10

Chapter 10: XNotes:

Oh Boy! I've been productive lately. I've now written up to chapter 18 and I'm considering ramping up the posting schedule because after this chapter things will happen! So maybe I will post again tomorrow or on monday.

I hope you like the chapter. Take it as like.... a last reprieve before everything falls aparat.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

It was still cloudy and dark outside when Sirius woke up. Kakashi was already awake, leaning against the wall flicking through one of the newspapers he kept from the first days of their journey. Sirius' own face scowled down at him from the front page.

That's right, Sirius thought with trepidation.

As he stood up, he felt his limbs and back ache. He was used to sleeping on the hard ground, but that didn't mean he didn't feel the pain in his joints. In comparison to this harsh concrete floor, the earlier nights on soft forest ground in his dog form had been comfortable. He immediately regretted that he hadn't turned into his dog form for the night. As a human, sleeping on hard surfaces was much less comfortable.

He glanced at Kakashi. He couldn't complain, Kakashi did that too. And he did it for Sirius. Unlike Sirius, Kakashi could sleep wherever he wanted – or at least he could ask for help and surely there were institutions taking care of stranded children…

Once I'm gone, Kakashi won't have to worry about that anymore, he knew, but although he knew that was the only right course of action, the trepidation didn't leave him.

"I won't turn again," Sirius said his voice quiet, "once we get close to London." He made a vague gesture. "It isn't safe with so many people."

"You said before," Kakashi said putting the newspaper away and turning towards Sirius.

"Right…" It felt like a goodbye to Sirius. It was goodbye. They would spend all day together, but it was unlikely they would talk again. "I just… want to thank you."

Kakashi looked at him as if he didn't expect Sirius' gratitude. To him, Sirius feared, it surely felt as if Sirius was using him, forcing him into this position. Thanking Kakashi for it now, would seem like irony. But Sirius' gratitude was real. He owed this kid more than he could ever pay him back.

You can't pay him back anything. You have nothing to give, and once he's back to Japan, even if a miracle happened and you get your name cleared… What are the chances you'll ever meet him again?

But he wouldn't say this to Kakashi. What a way to terrify him! The convicted mass murderer wants to know where you live, so he can send his thank-you-note later.

Kakashi's single eyebrow furrowed a little. His eyes shifted away as if he didn't know what to do with Sirius' open gratitude. "The mission isn't complete."

Sirius was rather confused at that. "Mission?" he asked, shortly distracted from the sense of loss he felt at the idea of being alone again soon.

"Mission," Kakashi repeated. "Killing the rat."

Sirius understood then. "It's more… a goal?" Maybe if he had contact with more people, Kakashi could talk to in London, the boy would get a better handle on the language. He was already getting really good but sometimes his choice of words didn't quite fit.

At that Kakashi grabbed the newspaper he had put aside earlier. "Mission," he said, pointing at an article about an interview with a scientist about some muggle space mission called Galileo.

"Yes," Sirius said, "I guess you could use mission, but that makes it sound rather militaristic… or well," he gestured towards the article and gave a half-hearted shrug. "Official. But yes, I guess you could say, I'm on a mission." He smiled a little. It sounded right.

Kakashi stared at him. His single eye revealed little of what he thought, but Sirius had the distinct feeling, that he was talking too much. Sirius chuckled a little embarrassed. Then the boy put the paper away again. "Is it your first time?"

"My first…," he stumbled over the word, "mission?" Sirius guessed it was a good word to describe what he had done for the order. "No, I told you of the war. I went on missions for… well for my side." As gleeful as he felt revealing all of the secrets of the magical world to this boy just to spite Fudge and the ministry, the same was not true for the order. It was a secret organization. If the boy knew too much about that, it might even put him at risk if Voldemort should ever return.

"I mean killing."

The way Kakashi's voice didn't even change the tone at the word gave Sirius the chills. The way he said it… It was not the only time Sirius noted these particularities. When he used the words 'murder' or 'war', he remained similarly calm and unfazed. Sirius was reasonably sure that it was because these words were still new for Kakashi. He knew what they translated to in his own language, but he still just thought of them as words, didn't associate them with the evil they described.

