Ch. 103 Dungeon Spirit?

With a thud and the sound of stone being scratched I landed on the other side of the portal. Looking around I had two questions. Where all the rats and moss at? Two... What's that sound?

*Ding*

You ding yourself this isn't a place for brass instruments.

"Welcome to the dungeon Mr.Monster." Looking around for the voice that's very obviously in my head I shrug and begin to discuss politics with myself. Wait... Why can I understand this dude Ellie isn't present. I don't know the language.

"I'ma spirit speaking through telepathy languages don't exist in telepathy only thought and thought is a thing anything with a soul has and can understand." What if I think in another language? Or I intentionally attempt to think in a language that doesn't make sense what if my thought is gibberish?

"Huh? Whats with all the questions?" Don't judge me bodiless voice of a sentient object. I'ma questionable guy. So I'll quest you. Or whatever.

"Ok... So you wanna hear about my cool dungeon features?" Sure I guess what's a dungeon?

"Sentient cave or building or object and sometimes lifeform that uses mana to make an environment inside itself. Sometimes to kill sometimes for fun sometimes out of boredom." Oh ok. So are you like a reincarnation of some Japanese dude or what?

"What's a Japanese?" So no...

"What's reincarnation?" So no again.

"What's a dude?" What?

"Ok so I've got all these cool features like I can scan the body of my visitors to give them a progress chart to show their growth. Your a monster though so that's not an option for you." Why are you telling me about stuff that isn't an option for me?

"I can also direct and change the levels and monster patterns based on your experience and level. For instance I can make someone whose too strong or having too easy of a time die instantly or be swarmed by a group of millions of monsters or even close off both entrances to the room they are in and then close all the walls of said room around them. Your a monster though so I don't have to do any of that." Again stop telling me about stuff that doesn't effect me. Also... Scary.

"As a monster I can show you what danger level you are considered by the local populace. I can also direct you to adventurers who are currently exploring. I can even force other monsters to listen to your commands." Uhm... Weird. Why do I need to enslave monsters? Only rats and moss around here dude I don't need rat and moss pets. Also these are just regular rats. Also I know what danger level I am. I am supposedly the least threatening and most worthless creature ever. Or whatever. Also why should I go to adventurers?

"I don't know. Also no, there's more then just rats and moss in me. Those only spawn in the sewer dungeon. If you'd like to fight the rats and moss there's a whole refugee wing. You see the plot designed by the guy in charge of me said the rats and moss are too weak so they are being pushed upward and are as such refugees. So you can murder their families and rulers. Or you know ignore them entirely because it's the beginner area." Dude why are you talking so much.

"Am I a dude?" I don't know which gender you are. Pick one.

"I wanna be a dude." K. Your gonna need a flower print button up shirt that's entirely unbuttoned, abs, sun glasses and a surfboard. Wait no that's a bra. Uh...

What's a stereotypical dude again... As I was debating the nature of dudedom I figure I might as well start farting up this "dungeon". Releasing the could from my mouth it bursts out like a epic fart crop dusting the entire tunnel as it billows out. Oh I know. I need to attempt to like my farts on fire right? Hmm.

"Ok I've got it." Suddenly a light flashes and ghost lady is buck naked except for a button up shirt that's designed like a floral table cloth and glasses. After popping up she immediately raises one leg and fire billows out behind her like a badass action movie.

No you've done everything wrong and you are clearly a woman. However, that doesn't exclude you from being a dude. It's just less popular as a term. Also tends to be associated with lesbians in a lot of cases.

"What's a lesbian?" Women that are attracted to women.

"Oh you mean like all those women synchronizing whilst naked cuddling?" Looking at the clearly middle-aged looking lady I can't help but won't how this large chested woman whose clearly got the mind of a child isn't a Loli. I mean gotta be right. She's so innocent. Who designed this innocent and gullible milf character!

"What's a milf?" Mother I'd like to fu... Wrestle.

"You mean like those people who naked wrestle with their moms?" No. That's slightly different but not a separate thing just it's usually a larger thing that milf is a subcategory of.

"Do you wanna wrestle?" No thank you also you are clearly incoporal. Not to mention the ethical debate that would be brought up when devolving the act to wrestling proves that you aren't emotionally mature enough to engage in it. Nodding along the milf lady just stares at me dumbly whilst occasional turning her back side into a flame thrower...

