Memories of You

Knock knock

A persistent knocking sound woke me from my sleep.

"Again..."

I wiped the tears from my eyes and lay back in bed.

"I must have dreamed that scene again."

It had been two, no, maybe three days since the end of the battle.

When I had recovered from fainting, I had found myself in one of the beds in the infirmary. Sophia was asleep, her head resting on my bed and her hand entwined with mine.

I had freed myself from her grasp without waking her up and had slipped out to come here, to my room, which I had never left.

Sophia had come looking for me shortly afterwards, but since the protection spells had been reactivated, she had been faced with a locked door.

Of course, thanks to her power she could have entered anyway, but so far she had chosen not to. She probably wanted to give me time to process what had happened.

My stomach rumbled for the umpteenth time. I hadn't eaten since that cursed day.

Knock knock

I continued to ignore the knocking.

Apart from Sophia, Celeste had also visited me several times, but I had not opened the door to her either.

Nothing made sense anymore.

Slowly withering away seemed the best way to spend my last days at the Academy.

"My life would have ended here, in this room, the first week, if it hadn't been for Amy. If she hadn't convinced Sophia to help me... I would never have been saved."

But now there was nothing Sophia could do. The hope she had instilled in me was now dead and buried.

In the end, the decision I had made that September morning was the right one: there was no point in continuing to fight.

Neither she nor I would be able to do anything against him.

"Aldric..."

I replayed the scene in my mind for the umpteenth time: an inhuman figure who, without a moment's hesitation, extinguished the existence of a tiny, smiling girl.

I ran to the bathroom.

This too was a scene that had repeated itself over and over again.

As I had not eaten, what I threw up was just stomach acid. It was ironic to think that his face would elicit this reaction from me.

I laughed hysterically as I thought about the speech I had given to Sophia.

"My new dreams, huh?"

No... there was no such thing. My old dream had returned, transformed into a nightmare from which there was no escape.

Just as there was no escape from this academy.

If we tried to run away, I was sure they would use Aldric as a hound to catch us.

This condemned us to the only possible fate. We were to duel until only two students remained.

If it had been me and Sophia, one of us would have had to kill the other.

"I thought we had made so much progress... that we had become stronger... but in the end, we were both right from the beginning."

"I don't want to kill a friend..."

She was right.

And now that we were even closer, it would be even more painful.

I had seen my best friend die before my eyes. Soon the same could have happened to the woman I loved.

This was the ending that had been written for us, and all our actions up to this point had simply followed the script that had been given to us.

"We should never have got closer to one another..."

I lay in bed and soon slipped into a restless sleep, amidst nightmares filled with flashes of light and cawing ravens.

***

«Elizabeth... I'm coming in.»

The time had come. I knew that Sophia wouldn't wait forever.

"She must be very worried about me."

I had thought and thought about how to talk to her, but in the end...

"I don't have the strength to do anything but ignore her. I've done nothing but stay in bed... but I'm so tired..."

I saw the tip of her sword slip between the door and its frame.

I turned to the other side of the bed, facing the wall.

I heard Sophia's light footsteps enter the room, accompanied by a faint clinking sound.

«Elizabeth... I brought you some food,» she said softly.

At my silence, I heard Sophia approach. The bed sank as she sat on its edge.

«You haven't eaten in two days... please... at least a few bites.»

I continued to stare at the wall, ignoring her.

«Elizabeth... I understand...»

«You don't understand a damn thing.»

The words came out of my mouth without me even noticing.

There was a moment of silence.

«You're right... I'm sorry. I don't know how you feel, but... I want to do what I can to help you.»

«I don't need help... I just want you to leave me alone.»

I felt anger boiling inside me. For some reason it was unbearable to hear Sophia talk to me like this,

I had decided to ignore her but part of me seemed to want nothing more than to shout at her.

But Sophia did not let those words stop her:

«I can't... I can't leave you alone like this... I can't leave you until you've eaten something.»

I took a deep breath and tried to compose myself.

For some reason I felt I was on the verge of losing control.

