59

CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE:

When Genma slunk up to him with a guilty confession on his torn, bloodied lips, Gai felt a rare surge of frustration that had him biting back some very unYouthful accusations.

What nobody but Gai seemed to understand or realise was that Kakashi was fragile. Oh, it was common enough knowledge that after the loss of his genin teammates and jōnin-sensei Kakashi had thrown himself into the anonymity of ANBU, taking suicide mission after suicide mission and somehow clawing his way through alive, but people saw that he survived those missions, saw him around the village, saw him act as a semi-functional human being, and assumed it meant far more than it did.

Gai knew differently. He had known Kakashi since his earliest years; back when Sakumo and Dai had been close friends, two widowed fathers raising a pair of precocious sons alone; back before either of them had known the tragedy of loss, of overwhelming grief; back before they had known the horrors of the battlefield, of crawling through mountains of rotting corpses, stealing enemy lives in order to keep the breath in their lungs just another heartbeat longer, his fellow child of war.

The sudden, tragic loss of Obito and then Rin had deeply damaged Kakashi, leaving him bleeding where no medic-nin could heal. And when Minato and Kushina had died...

It was Gai who had been the one to tackle Kakashi and wrestle the kunai from his white-knuckled grip when he tried to cut his own throat open with it. It was Gai who had witnessed the aftermath of not just the losing Minato and Kushina, but the twins too... Gai had been forced to watch how his Eternal Rival lost himself, becoming nothing more than a weapon in the hands of whoever gave the orders, his humanity shattered, stripped away along with his pack bonds, no life present behind his single dull, blank eye.

For all the enthusiasm Gai tried to demonstrate, for all that he tried to keep an optimistic view of the world (lest it shatter him too), Gai had almost lost hope for Kakashi, had found himself mourning the shade of his friend that remained with one foot always in the grave, his gaze set to the far distance where the dead waited– only, that was when a miracle had occurred.

Gai wished the miracle hadn't arisen on the back of such tragedy as the treachery of Elder Danzo now laid bare for the village to witness; indeed, he was angered and aggrieved at such a miscarriage of power, of justice, at the smothering of Konoha's Will of Fire in the name of building its strength. Yet he could not regret how Kakashi had flourished in the wake of it, the Springtime of his Youth restored as he found tethers to the land of the living in the form of a set of twins he'd been cruelly separated from for far too long.

Gai had never believed that concealing the twins' parentage and forbidding the jōnin who had known of Kushina and her condition contact with them was the right action to take. Gai would never presume to have the knowledge of politics that the Sandaime had, but surely better solutions could have been found, if not in the immediate aftermath of the Kyuubi disaster then soon after when reconstruction was underway and the Sandaime had been sworn back in, Konoha no longer in a state of emergency.

Alas, it was not to be, and it wasn't until now that Kakashi was able to make bonds with the children who should have been raised as his kin, his pack.

Kakashi was finally healing, fresh, green shoots creeping through the cracks in his soul, the leaves starting to unfurl towards the sun and flourish. Gai had been sent on a long-term mission shortly after Kakashi's rampage through Iwa, and the difference between the Kakashi Of Before and the Kakashi Of His Return was astounding. This tentative but honest contentment, it was all Gai had ever wanted for his Dearest Rival, and he settled his Most Sincerely Disappointed look on Genma, who shrank underneath the weight of it.

"Sorry," Genma muttered again, sheepish and regretful and defiant, all at once, and Gai sighed, waving a hand absently to dismiss the other shinobi before setting off to hunt down Konoha's best hunter.

Of course, for those who knew Kakashi, he was never too hard to find.

Gai found his Eternal Rival standing before the Memorial Stone and the tension that had been building in his chest since a guilty Genma had tracked him down eased slightly. Still, he couldn't help but bite back another unYouthful curse as Kakashi lifted his head at Gai's slow, careful approach, revealing an eye as wild as anything bred to hunt and slaughter.

