1 My Views, Rant, And Some Advice
Ellendria here, I'm 28 years old and boy do I feel every last year. Diving into the Dao of Writing can be hard at times, especially when I'm just starting to take baby steps to reenter society. This past week has exhausted me greatly, and writing new chapters in my stories has been difficult. I'm not some big name person with millions of readers, and I don't care because every individual reader I have is precious to me. Not a day goes by where I do not try to think of ways to make my readers happy and to come up with new content for my stories. But I am most happy when I am writing, because I let a piece of myself enter a realm of my own creation and I get to share this new world with my readers.
Life can be surprising sometimes, I was not expecting to reach almost 130,000 views for my Vampire God light novel. I'm not sure how many people are actually readers, but even so I appreciate every last view because it attracts more people to my story and also to my other stories that I am working on. Thanks to all my readers who have been giving me five star and four star and even 3 star reviews. your critique and suggestions help me far more than you realize. Shout out to all of you, you know who you are.
When it gets hard for me to continue writing a specific story I find myself starting a new one at times, hence me having several ongoing novels LOL. I'm aware that this can also put more strain on me and I'm trying to find a way to stop myself from doing this. This week was basically a career readiness class to help me get ready for starting my job next week. Please wish me luck because I'm going to be doing a light manufacturing job and I've never done anything like this before at least not in this type of setting anyway.
As I look at my friends and family with their own houses, married and have kids; I realized I still have far to go before I reach a point in my life where I am happy with what I have. In order for things to change I need to take steps to make that happen. One of these ways is through my writing, I want to become a published author. I want my name to be known throughout the country, and one day throughout the world. This will be quite a journey with its ups and downs but I am determined to make this happen and will not give up on my dream.
Today was a good day for reflecting on things past and things yet to come. I might not know what my destiny is, but I know what my future will be. This is my story and it is only just beginning. Day in and day out I find myself daydreaming about worlds of fantasy and adventure. Wanting to be in those worlds so badly, hoping and praying for it, and saddened by the fact that I may never know if they truly exist. This is why I write, so that even in written form these worlds exist. They exist so those who yearn for these worlds can satisfy their hearts even a little bit as they dive in and read.
Every day I imagine myself on a battlefield, a sword in my hand and charging a spell in my other. Running forward towards the forces of evil, I would bring destruction upon those who would seek to bring chaos upon the land. For some chaos is what they yearn for and that's why we have stories with evil main characters, and sometimes there are main characters who there is really no indication of whether they are truly good or evil they just are what they are.
Laying here as I write, I find my heart yearning for my soul mate and yet I know that if they are out there that I'm not worthy of them yet. My own personal worth is not that high right now, and though they may not care about this, I do. And so with a heavy heart I charge on through my life, and can only hope that someday in the very near future I will reach my goal and be able to find the one who I am meant to be with.
Being around large groups of people is so hard for me now. I used to be super social and loved dancing at popular bars on the weekends with hundreds of other people. Now I find myself getting anxiety just being in a room of 20 or more people. This is painful for me and I know it will take time before I'm able to get back to where I was before I had my social anxiety develop over the last 4 months. The only thing that has kept me sane as of late is being able to write my stories and interact with my readers; thank you guys for being there. You I have no idea what this means to me; it feels like a little bit of my soul is healed every time I see your comments.
Also, if I did not have my best friend Valon, I probably would have died from depression years and years ago. Thanks for being there buddy you mean more to me than you know. Thanks for sticking by my side all these years. We grew up together and got into trouble a lot doing stupid stuff like kids did. We raised a lot of hell, and never failed to laugh about it in the end. Now that we're grown up and you have a kid of your own; I am proud of you. Keep doing you Valon, and I will keep doing me.
To my family, if you or anyone else see this thanks for supporting me in my writing it means everything to me. Writing satisfies the longing in my heart for a reality that is not my own. With every word I write I feel a little bit of my heart and soul begin to repair. Though at times writing can be exhausting for me even though my chapters average on two thousand words, it is still definitely worth it to keep on writing and I have no desire to quit. After all, I have my readers to keep striving forward for.