"Did you kill before?" Kakashi asked again.

Stuck on the way the words came out in a monotone drawl, Sirius only registered the question now.

"No!" His answer came hastily, loud with desperation in his words. He had told Kakashi, that he hadn't. Had Kakashi not believed him? Why would he? "I didn't! Kakashi, I… I know you have no reason to believe me, but… I would never…" But that was a lie wasn't it? He had already told Kakashi that he wanted to kill Peter. "I mean Peter is… Pe-Peter is different."

Kakashi blinked slowly as if he had trouble understanding Sirius' answer. Sirius feared it wasn't due to the language barrier. "Because he killed a friend?" He finally asked his eye narrowing a little.

"Yes! Yes," Sirius felt almost relieved as he agreed. "He betrayed his best friends, killed them. So, he deserves it." Something in Kakashi's eye made Sirius desperate. It was big and wide now, brightened almost to a translucent grey. There was pain there, that Sirius couldn't place. But he had to believe Sirius! "But I wouldn't… I'm not a killer. I wouldn't do that to…" But all his words sounded empty even to him. How could he proclaim his plan to murder somebody in one sentence and then say that he wasn't a killer and wouldn't murder? How would anybody believe that?

"Why?" Kakashi asked, but the question was quiet, almost lost to Sirius. He barely even heard him.

Why what? It didn't make sense to Sirius, and as he failed to answer, Kakashi didn't repeat it as if he regretted having asked in the first place. Or maybe, as if he had chosen the wrong word and realized that now.

"You have to believe me, please," Sirius continued after a moment. In London, he'd leave the boy with the police or maybe the embassy, and then… "When we're in London, they'll tell you otherwise. They'll tell you all sorts of stories, I'm sure. But they're not true! You… You have to—" But then Sirius stopped and retreated into himself. No… Kakashi didn't have to do anything. He couldn't demand this after everything the boy had already done for him. He couldn't force him to believe Sirius. If everything went as planned, as soon as the boy was safely back home, Sirius's guilt or innocence would be of little consequence to Kakashi.

"We should walk," Kakashi declared after a moment of silence, standing up ready to move.

Yes, Sirius thought, before he transformed into his dog form one final time before they would reach London. This was goodbye.

**

After Chelmsford, the area they walked through was more and more populated. Small villages followed one after the other, separated only by short stretches of fields. The traffic too increased. In fact, it increased so much, that after only an hour, Kakashi thought there was little point in avoiding the main roads as he had done the days before. In fact, especially as they got closer to this five-million-megacity, it probably made sense to start hiding in crowds rather than avoid people entirely.

They soon reached a town called Ingatestone. They hadn't eaten yet, so Kakashi used some of the money he had left to buy them a late breakfast at a bakery. A few people asked Kakashi where he came from, and if he was alone. By now, Kakashi had enough practice in the language, that he could easily tell them, that he was just on a tour with his dog, coming from Chelmsford. They thought it was a little far, so Kakashi decided, in the next village, he'd tell them, he'd started in Ingatestone.

However, he missed the point when they left Ingatestone. He knew, he must have left the town already. It was surely four miles since they had entered Ingatestone, and now he stood in front of a town sign, telling him he was entering a town called 'Brentwood'. But all the way, when before towns and villages were always separated by fields and farms, now, there wasn't a single stretch of road without buildings flanking it on both sides.

The houses were spread far, with big premises, not quite urban spacing… but still… They weren't even in London yet, and already there were so many people living here. He was sure he could have fit the entire population of Konoha into the buildings here, and they hadn't even entered the capital yet. Brentwood, he quickly noted, wasn't even a village anymore.

He walked past rows of brick buildings, with neat front lawns, gardens in the back, cars standing on driveways in front of the houses. There were children playing outside, running across the roads kicking a ball, the way Kakashi only remembered from his very earliest days in the academy. There were small parks with more children and families, old people taking walks, and others taking their dogs out.