So what's up with that form? Is this actually what you look like? "No I'm a dungeon I look like this." Suddenly the milf lady disappears into a flash of light only to be replaced by a map. A five layer map depicting a city sitting on top of two layers of sewers and a massive layer of dungeon that is technically broke up into different layers but each floor is interconnected like a spiralling stair case so it's all one big room. Then at the middle of the stair case is a big crystal wrapped in stone that's wrapped in a big magical circle with layers of barriers encasing it and in the center of the stone is a beating heart of the none human variety. Strangely it is heart shaped however. Like spot on kinda heart shaped, like knees together ass in the air kinda heart shaped.

So you aren't actually that lady from just now? "Nope. I'ma dungeon not a human. I am technically a dungeon of the object subrace. My physical body is the heart shaped thing you were talking about." Oh... So you are in charge of the whole city?

"No I run it but no one's been in charge for awhile now. Not since the emperor died." Oh. Well my friend is the emperor's daughter. Or I guess friend is a overstatement. She should probably be in charge of the city now.

"She would have to come to me so I can check her body. Then she'd have to take the command rune." Hmm sounds like a lot of work that doesn't involve me. So if you are a sentient object why be a dungeon?

"I got trapped and forced to run the dungeon awhile ago. Orginally I was a necklace made by a man who wanted to give his heart to a woman. He was hanged after being tortured for 40 years by that woman's husband. Oh... K. Weird love story.

"Oh the lady actually accepted the necklace out of fear. She was terrified of both men and she secretly spent her every waking moment with a maid in the castle." Hmm... Interesting concept but not really original I mean that kinda story is just history on a certain level.

"That is the case it is the history of this empire. The maid was raped by the woman's husband while the woman was forced to watch as a punishment and then the woman managed to help her lover escape but was beheaded by her husband for it. The maid had a son from incident and that son butchered the kingdom and fourteen others to start the empire." Oh wow... That's interesting I guess.

"That was my previous owner. He later had a daughter with the previous maid." Oh... K so Addie is an incest baby. Nothing special there inbred royalty is a super common thing I guess.

"No there child was named Dorra." Huh so Addie wasn't the first child of the emperor.

"Dorra started a new household in the kingdom to watch after her future siblings taking her mother's last name of Roseline." Ok...

"To this day Dorra's son who she had with a butler from her household still watches over the empire even in death trying to keep to his mother's wishes of protecting the family." Oh so that guy could just be the emperor? Also is he a ghost a zombie or a skeleton?

"Lich." Oh cool I guess. Why are you talking to me so much and do tell why you've copied my physical form. Looking over at the slightly blue copy of myself that at closer inspection appears to be female I can't help but question why this is happening.

"It's fun." Do you. So who was the milf?

"Oh that was Roseline the maid turned witch queen." What about a witch?

"Roseline used her son and all the other generation to setup a giant formation to use the life force of the whole empire to bring back her beloved. She is now a witch queen as she solidfied her life force with mana sacrificing the right to procreate and gaining a closer connection with mana. She has spent the last 800 years after faking her death before her husband/son in a tomb manipulating the nation from the shadows. She was personally responsible for her son's death due to him deviating from the plans after realizing what she had designed. Then she twisted a little boys heart to attack the princess whilst also having a group of pirates butcher the crew and everyone on board her boat. Now she has twisted her second son who she had with her son's mind and turned him into a lich and puppeteers him from behind. All to design bring back her beloved." That's a long story. Why are you telling me this?

"I'm not allowed to talk to the adventurers without instructions and the beasts born to the dungeon gave no conciousness so you are the first person I have ever been able to talk too." Huh. So how do you know all of this?

"Cause I'm partially connected with all the city and every building and structure in the whole capital so I see, hear, taste, smell and even feel everything. That doesn't happen on a secondary surface or the air." That sounds horrible.

"Is it? I've never really experienced much else so it's pretty normal for me." Huh. I guess you got a point. So what's your name dungeon dude?

"The emperor used to call me Crystal. However when I was still a necklace I was called Heart Pendant." Either are acceptable. Uhm. Oh... K...

How about Kris? It's more dude sounding and not just a general description of your body.

"Kris? Like kissing but with an R?" Huh? Wait how do you know how I'd spell it?

"I don't know what an R is." Falling to the floor laughing for a bit I countue on my journey after having finished filling the main area with mist all the while discussing stuff with Kris. Who never really weighed in on her new name but seemed happy none the less. She also somehow managed to make the sunglasses and floral shirt thing work for the lizard body and now she just looks... Weird. Luckily she calmed down with the fart flamethrower thing.