Welsh People Aren't People

Day one of training under Joseph, because I'd rather not comment on living with him.

Reminiscing on the experience is aggravating. He has a habit of trying to annoy people for no reason, such as when he filled my pillows with bananas.

Good thing I noticed before squashing them.

Anyway, he's apparently what you'd call a 'fundamentals trainer', in that he's just making sure we're capable of moving onto proper training.

His duties are random but essential, such as making sure we have the minimum amount of stamina and other physical attributes, if possible; helping us decide on the abilities we will use in the future; giving us advice on what exactly we will need going forward; and just a general sharing of wisdom and tips.

He's already done numbers two and three on the day we met him, and I'm apparently qualified enough in terms of physique, so I don't need number one.

Priska does, however, to a ridiculous degree, which is where most of his time is going. He's practically ignored me throughout this time because there's not much he can help me with.

And I'm glad, for instead, he's spent a few days essentially torturing Priska under the guise of 'training'.

Well, it probably is just training taken to an extreme because of the time constraints we're apparently under, but I'd prefer to think otherwise. Joseph must still hold a grudge; he makes her run around the castle all day, albeit with a few breaks, while shouting tips on interacting with fellow Exorcists and the supernatural world - taking care of duties number one and four at the same time.

Two birds with one stone, if you will. I'm fairly sure he paraded around her hallway one night while banging pots and pans, which he swiped from the kitchen without anyone noticing, while yelling more advice.

He says the same things over and over again before moving onto new information. He is literally trying to hammer it into her brain.

As for me? He just told Leonidas to do his own, independent lectures within the comfortable confines of our castle. I've grown to find Pietro, our cook, acceptable - his services were open all day and night, meaning that I could order food from him whenever I wanted.

It's simply preferable when he keeps his mouth shut. I'd prefer to imagine that he doesn't exist and is simply a machine, serving me sustenance on command.

In contrast to that professional relationship, I have instructed all maids in the castle to be quiet in my presence and go to whatever lengths they can to avoid being in the same room as me. It's nothing personal - I just don't want to see any more women than I have to.

As for the rest of the staff, they don't really exist to me. Literally, in the case of the guards; because there are two decently powerful Exorcists living here, it's been determined that there's no need for any.

Which is good, in case Leonidas' former insinuation that I should bribe them was genuine and not a joke or misinterpretation on my part. I'm poor, after all - only noblemen have the money to pay off randoms for no reason.

Aside from them, I've only seen the gardener once in these few days, and really, the most I can say is that he's old and missing an arm.

Similar to what I did to Alessandro, actually. Courtesy of my unfathomable intellect, I remember Jacques telling that amputee to go meet with a certain 'old man Calliope' for advice on how to cope with his dismembered appendage.

Personally, I'd have immediately begun studying scripture and living as a monk on Mount Athos for the rest of my life, were I in his shoes, but that's just me.

I was drawn out of my thoughts by Leonidas snapping his fingers.

"Ioann. I understand that advice on how to navigate the Church isn't very exciting, but veering off into la-la land is the sign of a poor student."

"And you're the professor?"

"How else would you refer to the man who's been teaching you about essentially everything since he met you? I know I'm not the most… exciting guy, but please show some respect." Leonidas sighed.

I know he's right. But, when I said 'advice on how to navigate the Church', I meant it both metaphorically and literally. Now that he's gotten past the basics of 'navigating the Church' in the sense one would think of - information I should know, how I should conduct myself and such - he pulled out a few maps and started talking about the Vatican's hidden topography and directions on how to get around.

I may have nearly lived like a monk back home, but even I have limits to my mental fortitude. A few hours of this would bore anyone to tears.

They should just give me a map for whenever I want to get around. It'd be much easier.

"At least you zoned out at a convenient time."

Leonidas set down the comically oversized map he was holding and began walking my way.

"Come on then. We'll check up on our friends outside and go to that Magic debate - I think it should be starting soon."

Walking outside with him, we sat on a bench in the front garden and began waiting.

You know, I may not have the best opinion on those who go out of their way to appreciate nature, but this is quite nice.

If it weren't for the hulking man in armor sitting next to me, I'd feel like a nobleman, relaxing in his demesne. Although, technically, such a situation could be construed as a liege and his knight having a casual conversation, so maybe it still applies.

