coarse wooden grip of my shinai.

Flinching at the pain, I felt my grip loosen, and my concentration waned.

There was a resounding boom, and before I could react, the tip of Artoria's shinai was pointed straight at my sternum.

OH FUCK!

"Distractions are the enemy!" Artoria yelled, just before her shinai made contact with my chest, causing all the air in it to be squeezed out in a wheeze.

~~Fate/False Order~~

Barely sidestepping another strike, I took a few steps back, trying to get out of her reech.

Panting, I gave her an imploring look. "Five minutes, that's all I ask," I wheezed out, only for Artoria to frown at my reasonable request.

Before I could blink, another boom was heard, and Artoria was in front of me, holding her shinai in an overhead slash.

Flinging myself to the side, I stumbled back into a proper stance while glaring at Artoria.

Giving her a desperate look, I shakily raised my shinai. "Please, I need a break, we've been at this for hours," I begged in a raspy voice.

Artoria only frowned, and straightened up while giving me a look of disappointment. "Your conditioning leaves much to be desired," she said while smoothly entering a stance for a lunge. "So I shall remedy that!"

Before I could sputter in indignation, she lunged forwards in another boom.

Barely having any strength left in me, I stepped to the side, and lowered the shinai in a spot where it would hit Artoria, if she continued her lunge.

Of course, before she could make contact with my shinai, her own parried mine to the side, causing both our weapons to not be in a position to strike one another.

However, Artoria was still in a lunge, and now her body was positioned in a shoulder bash… and I was in her direct trajectory.

In a desperate attempt to move out of the way, I took a quick step backwards, only to be nicked by Artoria's lunge, which was more than enough to unsteady my footing.

Instantly, I felt a sudden pain in my ankle, as I felt my stance falter. I didn't need to look, I could feel that I had sprained my ankle.

Ignoring the uncomfortable feeling, I barely managed to fix up my posture, as this wasn't the first time I had sprained my ankle during this 'spar'.

"It's been six hours," I bit out. "This is ridiculous, I'll be too sore and hurt to help out la—""Excuses are the enemy!"

Before I could react properly, she lunged at me again, but this time I did not have the energy to react properly.

I felt my guard being battered aside with ease, and I could only try to twist out of the way while pulling up my shinai with all my might.

Her sword was not in an optimal position to strike, and with my desperate move, I had positioned myself for a decent strike.

Tightening my grip on my practice blade, I observed Artoria once more to make sure that I didn't miss something.

Her forward momentum was still a problem, but with her weakened grip, I'd have a chance… Why was she only gripping her shinai with one hand?

Quickly looking at her other arm, I saw it was cocked back.

Shit.

I felt it, before I could hear the boom of her Mana Burst, I felt the pain.

I almost instantly fell to a knee, I felt the immediate effects of the clean liver shot causing me to almost puke on the spot.

Reinforcing my body, I quickly raised the shinai, only for it to be knocked out from my hands.

Before I could do anything, the tip of her own shinai was pressed up against my sore sternum. Slowly she pushed forward, causing me to be shoved backwards, and I quickly fell onto my ass.

As I sat there, hand pressed up against my sore liver, Artoria lowered her practice sword and gave me an appraising look.

Looking up at her, I could only pant, as my body was desperate for air and was screaming for relief.

Whatever she was looking for, she must have found it, as she gave a curt nod, before a slight smile found its way onto her face.

"You have worked hard, Alistair," she praised me in a way very reminiscent of a teacher. "You have earned two minutes of rest," she said magnanimously while nodding to herself, causing my eyes to widen.

Why the hell does she look so pleased with herself, as if she's given me some great concession or gift?!?

~~Fate/False Order~~

If there was one thing I had learnt from our spars, it was that Artoria was the enemy… not anything else she spouted.

It only ended because she finally met a worthy enemy… hunger…

I could feel my brow twitch from her comment on 'my day', and she must have picked up on it too, as she once more averted her gaze returning to nibbling on her food.

Damn training sadist, Morgan was right, her sister was a monster.

Sighing, I pushed myself up from the table with wobbly arms, and sat up straight. Mom was being surprisingly kind with me, despite my terrible manners, but I would attribute that to her feeling bad for me, or at least that is what her face is telling me. 

Vivian was sitting next to me, with Sakura in her lap, nibbling on the food provided to her.

Putting some of the takeout Mom had bought onto my plate, I gave out a long sigh. "How was your guy's day? Did anything interesting happen while I was 'training'?" I asked aloud.

Mom looked a bit contemplative before speaking up. "Sakura has learnt a few simple English words, which is good, but other than that, I haven't been doing much, other than teaching Sakura a few things, and trying to learn Japanese," she explained with a slight smile.