"Do you think they could ever forgive me?" Kakashi asked; his flat and was empty of all life.

There was no question who he was referring to.

As he stepped closer to Kakashi, Gai thought of Kushina; wild and beautiful, remembered how she dug her teeth into every scrap of family she had left and refused to let go. He thought of Minato, too; golden and glorious, perfectly polite until someone threatened what was his and he cut them down without flinching.

Gai would never forget the strategy meeting, back during the war, where Minato had spent a meeting ignoring and even speaking over Danzo. When a frustrated Danzo had reprimanded him sharply, Minato smiled at him, knife-sharp and mocking. "Apologies, Honoured Councilman," he'd said, managing to turn Danzo's title into an insult without even changing the inflection of his voice, mouth still curved in that dangerous, challenging smile. "I didn't realise it was me that you were addressing. You are an advisor to the Hokage, after all, and I am not the Hokage." Yet, had gone unspoken but not unheard by all in the room– including Danzo, who was not at all unsubtle in how he hungered for the Hokage seat.

It was the first time Minato had openly challenged Danzo's authority– both over Minato himself and over Konoha in general– quite so openly. Nobody missed the fact this had occurred in the aftermath of Danzo pulling strings to get Kakashi sent on a solo-mission during wartime (which Gai now suspected was planned in order to have his Eternal Rival "killed" so Danzo could smuggle him away from Minato and turn Kakashi into another one of his brainwashed soldiers).

"Kakashi," Gai said solemnly as he closed the gap between them and reached to gently grip his best friend's nape, pressing firmly enough to ground him. Kakashi folded forwards into Gai, face pressed against his chest like Kakashi was fourteen again and suicidal with grief over the loss of his pack. "Minato and Kushina loved you," he told Kakasha fiercely. "You were their child. There is nothing you could do that they would not forgive you for."

If anything, the pair were more likely to wreak a terrible vengeance over all who had harmed Kakashi in their absence, manipulating his loyalty to keep him and the twins apart.

(Gai very purposefully did not think the name 'Sarutobi Hiruzen' because that would be disloyal. But if he did not think it very loudly when he next placed incense next to the Memorial Stone, well, it wasn't as if anyone barring those in the Pure Lands would know)

Gai kept up the firm grip on the back of Kakashi's neck, tactfully not mentioning how he could feel Kakashi tremble against him. He knew it would take time for Kakashi to ground himself, and that Kakashi's summons would keep any other shinobi who thought to visit the Memorial Stone away, to keep this breakdown private.

Sadly, this was a well-practiced routine for Gai and the summons– it was not the first time Pakkun had needed Gai's help to talk Kakashi down from a spiral of destructive thinking. The pair of them had it down to a fine art these days.

"Do Fuyuko or Naruto blame you?" Gai asked gently. He felt Kakashi flinch against him. 

"No," his Beloved Rival said hoarsely against Gai's chest.

"The twins are the sum of the best of Minato and Kushina," Gai told his best friend, keeping his voice gentle, instead of its usual booming exuberance. "If they do not blame you, how could Minato and Kushina?"

"Do you think I'm using Raidou as a scapegoat for my own guilt over following Sarutobi's orders?" Kakashi asked dully, still leaning against Gai so that Gai was supporting most of his best friend's weight.

Gai silently promised himself that he would wake Genma up at four in the morning every day this week and the next and force him to join Gai on his morning exercise routine, using the threat of revealing his confrontation with Kakashi to Raidou in order to... convince him.

(People tended to forget that Gai was a shinobi, a jōnin, and one of the only ninja capable of keeping up with Kakashi– this was usually to their detriment. He would not fight Genma, would not harm him, but he would still punish the other man for his careless, cutting words)

"I do not think you are using Raidou as a scapegoat," he told Kakashi firmly.

Kakashi didn't need a scapegoat for his guilt– he already tortured himself with it every waking moment of every day.