Sometimes though, there are cancerous people who find their ways into our reviews and comments section and seek to ruin or reputation. This is unacceptable, and all we as authors can do is depend on our fans to stick by us and possibly draw in more fans with the flames of drama brought by these evil sycophants. However, if these brigands take things to the next level then so too shall I. I will not just sit here and take their abuse, I will defend myself and my fans who love my writing.
I'm not afraid to put my thoughts and feelings on here because I'm comfortable and secure with my words, thoughts and feelings. People can try all they want to give me a heart devil, but I won't let them win. I'll win by keeping on writing, and smiling as my fans bury their hate in their own comments and reviews. Love you guys! Writing this journal chapter is much harder than writing my story chapters. But I intend to get at least 2000 words; I won't accept less than that. I'd love to see requests from my readers, for instance which story that they prefer I focus on writing more. I'll of course take every comment seriously.
The new martial arts story that I started is fiction guys. Just thought I'd clarify that here for certain people. In fact all of my stories are fiction. It's honestly the hardest thing to decide on a genre when I write. This is my first barrier that I face. Next would be the title and target audience. Next I create my main character and go from there. It's a kind of exhausting process sometimes, but I won't trade it for the world. I'd love it if there was a genre simply called fiction. Less of a headache, and I'm less restricted to a genre if this were the case. Oh well, this is how we grow as writers. Challenges build us or they destroy us.
A wise man once said that hard work always pays off. Even though at times this may not seem to be true, but the real factor most people ignore is time. How long did we try for? If you don't try, try, and try again, failing along the way; how can you ever hope to succeed? Success and failure are like a married couple that battle it out every night, but in the end they know they can't live without one another. So, my message to you dear readers is don't give up even if you fail 1000 times, because that 1001st might be the time you succeed! Stay strong even in your weakness, and a little weakness in your strength is good. Humbleness with a little pride and vice versa. We can't grow stronger, if we don't know what makes us weak right? And are the strong truly without weakness? No, that is absurd.
Live each day like it's your first, and end each day like it's your last. Do this and you'll truly understand living. Grasp onto every moment, no matter how small and never let go. Diversity is not inferiority, but instead is strength. The more diverse your talents, the more you can do in life no? And those with no talents? They simply haven't found it yet. Even if your talent is a lit match next to the sun, it still bears light. Never believe you're nobody, everyone has a role to play in this life. It's up to you if you become the main character or just a background character. Be the main character everyone!
Romance. Love is like a friend that suddenly visits you and decides to live with you for a while. Then one day, you may find that friend has left with no warning. You feel an empty hole has now formed in your heart. When they were there, everything was great and you were oh so happy and had a great time together. However, when they left with no warning you feel the pain in your heart blossom. For some the friend never left, and they both grew old together. But many of us are in the first category. But there is hope! Even if that first love seemed like the one, wait until your own personal god or goddess appears before you, then you'll know.
I've talked about all kinds of topics here in my journal and went to some interesting places with my word choices, but I'm not ashamed by anything that I've said. If you find anything in my words that helped you, then great I'm glad I could help you. If not, I'm sorry I'm here for you! Life sometimes makes us choose between great pain and pain. We don't always get the option that makes us happy, but we should aim for the choice that's better for us. Stay by my side everyone, and follow me on my journey as I attempt to delve into the Dao of Writing. I'll do my very best as I write each chapter for my stories. I'm no God level author, but I'll do my utmost to make my readers happy.
This is it for entry one for my journal. If I'm up to it, I'll write more journal entries in the future. However, I don't want to overreach myself as I still need to get cracking on my light novels that I've been writing. Please feel free to comment your favorite light novel of mine, and why I should focus more on writing chapters for your chosen favorite. Anyway, this is Ellendria signing off. Love ya guys!
