from bad to worse
I went back to my room and I felt hopeless. The words marriage and wife ringing in my mind.
This is not how I pictured my marriage. Growing up I had this fantasy that one day I will be drowning in the ocean and then one cute price charming will save me and give me my first kiss , then we will fall in love. He would fight against all odds to have me. Take me out for dinner or walk with me in the park while holding my hand as we eat roasted corn or sugarcane , then he will ask me to close my eyes. He will draw a heart around me and kneel down ask me to open my eyes and there I will be standing in the middle of the heart and he will be down with a ring asking for my hand in marriage. Then I will say yes and bring him up to my embrace with tears of joy rolling down my cheeks . That was my perfect love story but as the Turkish proverb states; "Tanrı köpeklere dua kabul etseydi, gökyüzünden kemik yağardı." It translates to "If God were to answer dogs' prayers, bones would fall from the sky." So my prayers and wishes were not answered. With this thought I smiled painfully.
I remembered when I started feeling the need to love . I always wanted the perfect relationship but I was only eighteen years old with a whole lot of responsibilities, I basically did not have time so If someone invited me for a date I would miss or just turn them down because I would be busy working . Men would just dump me after I miss the first date while others would try to get another chance some were lucky to get my chance but only for one coffee date then it will just never happen again. At 23 , I decided to get into a serious relationship. I fell in love . I really wanted to spend the rest of my life with peter. He was cute,God fearing , smart and most importantly, he was very patient and understanding or so I thought . He never asked me out, he understood that I had to work to survive, he loved my natural looks and unkept hair . He also loved my poor dressing code and luck of style. I was lucky to have him and I was willing to do anything to keep him. So I would go to His house every weekend to clean and cook for him. I was never a drama queen and I never wanted to make him feel uncomfortable, so I would just do whatever he said and he made me his slave without my knowledge. He cheated on me with my boss, this caused me my job but he came back and said, that my boss seduced him and he slept with her but she meant nothing to him. "Joy you are all that I want, I love you and I will never love another woman you are mine Joy please don't let small things break what we have". Guess what? I forgave him but I lost my job so I brought all my things to his house and since I couldn't live with him because we were not married yet, I had to go back to the village and he promised to support me. I ended up depending on him for everything, including sanitary pads and body lotion. He would invite me to his house every two week to clean and cook for him. In the village I could sometimes do some casual work and get some money to make my hair or buy a cheap bag or shoes but whenever I go to peters place with these stuffs he would ask me where I got the money to buy them and accused me of cheating.
We would fight and he would win and I will apologize and the life continued. Things started getting weird, whenever I go to his house I would find ladies lipsticks or earrings, but he will brush me of with some lame explanation on how those stuffs got there and then he will say " Joy if you want this to work you need to trust me. I love you Joy, only you." I was so naive so I would just apologize for misunderstanding him and I kept on loving him.
