Chapter Eleven: “Given”

I don't know if I'm happy with these changes in my life or if I'm scared—scared to lose it or exactly losing him. Since that day, he has been around me, and it feels strange. Why does someone stay with me, greet me, eat with me, and walk me home? I still can't explain what he's doing. Another peaceful day at school; I was working on my homework during the break. I saw Raza walking around with his classmates; they had the same look and smile, so he was doing this with everyone else. Why did I even have the thought that I was special to him? Why do I even care about what he thinks about me? But something inside me wanted that smile to be only for me. I wanted him to be mine. When I was lost in my mind, he suddenly stood in front of me. Those eyes—what a curse they hold that makes me useless in front of them!

"When the classes are over, don't leave; I will come for you." He just threw these words out and left.

I didn't care about what he said, and I went to the class. As always, I got the feeling that something bad would happen. The class is over, all my classmates are out, and I was left alone there because, for some reason, I couldn't move. My body is shaking. The clouds are dark. Will it rain? I was so scared that I couldn't leave my place. I don't want to get any pain; this is what I was praying for. I heard that voice coming towards me.

"Please, don't come any closer, please. I'll stay here until the rain stops. Please, I don't want to get any pain anymore."

I was so desperate that I was begging for this. The shadow of him standing there—who is here? What does he want? I have nothing left to give; even my soul is falling apart when my skin touches others skin.

"I said that I would protect you; don't be afraid; I'm here now; you can breathe".

I was so scared that I forgot to breathe.

"RAZA" was the only word that left my mouth.

"I knew from the forecast that it would rain. I know how much you fear rain; that's why I told you to wait for me here".

I looked into his eyes; they are a little bit different; they're not the usual colors, but they're still warm. We were silent most of the time when he finally decided to speak.

"So explain to me why it hurts you when your skin touches other skin".

I was speechless. I didn't expect him to be the first to ask this question.

"I have no idea; being around people scares me; touching people scares me; whenever my skin connects with other skin, I feel a horrible pain; it's like it took a part from me, a part from my soul." He didn't respond to what I said.

Then I added "And you, you have changed". He smiled and said,

"No, I didn't change. When we were in primary school, kids were afraid of me because of my eyes, but now everyone is finding them amazing and beautiful. "It's people around us who changed; isn't it so funny?"

He moved closer to me. He put his forehead on mine using his sleeves so he wouldn't touch me. He looked closely into my eyes, and he said:

" MARA "It was only you who didn't change; you always looked at me the same way. I don't know if you are scared or wanting them; I can't tell what your eyes are trying to say; there is nothing I can read in those eyes."

I was so stunned by his eyes that I couldn't answer what he just said. Only tears on my cheeks didn't stop; why won't it stop?

"You were born for me; you were given for me,"" he said out loud. His words stabbed me too hard—a strange knock into my soul. Is that the stab of light I was waiting for after a gloomy day?