Haunting Memories

Makeshift houses from afar, the cold breeze of an upcoming rain waltzing the fields of gold. It was nine years ago since Gregoria had converted most of its land to fields to cater to the needs of its citizens, but for Nicolas, it was as clear as yesterday. He can still feel the pain, the emptiness that lingers along with the fear, and his only memoir of his once happy childhood accompanied by Alisa and Arthur only made the taste of guilt burn deeper in his throat and tongue.

"Happy Birthday," he whispered to the ribbon, a memento of Alisa as he tried to clear his head on top of the tower where they spent one of those bright days of innocence. Despite being unsure how he got it, his mother only explained that he was holding it when he came back that night. To where he has no recollection. In his other hand is a box, still tied with a red ribbon that no one had ever touch nor tried to pry. It was a gift only for her, a gift he never had the chance to hand.

Living like this was not easy. Walking around the castle is torture, the pond, the well, the library, everything, and everywhere. He is not safe from the memories that haunts and reminds him of his shortcomings. A similar feeling head maid Alisha tried to escape by retiring early to her relatives, although unlike her, the prince pushed through. This is his curse, this is his way to at least make up for those lost souls, to repent every day and all through the night. Besides, this is the only place he knows and he has the duty to the kingdom and its people, to whom he had caused great pain.

"Let's head back inside young master, it's about to pour," Anton advised him from the exit.

"I'm not that young anymore," he hid everything back in his pocket, sighed, then walked pass his guard. Right, not young anymore, ever since then.

"You're just fifteen, even if you disagree there are still things you don't know.," he patted his head as he followed from behind.

"15 is just one age left for being an adult, sooner or later everyone will expect more things from me and—"

"The sooner you realize it, the easier it will be. I know Nicolas, I've heard you too many times saying that phrase. Adulting will come, no need to rush things."

"Get your hands of me.," Nicolas glared back at him.

"Yes young master," Anton did not find it intimidating, not one bit and instead, scuffled the prince's hair before heading down first. His laughter bouncing back and forth on the staircase.

"I will definitely take your head in your sleep," he declared as Anton went out of sight.

"I'd like to see you try my apprentice."

Measures were needed to address the change around the kingdom. The knights' order had increased predominantly due to the King's fear of having the same incident happen again without proper response. Nicolas too had undergone vigorous training since he was eight, with the sword, bow, and anything else that Anton could teach him in addition to his earlier guidance. Literacy, arithmetic, and science were also made sure to be taught by the best teachers Gregoria has.

"It is necessary, with the threat to his life he will need it and he will sure be grateful when the time comes," Frederick angrily explained to the crying Nicolas seeking refuge in the Queen's embrace that one time after his training. Back then he never had a chance to speak his mind and worries, he just kept everything to himself. At first it was painful, like accidentally taking a sip of a very hot tea, but eventually, he got used to the pain. Rather, his tongue went numb after several years of drinking from the same hot cup.

"Finally, time to relax before that stubborn Father of mine finds an excuse to order me around on such a nice afternoon. I swear I can feel his burning gaze permeating from the castle walls," he scanned the corridors before entering his room. Upon making sure that he's in the clear, he quickly closed the door and locked it, going to such measures to even latch a chair under the knob. "That should do it," he rejoiced before free falling on his bed. He rolled to his side before uncovering a book under his pillow.

It was a rather old book that he had had since he was a child. "This again— When would I stop dreaming of going on an adventure. I guess I have never really grown much."

After he lost his closest friends, he had clung harder to these books. The adventures of Sasha, a brave woman who spent her years exploring the world and fighting monsters that had once roamed the Earth. At least that's what the others think, for Nicolas it is the truth and that truth save him from falling deeper into despair. If not for it, he would have been completely blank, he's already feeling empty, any more than that and he's not sure if he would retain his sanity. He might kill himself if he's being honest.

"And then I took the giant mantis's sharp scythe and wielded it for future battles— Must be nice having no duties to shoulder, travelling the world, visiting beautiful places after places, but I sure hope no monsters like that exist. Imagine peacefully wandering through the woods and then encountering such terrifying monster that could gut you alive in a matter of seconds, I—"

"NICOLAS," loud knocks came hammering down his door intruding his peaceful noon. "Open this door at once, NICOLAS," it was the king.

As stubborn as he is, the prince pretended to be absent. This is a gamble that could go both ways, his father might assume he's not there and leave or anger him even more that the King might axe his way to get what he wants.

