Give War a Chance!

"You need to sleep." I heard Aika say as she wrapped her arms around me from behind.

I was currently bent over a clone of her, applying tattoos across her body.

"I find this very creepy." she commented as she stared at the catatonic version of herself.

"Yeah, well I made a score of mutated super devils clones of myself to grow the cashmere for that robe you're wearing." I commented as I finished up another line of purple flowers on the clone's wrist, "So everything around us is super creepy. Just the way I like it."

"Why are your doing this?" Aika pointed to my project.

"Got some inspiration on making a Magic Crest that doesn't look like line art or tribal tattoos." I stated as my hands kept working, "Even if you are a supremely talented magician, it would take you millennia to know what I know of magic. The crest cuts that time down by working as a second set of synapses pre coded with all my knowledge of magic. As you can see, it takes a lot of extra synapses to hold everything I know."

I indicated to the completely shaved clone with tattoos going from her scalp to her toes.

"I was worried I'd have to start covering your face, but it looks like I will finish without needing to, the beauty of using materials made alchemically from super devils shows itself once more. Plus, you will always feel me against your skin. Very romantic."

"And which part is the kill switch?" She fixed me with that lazy smirk that I liked so much.

Narcissism at its finest considering my Resting Lazy as Fuck Face.

"Kill switch?" I asked.

"For when I betray you after you taught me everything that you know." Aika explained.

"But what will happen when I reveal that it was all according to keikaku?" I mused.

"That is when I reveal that you planning for my betrayal was all according to keikaku." Aika chuckled and kissed my neck.

"How many layers of contrivance do you think we can reach before people start to think it was all bullshit?" I wondered aloud.

"My money is on six." she smiled.

"Hmmm. I was thinking nine reveals." I hummed, "If we manage to do some mid episode cliffhanger cuts to immediate reveals Attack on Titan style."

"Sounds like a bunch of false drama." Aika laughed.

"Most definitely." I nodded, "They really ran out of creative integrity and started relying on cheap cuts to raise tension. But once they started doing it multiple times in an episode things really started going downhill… I wonder if they did it on purpose. No one can be that stupid, but then again the Berserk remake was a thing."

"Are you ever going to make that animation AI so that I can ever know what the hell you are talking about?" Aika frowned.

"Hmmm. Definitely sometime after I finish working on the Magic Crest. But not before I lay some smackdown on fools. Can't have too much sugary fluff. Rots the teeth." I said and wrapped up my work for the night.

"So kill switch is out, do all the magic tattoos do anything else?" Aika asked before I swept her off her feet and started marching us back to the bedroom for some early morning lazy fucking.

"Slowly turns you into a super devil." I answered.

"I thought becoming a devil would hurt the baby." she objected.

"If we do it Ajuka's fast and dirty way, yeah." I explained, "But anything he can do I can do better… probably. Just takes the fun out of things if I go full on big brain though."

"Oh the woes of being OP." Aika teased.

"Just wait till you start exploring the Magic Crest. You're going to lose your shit when you realize how broken my magic abilities are in a world where the rules of magic are softer than baby shit." I told her, thinking of the massive amount of magic I gained in Skyrim alone, let alone what came after.

"How OP are we talking?" Aika asked as I kicked the bedroom door closed behind us.

"I'd have to draw JoJo's Bizarre Adventures for you to understand, but we are talking later series Stand bullshit powers broken. If I ever shout 'Za Warudo!' know that people are about to get their shit kicked in."

"Neat." She grinned as I dropped her on the bed and crawled on top of her.

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"Oooo. This is wonderful. What's it made of?" Rias asked as she rubbed the sleeve of my new leather coat.

I wondered briefly if I should tell her that the knee length coat was made of my own skin, and it was lined in fur, also gained via skinning myself. Or that my silk boxers were made via inducing spider mutations on my clones.

Let he who hasn't dreamed of some perfectly supportive and silky briefs cradling your boys made of your own bio material throw the first stone.

We all know I know I stand here blameless.

Sure I am in a full ensemble made entirely of my own body, but it is all handcrafted, locally sourced, cruelty free, and one hundred percent sustainably farmed. I am a goddamn saint.

Hell, even my gatorskin boots were ethically sourced without a single animal harmed.

"I'll have my tailor take your measurements." I grinned as we entered the Kuoh Peace Conference together.

Basically we were to stand around and look… intimidating I guess as Michael, Azazel, Serafall Leviathan and Sirzechs Lucifer hashed out an agreement to see the end of the fighting between the three factions. Mike showed up with a pair of teenage exorcists, the lovely Irina Shidou and Xenovia Quarta. No Gabriel in sight. What a shame.

Azazel showed up with his… adopted son? I don't think I ever cared enough about Vali to remember what his relationship was to people. Either way, he is the White Dragon Emperor and a pain in the ass to fight unless you happen to be able to hard counter his Sacred Gear, Divine Dividing. He basically had a version of my Absorption magic.

Rias and I showed up sans her peerage because the novel doesn't need Issei to work as a vehicle for the audience and it would be weird for one side to show up with a vast numerical advantage to the piece talks. It was already bad enough that our side needed both Serafall and Sirzechs at the meeting as our strongest authority and chief diplomat weren't the same person.

Despite the disparity, the peace negotiations went very well as all three heads of state desired the exact same outcome.

"Excuse me, gentlemen." I cut in smiling my best closed eye smile, "But I must advocate on behalf of war or my heart will forever weep what might have been. After all, we can't have a war without war. And of course we need war, otherwise how would we win it?"

"Astaroth, I believe it is…" Sirzechs tried to stop me, but failed.

"You!" I roared suddenly, the shift in tone leaving Sirzecks wide eyed and mouth gaped, "You were put on this Earth for one purpose and one purpose only! To serve the Lord your God."

Michael nodded the point.

"Yet here you are sitting at the table of peace with his enemies." my accusation cut the angel to his heart, "A goddamn traitor, and devil scum. You are a disobedient little brat!"

I shook my head in disgust at his actions.

"And you!" I pointed at Sirzechs who pointed at himself and mouthed 'me', "How will you ever look your son in the eye when he asks 'Daddy, did we win?' 'Why no son, we all took a breather from the Great War and when it came time to start back up we just didn't have the heart to do it anymore.'"

"That is quite enough Astaroth." Sirzechs demanded, "Our populations have to this day failed to recover from the damage of the Great War. You know not of what you speak."

"That just means we are all that much closer to winning!" I countered, "Can't you see. Give war a chance!"

The explosion that tore apart the windowed wall of the meeting room failed to shake anyone besides the Exorcists.

"I never thought I would ever say this about a filthy devil," Kokabiel, one of the leaders of the fallen angels hovered in view of the wreckage, "but that right there is a boy after my own heart. 'Give war a chance.' I'm all about that."