"Wow! That's a huge dog!" A boy yelled as he came running out from the driveway his ball forgotten. "So cool!" Kakashi's instincts flared up in alarm, as he saw the kid run up to him, yelling. The boy dashed right at him, and for a second, Kakashi considered kicking him away, not sure, what the kid wanted, then he saw the broad grin directed at Sirius, and Kakashi realized the child meant no harm. He immediately retreated a step.

Shit, he'd been about to… This was just a kid, and Kakashi might not like people rushing right at him, but if he hadn't caught himself in time, he might have killed the boy. How old was he? Twelve? Old enough to be a genin, sure, but in this world… In this world, time worked differently, children grew up differently.

This was just a boy… not like Kakashi, not a trained killer. What would Sirius say if he knew?

It was something, Kakashi had mulled over for the entire day. The way the man had reacted when Kakashi asked him if he had killed before… It was the first time, Kakashi truly understood. Killing was seen as something evil and vile – and of course, it was. Even in Kakashi's world, civilians saw it as dirty business but at least acknowledged that at times, it had to be done, but in this world… In this world…

Was that, what it meant to be at peace? If this country was at peace there was no need for killers? He finally understood. In this world, there was no need for shinobi, no need for silent assassins and trained killers. In this world, if Sirius knew… There was no need for people like Kakashi. In fact, there was no place for him here. To these people, Kakashi would be a monster. He had a purpose now. He would help Sirius find the rat – and then he would have to leave because there was no point in him being here. None of his skillsets would lend anything of value to this country where people like him were not needed.

Even in Konoha, Kakashi often felt like a pariah. The son of the White Fang, the genius who had finished the academy at age five, the scum who had let all his comrades die, the friend killer… There was a darkness in him, that was foreign even to most shinobi. But in Konoha there was a place for people like him: the ANBU black ops, an elite unit of killers and assassins, who were the ultimate, sharpest tool for their village, forsaking themselves for the sake of the Leaf.

Here, however, there was no place like ANBU. No place for Kakashi. If Sirius knew about his deeds, he'd be appalled… There was nothing good Kakashi had to offer.

Which begged the question… He had always thought that war was inevitable, and shinobi were a reaction to that. But maybe it was the other way round. Maybe war wasn't inevitable, and it was shinobi – people like him – who caused it. It was the question of the chicken or the egg. If in a peaceful society, like this one, there was no need for shinobi, didn't shinobi have a vested interest in creating war, or else become irrelevant?

"Hey, hey! Can I play with your dog? What's its name? Are you listening?" He had missed the first half of the boy's barrage of questions. Although asking if he could play with Sirius, he was already scratching him behind the ears, wildly ruffling his fur. Sirius seemed to enjoy the attention. The rumbling in his chest made it obvious.

"Uh… It's—It's Shaggy." Kakashi momentarily almost forgot the English language.

"That's funny," the kid commented fisting his hands into shaggy black fur. "It fits. And you? What's your name? Are you playing ninja, that mask is so cool? Where did you get it?"

Kakashi froze as he heard the word. Ninja… It was the same word, pronounced differently, but of course, he knew exactly what it meant. Ninja? Was it so obvious, what he was? Panicked he tried to school his features. Were there shinobi in this world after all? Shinobi skilled enough that he hadn't seen any, yet a mere child knew about them! A shiver ran down his spine in alarm. He hadn't noticed anything! How could he have missed that? Not even his instincts had warned him. Even now, as he warily sharpened his senses, cast out his chakra to find anybody hiding in the vicinity who might already be on his tail, he couldn't find anybody. Children playing, families, teenagers and young people lounging around, elderly people enjoying the sun in their gardens… Dogs, cats, birds in trees… No shinobi.

"How did you guess?" Kakashi asked with a light smirk, masking his rising panic in nonchalant humor.

"The mask." The boy giggled. "I wanted to be a ninja too at Halloween last year, but then I was a pirate."

Kakashi frowned, not understanding a word. The boy had been a pirate last year? He didn't look like a hardened criminal.

"Halloween?" he asked, hoping if he found out the meaning of that word, he could make more sense of what the kid said.

The boy however frowned at him. "Yeah. Last year. What did you go as? Did you go around for trick or treat?" He continued cuddling Sirius, now he put both arms around the dog and hugged him tight, scratching his back. Sirius gave a short woof, and then pushed the boy over with a gentle nudge and started tickling him with his snout. The boy laughed lying on the pavement.