"I know you're in there Nicolas, OPEN THIS DOOR THIS INSTANCE"

"He's angry alright," he slowly sat back up, loosened his necktie, and messed up his hair to try and get the "I just woke up" look. He wore his tired expression and practiced his yawn all while making the big bad wolf wait outside. Removing the chair from the knob, he unlocked the door and procured a yawn. "Good… ahaaaffffternoon father"

"Where have you been."

Well, if you haven't notice, I was here the whole time. That's what came to mind but he knows it will only anger the man, so he scratched the thought and minded his tone. "I fell asleep."

"With a locked door? Don't lie to me, I can read you like an open book."

And I too can read you father, he thought although he knows that no word, no arithmetic formula, nor scientific discovery could explain what happened to their connection as father and son. It felt as if he just woke up one day and the King had that burning gaze directed at him. No matter what the reason was, he just wanted to ease what angered the King today.

"Prepare your stuff, tomorrow before the break of dawn we will head to Algernon."

The almost monthly trip to Algernon, while not being against it, Nicolas could not find the need for his presence during economic and peace negotiations. "Again? Can't I just stay here with mother? Plus, I need to continue training with the sword, it is you who wanted me to practice it in the first—"

"I know what I said, and this time I still know what I want for you to do. Now start packing and don't ask further questions."

"This is what I wanted," the prince imitated when Frederick came circling back.

"I heard that," he exclaimed before finally leaving.

"Another trip for goodness's sake. Why can't he wait till supper, we are bound to meet there whether I like it or not," having nothing to do, he called some maids and prepared his stuff with a sigh.

The dishes looked appetizing but the stillness and uneasiness in the dining hall had always made the food unappealing to Nicolas. How can you properly eat if those sharp eyes are always looking at you like a predator waiting to maul your neck. Minimal conversations as possible, it was the status quo. Talking is also futile for every word he say would be bent to ridicule his being. His mother on the other hand had decided to take another route, she would go on her way to ask every detail of Nicolas's day. His parents was the two side of a coin and of course he favored the bright smile of her mother more, after all, it would be uncourteous of him to not give the same treatment. He would always keep a smile on his face and cover whatever is underneath his mask.

"By the way, are you leaving again for Algernon tomorrow, it would sure be lonely for the next couple of days," Queen Natalia wiped her mouth before taking a sip of water.

"Uh yeah, father insisted for me to join him in order to help me learn how to properly manage negotiations, right father?," a sarcastic statement that burnt his father's throat till he is forced to burst in anger. Though he is sure he would control himself in front of his beloved queen.

Frederick cleared his throat and calmly replied., "It's about time to finally open his eyes, especially on how things should be. He's almost at that age and whether he like it or not, he will have to rule this kingdom with everything he got."

"Lies," Nicolas thought.

Natalia is unaware but ever since the prince was forced to accompany his father, he had never been part of any meeting. All he did was stay in his room and to his horror, play, and play, and play. Forcing himself to smile with the princess as she sucked his energy dry from all the talking and painstakingly useless games. If he had a choice, he would rather read books until he die. It was only when they turned 13 that she toned down a bit and acted womanly for which he thanks the heavens for.

"How long has it been since I got to accompany the both of you? I can't even remember," the queen blurted.

"If you want, I could stay and you can finally have a chat with Queen Herina. I promise I'd keep a careful watch—," it was a slim but probable chance for him to have two peaceful days so he tried to grab it immediately.

"That is a big no," the king stated his disapproval.

"As much as I want to come, we can't let you be alone Nicolas, you know the risk," his mother seconded.

He wanted to protest but they gave him no chance, so instead, he changed the subject. "Then, the townsfolk will be commemorating at the central square tonight, can I go? I'm already old enough to go, right? Can I?"

"NO," like thunder ripping his eardrums the King bellowed his dismay.

"Anton will be accompanying me, I'll be safe."

"When I said no, no one will be going. Have you already forgotten what happened the last time you left the comforts of the castle walls?," the whole table shook and Natalia's drink tumbled and poured. "Surely you can at least remember that part when the whole kingdom was burnt because of your stubbornness, WHICH SHOULD NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN, I will not let you instigate another tragedy!"

"Frederick!," the Queen tried to mediate but it was no use.

"Then why bother bringing me along if you're too scared to die! And that incident, IT WAS NEVER MY FAULT"

"YES IT IS"

"FREDERICK! NICOLAS! Please stop, both of you. It was no one's fault, will we never have a peaceful supper like before all that," both of them sat back down in utter disappointment towards themselves.

Nicolas out of the two sulk deeper into his chair without any strength to look into his mother's eyes. He finished the last of his plate in silence and did not touch the cake the servants have last served. "I'll be taking my leave mother, father, thank you for the food."

