Intro, how it all began

"Blast it all!" The young cosmic clerk muttered, his fingers flying over the ethereal keyboard. Sweat beaded on his brow, or whatever passed for sweat in this realm beyond mortal comprehension. He'd been at it for what felt like eons, transferring stat points for Experiment 92E.

A booming voice nearly caused him to jump out of his celestial skin. "By the void, I've never seen anyone take so long to process 12 billion points! Your superior will hear of this, mark my words."

The clerk froze, his mind racing faster than a supernova. Something had gone terribly, catastrophically wrong, but admitting it now... well, that was a one-way ticket to soul-sucking, wasn't it?

Meanwhile, in another corner of the cosmic bureaucracy, a fresh-faced recruit known as 2.4^99 (Bob to his friends, all zero of them) stared at his assignment with growing dread.

His superior loomed over him, voice dripping with barely concealed glee. "Listen up, newbie. You've got 48 hours to distribute points to 8 billion souls. Fail, and... well, let's just say the soul-suckers are always hungry."

Before Bob lay three ominous buttons: 'Give person +1 point', 'Next person', and the deceptively innocent 'Give person remaining points'. With a gulp that echoed through the cosmos, he began his task.

Two days later, bleary-eyed and running on nothing but sheer terror and whatever passed for coffee in this realm, Bob reached the final soul. His finger hovered over the 'Give person remaining points' button, trembling with exhaustion and anticipation.

A warning flashed: 'Selected amount larger than previous allocations. Proceed?'

Too tired to process anything beyond "almost done," Bob hit confirm. The screen lit up: 'Successfully allocated 988B points.'

Relief washed over him like a cool cosmic breeze. Then, like a black hole opening in his stomach, realization struck. Billion? It should have been 15 points, maybe 20 tops, but... a billion?

Before he could even think about hitting the celestial panic button, his screen blazed with new text:

"Initiate Experiment 92E, Phase 1: Creation"

Somewhere in the grand circular chamber, Ezekiel, sovereign of this cosmic circus, was addressing his council, blissfully unaware of the clerical catastrophe unfolding.

"Welcome, my illustrious minions," he boomed, his voice rattling the very fabric of space-time. "I trust you're all aquiver with excitement for Experiment 92E?"

Elange, looking like an overeager cosmic puppy, practically levitated from his seat. "Oh yes, Your Magnificence! Operation 92E is primed and ready. We await only your divine word to set this cosmic show in motion!"

Ezekiel's pleased gaze swept over his servants, lingering on Elange with something akin to fondness. "Splendid work, all of you. Our experiments have flourished under your guidance. And Elange, you cosmic overachiever you, special kudos for taking the lead on 92E, our grand finale."

As applause erupted, only to be silenced by Ezekiel's raised pinky, a glowing globe materialized in the center of the table. Within it, a tiny spark danced, blissfully unaware of the cosmic clerical error about to turn its existence upside down.

"Now then," Ezekiel intoned, his voice dripping with dramatic flair, "let the cosmic curtain rise on Experiment 92E: Earth!"

And somewhere on that blue marble, nestled in the vastness of space, a boy named Ethan was about to wake up to a birthday that would redefine the very meaning of "power-up." Little did he know, he was about to become the biggest glitch in the history of divine experiments.