«I'm sure Amy wouldn't...»

The tray she was holding smashed against the wall, spilling its content.

I saw her eyes widen in surprise as we finally faced each other.

«Elizabeth... what...?»

«Don't you dare finish that sentence. Amy's dead... you can't speak for her!»

«I... I'm sorry, I didn't mean...»

«What do you know about what Amy would have wanted... you barely knew her... you don't even seem to care that she's gone!»

«What?! NO! Why are you saying this... she was the only other friend I had besides you... I've been doing nothing but crying for two days now.... But now... I'm worried about you!»

But her words were like a distant echo. Only a cacophony of hatred and anger rumbled through my mind.

«I bet you're happy about all this, aren't you? Now you can have me all to yourself! Is that why you're here? Are you lonely because I'm the only person who can stand you?» I shouted at her.

Sophia seemed to have no idea how to react to those words.

«Elizabeth... w-what are you talking about... please, calm down! Come to your senses!»

«CALM DOWN!?!»

I threw myself at her in a fit of rage. We both rolled off the bed onto the floor.

Soon I was on top of her, grabbing her shirt with both hands and starting to shake her.

«My best friend died in front of me and you have the nerve to tell me to calm down!?»

«I... don't... I'm sorry...» Sophia mumbled.

«I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Is that all you can say?!» I let her go and looked down at her, «you're completely useless!»

«... useless?» Sophia repeated weakly, looking into my eyes.

«Useless. While I was fighting until I was almost killed, you were taking a nap. In the end it was Amy who saved me... she sacrificed herself for me!»

Tears began to fall from Sophia's eyes. I could see on her face the pain that my words were causing her. I was hitting her where it hurt the most.

But the whole scene was obscured by a deep mist that did not want me to stop, in fact it seemed to relish the idea of continuing to torment her.

«You're only good at talking and posturing... but when I need you, you're never there. And to think I once admired a nobody like you...»

Sophia bit her lip so hard it started bleeding, but she stayed silent.

«So?! Have you nothing to say? You know I'm right and you don't know how to defend yourself? Does it hurt to hear the truth?!»

At these words, however, Sophia smiled at me through her tears.

«It hurts... but if taking it out on me makes you feel a little better... I'll take whatever mean thing you want to say to me.»

Suddenly I was beside myself with rage.

I raised a fist, ready to bring it down on her flushed face.

Sophia closed her eyes and waited.

«Get up and leave.»

My fist had closed with such force that my nails had penetrated my palms.

But the anger was so great that I didn't even want to hit her.

I felt a deep nausea and my breathing had become difficult. It was as if my emotions were going into overload.

Sophia opened her eyes, surprised at my change of tone.

«Elizabeth?»

I stood up and turned my back on her.

«Go away... I never want to see you again.»

«I don't...»

«GO AWAY!»

«No.»

I felt Sophia's arms wrap around me as the girl hugged me from behind.

«LET ME GO!»

I started to struggle.

«I won't let you go... I will hold you for as long as it takes,» Sophia whispered into my ear.

I began to struggle harder, going feral.

I elbowed her several times, even head-butted her.

I scratched her hands, which were clenched at my sides.

I insulted her and tried to hurt her in every way I could.

But Sophia would not let me go.

I began to hyperventilate.

Sophia held me tighter.

And then I started to cry... louder and louder.

Sophia pulled me in so I could lean against her.

Finally I fell silent, drained of all emotion, and all my strength seemed to leave me.

Sophia supported me as I slowly collapsed to my knees on the floor.

«Why...?»

«Because I love you.»

«...even though I said those terrible things to you...»

«...it really hurt me...it's true. But I think you're hurting a lot more than I am. Right now I just want to support you as much as I can.»

«..stop...stop being so nice to me...I can't take it. I don't deserve it...»

«That's why you broke down, isn't it? You feel guilty... what you can't stand is the fact that you're still alive.»

I thought I had run out of tears, but they soon returned to wet my face.

