Chapter TWO

The sun peeps at my face through the curtains. I unlock my phone. My parents are at work already and my sister went out with a friend or wherever she told me yesterday because I couldn't hear her over the music - my music. I turn my phone Bluetooth and my soundbox on. Music plays. That's also one of my daily doses - music. I always loved music. No matter where I was going, I never left home without my earphones. If my earphones were not in my hands, they were either in my bag or in the car. And when I drive, if it's not music playing in the car, then the car better be silent. But as much as I love music, I didn't ever feel a need to listen to music at home... Unless I was watching music channels on TV or I was doing a strenuous or boring chore. I barely watch TV but I literally watch only music channels whenever I do.

Now, I play music whenever. I could be texting my friends but still have my soundbox playing - something I learnt from Nate. Nate always recited to me; "drown your problems in music and alcohol". Nate isn't an alcoholic but he won't spend two days without alcohol, at most, three days. He isn't an addict, he can survive without it but he just prefers to consume it regularly, he also doesn't drink to get drunk, he just drinks to feel not sober. He definitely indulged me in drinking. He doesn't mind drinking alone but if you're with him, you have to drink with him, else he would start sulking. He never pressures anyone into drinking though, he makes sure to respect everyone's decline and doesn't push or lure them to join him. I'm not even one to be pressured, I either willingly partake or I don't. I allowed him put me onto alcohol because I was on an adventurous exploration of alcoholic drinks; I still am.

Ice cream used to be my muse. How much I loved ice cream. Loved because I don't feel the same way about it anymore. I have always drunk alcohol but unlike now, it was only when necessary. I loved ice cream because anytime I was sad or stressed and I ate ice cream, I always felt like my problems and worries would melt the same way the ice cream melted in my mouth and how soothing that did feel. Dan even struck a deal with me that everytime we had a fight, the faulty person would buy the other some ice cream but we broke up before activating the deal. Dan wasn't even big on ice cream, he preferred pizza but he always put me first and I made sure to reciprocate the selflessness.

I used to only drink at parties and it was even if I was offered some. Now I can't exit a store without buying alcohol and when I go to parties now, the first thing I ask for is alcohol. After Dan broke up with me, the pain didn't melt like I thought it would when ice cream melted in my mouth. Ice cream couldn't impact how I felt, it didn't even reduce my pain in the slightest way. I knew I had to find a new muse, one that intoxicates, this time around. I proceeded on my alcohol exploration journey, trying every type of alcohol I found attractive but alcohol didn't bring me peace like ice cream did. Ice cream gave me my alone time. I ate ice cream alone and I always reflected on my thoughts but drinking alone felt the opposite. I didn't feel comfortable drinking by myself so I was planning to stop already. Luckily, that was around the time I met Nate.

Nate and I met at a party. I was reluctant to go to that party but my friend was one of the organisers and he pleaded that he might need my help with some things so he would prefer to have me there. I love supporting my friends and I didn't have anything to do on that Friday night. Like I expected, the party was a mess. There was a lot of rubbish that happened at the party but the worst part was when there was a sudden issue with the house wiring and the whole house was a blackout - what a disaster! I had to go stay outside, like most of the other people. I was so infuriated because it was past midnight and I didn't feel safe going home at such a late hour. My phone didn't even have service. I just sat outside hopelessly. That was when Nate approached me, grinning and humbly showing off his fine set of teeth. He was really nice, even made me laugh but he had to leave because he wouldn't stay in "this flop" like he called it. I mean... Not like I would not have left too if I had the courage. He asked for my number and I didn't even hesitate to give it to him. Anytime I remember that party, I always insult the party; it was a terrible party but I still can't say I regret going because I might not have met Nate if I didn't.

I stand up to go brush my teeth. It takes me that long, or even longer, to get out of bed on a regular day. On getting to the hand basin, I look in the mirror hanging above it. My face is swollen and my hair is messy. Then I glimpse at this beauty sitting on my collarbone, this pretty silver necklace staying firmly round the bottom of my neck like it was specifically made for me. I reach out to my neck to hold my necklace. Nate gave me this necklace. I always wear it. Not only because I love it but also because it makes me feel like Nate is around since we don't talk anymore. Yeah, I pretty much have attachment issues. Still, I only take the necklace off when I want to replace it with a more sophisticated one for big hangouts. However, the moment I get back home and undress, I'm removing the prettier necklace and wearing Nate's necklace back. Nate's necklace has been on default for months.

Nate actually didn't buy me this necklace. It was his own before; that probably made me love it more. But he only wore it occasionally. He decided one day that he didn't want to wear it anymore and asked me to "inherit" it. I was reluctant because that was his sole necklace but he insisted that I kept it. He even gave me with his pendant. But I merged his pendant with another necklace because I'm scared I might lose the necklace with the pendant so I separated them. If I lose either, I'll still have the other to keep. I'm not holding onto the necklace for Nate, I'm doing it for me so I can get over liking him.

Nate is very generous. The necklace is just one out of many things that he gave me. I never asked him for anything but he always willingly gave me. Not to mention that he taught me a lot of things. He always offered good advice when I had a troubled mind and he always supplied me utmost information whenever I was lurking. Also improved my knowledge in many aspects. Really he is a sweetheart when he wants to be but his brain twitches frequently and that's the frustrating part.