episode 1

(The episode opens with Stewie walking around a pet shop with Brian)

Brian: Stewie, what are we doing here?

Stewie: Relax, Brian, I'm just finding something to guard the Time Machine, so I won't have to keep destroying it because of serious consequences that happen in the usual time travel revenge scheme

Brian: Fine, but get anything m, but a cat

Stewie: Cats can't be trusted to guard anything, they are selfish and ungrateful

(A man who has short red hair, white skin, wearing a blue jacket, brown shirt, blue jeans, and white shoes named Olse)

Olse: What are you looking for, little guy?

Stewie: A pet that is good at guarding and hates people

Olse: What kind of hate? Destroying your enemies hate or scare people hate

Stewie: Destroying people hate

Olse: There are a few in the back

(Stewie looks at the dogs, then sees a chubby girl who has long black hair, wearing a black shirt, green pants that look like shorts, white shoes; has long python tail and she is sitting on all fours)

(The girl is chewing on bones)

Stewie: How about her?

The guard (shocked): Oh my gosh, Kanisha, did you eat another guard?

Kanisha (eating the bone): No

The guard (looks at Stewie): You don't want her? She is mad

Stewie: I know and she is perfect, I say girl what would you say to coming home with me and protecting something that will end with you destroying a bunch of people that could Potentially end with you destroying people from the government

(Kanisha takes the bone out of her mouth)

Kanisha (smiles): Fine, but I must warn you that I wake up late and act like every animal or personality you have seen

Stewie: Fine, but kill the inferior animals outside

Kanisha: I'm going to like you, what is family like?

Stewie (points to Brian): My dog is over there

(Brian is barking at the birds)

Kanisha: Is he an alcoholic?

Stewie: How can you tell?

Kanisha: Oh, I have a nose like a bloodhound

Brian: As if

Kanisha: Seems three prostitutes have been arrested and one drunkie drowning in the ocean

Brian: There's no way she is right.

Stewie (with a tablet): No Brian it's true, it's on the news

Brian (takes the tablet): No way, oh my gosh it's true, but how

Kanisha: I'm just that good

The guard (gently opens the cell): You aren't going to eat me, are you?

Kanisha (on all fours): Dream on, you aren't my type?

The guard: Wait, you only go after guys you like?

Kanisha: Who said only guys

(Stewie, Brian, and the guard are shocked)

Kanisha: Yeah, I swing both ways and don't think about it, Dog, I already hate your personality

Brian: Jokes on you, I don't like mutant freaks

Kanisha: See, I know you are lying because I seen your past relationships and you could do worse

Brian: Are you trying to lure me so you can kill me?

Kanisha (whispers): I don't kill everybody hate, but don't tell everybody

Brian: If you don't act like the family's new favorite

Kanisha: Trust me, I don't like anybody except Stewie and maybe you if you act some decently

Brian: I'm not making any promises

Kanisha: Stewie, please sign the papers before I actual pretend to care about anything he will say

Stewie: Sure

(The guard gives Stewie the papers)

(The screen switches to Stewie leading Kanisha in his room with Brian following)

Kanisha: Nice room

Stewie: You think so, you haven't even seen the best part (pushes a button and shows a place for weapons)

Kanisha: Nice, how many have you killed?

Stewie: Quite a few, i have a few pictures

Kanisha: No need, I see it and nice ones, you know how to kill

Stewie: Thank you, I say you, you are a wonderful girl, how did you end up a killer?

Brian: Probably ex-boyfriend or girlfriend?

Kanisha: No, ironically it's just because I get the (evil smile) (standing) craving for human flesh

Brian: Oh, that is kinda dark

Kanisha (on all fours): Yeah, it was hard for my family

Brian (shocked): Wait, you had a family

Kanisha (on all fours): Yeah, a mom, aunts, and a bunch of cousins

Stewie: Does anybody know what you are like now?

Kanisha (on all fours): Of course not, they said they would kill me if I ever went psycho

Stewie: Wow, tough love

Kanisha (on all fours): consider that I killed a bunch of towns, I think I would deserve it

Stewie: Oh, so let me show you what you are guarding

(Stewie pulls the cover and sees the time machine)

Kanisha (on all fours): Nice, I love evil geniuses

Stewie: Kanisha, you flatter me, I only cause a few butterfly effects

Kanisha (on all fours): And I see you all go with him

Stewie: Who, Brian, yeah he stops me from doing stupid stuff that could destroy the universe and one time made the universe

Kanisha (on all fours): I got say you are a fascinated

Brian: Alright, Stewie, can I talk to you outside?

Stewie: Sure, I'll be back, rupert keep her company, he's the bear by the chair

Kanisha: Alright

(Stewie and Brian walk outside)

(Kanisha walks over to Rupert)

Kanisha (sits in a chair): Sup

Rupert: Sup

Kanisha (jumps like a cat): You can talk

Rupert: Yes, but nowhere can see that and only Stewie can understand me

Kanisha (sits down): Why, talk to me?

Rupert: I think you know this isn't a regular script of the show

Kanisha (drinks tea): Fanfic

Rupert: Bingo

Kanisha: Fair enough

(The screen shows Brian and Stewie in the hallway)

Stewie: What's going on?

Brian: She is evil

Stewie: I know, isn't she amazing?

Brian: No, I mean she is a bad influence

Stewie: Brian, look I know she doesn't like, but that is no reason to label her until you get to know her and besides she hasn't tried to get rid of you

Brian: Not yet

(Brian opens the door and sees Kanisha eating bones)

Kanisha: Oh,, a few FBI agents came and I gave them a welcome

Brian: You skinned them

Kanisha: Yeah, don't you smell the soup

Stewie: Oh my, I have to say it's smells delightful

Kanisha: Yeah, it was, but Stewie it isn't for the faint of heart

Stewie (drinks the soup by the table): Oh my, it tastes like a ride on a rollercoaster dipped with a taste of high authority, you are a master chef

Kanisha (blushes): Aww

Brian: Stewie, how can you eat that?

Stewie: Brian, how can I not? It's so good, you have to eat that

Brian (walks to Kanisha): You are sick

Kanisha: Please, you were an activist for animals, then you quit and keep products made by animals, trust me you aren't a saint and trust I have seen all your history

Brian: I have done good as well

Kanisha: True, but man the bad stuff you do make such funny stories and you really need to delete your search history because that is just sad

Brian: Wait, how did you get into my computer

Kanisha: I didn't my brain is half computer (glowing eyes) and you are one sick puppy, should I say your history alphabetically

Brian (Covers Kanisha's mouth): No please, no

Stewie: Brian, everybody already know

Brian: I found some new ones

(Kanisha rolls her eyes

Brian: Not a word

(Brian walks away)

(Kanisha yawns and eats the rest of her soup)

Peter: Do I smell soup?

(Kanisha lays on the floor like a cat)

Peter: When did we get a new pet?

(Kanisha looks up at Peter, walks away, and sleeps under Stewie's table)

Stewie: I don't blame you

Peter: Hey, little guy, who's your new friend? (Looks under the table) Come here

Stewie: I wouldn't do that

Peter: Come on, she's just shy, come out

(Kanisha yawns and a sonic scream comes out that blast him to the kitchen)

Peter: Hey, how did I get into this wonderful place?

Stewie: You always do that, while you are sleeping?

Kanisha (sleepily): Nah, I just wanted him away from me

Stewie: Nicely done, well rest well

Kanisha (sleepily): Thank you, Stewie (closes her eyes)

(The episode ends with "To Be continued")