"I didn't go 'trick or treat'" Kakashi said, deciding that was safer than having to pretend that he knew what that was.

"Boring!" The boy exclaimed, but it was difficult to understand with the way he laughed. "I bet you think you're too old for it! My sister says she's too old for it now, but she's only fifteen. Anyway, why are you dressed up as a ninja now?"

Kakashi scoffed. Dressed up? Wait, dressed up? If he translated that correctly… did the boy think he was just playing at being a ninja but not actually being a ninja. "I'm not 'dressed up'." He gave the boy a mockingly enraged glare. "I am ninja."

"Yeah right," the boy rolled his eyes. "Anyway, what's with that weird accent… Oh, I know! Cause you're Japanese!"

Kakashi scowled. How had the kid figured that out so quickly? In Cromer, adults hadn't even figured out the language he was using on their first attempt and Kakashi had been somewhat proud of his success in learning the English language. Was his accent that bad? "How do you know?"

"Cause you're a ninja, stupid!" The boy laughed. Kakashi decided against feeling insulted. "Ninja are Japanese right?"

Oh… Oh! Apparently, in this world's Japan, they knew ninja too, but not here in England? It made sense, he realized, as his kunai knives also seemed to resemble tools from Japanese history. "How do you know I'm not an English ninja?" Kakashi asked, fishing for more information.

The boy shook his head. "'Cause there aren't any. Only Halloween, of course." Again, that word. "Halloween, I'll be a ninja."

"Dress up as ninja, you mean?" Kakashi asked to make sure he now understood it correctly.

The boy pouted finally freeing himself of Sirius's tickling wet snout. "Yeah, dress up." He seemed to deflate a little. "Anyway, where are you going?" He looked down the road as if he hoped Kakashi would tell him, that he and 'Shaggy' just lived around the corner.

"London."

The boy sputtered. "London? On foot?" He looked almost disgusted at the idea. "Well, have fun."

Kakashi nodded. He was about to continue their journey when he thought about something. "Hey, kid. What's your name?"

"Charlie!" The boy turned back around with a grin, already walking back to his house.

Charlie… He had read that name quite a few times in the newspapers, a common name, he guessed.

Only when Sirius barked and nudged his hand with his snout, did Kakashi continue their journey.

**

Kakashi felt uneasy. Sirius was sure of that. As they first entered Brentwood, he was still alright. The first part of the town was a suburban living area, and Kakashi seemed just fine with that. However, as they walked more into Brentwood proper, reaching the town center, things changed. It was a sunny afternoon and people were out and about filling the squares, streets, shops, and cafés. Kakashi didn't seem to feel comfortable with so many people around.

Sirius had thought he'd be the one to have problems with the denser population close to London, and in fact, he was terrified by the idea of the city, with wizarding London so close-by… But instead, it was Kakashi whose eyes flitted between crowds looking at everybody, glaring into shops and cafés as if he expected to be shot at. He didn't once slow down his step, nor did he change path, even when they walked past a group of leather-jacket-wearing youths who Sirius might have felt a kinship with in his own youth, but who he knew seemed often threatening to other muggles. Kakashi didn't seem at all worried by them. Yet he jumped and glared at random shadows. Sirius could smell the unease rolling off the boy.

It was unnerving, even more so, as Sirius' senses sent him contradictory messages. His snout was certain that Kakashi was afraid, but nothing Kakashi did confirmed that. Sure, his eyes were quickly moving in every direction, but that might also be from curiosity. Kakashi's shoulders stayed comfortably slouched, his hands were in his pockets and whenever he met somebody's eyes, he showed his gentle eye-smile. He looked completely at ease. But he didn't smell like it.

Kakashi had been surprised at London's population and even stunned when he saw Norwich, Sirius remembered. Maybe he really lived in a tiny town in Japan and had never traveled into Tokyo, Osaka, or another one of the big cities. Maybe this was really all new to him. Was he afraid of crowds? The muggles had a word for that, he knew… In any case, if that was the case, going to London might have been the worst idea Sirius could have had. If the boy suffered a panic attack in London…

…that would only call attention to us, a pathetically coward part of him thought. I'd have to run.