Vivian sighed, and poked around her food with her chopsticks. "I've been setting up my workshop for the ritual later tonight, and naturally have been doing some spying while I was at it."

Looking up from her food, she sent Saber an unsure look, before fixing her gaze on Rosalind. "I… I think Archer's Master, Tokiomi, is dead."

Both Mother's and Artoria's eyes sharpened at the news. "And what made you come to that conclusion?" I questioned, causing Vivian to look over at me. "I saw whom I believe to be Kirei Kotominei, carry a limp Tokiomi into a car, followed by a very smug looking Archer," she explained calmly.

Saber furrowed her brow at the description of events. "Tokiomi recently came into contact with my Master, and the two were coming to some agreement regarding sending Kirei out of the country. Do you think he killed his teacher out of anger?" Artoria probed, causing Vivian to look a bit miffed.

"I'm… not sure, from the research I've been conducting, the two were teacher and disciple for almost three years… I'm just not sure what could have sent him over the edge, as he has been described as 'empty', so I doubt that rage was the deciding factor in his murder," she stated, before sighing.

"I'd have guessed Archer, but he seemed like the prideful type. I wouldn't be surprised if he thought it below someone like himself to kill Tokiomi.," she explained, before pursing her lips. "But he could have pushed Kirei over the edge, probably for his own sick amusement, as I don't see any clear motive."

Placing her chopsticks on the table, Artoria stood up and looked at Rosalind. "I am sorry, but I will have to momentarily leave and inform my Master of the news…" she said, before looking towards Vivian, who only sighed and gave a reluctant nod.

Seeing the confirmation she looked towards me. "We will recommence our training later, rest well, we shall continue from where we left off in two hours," she explained, causing me to sigh.

This might actually become a problem… I needed to be in good shape for tomorrow, and Artoria was accidentally foiling my plans…

Nodding to her, she gave a curt nod back. "Good," she said with approval, before turning to look at Mom, giving her a somewhat apologetic look. "I am sorry for leaving dinner so soon, I would be much obliged if you left me something to heat up once I return," she said in a somewhat embarrassed tone.

Mom quickly waved off her comment, and gave her a smile. "You've been a dear, and if you find the information to be crucial, then I am not in any position to criticize you," she said with a smile. "Just be safe out there, and I'll guarantee you that there will be a few dishes left for you upon arrival."

Smiling gratefully, Artoria gave a slight nod before turning towards the exit, swiftly leaving the room in clear haste.

As she left, Mom turned to look at Vivian, giving her a raised brow. "Shouldn't you have mentioned that earlier?" She asked in a somewhat chastising tone of voice.

Vivian only sighed, and leaned her head atop Sakura's. "I could have, but I knew that she'd leave the second she learnt of it, and I didn't want to ruin dinner with the information," she explained, before lightly shrugging. "Plus, there is very little she and her mystery Master can do with the information, other than concluding that Kirei is likely Archer's new Master."

Mom still looked somewhat unimpressed, but with a sigh, she could only slightly shake her head. "You're not wrong, but I'd rather you not do that again during this war," Mom said, compromising.

Vivian only gave a slight pout, before sighing. "Fine," she said petulantly, with a small smile worming its way onto her face.

Smiling at the scene, I picked up another piece of Nigiri.

Finally I could relax a bit.

~~Fate/False Order~~

Having Avalon placed into my chest was a… unique feeling, to say the least. It was really nice, like being half-asleep under perfectly warm covers, levels of nice. 10/10, would happily get beat up again.

"Interesting," Morgan supplied unhelpfully, as she trailed a finger on the spot on my chest, she had inserted Avalon into.

Quietly conjuring another indecipherable Fey Rune, I gave her a questioning look. "Interesting how?"

She waited a moment, long enough for the rune to fizzle out of existence before answering my question. "I had suspicions, but while Avalon does not see you as its 'wielder', it does recognise you as 'close enough' for it to work better for you, than it does me," she said with great interest, before removing her hand.

Raising a brow, I buttoned up my shirt, and gave her a look. "Don't leave me in suspense, what did you mean by 'suspicions'?"

Morgan waved a hand, and two illusions of my body and Artoria's body appeared midair. Neither of them had clothes… and why the hell does Artoria have a penis?

I now gave Morgan a pointed look, making sure not to look at the undressed and futa-fied image of Artoria.

Morgan gave a slight chuckle, before answering my unasked question. "Don't mind it, the 'data' for Artoria is somewhat 'outdated', but the curious thing about it, is that while she is still female, with her male genitalia, her DNA is nearly identical to yours," she explained quickly, causing me to look at the image once more.