The Raidou situation... it was a complicated situation all around, Gai could admit. He had seen the toll that Raidou's silence had had on the man. He had also seen the toll that Kakashi's distance from the twins had had on him. Following the orders had left both men suffering, and Gai really only blamed one person... one person still living, he silently amended, remembering Danzo's decapitated head, one eye gouged bloodily from the socket.

Kakashi let out a shuddering breath in Gai's arms. "I am very angry." He said, speaking so quietly Gai almost didn't hear it. Gai felt his grip on Kakashi tighten.

"A most Desolate of Winters has settled over Konoha, smothering its Springtime of Youth." He said solemnly, knowing Kakashi would understand the meaning behind his words.

"What do I do now?" Kakashi asked plaintively.

"My Beloved Rival," Gai said, "I believe we should race around Konoha one hundred times– and the loser must buy dinner."

Kakashi snorted, finally lifting his head from Gai's chest. Gai wasn't surprised to see his sole visible eye was dry of tears, despite his silent sobs. "Maa, that eager to treat me to an expensive meal?" Kakashi teased and Gai felt something settle inside him. He knew better then to think Kakashi was really feeling as carefree as he looked, but it was a start.

"Yosh!" He exclaimed, with a playful grin. "If you manage to beat the Magnificent Green Beast of Konoha, then I shall buy you five of the finest dinners in Konoha!"

Kakashi's eye curved into a smile. And then, with a flicker of falling leaves, he disappeared.

"So hip," Gai sighed fondly, before dashing after him. 

Later that evening, Gai would join Kakashi, carrying a pile of cartons of expensive take-out balanced precariously in his arms, and finally be introduced to the twins.

He didn't blame Kakashi for not having introduced them already, even with Gai having returned home Victorious from his mission over a week ago (he had never liked long-term missions and was very aware that the recent surplus was no doubt a direct response to his failure to even attempt to stop Kakashi from fleeing the village with Fuyuko-chan after killing Danzo). Kakashi was as fiercely protective over his cubs as a wounded, cornered wolf, all jagged, bared teeth and muscles coiled tight, ready to lunge. If he could, Gai didn't doubt that Kakashi would hide the twins away where nobody could ever so much as breathe in their direction.

As the door to the twins' apartment opened, Gai got his first look at the twins in months. He hadn't seen Fuyuko-chan since her rescue from Danzō's clutches. The young girl before him now appeared worlds apart from the sallow-pale, gaunt-faced child that had been rescued from beneath the ground. Now, out under the sun where she could flourish, Fuyuko stood confident and unbowed, her eyes gleaming and brilliant, her hair a familiar, lustrous red he had only ever seen on one person before.

Beside her, Naruto-kun stood sun-kissed and golden, a true summer child from the brightness of his sky-blue eyes to the deep tan of his skin to the warmth of his beaming smile up at Gai.

"You have huge muscles!" the little blond exclaimed gleefully.

"Oh no," Gai vaguely heard Kakashi groan, sounding quite alarmed as he did so, but Gai was too busy beaming back down at Naruto-kun to pay his Eternal Rival any attention.

"Yosh!" He boomed cheerfully, juggling the precariously tilting pile of take-out into one arm so he could flex a bicep. Naruto's mouth dropped open and Gai couldn't help but preen.

"Tha's bigger than my head!" Naruto breathed.

To be fair, Naruto was an eight-year-old child and so he didn't have a very large head, but Gai couldn't help feeling smug as he shot a look over at his scowling Rival, who had always been built lean with wiry muscle, as opposed to Gai's impressive– if he may say so himself– bulk.

"Can ya teach me how ta get muscles that huge?" Naruto begged, looking up at him with pleading blue eyes– Minato's eyes, they were Minato's eyes, and how could Gai ever deny his Beloved Hokage anything?

"Yosh!" he exclaimed again. "How Youthful of you, Young Naruto-kun, to seek to fan your Flames of Youth so! Of course I shall teach you how to be as magnificent as Konoha's own Green Beast!" 

"...is thatta yes?" Naruto asked, seeming slightly confused.