"Sleep early, we'll be leaving before the break of dawn.," the king reminded him.

"Yes father"

"I will remind the servants to prepare your food for your journey, don't sleep late son."

"Yes mother, I will, have a good night."

He left the table without any other concern. But this is the only time no one will get suspicious even if he lock his door and give no reply. So, behind his tired stance and desolate tone, he unsheathed a smile as he sprinted up the stairs towards his chambers. He opened his wardrobe and looked for his black hooded cloak. Luckily, the rain already seized while they are in the middle of supper, and the lights are still awake in the place once known as the central square. Scanning the trees below his window, he made sure that no guards are present, slowly, and surely, he went out.

"I guess the training has paid off, you should be proud father," he smirked as he made his way down the trees and later continued his escape with the branches. Slowly hiding corner by corner, he made his way towards the gate. He can clearly see the increased number of knights that's guarding the castle, but the efficiency of each had seem to decrease since most of them is dozing off. "A free way out, who am I to miss this chance," he said walking pass them without any problems. As he reached the bridge, he made sure to wake them up with pebbles. "Your wages will go to waste if you're just going to doze off," he thought before finally heading for his goal.

It was a solemn gathering, bonfire in the middle, people grouped together as they formed a circle. In each of their hands are candles burning in glory, their attention on the fire. He wanted to join them, but there is a great chance that with just a single blunder, his identity might be blown. To make things worse, Anton was there praying with his whole heart. So, instead of directly participating in the event, he settled at the branch of a tree just enough height and distance from the center for him to watch what's going to happen. This is his first time, first time breaking the King's wishes and the trust of his mother after all those years.

He was surprised, this place had always been baren and desolate since it serves as the now functional path towards the castle, he knows because they went pass here almost every month, but things are different today from what he can see. In the center, behind the bonfire are three pillars of concrete, designed like gems protruding from the ground. In its surroundings are flowers, some came in baskets placed by the townsfolks but most are planted there, tulips of different color in a plant box.

"I never knew they are building a shrine here," he blurted thinking that no one would hear him. He was so sure until a voice replied which almost caused him to lose his balance.

"They just started 3 days before. Now that it's almost a decade, the people must have been comfortable enough to move on and think of the future. Such things which are not applicable to me," it said coming from below.

"Opening up your personal issues, how hopeless are you to seek comforts to someone you don't know," Nicolas looked below, although the dark is hindering him from seeing the person's face.

"Hopeless enough that I might kill myself tonight."

"Why?"

"I did unforgivable things."

"Interesting—," Nicolas blurted, it's not his problem after all so who is he to pry. "Since you'll probably die to night, do you mind answering a question of mine?"

"Sure"

"Do you know anyone named Hunter from around here?"

"Who?"

"Hunter, you know. That Hunter," Nicolas jumped down from the tree, flustering the person below.

"Wha— why? What do you want with him?"

"That's a none of your business, but of course if you tell me I will give you a gold coin. That should be enough for the rest of your life, you know, since your planning to die tonight," Nicolas laughed while the person in the shadows fell on his back. "Sorry, did I startle you?," he leaned in closer, igniting the candle he brought. Slowly, he placed his hand on the person's shoulder and drew the fire closer to reveal his face.

"Get away from me—," the boy screamed as Nicolas finally realize who he's talking to.

They were both flustered and ended in a truce. Hunter was fast to recover though and quickly sprinted away upon taking a glimpse of the Prince's face. Nicolas watched him disappear into the cluster of houses. Still in disbelief, clenching his fist, the bitter gust of the wind left a disgusting feeling in his heart.

"That piece of cowardly pig," he faintly smiled, his blood hotter than the bonfire, it boils. "Now all the excitement of going out faded because of your face," he whispered before taking one final glimpsed of the gathering. "Did you see that Alisa, he's still a worthless person," he added before finally traversing the path home, passing the guards who was dozing off again, then up the tree.

The confrontation forced him to remember how he lost Alisa that night and the dreadful look in Hunter's face as he sent her to her death. He did not get any sleep, lying there awake staring at the ceiling until the rays of dawn seeped from the horizon.

With nothing to do but sulk, he started to change clothes and prepare.

"Nicolas dear, it's time to go," a contrast to his father, his mother woke him up with a soft gentle knock. "Your father is waiting."

He unlocked the door, "Yes mother, I'll be right there," desperately trying to arrange his blue necktie matched with his long white sleeve shirt and gray vest. His hair was quickly scuffled by the Queen as the attendants began carrying his luggage.

"Listen, as always, behave yourself over there. I won't be able to mediate if you're at each other's throat from here," Natalia took his tie and properly secured it.