The illusion of serenity was broken when we began hearing screams.

"COME ON! HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO PEEL BANANAS WHEN YOU CAN'T EVEN LISTEN TO WHAT I'M SAYING?! REMEMBER, WHEN GREETING SOMEONE HIGHER IN RANK THAN YOU THEOLOGICALLY, YOU ADDRESS THEM PROPERLY! JUST USE FATHER, ALTHOUGH I DON'T THINK YOU EVER HAD ONE!"

Even though Joseph's voice was in range, they themselves weren't, and so we had to wait a little longer.

"AS AN EXORCIST, WHEN GREETING SOMEONE HIGHER IN RANK THAN YOU IN COMBATANT TERMS, SIR AND MADAM ARE THE USUAL GO-TO! CALL ME SIR FROM NOW ON AS PRACTICE!"

"NEVER!" Priska screamed. "YOU'RE A DEVIL YOURSELF!"

Joseph continued, ignoring her. "ALTHOUGH, THIS IS ONLY FOR PROFESSIONAL OCCASIONS AND WHEN MEETING SOMEONE YOU DON'T KNOW! LEONIDAS IS HIGHER-RANKED THAN ME, BUT YOU DON'T SEE ME CALLING HIM MISTER! ALSO, CARDINAL-RANKED EXORCISTS ARE EXCLUDED FROM ALL OF THIS! YOU ADDRESS CARDINAL-RANKED EXORCISTS WITH 'YOUR EMINENCE' UNDER EVERY CIRCUMSTANCE!"

He's not really explaining it that well. Practicing theological leaders like priests and bishops are treated normally, while Exorcist interactions have slightly more complexity.

Use the honorifics the first time if they're higher-ranked, then they might tell you to address them casually. In formal situations, use the honorifics either way, though, and Cardinal-ranked Exorcists are exempt from all of these hidden rules; use His - as there are no female Cardinal-ranked Exorcists, just as it should be - Eminence for them.

"OW! YOU CRETINOUS SCUM!" Priska shrieked.

Ah, yes. He's training her endurance by forcing her to run, with the threat of a literal stick to hit her if she stops.

I quite like his methods. Except for if they were employed on me.

The duo came into view, eventually, and a simple thumbs up from Leonidas showed our intent. Joseph reciprocated - a universal sign for 'yes'.

We had sat down on the bench near the birdhouse, so all we needed to do was walk a few paces and press the button underneath it to return.

From there, we walked in silence to… the same colosseum I'd been brutalized by an alleged Irish infidel? This is where we did the Magic Affinity test.

Or maybe they have multiple colosseum sub-dimensions. Who knows.

Walking in, there was a decently sized crowd of Exorcists sitting in the cavea [1], spectating an ongoing debate in the arena.

I say debate, and not discussion.

"Welsh people aren't people! How many times must I repeat such a rudimentary statement?" one of the two men declared.

I'm more than inclined to agree.

In response to him, some of the Exorcists sitting on his side of the bleachers clapped, while the Exorcists on the other side either scoffed or remained stoic.

"Which side do you want to join?" Leonidas murmured. "I'll go with you for now."

"His side, obviously." I pointed at the man in the gray coat.

(Picture here.) (Just imagine Alexander Anderson from Hellsing Ultimate.)

Leonidas gestured to follow him, and we ended up on the right side of the bleachers.

Surveying my surroundings, I found the situation quite strange. The crowd was split around twenty-eighty, and our side - the thirty - was mostly comprised of Templars, even if there were a few on the other side as well.

Leonidas informed me of them in our lectures. They're technically an existence independent from the Church, but they do still work for it. Like a paramilitary organization. Faithful enough to be allowed to roam throughout its halls and guard certain areas, albeit in small numbers at a time.

It's disappointing how they're vilified by various Church members for supposedly 'radical' views and actions. The fact that they consider Devils and the like to be filth is worthy of praise, not condemnation.

Anyway, they live like monks and are called the Knights Templar. Good enough for me.

By now, the opposing side of the argument had begun his rebuttal after pinching his nose and sighing.

"Anderson, I'll repeat for the eighth time, what is that argument based on? Wales was the bastion of British Christianity against the pagan Anglo-Saxons when they invaded. You can't just trample upon their legacy."