No! If the boy has a panic attack, you'll help. He demanded of himself. After all, he did for you! You'll make sure he's alright!

The ministry won't care if I get caught helping a kid. They'll put me back in Azkaban regardless.

If you've sunk so low, you'd abandon a friend – the only one who showed kindness towards you in years – you'd deserve to be there! You will not abandon him!

I couldn't live with myself…

It was already hard enough, living with himself as it was. But going back to Azkaban before he had killed Peter… Harry would be in danger. If he had to decide between Kakashi and Harry. Abandoning Harry would mean failing Lily and James all over again!

**

Kakashi didn't really have a concept in his mind, how to fit five million people into a single city, so as they closed in on London with every step, he didn't know what to expect. It became clear very soon, that getting into London meant following huge roads with a lot of traffic through a number of already big enough towns, that shifted seamlessly one into the other. He started developing an eye for it.

In the shinobi world, a town was a settlement surrounded by nature, here a town was a settlement surrounded by other settlements. Just outside the towns, there were some short stretches of greenery, maybe a park, maybe a small paddock. Mostly, however, these in-between-town areas that marked the ending of one and the beginning of the next town were dominated by industry and big shops. He spotted quite a few places selling these stinking cars, one that sold gardening huts and furniture, a big parking lot, and one that sold gravestones.

The stones here looked different, big junks of rock jutting out of the earth in roughly rectangular shapes. Still, the purpose seemed clear enough. He thought of the Memorial Stone and the Konoha graveyard and how he hadn't paid his respect to his former teammates in over a week now. He hadn't visited Kushina-nee and Minato-sensei's graves at all since the funeral. If they missed him, he wondered.

But no, he reminded himself. They were dead. They couldn't miss anybody. It was the other way around. He missed them.

Finally, Kakashi decided it was enough. They had gone from house to house, from settlement to settlement. He had followed quiet town roads and then the highly trafficked main road to get to their destination quicker, but it was already getting dark and after their third major roundabout, he found a small park area and decided that they could sleep there unperturbed rather than having to sleep on the street or having to ask somebody for shelter. Sirius didn't turn, so their evening was quiet. They ate something, what Kakashi had bought at a restaurant by the name KFC, which was apparently just a lot of chicken with some potato side dish he hadn't eaten before. It was terribly greasy he thought, so he left most of it for Sirius.

Kakashi was getting short on money, he realized as he counted the remaining 24 £. He didn't actually look forward to selling a lot of his gear, although he remembered the man in Aylsham telling him, that there would be bigger vendors over in London, so maybe he could get more money out of a single kunai.

Although Kakashi missed the English lessons and conversation with Sirius somewhat, he wasn't bored. He had lived through much worse. Guarding some spoiled prince for a week from the shadows… that had been boring. Having to wait for days until an informant sent the necessary intel to continue with their mission… that was boring! Enjoying a warm night out with dog-Sirius wagging his tail softly against the ground while Kakashi read in the old newspaper again, wasn't boring in comparison. Despite the lack of conversation, he wasn't even alone.

**

The next morning the weather had gotten even warmer. The air was almost uncomfortably dry and hot. Kakashi had woken up to the abysmal stench of cars, exhaust fumes, and burned rubber. It itched in his nose, almost hurt. He blocked off the chakra flow into his nose. Traffic stank so badly, that he preferred smelling nothing at all. His nose was still sensitive, though, and he was thankful for his mask. He wondered how Sirius could take it.

They continued their journey without delay. He felt rather amused, even gave a short snort, as he noticed that they were following a road called 'Main Road' although being clearly not the main road, as it was only one lane in each direction and nowhere near as highly trafficked as the one he had traveled before.

It was only a few hours later, that Kakashi realized that all this, all these villages, towns, and cities that got bigger and bigger the further he went, were actually part of London. Of that metropolitan region, Sirius had mentioned. And then he started to understand. He had walked the better part of two days through town after town after town and hadn't seen forest nor fields or farms at all. And he still hadn't even reached the center of the city.

