Chapter Six

Sleep last night was terrible, it was riddled with nightmares from the past that left me turning and moaning in my sleep until five o clock in the morning when I couldn't take it any more and just got up from the bed.

I felt like a zombie and looked like one when my eyes encountered my face on the bathroom mirror. There was no life in my eyes and the bags underneath my lower lids felt like shopaholic shopping bags.

I felt tired like I needed sleep for days but I know inside that is not what my body needs. Today is my first day at my new job, maybe work can help me forget, help me find something else to focus on.

With a strong sheer will I have managed not to think about last night and who I saw and I would have been successful in living the dream that he was merely a figment of my imagination if Iseul hadn't raced about him all night.

He was all that she talked about, his looks, his gentleman behaviour. That one I scoffed at, if only she knew the devil that lay underneath the gentleman suit.

My disdain for what she believes to be my knight in shinning amor totally flew right through her enamoured head. It is either she couldn't tell how bloody uncomfortable I was about her incessant chat about the bloody hood Samaritan because she was so lost in her crush, or she is so in love with her own voice that she couldn't pick up on my discomfort.

I will go with the first.

I was given a reprieve when I plead headache and turned in early. Iseul had wanted to know what happened but I managed to evade that one and she didn't insist.

I walked into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. I didn't bother with the lights because frankly I was too tired to be bothered. There was lights from the neighbouring houses streaming through the glassy windows that gave me a bit of lighting.

Once I had my coffee in hand I made my way to the window to stare outside. I wasn't looking at anything in particular, because my view was mostly other buildings, but it gave my mind something to do. I let it wonder without being specific and when my thoughts wanted to be specific I forced it to another direction, like work.

I wondered what my new boss is like. I hadn't done my research on him, the company I did, one of the most thriving companies in Korea, actually the richest. I was surprised to get the job because I read about their hiring pool and the kind of employees that they go for, of which I am sure that the other applicants had more of those qualifications than me.

The job was supposed to be an escape for me. A way for me to start afresh after so many years of hiding and that is why I didn't do much research about it and just took the job.

The kitchen light flickered on and then I heard Iseul yell. I turned to see her clutching her chest with a terrified look on her face.

"Girl, are you trying to give me a heart attack? What are you doing lurking around in the dark?" Her brown eyes narrowed suspiciously at me like she suspected me doing something nefarious.

"Having coffee," I answered with a deadpan expression. She stared at me like what the fuck before shaking her head and moving to the coffee machine to get a cup of coffee for herself. I made enough for the both of us.

"How are you?" She asked as she poured her coffee, before she looked up towards me as if expecting to see how I feel on my face.

Of course she is not going to see anything. I have mastered the habit of hiding my emotions because of my family. Their over protectiveness, worry and fussiness meant that I had to pretend a lot of times that everything was fine to get them of my back. Just like I am doing right now.

"I am good." I didn't look at Iseul. It is hard maintaining eye contact when you are lying.

"Do you want breakfast?" She changed the subject. I don't know why she is not insisting that I talk to her, because I am sure she could clearly see that something is not right, even though I am doing my best to hide it, but I am not complaining.

I wasn't hungry, I only eat once in a day, sometimes none at all. My therapist tried everything to get me to eat more, even my family but I just couldn't, no matter how much I try. Eating more than once in a day hurts my stomach.

I shook my head no.

"Thanks," I said politely taking my cup to the sink. There was a momentary awkward silence in which I filled it by rinsing my cup while Iseul drank her coffee.

"You don't have to thank me, it is not like I am doing you a favour or anything, Ji-a, you are one of my best friend and I am happy to have you here," she spoke into the silence.

I didn't say anything immediately, because I didn't have words to say. Since after the incident I have become this meek person that always says thank you or apologises even when there is no need for it.

I could feel Iseul eyes on me and I knew I needed to say something before the silence grew more awkward than it already is.

I looked up from my wet hands to my friend and said, "I know." My voice was soft and low pitch.

Iseul nodded and then turned to get busy with making something for herself.

"I will go and get ready," I excused myself.

My dressing this morning was a slightly lose black dress that fell three quarter of my legs, with a square neck shape that left my chest bare which I covered with a red scarf in a stylish tie, with my small slender feet covered in a black socks and slipped into a low heel red cover shoes. I left my hair flowing down my back but with a red barrette perched over my hair.

I gave myself a look in the mirror and thought I looked good enough. There was no make up on my face. I don't do that anymore.

When I came out Iseul was already out and dressed, which was impressive. She looked very good in her black coloured power suit and six inches heels, and her expensive perfume was all over the place.

"Do you want me to drop you?"

I shook my head.

"Thanks, I will go with the bus."

I am trying to overcome my anxiety in crowded places so the bus is something I have to do to show myself that I am healing. That there is been an improvement, that I have come a long way.

Outside the building Iseul and I parted ways. She headed to her car while I went to the roadside to wait for the bus. It wasn't an easy ride but I pulled through and got to work in one piece without having an episode.

At work they were having some sort of tutorial and touring for the new employees. I felt great inside swapping my employee ID through the gate pass.

During the tour I met two new employees, Myeong, average height, average looks, slightly overweight with a perky personality and a chatter box and Young-Chul, tall, lanky with feminine features, like Myeong he had a perky personality and talks a lot which meant that he and Myeong were absolutely made for each other.

Within ten minutes of meeting them I knew about their favourite food, song movie and pet names. And they both work for finance as a startup level. When they asked where I work and I told them their jaw hit the floor before Myeong eyes filled with envy and she went on to gush about my new boss. The most handsome man she has ever met and how she will give anything to have her kids.

Apparently every female working in the company wants him, not just because he was handsome but he also was kind and nice. I didn't care about my boss looks and all, but I was glad to hear his kind and nice. It wouldn't be nice working for someone who is obnoxious.

We were currently on the second floor and our tour guide, a guy from PR was saying something about the work ethics and the don'ts in the company when a buss started downstairs. Someone just walked in and is creating the buzz. There was a lot of excited chatter going on downstairs and most of the new employees upstairs turned around to look.

I didn't, wasn't interested.

After the tour we were dismissed back to our various work places. Myeong and Young-Chul forced a promise from me to meet for lunch which I reluctantly agreed.

As I walked through the floors heading for the top floor I felt a lot of eyes on me but did my best not to allow it rattle me. When I got to the office I will be using, a small cubicle which is an ante to my boss office, I dropped my bag and went to his door to check if he has arrived.

I knocked and was ordered to come in. I took a deep breath and opened the door and walked in. I had my eyes to the floor as I walked towards his desk and when I got close I raised my head to greet him and everything disappeared from my head when my eyes met his and gawked at him with a shocked terrified look on my face while every other part of me turned to ice.