She is Perfection

Squeaaaaaak

The front door opened and an excited Miggery skipped through making a beeline for the Xerox corner. Her body jiggled in excitement. She pushed her cleaning gear to the side.

"There's another one Bertha!" She exclaimed into her hot pink flip phone.

"It says...Miggery-" She read.

"-you are f-fine aged wine on a Sun-Sunday afternoon. You are the morning dew on a Leelak field. I yarn for you with the fire of a thousan' flamin' suns."

"Ooooohooooooo," she squealed.

You see, Helomoto had fallen deeply for Miggery L. Gold. Although he was married in his previous life, it was nothing but a political alliance. After his wife produced their good-for-nothing heir, they stopped talking and he swore off women. He concluded they were nothing but distracting, he had bigger fish to fry.

But there was something about Miggery that pulled him in. She was not an easy woman to love. She was not young or beautiful - she was difficult and obstinate. She was the opposite of graceful and did not compromise. But it was these characteristics that made her a perfect fit. She broke the system, she made people play by her own rules and she did not give a flying toot what people thought of her.

She left a long paper trail of everything she did online. She used her real name on all her accounts, she didn't fear anybody or anything. Most recently Helomoto found her account on LookingforSugar.

"Lookin 4 a sugar momma, daddy, nephew etc. to spoil me, pamper me with massajes, luxiry travel and goods.

What I will giv in return: Will say kind things to encourage you to pamper me more. Absolutely nothing fizical and won't spend more than 15 minutes on dates and you gotta pay for them period," she wrote confidently on her bio as though there was a line of people begging to court her.

"You hog," Helomoto thought. He had been unable to hold in his fascination for her and had written her several letters, pretending to be a secret admirer in the office who was too shy to confront her with his feelings. The problem was that he could only pen his letters when he was placed by the computer on the Xerox corner.

"You think Helman wanna meet me soon, Bertha?" asked Miggery.

Her reading was subpar and she couldn't get through Helomoto's unusual name so she settled on Helman.

She was starting to get impatient with Helman's slow pace.

But he had a whole plan in place. He had created an email account under the name "Helmena Moto" and had been sending some emails around. It was a mystery account and no one in the office fully knew who the owner was, although everyone had their own idea. They enjoyed the entertainment nonetheless. It had turned into a little gossip blog run by "Lady Helmena."

Most recently he emailed Hector and told him that he could set him up with Melon in exchange for 50$ placed by the printer.

Hector, being enamored by Melon, eagerly complied.

Helomoto then printed his letter for Miggery and at the end of it he gave instructions:

"Although I would love nothing but to hold your hand and look into your eyes, my anxiety is preventing me from meeting with you in person. You are, afterall, perfection. My knees would not keep me still in front of perfection." He wrote.

"With your permission, I would like to take you to dinner," he wrote, "I have placed $50, a remote control stapler and an alphabet printed on a piece of paper all by the printer. Take these to Horton's on Sunday evening at 8 pm and I will communicate with you through the stapler and the alphabet he wrote."

He hoped Horton's had a nice atmosphere, it was the only restaurant he heard the office staff discussing.

"PPPPPPFFFFFFFFTTTTT"

"A remote control stapler," roared Miggery, "who does he think he is??

Of Course he's nervous to meet me Bertha, who wouldn't be, I'm perfection.." she flicked her wrist.

"...but this is ridiculous."

She crammed the 50$ in between her bosom.

"Okay, but what if he stops giving me stuff if I don't take the damn stapler?" she spits into her phone, biting into her pastrami sandwich.

"Come on Miggery, take me with you!" Helomoto begs.

"Fine I'll do it, but he better triple this money next time," she exclaims into the phone as she throws Helomoto into her cleaning cart.