That was how one could fit five million people into a single place. This area was huge.

In a place called Ilford, he first noted that the buildings were getting bigger. And not just the two- or three-story buildings he had already seen before, or even some higher multi-story apartment buildings the way he knew them from Konoha as well. Here suddenly there were buildings reaching into the sky. They rivaled the Hokage building and the church towers he had seen in other English towns before, only there were a lot of them.

And it stank! By all the Hokage it stank abysmally. His senses were tingling, his instincts screaming and his nose hurting despite not even concentrating any chakra into his senses. It was loud: incessant honking, yelling and the noises from multiple construction sites causing a constant droning in his head that made him feel nauseated. And there were so many people. And they were aggressive.

Screaming at each other to go faster, go slower, speak louder, stop, drive, watch themselves. Any minute Kakashi felt like any one of them might turn around and deck him in the face just because. Multiple times he had to dodge some cyclist or careless pedestrian, or they'd run right through him. None of them knew or seemed to care about what personal space was.

And that was dangerous! It was dangerous with him because he was dangerous. Overall, there weren't more people here than in the busiest areas of Konoha, yet at least the civilians from Konoha were taught not to recklessly run into shinobi. One could never know how they would react. Even among his fellow shinobi Kakashi had a bit of a reputation and most kept a safe distance, with the only exception being Guy, who would still try to sneak up on him. Of course, there was a difference between Guy and these Londoners. Guy would survive Kakashi's instinctive counterattack. He could take an elbow in the gut and knew what to do if he suddenly found himself in a chokehold. Guy knew how to calm Kakashi down again. Guy knew Kakashi. And Kakashi knew Guy.

These, however, were strangers. Their scents were foreign and overwhelming, their language still strange. And so, although he knew they were a peaceful people, his instincts yelled 'danger' and 'enemy' every time they came too close to him.

He had to get a grip on himself!

He shoved his fists into his pockets, tried to relax his body. If he could just get the stress out of his shoulders if he could walk on his flat feet instead of the balls of his feet always ready to jump… Calm, calm… He had to control himself. Had to make sure he wouldn't hurt anybody. With closed eyes, Kakashi missed the moment they entered the City of London.

Notes:

Next chapter: Sirius and Kakashi in London and a little flashback I'm quite proud of.

also PS. I recently realized I made a mistake in Kakashi's description. This won't come up until in a few chapters still, but I thought I fess up to it alredy, so you know, I did consider it. When I first started writing the story, it was rather difficult finding a decrption for Kakashi that would fit his physical appearance into the 'real world'. You know, Manga characters have odd features, hair colors and styles that don't really go well in the real world. Because it is such an awkward problem, I decided to mostly ignore it and just imagine Kakashi the way we know him. (So this Kakashi just looks like manga kakashi) while also having other characters just ignore the oddities. Like Kakashi's grey hair colour doesn't cause confusion. His crooked hair style might be uncommon but isn't really worth noting for Sirius etc. I faired fairly well with that for the most part making the only feature everybody keeps wondering about: the mask. (Due to current events I feel the need to inform my younger readers, that there was a time when wearing mask in public was seen as rather odd.) However, what I forgot about was to address the matter of 'race'. Kakashi is of course Japanese. Which meas to fit him in this world - he would have some japanese features that don't necessarily exist in the manga, and that (let's be honest) Sirius might already have mentioned in one of his descriptions if he had looked for it. So I decided to 'solve' this issue by making Kakashi 'look' mixed race. So he has certain asian/japanese features, but especially hiding half his face under the mask and in combination with the grey hair colour, it's not immediately noticed. However, once people realize he has an accent, or when they find out it's japanese, it's easily believable, because he looks 'undefinable' asian. Does that make sense. This is just one of the odd hoops I have to jump through, trowing a manga character into the real world.

I just don't want to make him 'white' because that would seem wrong. But on the other hand, I would have to severely change his description if I wanted to give him 'overt' japanese features. So please just go with it. Kakashi is a masked teenager with one eye, a wild tuft of crookedly standing grey hair and some 'japanese features'.