Chapter 8
It was a really long day, just sitting, crying, waiting. We had no phone calls asking for a ransom, obviously the reason for our Daughter being taken is not money oriented. The only news we had been given before we tried to get some sleep was that they had identified the nurse, she is my age and called Kang Nari. The police had been to her property which was empty, clothes and some personal items were gone, but the outfit that Jangmi was wearing was found there.
Apparently it was laid out with a photograph of her and Namjoon next to it that looks like it was taken at a fan meeting. So if the motive is not money, is she a crazed fan unhappy with him marrying me and starting a family? Is she wanting to 'have his baby?' I can't get out of my head that this feels planned, not spare of the moment, I said so to the detective but he couldn't see how she managed to plan this. Was it just a fluke then that we ended up under her care? The only thing I really care about though is where is she now and where is she going?
The police have of course put out a picture of her to the press in the hopes that the country will manage to find her. BTS are a huge import and they are loved by everyone so I have no doubt that people will be trying to help us get Jangmi home. It's just so easy nowadays though to change your hair, eye colour and style, a concept that won't be lost on her if she is a fan of the band. Jimin for example has changed his hair about 12 times during my pregnancy and is always wearing contacts of different colours and it drastically changes how he looks. I have a feeling she is a very smart girl and will hide herself well, especially if she doesn't want to be found.
Namjoon and I are laying in our bed, my head is on his bare chest and he is stroking my hair. We are both exhausted and know we should get some sleep but neither of us can close our eyes. Lori and Yoongi have left Yeong with their nanny for the night and have stayed in their old room to be a support to us, Joonie's parents have gone home with his Sister, but plan on coming back tomorrow. As a show of solidarity big hit have cancelled all work for the band until further notice, knowing they will be far too distracted to perform without their leader. "I need a drink" I say getting out of bed. "I'm just gonna pop to the kitchen, do you want anything?" I ask. "Nah, i'm good, well not good, what I mean is i'm not thirsty" he replies, I hear his voice crack.
I sit back down on the bed and put my hand on his face and stroke his cheek with my thumb. He starts sobbing. He has been so strong all day, and it's clearly been tough to hide all of this fear and upset and his body has given up and let him actually feel it now. He turns on his side and places his head in my lap and I hold him. I stroke his hair, letting him know I am here, but I've cried so much I think I have emptied my reservoir and there just is not anymore left. "It's ok baby, let it all out, I know it hurts so much, but we are really lucky though to have each other, our friends and family, they all want to support us and help us through this. It's ok to be vulnerable with me even if you don't want to show it to anyone else. We also have to trust that the police will find her, and just keep praying that Nari takes good care of our little girl." I say, wiping tears from his face.
He sits up and kisses me. Gently at first and then with a little more passion. I'm not sure now is quite the time for this, but everyone has different ways of dealing with stress I suppose. Maybe all this pent up anger and upset is churning up inside him and he feels like he needs a release from it? I can't have sex with him because I am still bleeding, and will be for at least a month i've heard, but I let him explore my neck with his lips and tongue. He places his hands on my breasts and immediately stops. He looks me in the eye and then looks down at his hands. I'm leaking breast milk. I have been pumping all day to keep my milk up around the times she has been due to feed, I check and it's almost 4 hours since I did it last.
"Oh god, I am so sorry" I say standing up and taking my top and bra off and going into our en suite to clean myself up. He follows behind to clean his hands and then fetches me a clean bra and vest top. "Don't you dare say sorry for creating sustenance for our Daughter. It's me that needs to apologise, i'm sorry, I shouldn't have kissed you like that, I don't know what I was thinking." He replies looking at the floor and rubbing the back of his neck clearly feeling awkward.
I quickly put on the bra and pop in my pump and then wrap my arms around him and hug him tightly. "It's ok to want to kiss your wife, it's ok to want to lose yourself in something other than this limbo we are in. I understand baby. Neither one of us is going to 'do this right' if there is even a proper way to behave when your child has been stolen from you" I assure him. He leans down and kisses me, softly, and I can feel the love and affection pouring out from him.