Seeing my interest, she walked up next to me and looked at the two as well. "While your muscle and bone densities along with joint flexibility are way off, and not mentioning the clear difference in male and female chest anatomy, the two of you are almost identical."

At that, she turned to look at me. "Enough so that her own tools have an issue sensing the difference," she further explained.

Tilting my head to the side, I gave her an interested look. "Can we use that to our advantage somehow?" I probed, earning a reluctant shake of her head.

"While I could probably do the same thing I did to Excalibur for Accolon, with the result being marginally better due to your biology, it would not suit our plan for now," she explained with a hint of disappointment, before continuing.

"The only thing I have noticed is that if you train with her, you'll get far more out of the session, and that is putting it mildly," she said with clear excitement.

Frowning slightly, I brought up my own opinion of her words. "You say that, but I only recall being played like a fiddle, and being knocked on my ass, more times than I care to count," I remarked dryly.

Sighing, Morgan snaked an arm around me, and slightly pulled me into her. "Don't belittle yourself," she chastised lightly, before quickly breaking contact.

Snapping her fingers, the image of a naked me and Artoria vanished. "To put things into perspective, your training with Artoria results in something similar to how Shirou gains an immense amount of combat experience by fighting his future self, due to 'synchronizing' with him, albeit at a lower rate of efficiency," she explained calmly.

"To put things into perspective, right now, I'd put you on the lower ends of the Rounds in terms of pure swordsmanship," she said with a hint of excitement. "Something closer to Kay or Bedivere, both excellent swordsmen, but lacking when compared to Lancelot or Arthur."

Her statement made me blink slowly in surprise.

"I beg your pardon," the words slipped out of my mouth subconsciously.

Morgan gave a slightly amused scoff at it, but was still kind enough to answer. "While not physically strong enough, your swordsmanship alone would qualify you for a spot on the round table," she said bluntly.

Well fuck.

"And you're sure of this?" I asked once more, just to be on the safe side, as I was a bit in disbelief. Be it due to constantly having my ass handed to me, or the fact that my only benchmark was Artoria, since I had not fought another Servant properly, this all felt a bit surreal to me.

Morgan crossed her arms, and tilted her head, probably fixing me with a look you'd give to a slow child. "Yes, I'm sure. By the end of your training session, she gave you the standard training she gave to the members of the Rounds."

…I now feel a lot better about getting my ass beat for hours on end, Morgan was right! This was all worth it in the end!

Probably smiling like a goof, I was suddenly yanked by Morgan, causing me to stumble, which she promptly took advantage of, as she shoved me onto a sofa. Before I could react properly, she sat down next to me.

Scooting up a bit closer, she pulled out a scrying orb from her shadow.

"While I would love to regale you with compliments about your advancements under my little sister's tutelage, I must disappoint you, as tonight's entertainment is about to begin," she said with a hint of something lacing her tone, as the image of the Fuyuki Church formed inside the orb.

It had seen better days, as there was still a large hole in the roof, where Archer had bursted through it, causing it to spew out a lot of light into the night air.

"It's time to con an overconfident fool."

~~Fate/False Order~~

Sitting on an expensive looking couch, sat a man with golden hair, and ruby red eyes, casually swirling a glass of red wine. He was on the second floor of the Fuyuki Church, allowing him a birds eye view of the pews below.

Behind him stood a man wearing a priest's garb. His hair was brown, same as his eyes. His arms were crossed behind his back, and his dull eyes were laser focused on the church's doors.

Neither of the two spoke, as one was almost absentmindedly sipping his drink, while the other showed trace amounts of anticipation directed at the entrance door.

It was not long, until the doors burst open, revealing a hooded man, wearing a tracksuit, hobbling forwards, clearly struggling.

As the brown haired man saw the sight, a slight smile of anticipation spread across his lips. After all, if he was not mistaken, that was the Master of Berserker, someone who hated Tokiomi Tohsaka.

But more importantly, he was someone who was about to have his dreams of revenge at the man he so despised robbed of him, along with his only love to 'catch' him in the act of killing her husband.

Kirei was excited to see the emotions, the loss, the anger, the despair, he wished to see all of it.

How would Kariya look once he knew his revenge had been stolen from him?

How would he react when he is framed for the murder by his only love?

How would he deal with the situation?

It all excited him to no end!

However, his blonde companion looked a lot less pleased the second the man, or rather golem, entered the building.

He knew it at a glance, he could see it clearly. It was a creation of 'Caster', or rather whoever Caster's 'Master' was.