"I can, and I will. Use your eyes, Oliver! They've betrayed their ancient ways! Those poor sheep are being violated, day after day, night after night! How can we stand for this, in our upright society? Devils they are, the lot of them!"

A man sitting at the bottom of the bleachers, between the two sides, closed a stopwatch and clapped his hands.

"Topic for Welsh validity is done for the day. Do the participants want to do a vote for who they swayed, to refine their arguments for the future?" the man asked in the most monotone voice possible.

""Yes,"" the two - Anderson and Oliver, it seems - replied.

"Show of hands. Who is in opposition to the notion of Welshmen being proper humans?"

I raised my hand, as did most of the people on the right side of the cavea.

"And who is in accordance with the notion of Welshmen being proper humans?"

The entire left side of the cavea raised their hands, as did a few on the right side.

"Welsh people being humans wins."

Tsk.

"Onto the main topic of the day: whether or not Magic is heresy," the man continued. He seems quite exasperated with his job. "Would anyone from the audience like to participate in accordance with Magic being heretical?"

No one answered.

"Then, Anderson, I presume you're on the side of Magic being heresy, as usual?"

"You know me well, Ansel," he replied.

Ansel gave a flicker of annoyance but continued.

"Would anyone from the audience like to participate in defiance of Magic being heretical?"

"I would," a man from our side said. "I'll come down."

"I'm leaving for the day, then," Oliver said. "Maybe I'll be back tomorrow. Goodbye."

He began walking out.

"People currently siding with the notion of Magic being heresy, go to the right side of the bleachers."

The Templars stayed in place, while most of the other side changed position.

"People currently opposing the notion of Magic being heresy, go to the left side of the bleachers."

A few from our side left, while the ones already there stayed put.

It was about an eighty-twenty split. The majority are in favor of Magic being heretical.

"People who are looking to learn and don't know much, come down to me."

Only Leonidas and I went down.

"Can I assume that this is a new recruit?" the man, Ansel, asked Leonidas.

"Yes, you can. I'll be staying down here as well, since I'm neutral in the first place - plus I'm his guardian."

"Very well. You two," he looked at the participants, "begin when you're ready. Decide on parameters, introduce yourselves - whatever you want." He opened up his stopwatch again.

"I am Anderson Alexander," Anderson introduced himself, "and I hope to see our new recruit join the correct side. As for the rest of you, you won't change your views anyway."

That got a chuckle out of a few in the crowd.

"You're the one talking about others being stubborn? Ironic," the other man began. "Hello, everyone. I'm Maarten Beenhouwer. I'm also glad to see so many faces here today."

He bowed.

"Maarten, is it? Let me ask you something, boy. Have you ever even touched scripture? Don't answer that," he interrupted, "the obvious answer is no! If you had, you would be sitting in the right side of the audience and not standing in front of me."

"Before we get this started," Maarten ignored Anderson's statement, "I'd like to clarify one thing. I think Circular Magic is heresy, but not Basic Magic. For our new member in the middle and any others who may be unaware," he gestured towards me, "Circular Magic is what you see actual Magicians outside of the Church using. It's also called Advanced Magic. Basic Magic is what you'll see members of the Church practicing. So, naturally, let's exclude Circular Magic from our arguments, since Church policy already declares it to be heresy anyway."

"Ah, so you're going down this path of, 'oh no, that Magic is heresy, but this one isn't'?" Anderson narrowed his eyes. "Kids like you are commonplace, spouting nonsense to drown out good Christians' common sense. Tell me, what is a common word in both of them? MAGIC! Magic is just a synonym for heresy! You're establishing a difference where there is none!"

"Stop the finger-pointing," Maarten chuckled. "I've been to these Magic discussions before as a part of the audience. You'll just keep bringing out quotes from scripture, ignoring the fact that Basic Magic was created by the Lord, unlike Circular."

Oh? What's the proof behind that?

As I was about to open my mouth, Leonidas tapped me on the shoulder.

"Don't interrupt," he whispered. "They'll probably ask for opinions from the audience later."

"Alright, then," I replied.

I'll have my chance.

"And you will ham-fistedly repeat the same nonsense, that God created it or that it's beneficial against Devils - the same swill all the participants say in front of me." This time, he literally pointed a finger at Maarten. "You're going to say, 'why would humans be able to use it, if it's heretical' - or some other sort of sad, pitiable justification - and I will respond by saying that humans are just as capable of engaging in sexual promiscuity - does that mean it is righteous?" he scoffed.

