You Would Be Happy To See Me
Selah lay in her bed. Her anxiousness grew as time went by. It was already late at night and perhaps the duke would come at any moment. She tried sleeping but the thought of sharing a bed with a strange man brought immense disgust within her body.
'Please don't come here,' she chanted, not wanting the duke to even enter this room.
Time flew by, Selah stayed on guard for more than an hour. At last, her eyelashes fluttered as she gave up to drowsiness.
Halfway through sleeping, Selah twitched her nose, feeling something patting it. 'Stop it,' she murmured when the same itching returned.
She turned her head to the other side, hearing a familiar voice calling her, "Selah! Wake up."
Selah opened her eyes. Her heart beat fast. Kahan? Is it him? Her eyes darted over the room. "It's time to wake up. It's already 7 in the morning." His sweet and caring voice travelled through the dimly lightened room, like a mellow tree swaying in the cool breeze.
Selah nearly fell head down from excitement when she got up. The voice seemed so real that she inspected the room a few times but found no one inside. Her expecting heart pricked as though she was hallucinating.
She froze, shoulder dropped. 'I clearly heard his voice!' Her body trembled at the thought. She walked out of the room, marching through the empty corridor while checking every corner for Kahan's presence. 'Where are you?' Her eyes swelled with unspoken longing. She fastened her steps to search faster.
As she was to turn to the left, she crashed into something or precisely—someone. Selah distanced herself from the maid and walked to continue looking.
"Duchess, duchess."
She halted in her steps and turned to the maid who called her nonstop, displeased at being stopped from searching. The maid was scared as she looked at her from head to toe. "Your grace had come out in this early morning wearing a thin robe? Do you need anything to be prepared?" the elderly maid said, standing beside her.
The gentle look of the woman eased Selah's frown. She stared at herself and her face burned up, ashamed of her actions. She was only wearing a thin pink nightdress. What a disgrace!
"Were you looking for the duke?" the old maid asked.
Selah wanted to shake her head, but seeing the weird situation she was in, she responded with a short nod, not forgetting to take several glances backwards.
"The duke had something to do. He went for a trip for a few days," the maid explained though she wasn't interested in knowing that man's itinerary. The only goodness this news brought was getting rid of the duke for a few days to make a plan for her next move. The maid accompanied her to the room, Selah forced a faint smile, bidding farewell to the old woman.
As soon as she closed the door, Selah's body slid to the floor like a piece of wood. Her heart as if pricked with numerous needles, hurt like the previous few days, months and the past year. The tears flowed from her eyes like a river. She was hallucinating about seeing him. It was the first time she felt this close to him that's why she followed after the shadow of their memories together. She never had those dreams in real life.
After getting her emotions out, she wiped her face with the back of her hand and went to the bed once again, lay there and covered herself with a thin white blanket. Her body was still trembling from the burst of emotions a while ago.
'Wake up, Selah. Kahan is dead. You are slowly losing your mind,' she reprimanded herself to accept the reality sooner because it would affect her and cause her to be more depressed than she was.
Selah woke up again when the sun was high in the sky. She freshened up, changed her clothes and went to have a late breakfast. The meal this time was peaceful and tasty. After finishing, she took a tour of the mansion-like castle. The ceilings were high, and the rooms were vast. There was even a great hall in the centre for events, next to it stood a towering library with books in various domains. Although it was old and the technological development was far more lacking, she still enjoyed picking random books and then reading them.
Selah was awed by the servants' behaviour toward the duchess. They were all kind and full of smiles whenever they greeted her, some of them exchanged some gossip with her. It seems that the duchess was a social person. It was no wonder the servants cast her strange gazes since yesterday.
Selah headed to the garden which differed from what she had seen the previous night. The flowers were brighter as if they were chanting their happiness in the cool weather. She walked through the cobblestone pathways between the landscapes, arriving at a flowing artificial pond, next to it stood a gazebo. The round wooden table stood in the middle boarded by six chairs.
She sat looking at the breathtaking scenery. The sound of running water went deep into her ears, making her remember the time when she and Kahan went on their honeymoon trip. They went on a beautiful ride in the river.
"Duchess."
Helena's voice snapped her out of her thoughts, making her jolt. "What happened?" she asked, frowning. They were always interrupting her whenever she thought of Kahan.
"There was a letter sent to you," Helena responded guiltily, handing her the letter. "Shall I bring tea and some delicacies to you?"
Selah answered with a low hum. She examined the letter thoroughly wondering that the communication between people was still with letters. She opened the white paper and began to read.
Dear Sister,
I asked Lady Emily for her opinion about our relationship as our reunion was arranged by our parents long ago before their death. She answered with a red face that she initially agreed to our marriage. I was so happy to hear those words that I went directly to her parents to fix a nearby date for our wedding party. I can't wait to make her my wife as soon as possible…
Your most loving and dear brother, Sean.
Selah read the long speech of her so-called brother. A faint smile imprinted on her lips from his childish letter. He was a bit silly for someone who intended to get married. But soon, the smile was wiped as she remembered her brother, Jan, in the real world.
She pressed the letter in her hand tight, till it crumbled. She stood and went to her room, thinking that she had now a reason to leave the mansion and maybe to run away too.
Three days had passed like the previous ones. Nothing changed in Selah's life but the location. The emptiness in her heart, the long periods of looking in a trance and the several sighs were still the same.
As she closed her eyes to sleep, she felt a hand reaching to hug her waist. Being always alert since she came here, Selah distanced herself. Her heartbeats rose higher, and she looked in the dark to distinguish who entered the room. The strong perfume she smelled from the duke's coat made her stomach churn.
As she was about to retreat, her hand was grabbed. The duke brought her into a tight embrace. Her body stiffened as she struggled to free herself. "Let go!" she screamed, but the man tightened his grip.
"Are you still angry?" the duke's cold voice beside her ear made her body stiffen even more.
"No. stay away from me," she begged. Her shaking voice broke into helplessness. The duke freed her, and she took the chance to flee from his grasp.
"What happens? Can I not hug you?"
The question caused Selah's stomach to churn even more. She gulped, took a deep breath and shifted her gaze away.
"I thought you would be happy to see me since you woke up early looking for me three days ago," he said, walking closer.
Selah regretted nodding to the old woman days ago. She retreated her steps till her back crushed into the wall. "Stay away," she ordered, looking at the duke's gleaming dark blue eyes.
The duke walked ahead, trapping her between the wall and his towering body. Selah caught her breath and froze in her place. As he put his hand over her shoulder, her body moved to the right side, leaving his hand hanging in the air.
"What do you want?" he asked. This time his voice was colder than the coldest night in the northern polar.
"Leave me alone," Selah responded, looking straight into his eyes.
The duke gazed at her for a moment. She lowered her head, caressing her arms. A little later, the man walked toward the door, leaving her alone. Selah sucked in a sharp breath, then dragged her heavy body to the bed. Her heart thumped endlessly.