CHAPTER 24

Hours flew past and living here means tranquility. I had fun and Barry and I shared memories, he even saw me dancing ballet. But something's bothering me again, something's off. Provided that we're here, something's really off. My heart just feels so heavy. If Barry's not around, I'll call my brother. I'll call Andrei and ask him questions. I want an answer with my questions.

***

Monday, I caught my boyfriend talking to someone over the phone. He's very serious so I fret in silence. I called him for breakfast, I didn't ask about the call. He's always smiling, he's telling me funny things and because of what he's doing, I am certain that something really happened and he's not telling me that.

His phone vibrated and I thought he'd ignore the call since we're still eating but no, he even went outside the house like the topic is really private. I decided to turn on my phone, I'll call my brother later. I just finished eating, my phone vibrated inside my pocket.

Unregistered number's calling and I am really nervous for no reason so I pressed answer.

"Young lady?" The thing is, the other line is crying!

"Miss J-ang?" I stuttered under my heavy breathing. Barry's doing something meters away from me, I went outside to breathe, to calm myself.

"Young lady," She trailed off so my brows met—vexed. I don't want to answer her, I don't want to say something, I don't want to ask her questions because I am scared.

"Sorry, I'm really sorry..."

But I can't handle it anymore,

"Miss Jang! Why are you crying?!"

The cold wind blew against me. I tried to laugh, I tried to smile, I tried to ignore everything.

"Its been two days since Andrei's cremated, sorry. . . I tried to reach you but your phone's always turned off."

My chest tightened in horror, I was already leaning on the wall to support myself but I just found myself kneeling on the floor. My whole body's shivering. I wish I was just dreaming. I wish I was deaf. I wish I was just hearing things. I wish I was just insane.

"You must be insane!" I don't want to believe her words. I don't want to believe it.

"N--no, young lady, your father's in the hospital right now, he suffered brain hemorrhage and hasn't gain consciousness, this is because of Andrei's death. Your mother's still mourning. She needs you here. We needs you here."

I shook my head continuously. None of these are true, I would have known if those really happened. No. . . this is not true. This is not fair. This is just a nightmare.

"Miss Jang, you're lying!"

"No, I was told not to tell you but this is killing me too, please. . . your mom need you!"

The phone fell from my hand, like the deities turned their backs on me again. My tears fell, those words are just like bullets and blades that shattered me into tiny pieces.

Cremated? My tears fell, no... I covered my mouth, fuck. . . cremated? Andrei died? My brother died and he was cremated without telling me? My brother was fine and healthy, he was fine. . . but why?

"I told you not to leave me!" I whispered.

I wanted to scream, when will this end? The agony? The pain?

"Andrei," I stood up, composing myself, my tears pooled my face and no matter how I cry, my heart is still bleeding.

I went to the kitchen for a glass of water but my hand's really shivering that I couldn't move it. Before I could scream, I saw Barry standing right in front of me—speechless. I was laughing while my tears are streaming down my neck, Barry's acting strange and now, my questions were answered. I saw how he tried to reach for my hand and he's being sorry. . . I slapped him, I am mad. I am hurt.

"You should've told me! My brother died! He's my brother! He's Andrei! The chairman's suffering brain hemorrhage and you're quiet about it? He's my father too! You concealed those things, Barry! For what? To surprise me? Wow!"

Fuck life! Why are you so cruel? Indeed deities are not real anymore.

...

I am quiet the whole ride back to Manila, my lids were very heavy. I tried to sleep but my eyes are betraying me too. They're swollen, I can't sleep no matter how I tried to.

When we reached the airport I feel so lethargic. There were bodyguards already and I am not talking to Barry, I'm fucked up and I just want to shut up. There are creepy voices again so I just silently cried.

I just closed my eyes when the gate opened, I am scared of the truth, I am scared of the reality. I am scared. I just want to sleep and wake up when everything's okay but that's really impossible. Miss Jang's holding my hand while we're walking to Andrei's room. I am cold, my body's freezing. Miss Jang's crying beside me too and how am I supposed to handle all of these?!

"I told you not to leave me, jerk! You're bad, you're bad!"

When we entered his room, I pulled my hair while Jang's trying to calm me down. Had I known, I would have stayed. Had I known!

"I am here, be strong," Miss Jang whispered while wiping my tears away, "For now, rest. Trust no one, okay? I don't know who to trust anymore but I'll help you."

Maybe, she's right. I have to rest, I had enough this day, I'm fucked up. We left Andrei's room and while we're walking through the pathway, my eyes filled with resentment. Miss Jang's taken aback too, I almost laugh. Seriously? They're just so heartless, Eloise and Barry are kissing in front of us.

But I didn't mind, Miss Jang and I ignored them. I would've slapped them both if I had enough strength.

"Savannah, I'll explain..." I heard Barry's voice behind my back but I continued on walking.

"YOU'RE FIRED, LEAVE!" I shouted and left him speechless.

Life's indeed cruel, I couldn't agree more. Of all people, why me? Do I really have to go through this kind of pain? I threw away the things inside my room, even my windows are broken too so my room's messed up.

Why am I even born? I just wanted to die and end this torture. Life is cruel, indeed.