"Indeed it is!" Gai boomed, knowing he had just willingly stepped right into the entire mess that was the Uzumaki twins and the Hokage and the Council, yet not regretting it even slightly.

"And will ya train Sasuke with me? It ain't right if I train without him," Naruto pouted up at him with those big, watery eyes, and Gai folded like a wet scroll.

"Why of course!" he declared. "It is my duty– nay, it is my honour to Fan the Flames of Konoha's Youth!"

Naruto cheered, grabbing his twin sister to spin her around before bounding into the apartment, out of the doorway he had been standing in, yelling out to the young Uchiha clan heir as he did so.

Gai felt a sudden chill shudder down his spine, and a prick at his side had him glancing down to see a kunai poking lightly over his kidney. Kakashi was smiling blandly up at him, the slight curve of his eye setting off every alarm bell in Gai's head.

"If I ever see either Naruto or Sasuke wearing spandex," Kakashi said, his words no less a threat for how deceptively calm they seemed, "I will cut you open then set your intestines on fire while they're still inside you."

Gai swallowed audibly, the visions of himself jogging through Konoha in his green jumpsuit while Young Naruto and Young Sasuke jogged behind him in matching jumpsuits of bright orange and bright red abruptly snuffed.

"I'm glad we understand each other," Kakashi said, kunai vanishing before he prowled into the apartment, and Gai was left with only an amused-looking Fuyuko-chan.

"Welcome to our home, Gai-san," she said, not trying to hide the curl of amusement in her voice.

"Truly, it is a pleasure to be here," Gai told her as he followed her inside, crouching as he crossed the doorway to be sure that none of the containers in the take-out pile were knocked over by the doorframe.

And indeed, as he gazed around the small apartment, at Naruto and Sasuke sitting together with what looked like their Academy homework spread out in front of them, Tenzō lurking over by the window using a kunai to carve something out of a block of wood, and Kakashi on the couch with Fuyuko sprawled out next to him, her head on his lap, Gai felt the warmth of true pleasure settle over him.

This? This was the Konoha he fought for. This loving home with its loving family, the true embodiment of the Everlasting Warmth of Summer.

::

Following their eighth birthday, after Naruto had finally let slip the truth to his sister of how frightened he was Konoha would murder their Anija or Sasuke or even Tama-neechan, his Ko-ane became even more determined than before that he learn how to talk to his Belly-Fox.

Naruto found it difficult, trying to make his mind all quiet how his Aneue described to him. His head was always so busy unless he was using the giggly stuff, which made him feel all slow and sleepy for a bit. Ko-ane didn't like him using the giggly stuff, though (and she could be very scary when she was mad).

In the weeks that followed their eighth birthday, Ko-ane dragged him to the shrine every day where they would kneel facing each other, small hands linked, fingers curled together, their eyes closed, and their foreheads touching. Lady would sit at the entrance of the shrine to guard them, fierce and sharp-toothed, and sometimes Naruto would spot Nari-chan (who Aneue kept insisting he call 'Inari-sama') out of the corner of his eye, a quick flash of glowing white fur.

Even though he found meditation hard, Naruto loved the quiet time he spent with his sister in his favourite place in the world. He loved how they reached out for each other, not just with their hands but with something else, something other– ninshū, Ko-and called it– and it was like Naruto could feel Ko-ane's emotions, could feel himself sinking into the endless depths of her chakra (oceans, some distant part of him that was all blood and instinct, the collective memories of the hundreds of Uzumaki that came before him, a knowledge settled deep in his very being, there were oceans within his sister's soul).

Slowly, gradually, over the passing weeks Fuyuko managed to coax him through reaching out with his chakra not towards her, or to Sasuke, or Anija, or even sometimes Tenzō, but instead within himself, where beneath the windstorms of his chakra lurked the burning-fire-red he used to scare the people Tama-neechan wanted scared; scorching and searing, branding his heart and sinking deep into his soul.

