Meeting an old devil

Within a multiversal bar exclusively owned by the Aversis. I dropped some sugar cubes into my cup until it was filled to the brim. Coffee. I was never really into coffee, but right now it's pretty damn relaxing. Taking a sip of sugar-filled coffee, I let out a low sigh of contentment.

After realizing that I banged my own student, I felt incredibly conflicted so I just left to gather my thoughts in this bar. Even if an Aversis wasn't capable of traveling dimensions, they'd be able to come to this bar if there was an emergency meeting or to chill. Even if an Aversis were to forget what they were, the meta knowledge would return eventually, it's only a matter of time.

It's surprising, I thought coffee wouldn't be able to do anything for me after my ability to get drunk or high was taken away. I'm pretty sure coffee is technically a drug, but I guess that golden bastard didn't include coffee when he messed with my body. Not as good as Akeno's tea though, I should visit her sometimes for another cup.

"You alright there? Usually you'd order something alcoholic." The bartender who I think was named Farron Aversis asked a bit concerned. It was true, whenever I came here I would immediately order something to get me buzzed to start with.

"Can't get drunk anymore, past life screwing with me." I sighed out loud as the man hummed in understanding.

"I suggest taking up another hobby then. There's plenty of things in life you could find enjoyable." Another Aversis nearby gave his advice. I turned to the guy for a moment and tried to recall who he was. Aversis don't recognize each other by looks since we sometimes change our appearances and bodies with other people in the multiverse. Instead we just feel each other out instinctually.

This guy looks like Sonic from One Punch Man, except he was in casual clothes instead of ninja gear. Ah I know this guy, he was a Gardener for a R.O.B. I think his name was Aster Aversis.

"Yeah, but I don't think I can find gardening as interesting as you do." I retorted with a sigh.

"Hey, don't knock it till you try it." Aster rolled his eyes as he sipped his tea.

"Well I'm not actually here because of that right now anyway." While being incapable of getting high or drunk was annoying, i'd deal with it in time.

"So why are you here? We usually don't come here unless we have something to vent or emergency meetings."

"I could ask you the same thing." I retorted

"Well I got fired."

"What?" I blinked as I turned back to him. "The hell did you do to get fired?" R.O.Bs generally don't fire their employees all that often.

"Nothing, apparently the boss decided that he wanted to switch up how he greets potential Isekai'd idiots." He clicked his tongue annoyed until he noticed my confused expression.

"Dudes would show up in the garden when they died, and it was my job to deal with them and lead them to the boss." He clarified for me

"Oh, must've been annoying." I just ran people over, I didn't have to deal with idiots being incapable of accepting their deaths most of the time. Although there were times where instead of running people over, I'd have to literally drive them to their destination.

"Eh it wasn't that bad, I'd just let them have their little tantrum most of the time. Half of the time I get the people who were chill and accepting of their death so it wasn't so bad. To be honest, taking care of the Garden was the most difficult part."

"Really? Taking care of a Garden doesn't sound that bad." I mean it's just gardening, granted I don't think I've ever tried it myself.

"It is if the Garden is about 2000 miles of land." he said as I choked on my coffee for a moment

"The hell, I feel like your boss was overcompensating for something!" who the hell needs a garden that big!?

"That's what I thought! Anyway what's up with you?"

"Well, I ended up banging my student."

"Ah, I get why you're here then. My advice, don't overthink it. The only reason why we have a subconscious seriousness over the student/teacher relationship is due to the original Aversis anyway." he waved off the issue as if it wasn't a serious problem.

"I know that, but it still bothers me."

"Give it time, love isn't a bad thing."

"I guess... It'd be a lot easier if I didn't have to deal with this sober." I miss my drugs. I turned to the bartender. "Hey Farron, you got tea?" Wonder if the man can make some good tea like Akeno.

∞

Returning back to his basement, Gold took a moment to sit back on his bean bag to chill. He didn't turn on the T.V as it was already on, displaying some random news.

"Long day?" A man asked from the other bean bag in the room.

"You have no idea." Gold responded to the unfamiliar voice in the room. A golden portal opened above Gold's hand dropping an elder blunt. "Want one?" he casually offered as the other man accepted the offer.

"My thanks, I haven't had a good blunt in ages."

Gold took a moment to look at the man who just took his offering. He looked like a middle-aged man in his 40's with dark silver hair and hazel eyes. He was wearing royal looking clothes that sort of reminded him of Sirzech's armor. It didn't take long for Gold to figure out who this was.

