chapter one

Josephine's POV

I took a look at my dressing table. My collection of nail polishes are very impressive. I have glitters ,golden, silver, red,green & paints Scarlet red,violet,aqua blue,deepgreen,grey, brown & transparent. I look down at my toenails. Its now a shade of brown due to the lack of attention. After a long thought I decide to paint my fingernails.I decide on grey & transparent coat as baby steps towards my sanity. And as I began there it is....

My perspiration tripled. My abdomen contents bowled,a feeling of deja vu overtook me. Its like mountain sickness.... All again....I can't..I can't do this ...I throw those paints in the trash...I try to be conscious .....Whenever I try to do some thing that breaks down my invisible walls,when ever I try to blend in with all those people around me...it occurs.The same feeling.It starts sort of an apprehension. I feel all shivers and chills running deep down my spine.My breathing becomes heavy and labored.hyperpnoe...I feel sweat covering my temporal region...

I feel bereft....& everything disappears.Maybe this is what mom and my psychiatrist calls panic attack. I don't understand myself. I feel like I'm in a trance. After spiraling down my deep & dark fears I end up in the same white bed in the psychiatric hospital of my mom's best friend.

Each time when I gather myself and try to make a way out,I fall....down....deep.one step up and four steps down is my way of fighting. Yet,I'm a fighter. Somehow I'm stupid enough to believe Dr Annie ( my moms best friend & my personal guardian ) and never stop fighting.

I don't know how many hours went by.I'm up.My mom is sitting beside my bed.Its the same room, white walls and blue curtains.' Jose,are you okay' my mom's worried expression comes into my notice.

I don't understand how she could still be upset for me.She have had enough share of worry for a lifetime and another by now. My mom, Jessie,she's a botanist.She loves everything about plants. Its a thing I love about her that makes our home beautiful.My home....its too green.I want to go back there.

' mom,I'm fine.I just tried some thing new'My mother's i_ don't_know_what_to_tell_you_I'm_proud_&_I'm_worried expression comes into existence. I can tell she's confused herself.

Dr Annie opens the door with a thud that puts as out of our not_ so _ silent_yet _silent thought process.' Jose,you are good to go again, just have patience, trust yourself and try again'.Her smile is too appealing.

She's the only one who calls me Jose other than my mom.She knows each of our secrets. For mom ,she's my partner in crime these days. She's the one who prompted my mom to adopt me when I was a like a lost puppy in the streets. Her little counseling cessions were the only places where I spoke in front of an audience other than my mom , Annie & her parents.

Four years later

My mom and Annie finally convinced me for a drastic change. Its a millennium leap for me.We are moving to summerviles& I'm going to go to highschool as a normal girl.

With Annie's help I'm finally able to talk to people though my conversations last only for two seconds. But I can't still look at my partners eyes when I speak. Being able to stare at some one is my current biggest ambition.

Annie is too trasfering to summerviles.Its half of the continent apart from Jacksonville. My mom have also made a job in there as the assistant professor & botanist of biotech.info ,one of the best botanic firms.Shes is currently working on interior design of our new apartment there to convert it to a botanic garden.

we have been in this side of american continent from the time I can remember.Annie's parents Janet & Abel are the only people I will miss in summerviles.Abel,eighty is still an active taxi driver, Janet is my patron,my official guide & our home maker.

Janet is a very good story teller. I'm gonna miss her stories very much. She's an expert in realistic fiction. She tells me difficult things as simple stories.I love the heat & passion of her words.

Once I asked her why I don't have a dad.She told me a story. Jessie ,a teenage girl at twenty found her true love, Eden.He was a good boy,though mischievous loved her a lot.But just after their engagement she left her & disappeared in to thin air. She was imprisoned in the broken pieces of her own heart.If I recall her words ' love changes people, makes them someone stronger, better and powerful.'

Another bedtime story was about a girl Annie .She was so happy in her marriage with Harry,a vet_doc.she had two sons.Jhony & Jake.Then something happened & her husband went away with her children. When I was young we used to play together. Those were the only times I have made a playful notice With my vocal cords.

Anyways, as im leaving here for good, I plan to be more presentable in the new school ( actually the first.

Simultaneous with packing I painted my nails, shaved my legs,added more layers to my longhair. Annie colored it chocolate brown. (though I shivered through the entire process). I'm a natural redhead.I replenished my outdated wardrobe.We went on a shopping last day.For the first time, I chose deep shades of brightest colors.orange,red & violet.Also,I got three canvas pairs( I love canvases )I got two heels ,metallic golden & silver ( its a first ).I dont know when will I ever use all these ,but as I'm planning to change I prefer to do it complete & perfect.

I. bought four party dresses.two are back open ,they reach mid thigh.Annie is very optimistic about most of my deranged ideas.Jessie either stays silent or gawks at my new choices.

But both of them were gaping dumbfounded at my last outfit. The violet back open ,sideslitted,knee length tube dress.Seeing their auspicious expressions I confirmed its place in my wardrobe.

so,finally summerviles, here I come.....I'm sixteen. Simple teenager with no secrets at all to hide, no hideous past,no psychiatric consultation's. Josaphine gardener.