It scared him. It felt like blood and fire and destruction, an endless well of hatred and rage, and every part of him rebelled against falling willingly into the heart of the flames the way his Ko-ane described.

"I'm scared," he admitted to Ko-ane in their first language, the Old Tongue, after weeks of trying and failing to reach out to his Belly-Fox.

"What's frightening you?" his sister asked gently. 

"I don't like having so much... so much hate and- and anger inside me," he shuddered, not sure if he had the words to describe how his entire being seemed to shy away from the overflow of burning emotion. His Aneue nodded slowly, her long hair brushing against their linked hands with the motion.

"You're allowed to be afraid," she said, finally. "The Fox... they are frightening. They have so much rage inside them, so much hatred... yet how could they possibly feel anything else, when all they have known since the Sage is anger and hate? You know how the Village treats us... do you love Konoha and her people?"

"No!" Naruto said, pulling a face even as his mind whirled, "No, they're awful! I only like some of the people who live in the Yūkaku. And maybe Iruka-sensei a little bit, when he isn't being stupid."

"And why don't you like them?" Ko-ane asked.

"...because they're mean and horrible and throw things at me and call me names," Naruto said slowly as realisation finally dawned over him. "And that's why my Belly-Fox doesn't like humans. Because humans are mean and horrible to them and they throw jutsu at them and call them names like 'demon'."

"The so-called Bijuu weren't always called demons," Ko-ane told him, squeezing his hands gently as he stared at her in wide-eyed realisation. "It was humans who gave them that title. Humans who decided they were evil and lesser."

"Humans are so stupid," Naruto grumbled and his Ko-ane laughed.

"The Fox agrees with you," she said warmly, looking across at him with fond, deep-blue eyes. "We can take a break, if you like. We can keep trying tomorrow."

"I want to try again now," Naruto decided, determined. Ko-ane nodded, leaning forwards so their foreheads were pressed together again. Naruto took a deep breath, holding his sister's hands tight, before reaching for burning-red-hate-blood-fire–

–Naruto gasped, opening his eyes to find himself in the shrine, only it was different. The walls surrounding him were taller, so much taller, towering so high above him he couldn't see where they ended. The red paint was deeper, too, a smoky-bloody-crimson gilded with slashes of shining gold. Instead of paper origami foxes strung across the walls, carved fox votives surrounded him, their jewelled eyes reflecting dancing flames as they stared eerily down at him.

The shrine seemed to stretch out endlessly before him and behind him, and it was instinct alone that had Naruto stepping carefully forward, making his way in the direction of the haiden. Once he made that decision, the shrine seemed to blur around him, and in the length of just three steps he found himself standing before the towering doorway to the haiden; the forbidden heart of the shrine.

The doorway looming over him, stretching high and out of sight, should have been blocked by a braided shimenawa as only the priests were allowed to enter the sacred space. Only, instead of a single shimenada, what seemed like hundreds of braided ropes spun across the doorway, creating what appeared to be a net– or maybe a 'cage' was a better description. All the braided ropes seemed to meet at the centre, bound together in a twisted knot onto which lines of ink were painted, thick and black, swirling and twisting in a strange pattern.

Naruto recognised what it was immediately– it was seal.

He stepped crept closer to the doorway, his heart pounding in his chest, and behind the rope something moved, stepping forwards on heavy paws until Naruto was laying eyes on his Belly-Fox for the very first time that he remembered.

They were terrifying; Naruto was no longer confused about why the shrine towered so high above him, not when it housed such an enormous being within it, tall as a mountain. The Fox looked like living fire, their fur lit up with crackling power, golden eyes glowing, slit and dangerous, nine tails fanned out behind them, crowning the Fox in a brutal, burning glory.

Fanged jaws parted, jagged teeth bared, as the Fox smiled mockingly down at him.

"Well, well, well," their voice was smoky, dark, and dripping with malice; each dragged syllable sending shivers of primal dread down Naruto's spine, "I have been waiting for this."