"There's a difference between sodomy and a useful thing granted by the Lord to help combat evil," Maarten pointed out, abandoning that path of reasoning and focusing on God's involvement. "Why do you say that the Lord's creation of Magic is 'nonsense'? Wouldn't that be considered heretical in and of itself?"

"What proof do you have of God creating it? That is why I say it's nonsense. Your argument hinges on hearsay and forged documents, while mine descends from scripture itself!"

"If we're going to start talking about the validity of those Church documents and the Exorcist oral history of Magic, passed down for millennia, then there's no point in this. I can't prove that they're real, and you can't prove that they're fake - that's why it's been debated for so long. Moving onto something more arguable," he similarly pointed his finger, "why do you think awakening Mana in our Exorcists is okay, yet using what that energy is intended for isn't?"

"For one," Anderson began, "there is nothing to say that it is inherently bad. We all know of the theory that antediluvians lived for so long because they had extremely high amounts of Mana, yes? Personally, I believe in it. That is my main reasoning. Even disregarding that theory, please, tell me one line of scripture that denounces Mana. Do it."

I knew it. I'm a genius who came up with a well-known Church theory on accident.

"We-"

"You can't," Anderson interrupted, "meanwhile I can state multiple that condemn Magic. 'Do not turn to mediums or necromancers; do not seek them out, and so make yourselves unclean by them: I am the Lord your God.' 'There shall not be found among you anyone who burns his son or his daughter as an offering, anyone who practices divination or tells fortunes or interprets omens, or a sorcerer or a charmer or a medium or a necromancer or one who inquires of the dead, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord.' 'You shall not interpret omens or tell fortunes.' Those are just three out of many. How do you contest that?"

"And how do you contest that it's incredibly useful against the enemies of the Lord?" Maarten turned to the audience. "Raise your hand if you kill Devils and Vampires and all those enemies of the Lord."

The majority of the audience raised their hands, the outliers being non-Exorcists.

Maarten carried on. "Raise your hand if you think Magic would make your job easier - or if it already does."

A few lowered their arms, but most of them kept them up, even if many were begrudging about it - probably because of the former part of his statement.

Even a pacifist can't deny conflict's usefulness.

"See?" Maarten continued. "Even lots of your supporters admit it would make killing Devils and the like easier. Isn't that simple fact, that it would help the Heavenly Host up above, good enough for you?"

Anderson ignored him. "I want a fresh perspective," he said, pointing at me. "New recruit. What is your name?"

"Ioann," I replied.

"And what do you think so far?"

"I think that, should the proof of the Lord creating Basic Magic be true, I would use it."

"And if it isn't?" he asked. "What then?"

"I would exterminate the heathens who put their own, blasphemous words in the Holy One's mouth to further their own agenda."

Anderson, despite seeing that I didn't fully agree with him as of yet, nodded his head in agreement, as did the Templars.

"Good man."

"Time's up," Ansel declared. "Show of hands. Who is in accordance with the notion of Magic being heresy?"

The right side raised their hands.

"And who is in opposition to the notion of Magic being heresy?"

I raised my hand, as did everyone on the left side.

Whatever allows me to properly bear the sword and exterminate heretics with ease, I will support.

At least until I get proof that the Lord creating Basic Magic is false.

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[1] A cavea is that section in colosseums/coliseums and stuff with the stairs that people sit on. Like bleachers.

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The Knights Templar are heavily inspired by (read: mostly copied from) the Knights Templar in a Persona x DxD crossover fanfiction over on, well, FanFiction.Net named 'A Demon Among Devils'. The early portrayal, mind you, since later on in the ff they start allying with Devils and worshipping cats.

To be honest, I don't recommend it personally, but it has some portrayals of stuff - like the Evil Dragon Níðhöggr (who has barely any characterization in DxD besides being a cannibal) and some Angels - that I'll most likely take heavy inspiration from in the future, if I ever do use the stuff relating to it. Most of the lore information in it is fanon/the result of crossover elements, though, so don't take it as accurate.

Never let it be said that I don't give credit where credit is due.

Also, I hope I portrayed a decent debate here. It was really just stuff I was making up as I went along, though, so yeah.

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