"I have always behaved, but you know him mother. He gets angry even though I'm not doing anything. Did I do something to him that's I'm unaware of?"

Natalia sighed as she escorted Nicolas down the stairs, her eyes evading her son's. She wished she knew the answer, she wished she knew what had gone through his husband's head that made him like this but unfortunately, she has no idea. "He's been busy for these past years. His duty might have been too much of a burden to him. For now, let's have patience and understand his side—"

"Till when then? When it's too late?"

"Don't be like that, it will never be too late. Sooner or later, I'm sure, you will talk it out. Right now, he is doing his best to keep Gregoria as it is, and I know in a way you are too. You might not feel like it since he's too strict and borderline unreasonable at times but he just wants what's best for your future."

Although frustrated, he wore his smile and went in for a hug as they reached the carriage. "I know, I guess—," he uttered, "Now, don't you go missing me while I'm gone alright?"

"That can't be help silly. Please extend my regards to Queen Herina and Meriane okay," they finally reached the carriage.

As the King came marching towards them, he said his goodbyes, "I will— and I'll also get you a souvenir or sweets or anything when we get back," with his final wave, he waited for the King to bid Natalia goodbye before they began their journey.

For the next two days, he'll be trapped right here, on this wooden cube pulled by horses called a carriage, sitting opposite to one of the two people he can't tolerate. Evading each other's gaze, the father and son watched the memorial. The place that signifies different yet somehow similar feeling to them, failure to protect his friends and the other failure of protecting his country.

It filled their hearts with regret, a suffocating feeling of guilt that slowly vanished as the terrain transitioned to the passing trees. They danced with the calming wind that hits Nicolas's face as he peered through the open window. The berry bushes and shrubs scattered on the plains mixed with the fragrant flowers of red, yellow, and white brought delight to his heart and the bees.

"Are you sure you packed everything you need. We won't be turning back even if it's important, I don't want to be late for the negotiations," the King ruined the peace, his eyes watching the other side of the road.

He waited for a response that never came. It pissed him off too much his veins are about to pop. With only a few degrees before his blood boils, he controlled his steam with a sigh as he set sight of his son. The boy was asleep, his elbow on the windowsill as his hand sloppily supporting his bobbing head.

Frederick's heart skipped a beat, was it the fatigue from overwork, or the soothing atmosphere. He's unsure. All he can feel is a mix of shame and pity towards himself as he watched the prince's sleeping face. It reminded him of the very first night he held him in his arms, innocent and clueless.

It was still etched in his mind as if it was yesterday, the day of his birth.

"Push harder," the midwife advised Natalia.

He was standing outside with a visible worry on his face while listening to the agonizing painful squeals made by his wife. As if his terror is not enough, the accompanying flash of lightning and ear-ripping sound of thunder on a dark and stormy night made things worse for his faint heart.

"Ah!," Natalia once again hollered great pain causing greater distress in everyone's heart. He can still remember hurrying inside after a moment of intense silence, all the negative thoughts flooding in his mind. None can be heard except for the continuous rain violently bombarding the roof.

Hopelessness filled their hearts before a loud cry broke the earie silence and finally gave everyone relief.

"Your majesty, it's a boy," the midwife shouted gladly while wrapping the boy in a cloth before carefully placing him on the Queen's chest.

Seeing the boy well and healthy sparked a smile on his and Natalia's exhausted face together with a look of fulfillment as she held him in her embrace. All is well and accomplished, the people are rejoicing, the king had brighten up, everything is looking well, not until she slowly closed her eyes and passed out.

They once again fell into horror. It was as if they were stabbed multiple times in the chest, unable to breathe by the sight of the queen losing consciousness.

Amidst of the stalemate, Frederick was quick on his feet and immediately caught his child, "What happened, Do something!," the king worriedly cried, startling the midwife that almost made her jump. She quickly took all the unnecessary tools away from the queen's bed and checked her vitals.

Dripping with sweat, the midwife assessed the queen, thoroughly, checking what had gone wrong. Did she die from the pain? It was a common death on these circumstances but they hoped for the best. The wind howled menacingly outside before she let out a loud gasp. A deafening thunder soon then followed as the windows broke free, letting in a cold breeze, "Your majesty," she uttered.

"What now"

"She's—"

"SHE'S WHAT," the King shouted nervously.

"SHE'S FINE—," the midwife exclaimed as loud as the king. She was agitated and the possibility of her losing her head if the worst comes to shove, made her tense. Upon finally calming herself down, she immediately repented and asked for forgiveness. "She's perfectly fine. She's just sleeping, mostly because of exhaustion and relief."