The situation never got better, he kept on doing worse. I started getting used condoms women's panties or artificial Nails on his bed . His kitchen was full of pizza boxes and Minute Maid bottles or fish or steak leftovers while the only thing I would cook whenever I was in is house was ugali , sikua wili(kales) and scrambled eggs. He never ordered any pizza for me or even buy meat for me to cook because he was trying to "save for our future". " Baby you know you are my ride or die , please let's just budget now because I am trying to save for our future. I don't want you to suffer when we get married ". As usual I will just agree and he would will say he loves me . Yes I was naive. I was too afraid to let him go because we had dated for three years. I felt like he knew me and accepted me the way I was. At least he didn't ask about my favorite color and my age. However, he didn't ask me for a date either. For three years in a relationship, I had never gone out with my boyfriend, no coffee, no movie night no dinner date. I also had never received a gift from him. No flowers no chocolates. Not even potatoes chips for valentine. He never held my hand and walk with me on the street but I was so willing to spend my life with him. One day we we're having a conversation about his brother's ex girlfriend and he said " my brother only cheated once and he was dumped. Some girls will never take shit from a guy. Not like others girls who will just stay even when they are not wanted". I felt like he was trying to tell me something. That same night his friend from Uganda video called him on WhatsApp and as they we're having their conversation he mentioned me and asked him if he would like to see me. When I took the phone I was shocked. He had actually saved a picture of a beautiful girl as his WhatsApp wallpaper. This guy didn't even have a picture of me in his phone. My hands started shaking but I maintained my stability until I finished talking to his friend who only lied to my face. " sister Inlaw, it is nice to see you. You are the first girl peter has ever introduced to me . He talks about you all the time . Don't break his heart he adores you". Why are men like this? Anyway. I said thank you but that moment I woke up from all my stupidity. That night I started thinking about how I can live without Peter. The things he gives me, how could I get without him. I texted my friend from high school and asked her to find me a job , any job. The next morning she called telling me there was a nanny job in Nairobi. The salary was seven thousand Kenyan shillings per month. I accepted. I jumped out of bed and made pancakes for peter .
" I want to go home today peter". I said .
" sure beb I will give you transport money and some cash for you. Please iron my clothes before you leave, also I will be traveling to Uganda next week . When I come back I will call you to come and cook for me." His demands.
" ok beb I will see you then" I said knowing very well he's never going to see me again.
"I will miss you beb, I love you". He said kissing my forehead. He really misused the word love . That day I went home and the next day I traveled to nairobi to start a new journey. I prayed to God to give me wisdom and teach my heart not to fall in love again .
In the bustling city of Nairobi, as I started my new job as a nanny, the rhythm of life seemed to pick up its pace. The city's vibrant energy fueled my determination to leave behind the heartbreak that lingered from my past relationship with Peter. Every morning, as I navigated the crowded streets to reach my workplace, I felt a renewed sense of purpose, a fresh start awaiting me.
As I embarked on my new journey, I encountered diverse individuals whose stories intertwined with mine. The children I cared for became my solace, their innocent laughter echoing through my days, gradually healing the wounds left by Peter's betrayal. The challenges of being a nanny were numerous, but the joy of nurturing young souls outweighed every hardship.
One day, as I strolled through the city, I stumbled upon a small street food stall. The aroma of smokies , boiled eggs, chapati, and mandazi filled the air, reminiscent of the flavors of my homeland. Intrigued, I decided to treat myself, and in that moment, the warmth of the food mirrored the newfound warmth in my heart. It became a ritual—a small indulgence that marked my victories over the struggles I had faced. I started a street food stall too.
The months passed swiftly, and my street food venture flourished. The income steadily grew, empowering me to dream beyond the borders of Kenya. Inspired by a newfound resilience, I set my sights on Turkey, a land of opportunities that beckoned me with promises of a fresh start. With hard-earned savings, I approached an agent who assured me a culinary job in Turkey, complete with accommodation and transportation. I paid her with everything I had saved from my business and within three weeks I was ready to travel to Turkey.
Arriving in Turkey was a mix of excitement and uncertainty. The enchanting allure of a new beginning faded when I discovered the grim reality—my agent had deceived me. Instead of the promised culinary job, I found myself bound to a household in Diyarbakir, a slave to circumstances beyond my control. The initial shock and disappointment weighed heavily on my spirit, but within the confines of my new reality, a spark of determination ignited.
The unfamiliar landscapes of Diyarbakir became both a challenge and an opportunity. As I navigated through the complexities of my constrained existence, I found strength in unexpected places. The resilient spirit that had guided me through Nairobi's bustling streets became my companion once more. Despite my efforts to stay positive and focused on making a meaningful impact, my spirits were dampened when I found myself kidnapped and taken to an unfamiliar city. Now, a stranger is insisting on a forced marriage, thrusting me into the very aspects of life—marriage, relationships, and love—that I was trying to escape. It seems I've gone from bad to worse.