"Unholy shit, this is incredible!" Rizevim exclaimed as he puffed out the magical smoke. Just a single puff was enough to get him buzzed and it wasn't even Gold's best blunt. "Are you sure you don't want to partake in this?"

"No, unfortunately due to some dick. The stuff doesn't do anything for me anymore."

"That's terrible! No, it's fucking evil! What kind of cruel bastard would do such a thing!?" Rizevim cursed in horror.

"That's what I thought!" Gold threw his hands up "Anyway, what's the boss of the Old Satan faction doing at my place?" he asked. The only reason Serafall hadn't charged here is because Gold had removed every single one of the spying spells. He made sure to remove them all this time, even bought a tool off the multiverse catalogue to do it.

"Ah right, give me a second." Rizevim nodded as he stood up, blunt still in hand. He turned to face Gold before gesturing grandly. "Rejoice human! For your skills have been recognized by me, Rizevim Lucifer. Join under me and my revolution, as I will change the balance of this world!"

After the small speech, Rizevim slumped back down on the bean bag and took another puff from the elder blunt. "Sales pitch hasn't changed in the last few thousand years." he explained to Gold's blank expression.

"Uh-huh, you do realize I'm dating Serafall right?"

"Well it's not like I really came here to recruit you anyway. Originally someone was supposed to be sent to recruit you, but I just wanted to get away from work for awhile."

OLD SATAN FACTION HQ

"Lord Rizevim, I've got more paperwork that must be signed for approv-" Euclid stopped as he looked at the empty desk where the boss of the Old Satan Faction was supposed to be.

There was a note on the desk. Picking it up and reading slowly.

To Euclid:

"Went out for a walk, will be back later. Please handle all my paperwork for the day."

From: The True Satan-Rizevim

"NOOOOO!"

Euclid's indignant cries echoed throughout the headquarters

BACK AT GOLD'S PLACE

"So you just decided to pick my place to chill huh. I gotta say I didn't expect you to be so... chill." Gold said honestly. He thought Rizevim would be more arrogant and unbearable.

"Well I was, but after the internet became a thing. Years of memes will change a man." he explained, taking another puff of the elder blunt.

"Makes sense."

"Anyway, what do you do for fun around here? I'm bored, I've already tried all the games you've got here. I thought you'd have more." he said as Gold didn't have time to go get more games to play as he's been busy.

"Well not much, I've actually been trying to find a hobby since I can't get high or drunk anymore."

"Wait, you can't get drunk either!? How do you live with yourself!?" The old devil was beginning to wonder what kind of evil man would take away such joys from one's life.

"It's not easy. Anyway, since I'm sober for once. It's time to play the mad scientist! Wanna be my assistant?" the blonde asked as he put on some goggles.

"Having a devil such as myself for an assistant. Hahahaha! Sounds amusing, alright I'm in."

∞

"Hey Gold!" Akemi skipped down to the basement with a hop in her step. "Wanna go on a da-... what the hell is going on?" she blinked as she tried to understand the sight before her.

Gold and some random silver haired man were standing around in white lab coats with clip boards in their hands. Musical instruments were scattered around the basement for some reason and there was a mime inside of a cage. It was truly an odd sight.

"Shush Akemi! For we are irresponsible adults with too much time on our hands!" Gold shushed the girl as he turned on some speakers. Strangely enough no sound came out of it.

"Look it's actually working!" Rizevim pointed out as a multi-colored portal opened up in space.

"Will someone explain to me what's happening!? Why is there a mime in a cage!?" Akemi was still held up about the mime thing.

"Well me and my buddy Rizevim here have set out on a journey to go back in time and prevent the law responsible for censoring all porn in japan!" Gold explained their ultimate goal.

"That doesn't explain the mime!"

"It's simple little girl. For this is not just a mime, we have created an ACTUAL MIME. It's not a human in make-up, this is an actual new race!" Rizevim exclaimed as he pointed towards the silent mime.

"With me as a singer, Rizevim as an artist and this mime. We created a piece of music no one knows and we opened up a vortex in space!" Gold explained their grand plan that somehow worked.

"Now were going back through time to save porn from censorship! Charge!!!!"

Akemi watched as the two men charged through the portal in space. She stood there for a moment after it had closed and sighed.

"Come on, let's get you out of there." Akemi freed the mime who had silently thanked her before leaving to explore the world.