The firm grip of death that intricately knotted twice on their necks slowly dissipated. At last, Frederick and the others could finally breathe without any worry knowing that Natalia is far from danger and is now smiling peacefully in her slumber.

The midwife and the attendants prepared a cradle beside the queen's bed and put the boy inside.

With a sigh, Frederick looked up at the sky. The blissful moon was weirdly radiating a different hue but he did not put much thought to it and later closed the window to keep the cold breeze out of the room. He sat down next to the crib. His eyes fixated on his wife and his son both sleeping peacefully through the night. He spent the next 5 minutes just staring at them with a genuine wide smile. He'll never forget this kind of happiness. Never been in his life that he was this thankful, his gratitude to the Gods for this miracle greatly surpasses his achievement as being the king.

He can only imagine what the future holds for his family as he too had slowly succumb to exhaustion. Not a moment later he was snoring. His arms to the side of the crib supporting his head, guarding his newly born son. The three was dead to the world until the sun rises tomorrow.

The sun is shining through the window giving emphasis to the newborn boy, her first child. With her excitement being cut off yesterday, she could not help herself but carry her baby in her arms to finally adore him to her heart's content. Fulfillment is painted on her face as she stood next to the window singing a lullaby.

"My queen," Frederick woke up to a gentle hum of Natalia's song. "Are you feeling well? I was really worried. My heart skipped a beat, I thought I'd lose you," he added as he accompanied Natalia beside the window, admiring the sparkling leaf and blades of grass as they bask in the sun.

"What should we name him?," Natalia asked.

"I have no idea in mind, we can name him Frederick II if you want, or we can choose from the names of his grandfather's and great grandfathers," Frederick advised.

"Anything but that. I'm thinking we should give him a different name. A name not to be compared to anyone especially to his lineage of ancestors."

"But Emmanuel the eight still suits," he replied sarcastically before laughing at his own, not so funny joke. He was so rowdy that the boy was force into the living world.

"Shush— You're being too loud, and can't you see, he dislikes it. After all, even your mother refused for you to be named by such. Just look at him, kind face, and chubby cheeks, why would you name him with such an old name," she whispered while trying to put the boy back to sleep. "I'm thinking that we should name him after you."

"Haven't I suggested that already? I thought he should have an incomparable name."

"Well now that you reminded me, I don't want to anymore," she sighed. "I don't want him to inherit your name. It would be cruel for him, it's like I'll be limiting him to follow your footsteps and the people would never stop comparing him to you."

Their conversation went on. Natalia is thinking of a meaningful name to give her son while Frederick on the other hand, has the same intent but is more distracted with his jokes about Emmanuel or Rodolfo. For some reason it only makes the boy cry louder.

Natalia could only laugh as she tried to calm down both her son and husband. She can't help but be thankful, thankful for marrying such a wonderful man. Her eyes were fixated on him, his bright smile shining brightly as he tended to their boy. "Frederick—," amidst of the heartwarming scene, she finally sorted her thoughts, "Nicolas," she let out. "Nicolas, Nicolas which means the victory of the people."

As she repeated the name, the father and son finally stopped. "Now that you think of it, my name literally means 'ruler', Nicolas is just the right name for my son," the king approved and smiled.

"You like it don't you?," the queen happily whispered to the prince. "Whose our cute Nicolas, who is it?," he chuckled. "That's right, you are," Natalia can't help herself but to adore her child, brushing her cheeks to his little chubby boy.

"Well then, from this day forward you shall be named Nicolas Gregoria. Our child, welcome to this world," Frederick shouted as he embraced both of them, and with the king's declaration, Nicolas is now fast asleep not even bothered about his father's loud celebration. Just sleeping peacefully in his parent's caring embrace.

That similar smile he's brandishing slowly turned dull and dead as he finally snapped back to reality. Shrouded in that memory is another night of rain, the night he felt scared for his life, more than when he fought in the war a few years back. It was this same boy that made him feel this way and left a mark not only on his arm that's hard to remove.

"I will never forget those glowing blue eyes filled with rage and vengeance," he uttered once again feeling shame to himself. "What am I talking about, he is my son— but at that moment— he's not, I don't understand anymore—," a shear headache haunted him as he replayed his most treasured and horrible memory of his son, two sides that seems like two different people.

He desperately wanted to console him, hug him, but a pinch in his heart holds him at an arm's length. Amidst of his frustration for those burning blue eyes, he remembered another peculiar event the night of his birth.

"That blue glow—," he gazed at Nicolas as he reminisced closing the window that night and looked up. He thought it was a result of the storm back then and shrugged it off, but now, "There must be some kind of connection to it."