Gilgamesh was starting to get frustrated. In recent days, the fake Caster had been orchestrating things in a way, to where he was left with the bare minimum amount of entertainment.

First it was the banquet, where she had brazenly brought in another Servant to ruin his fun, and his proclamation to have Saber become his wife.

Only to fool the idiotic Tokiomi with a homunculus, causing him to delay his judgment on the mad Servant, by forcefully summoning him to his side to deal with 'Lancer'.

Her scrying of his location, and menial irritations had not gone unnoticed either, and now she dared to ruin his fun, by sending in a golem in disguise in place of the pathetic excuse of worm food, Kariya.

She had stepped over a line, and she knew it. Why else would the golem's expression look so amused under that hood.

A slight frown made its way onto the golden king's face, as he peered down at the golem.

Whoever Caster was, they had overstepped by a mile.

He had been patient, allowing Caster to go undiscovered as they paraded around, trying their best to move things behind the scenes. Gilgamesh had allowed this, as he was working on his pet-project known as Kirei, but now Caster had butted into his plans.

Slowly, Gilgamesh's eyes started to glow as he stared at the Golem. Seemingly noticing his gaze, it stopped moving forwards, and looked up to the second floor, staring straight into Gilgamesh's eyes.

Sha Naqba Imuru: The Omniscient Omnipotent Star, an information type Noble Phantasm that can discern heavily concealed truths at a glance, and at full power it could see through all creation itself.

The second his eyes activated, he saw everything, the Golems' construction by 'Caster', its programming, its orders, and what it would do. At the same time, he could see how Gilles de Rais was placed into a homunculus, 'her' journey through the Grail War… yet when looking at its creator, they were cloaked in shadows in his visions.

A slight raise of his brows was the only thing that gave away how impressed he was over the concealment. While he wasn't using his eyes fully, as he didn't think he would need to, it was enough to firmly guess who 'Caster' was.

Throughout history, very few had ever been able to hide from Clairvoyance, enough so that Gilgamesh could only count the few on his hand, and two of them were Divine Spirits. 

A slight smile spread across his lips, this, this had just become far more interesting… For Saber's own sister to be summoned.

This War's Caster was Morgan Le Fey.

The mere thought brought far more amusement to Gilgamesh than he had previously held throughout the war.

Leaning back into his couch, Gilgamesh took a slow sip of his wine, as he looked down at the golem with clear amusement.

How Morgan had summoned another Servant was a mystery to Gil, but he knew that she would be capable of doing such a thing with the current state the Grail was in. So he was merely impressed that she had the guts to pull something like that off.

The temptation to fully activate his eyes, and learn all there is to know about Caster was almost unbearable, but he knew he'd regret it if he did.

Looking at the golem, he felt a twinge of annoyance that Morgan had been summoned as a Caster, and not Assassin.

While she would have been magically weaker, her presence concealment would be at the apex that the Class would allow, and he was certain that she would have been able to properly hide from his eyes if she was summoned under that Class.

Naturally, it would still fail if he used his eyes to their fullest, but even he would have to admit that he would have an issue learning of her existence without him meeting her face to face. And that would have been more entertaining, as then he'd be in some danger, miniscule as the danger would have been, it was at the very least more than now.

"Tell me, Witch," Gilgamesh finally spoke out, but in an unimpressed tone. "Why should I not obliterate this golem, and hunt you down like the rat that you are?"

At his question, the golem gave a light chuckle not befitting his face, as it was clearly feminine in origin. "For the exact same reason you set this all up," the golem said in a melodic voice, while gesturing to the room around it. "Entertainment."

Her words made a slight smile grow onto Gilgamesh's face. "Oh? And you think you're capable of entertaining me?" He asked with clear amusement.

The golem waved its hand, conjuring an image of Artoria standing at the bottom of a hill with a dying Berserker in her arms, while looking up in horror at two blonde haired figures standing atop a hill, with a veiled silver haired woman standing behind them.

"Do you not wish to see it?" It asked with clear amusement. "To see Saber crumble after killing her knight, then learning that her living family is working under me?" It asked with persuasion, before the image changed.

This time, Saber looked crushed, eyes hollow with cuts littering her body. "Would it not make the perfect scenario for you to claim her, while she is at her lowest and mentally weakest?"

Its words had the intended effect, as the smile on Gilgamesh's face grew. "Consider me intrigued," he said with some interest.

"But tell me, what do you get out of this?" He probed, earning a nod from the golem. "If I manage to complete the task, would you be against me using the Grail to fully incarnate, as from my calculations, the current amount of energy the Grail possesses is more than enough to fulfill such a wish," she asked with a slight bow of respect.

