32 My Love, I'm sorry
I needed a few guidelines that were on it and realised that I was only exaggerating and realised my mistakes. Mercy was on the phone I really don't know what she was on about, whether she was searching or getting tips of how to keep the fire burning in your marriage? She would smile to herself and there I realized that she was not in the internet but on social network busy flirting with his husband and I got realised that I was missing J.R too. The half an hour she promised to me, not to text her husband had not reached but she decided too.
"Girl my hubby is on the way" said smiling to herself foolishly.
"What? Are they both coming back?" I probed, I was so nervous I wasn't really prepared to see him. Not sure about his reaction, how he would be towards me.
"Actually, he said that your man is upset, he looks really sad, he's not even on a mood for any conversation, that's why he's only returning alone!" she explained. "The fight between the two of you must have got into him, girl you need to sort things out with your man, I know you love the guy. Please don't let petty fights get between the two of you. I begg You"
"I understand what you saying honestly, i'm actually in the wrong here. I wonder how he is right now".
"Yes! Or you want me to ask Trevor to take a snap pic of him drowning in sorrows?"
"Girl! Don't say that he's drowning in sorrows…"
"Ok how should I put it then? How saddening his face looks like?"
"Girl it seems like you are enjoying every minute of what's happening… aren't you?"
"My dear friend how could you even think of that?"
"It's the way you are going on that's why."
"Ok I apologize for my mistakes… are you sure you don't want him to take that picture though?"
"Yes! I'm sure, I created this mess so I have to fix it on my own" I walked towards the floor to ceiling window and gazed outside.
"Ok then, if that's ok with you, I'll text Trevor to return, he'll find me on our suite"
"Wait! Before you leave, where are they hanging around?"
"They're downstairs at the bar"
"Ok! Thanks for everything, you go and be with your man"
"Are you sure, you'll be alright when I'm gone?"
"You've done much already my dear, I'll manage thanks"
"Girl are you sure about what you saying right now?" Mercy was really concerned.
"Yes I'm ok dear…" I had to assure her. I can't burden her with my marriage issues. It wasn't right of me to stall her from her own happiness.
Just when Mercy got out of the room, suddenly there was a frightening lighting and thundering in the sky, which took almost one and a half hour. I texted Mercy to check if Trevor had returned back to their suite but she didn't reply, so I decided to call her, to my surprise Trevor answered her phone.
"Hey Mrs Radebe, how are you doing in this rainy weather" he said. By then the thunder wasn't that too much and scary as it was when it started.
"Hi Mr H, can I please get hold of your lovely wife Mrs Hlatshwayo?" I enquired.
"My lovely wife just went to the bathroom, do you want me to take a message for her?" he inquired.
"No not really, I was actually calling to check if you had returned already" I said. My voice was quivering. I couldn't contain the pain and hurt that I felt during that moment.
"Oh, so that means you have found the answers that you were looking for then" he jested.
"Yeah" I said.
"Lindy, you don't sound happy, I tried to sound silly through this conversation but you still sound inflexibly…" he said.
"I'm uhm sorry I didn't mean to worry you of that matter…" before I could even finish speaking. Trevor spoke with concern.
"Well, you know you can talk to me… what's wrong?"
"Um love that's my phone, who you talking too?" probed Mercy. I could hear her from the other end of the lidoor. H
"Lindy am listening!" he said.
"J.R hasn't returned yet and I am afraid of lightening" I then took a deep breath trying to calm myself down. But tears welled up into my eyes, I tried maintaining them but all I could do was to wipe them.
"Jesus! Lindy, you do know that it's dangerous to be on the phone when there's lightening, don't you?"
"What was supposed to do? My husband is not with me here and am frightened." I tried explaining to Trevor. He was a good listener. So was J.R I guess that's why they became friends in the first place.
"I hope you not sitting by the window Lindy" said Mercy.
"I'm actually sitting by a dark corner" I said.
"I understand, now make that call to him, I know for a fact that he knows your fears" said Trevor.
"Um could you please try and call him for me?" Earlier on before Trevor answered Mercy's phone, I have tried calling J.R, it seemed like he wasn't interested in speaking to me. That's when I had to call Mercy on her phone.
"Lindy! J.R is in a bad space and if I were to call him in your behalf, that would only make things worse, the question would be, 'why my wife has called you not me' you understand what I mean right?" he said.
By that time heavy droplets of tears were flowing slowly on my cheeks. In my mind I had some questions and answers that I even told myself that I deserved what would ever happen and also happening by that time. I blamed myself for everything. I was shaking and frightened by the things I don't know and that might happen to me that evening. J.R knows very well that I'm scared of lightening but he chose to stay away from me just to punish me for my last night's behaviour. I didn't have a choice he's my husband and I had sworn in front of hundreds of people that I love him and will stand by him no matter what. I then took the courage to text him.
"#My love I am so sorry, can you please return to your lovely wife who misses you so dearly and you totally miss so bad xoxo"#
He didn't even bother to reply back, I waited in the dark, I was so scared to move away from that dark corner, even to just light up the candles. After 10 minutes, after I have sent the text, A middle height figure opened the door and walked in. I began to be afraid. The figure was that of J.R. Even so I was shaking thinking that he might be drunk, because he has a history of drinking his sorrows away whenever he's sad, but then he wasn't, surely marriage does changes one's character.
I got up from the spot I was kind of hiding and rushed towards him to give him a hug, just like a little child running towards his or her mother to welcome her home. That was my reaction towards him. I wrapped my arms around him, but J.R was still upset. He didn't even have the nerve to hug me back. I felt so little that I held back from him in shame. My heart was beating so fast. In my mind I told myself that I won't let go until we resolved this matter between us.
"I missed you babe" I said.
"Yeah I missed you too" he said these words, he was not even looking at me but focusing on lighting up the candles. He then went to stand by the big window glass and starred at the rain. I calmed myself and got closer to him, but he seemed not interested in me and he walked away to pour a soft drink. He definitely was torturing me silently, silent treatment is so painful, even worse his behaviour was so annoying. What was hurting most was that I kept on following him like a mosquito being a nuisance towards him. But then I didn't want him to see that I was hurting.
I decided to go to the bathroom just to ease the pain that I was feeling. I said to myself 'running away won't solve anything, it's not a solution, and yes I love that man. I have married him because I wanted to build a life and have a future with him. My crying won't help me or solve the tension that is between us' I got up and tried to have some courage. When I got out, I found him starring throughout the window, watching the rain. I walked slowly towards him again and wrapped my arms around him.
"What are you doing" he enquired.
"Am cuddling to my husband" I replied.
"Oh I see" he said, and I continued to caress his abs.
"My love…" I said "please forgive me for my behaviour, now I understand that it was uncalled for, please forgive me" he then became silent for a while and he took a deep breath.
"Lindy! I have loved you from the very day I have laid my eyes on you…" he said.
