The Beginning

Aziel cracked up madly like a madman. Tears are dripping at the corners of his eyes after recalling the memories that he spent with her those 2 short months. Blissful and happy with her.

Though no matter how many tears he lets out, it will never erase the yearning he has for her.

He longed for her. The gentle hands that has touched him ever so loving. The smile that dazzled him every time she greeted him every morning. The laughs that erupt from her from the shallowest things, her face that adorably scrunches up whenever she pretends to be mad at him.

The eyes that saw through him, inside out.

He missed her.

She was a blessing to him. A guiding star that gave his life direction, a purpose.

He took sight of her full red evening dress, elegantly ruffled and off shoulders with a length that reached the floor. It was simple, devoid of any sequins or patterns. Yet it does not ease the violent storm in his heart nor does it ease his intense attraction to her.

She was gorgeously glowing, almost angelic. Always too good for him.

She was more than conventionally attractive. Yes. She arose not only his rational instincts but also his irrational ones. He longed to touch her, to convey to her his ever-growing intense love physically. Gentle yet passionate and deep.

But is the beauty she possesses the main driving force he was deceived? Is the body she possesses the persuasive bait she lay to build an illusion of love? Is the love she showed him a delusion of memories he solely remembers now?

Was the connection a tale that he one-sidedly got affected by?

'What changed? Was he not enough? Was he always that incapable of keeping the one he loved by his side? Keeping her by his side?' Questions rooted from his deep insecurities. She dug and pulled hard at the surface. She was the only one who could hurt him like this.

"Was it all a game to you? You toying with my heart when we were together? Does it bring you contentment to know of my desperation as I rummage the earth to its ends to find you? I frantically, desperately, painfully suffering, finding you. How every day seems to pass by for everyone, yet I was left there immensely worried at the thought of you being hurt, sick or in pain even. always tormented with guilt at the thought of you suffering for all the evil deeds I have committed"

He asked her icy cold, beyond furious and overwhelmed with all the feelings she made him feel again after all these years.

Unaware of the tears flowing out from his eyes.

But the girl in front of him looked at him indifferently, she looked at him like he was a stranger.

A stranger who she met just had now. He felt like he was nothing as she looked at him.

A bothersome case of an unhinged man who is breaking down in front of her. He was a mad man, there was no denying that.

A few seconds between them boring into each other passed. One who is overwhelmed with bitter, blazing fury waiting to erupt. He wanted to show how angry he was, he wanted to hurt someone, but he couldn't hurt her. He cannot. His fury was pushed further by her indifferent reaction to him.

After seemingly thinking of how to handle such a scenario, carefully and thoughtfully her expression finally changed, breaking into a small smile, her eyes soft and gentle. Like she now remembered who he was.

Has it always been so effortless for her to smile and act like she cared?

"It's been a while, Aziel", she smiled at him with that usual stunning smile she puts on, and he didn't even know anymore if it was real.

He desperately hoped it was real. The blazing fury he feels is eased by such a simple, effortless smile. He was still so in love with her.

Yet, it feels one-sided. He felt so insignificant infront of her. That it took time for her to remember him, it agonized him. That he was nothing to her. She ignored everything he felt. She ignored the heartache and bitterness he expressed. Has she always been like this? Ignorant to his feelings and pleas.

She has always been carefree, unsuspecting, innocent. Now he wasn't sure anymore if she was truly the woman he fell in love with.

"You've changed. How are you?" The audacity. To continue playing house with him. To act like she cared.

He believed that time would heal his broken heart at first. Yet, 2 years have passed. He thought that within time he would get over her. But even after brushing shoulders and conversing with strangers, he can't name them. He realized her significant impact on how he perceived things. He changed and so did she, and so did the way he loved her.

Though his love is intense and deep. It wasn't the same as before.

He wanted it all for himself, Her love. He wanted to bound her to him eternally.

Astraea was not his first love nor his first girlfriend, she wasn't any of that pure puppy love.

But, she was the woman he truly, unselfishly, unconditionally loved. He was ready to give his whole being, he was willing to change for her, but she left him. She broke not only his trust, but him as a person.

She understood and comforted and helped him at his worst. She accepted his darkest layers.

And that made him unwilling to let go.

2 months might be a shorttime for others, but for him, it was enough to fall for her, to the point of madness.

"You care so greatly about me, don't you? I would ask how you have been, but it is transparent as glass that you are way happier than you were ever with me"

If she truly ever cared, she would've never left. Never would've abandoned him. The idea that it was all a disguise felt like his brain was being scraped inside out, slowly, tauntingly, deeply. Each millimeter and millisecond of it is felt by him. Did she need to cut and break the already fractured pieces of him again?

"I know you remember! You cannot forget it, I won't allow you to!" the blazing hot fury he had, exploded after all.

Good. Her soft facade should not become weakness. It won't become an obstacle.

"Did you even care about me during those months, or was I just your entertainment? A toy to occupy time? TELL ME! WAS. I. EVER. A. PERSON. TO. YOU?!"

He felt so deceived, like he was an experimental rat that willingly walked in her trap. He was getting hysterical. Nearing violent. He doesn't want to hurt her. Even such notion squeezed his heart.

He wants to believe that this was just a big misunderstanding caused by the distance and lack of communication. He wished it was all a mischievous prank, with rewards to reap at the end. He tried his very best to think of all the reasons, all the possibilities. But, he himself knew It was a excuse. A way to comfort himself.

And as much as he wants her to lie, he himself knows her blunt honesty attracted him to her. But that itself was an act to deceive him. If it wasn't they would never end up at this scenario.

"I know you have a lot of questions," she said to him with a hesitant smile "And I want to comfort you, to explain myself to you. Aziel, I don't care what others see me as. How they perceive me, But you Aziel- Aziel, I truly loved you. But it's not as simple as you think. The world doesn't revolve around you and me"

"Astraea, I could careless about the world. I have murdered innocent people and I will continue to do so if it brings you back to me. That's why I need you to tell me... tell me that the love you gave me was genuine. I need to know if my purpose still wants me. I need your assurance. Tell me that they're all lying, swear to me that you still love me and you will never be tired of loving me!"

Astraea's facial expression had changed. She was skeptical, but she was mostly hurt. Her own eyes started to sting from seeing Aziels Aziel's endless tears. It also pains him to see him hurt.

For Aziel, no matter what she says, it will be alright. Because if she truly has fallen out of love with him. He can still make her fall for him, again. No. Forget about making her fall slowly and gently. He will pull hard. Isolate her from everybody else. Be the only person she sees and knows and loves. He will be her world. Because she is all he needs, and he will be all she needs.

"Please, Aziel. Let me go."