Gilgamesh's eyes squinted a bit at the golem. "You speak rather brazenly, Witch," he remarked harshly. "But I can not deny the allure of your proposition," he said with far less hostility.

At the comment, the golem raised its head and looked up at Archer once more. "If you succeed, I will consider rewarding you," Gil agreed, before frowning slightly. "But if you fail, I shall grant you no mercy and obliterate you for your failures," he said coldly.

Slowly, the golem nodded, causing a smile to return to Gilgamesh's face. "Very well, when and where do you plan for this to happen?"

Bowing slightly, the golem spoke. "I will send someone to greet you at Fuyuki Bridge tomorrow, around the same time as now," the golem said with some hints of anticipation.

Humming to himself, Gilgamesh waved his freehand. "Then you may go," he said dismissively, causing the golem to bow before quickly leaving.

As the church doors closed behind 'Kariya', Kirei stepped forwards, and positioned himself next to Archer.

"Could I get an explanation?" He probed, earning an amused hum from the king, as he sipped his drink. "I suppose I can allow it, after all, Caster seems to have ruined tonight's entertainment," Archer explained.

Raising a brow, Kirei looked at the double doors with some interest. "Is Caster a body hopper?"

The question made Gilgamesh chuckle, and he shook his head at the foolish conclusion. "No, that was merely a realistic clay golem, nothing too extraordinary," he explained.

"But never mind that," he said dismissively. "Caster has invited us for a night of entertainment, and I am inclined to partake in the festivities," he said while turning to look at Kirei, who looked just as hollow as usual. "The question is, do you desire to join as well?"

The priest gave the Heroic Spirit a blank look in return. "You do know that this is most certainly a trap," he stated matter of factly, causing the king to give a derisive scoff.

"Naturally, the Witch is far too cunning not to try something, no matter how futile it will be," he said derisively.

"The only question is for what, and why?" He asked himself in interest. "Perhaps she'll try to seal some of my blood, and create a 'child' with her Noble Phantasm, one who shared some of my skills and abilities," he said with a snort of amusement. 

Twirling his glass he continued. "Perhaps she'd hand Avalon over to her sister, as then she'd at the very least stand a chance against me," he added, before snorting. "Though I doubt that even with her Madness Enhancement that she'd do something so against her nature as to help her sister."

At his continuous comments, Kirei started to frown. "Madness Enhancement? I thought you said that she was Caster?" He asked with clear confusion.

Scoffing, Gil looked up to stare at his 'Master' with disappointment. "There is a skill called 'Double Summons', it's rather self-explanatory, and with it, she gains the Berserker Class and the skills and Noble Phantasms that she had as a Berserker."

Kirei's eyes widened at the news. "Does her extra Class give her any benefits that should worry us?" He asked, causing Gil to hum and nod slightly.

"She is capable of growing a 'child' that will mature over two days, that will gain a portion of the skills and even share some of the parents' Noble Phantasms. Naturally she needs some DNA of the Servant she wishes to have become their co-parent, but I think you can see the issues with another younger me being born," he explained.

Kirei's face only grew more confused and his brows furrow could only deepen. "Shouldn't we have dealt with her then?"

At the question, Gilgamesh could only smile. "We should have, but she knew that she was never in any danger by coming here," he explained, causing Kirei to tilt his head. "How so?"

"For one sole reason," Gilgamesh said smugly, while raising his glass in front of his eyes, staring at the door through the burgundy liquid.

"Entertainment."

30 Hours, 2 Minutes And 40 Seconds Until Zero 

----

A/N

Welcome back, my reader Overlords, please add this to your library and give me some comments, stones and reviews, as it would be much appreciated.

Sorry for being late, but there is no easy way saying this, but my grandma had been slowly dying throughout the week, so I, and my family, have been spending time with her. And just last night, when I took the night shift, so that she wouldn't be alone, she died. She was 91 and had Alzheimer's, so this was a long time coming, but its safe to say that I had better things to do during this week, rather than writing. I'll still probably post another chapter this week, but I wish for you all to understand why I have been on radio silence this past week.

So if the chapter was not up to standards, then I'm sorry, but I was not in the right mood, so that might have transferred over, though I hope it wasn't too clear.

Will need to help with funeral arraignments, and the like, so the schedule might be a bit shit until Christmas, but I should still be posting, as I am Ok (Relatively speaking).

If there is anything you'd all like to see in the near future, or have any interesting ideas, I am all for hearing them.

Btw, I have made a Discord server for the fic, come on and chat with me!

https://discord.gg/UUjs3kBh

Now I'm tired as it is 12PM! So have a nice day, or at least one better than mine, and send me some stones or some shit (Not literal shit), as I need motivation!