«I promised her, Sophia... I promised you... I'm a liar. All the terrible things I said to you... I was just passing my guilt on to you.»

I threw myself on her chest.

«I'm useless. The only thing I can do is talk. "I won't let either of you die." What a joke I am... In the end, when the time came, I couldn't do anything.»

«The same goes for me... in the end, what you told me wasn't a lie. We let Amy die when we should have protected her. It is a guilt we will have to carry, Elizabeth. But it is a burden we can bear together.»

«I... I... I can't. I can't take it anymore.»

I felt Sophia's hands grab my shoulders, forcing me to turn around. Her eyes were red from crying, but she had a firm expression on her face.

«You can't give up. Remember what happened the first week? Remember who did everything to keep you from throwing in the towel? And who gave her life for you?!»

I tried to wriggle out again, as if escaping her grasp would erase the meaning of those words, but Sophia wouldn't let me go.

«I can't do this! I have no right to live after I let her die! I can't go on with the scene of her death forever engraved in my mind!»

Sophia hugged me tighter.

«You can't let the memory of your best friend become something that haunts you. Hit me if you want, but I have to tell you... do you really think Amy would have wanted you to be in pain every time you think about her?»

«I...»

«For all we know, you may be the only person who remembers her when this is over. That's another reason why you can't give up. Before you were my girlfriend, you were my best friend.

The time we spent together is the most precious to me. To think that the memory of those moments could be lost forever... I can't accept that. And I'm sure Amy wouldn't want all the time you spent together to be swallowed up by this damn school either.

You have to live, for her too. It will hurt and it will be painful. But you must take the Amy you knew with you from now on.»

"She's right.... If I die... maybe no one will remember her. It would be so sad... She was so kind and so brave... I can't let her be forgotten."

«Tell me about her,» Sophia said suddenly.

«What...?»

«You said it before, I didn't know her well. I know it will be painful, but tell me all about her. I didn't spend much time with her... but she was a wonderful person and I want to help you keep the memories you have of her alive.»

'...'

I started to talk.

Amy and I had known each other since we were very young.

From what my parents had told me, we had played together a lot as babies.

But as I got older, even though Amy had always adored me, I tried more and more to keep her at a distance. I found her far too overbearing.

When we had started magic school together, I had thought our paths would part once and for all.

Amy had quickly become extremely popular and well-liked, while I had quickly become isolated due to my arrogance and cockiness.

But Amy had not let that happen.

Despite everything, she had always made time for me.

Despite her friends' attempts to dissuade her, she had never left me alone.

While our classmates went off to have fun in the streets of the city, she was more than happy to sit next to me and read magic books that she probably didn't really care about.

«And I... never appreciated her enough for what she did for me!» I sobbed as Sophia ran her hand through my hair.

Years had passed but our relationship had never changed.

Whenever I tried to push her away, Amy always came back to me, without complaining, never asking for anything in return.

But one day the time had come when we had to say goodbye.

I remembered as if it were yesterday the day we had graduated. She had embraced me through tears, despite my remonstrances:

«You'll be off somewhere doing great things Lizzie! Remember old Amy when you become a great mage! I'll always be rooting for you.»

But fate had soon reunited us.

In the Academy.

It was thanks to her that I had made it this far. To her incredible and unconditional affection for me.

Together we had laughed and cried. We had fought and we had been reunited.

She had suffered, but she had risen stronger than before.

And in the end she had left me... smiling.

«AMY!» I yelled through my tears, «I will miss you... but I will never forget you.»

«I will remember her... together with you,» Sophia whispered softly, also crying.

We remained silent for several minutes, hugging each other, remembering our friend.

Finally I spoke:

«What are we going to do, Sophia? I really don't want it to happen, but if we go on like this... one of us is going to die. And the other... might turn into a monster like Aldric.»

«It's possible that's the fate that awaits us...»

«But then...»

«But even if our fate is already written... our actions from now until the end, we are the ones who decide them! And I... I want to keep fighting. I want to fight for a future where I can live with you!»

«Even if...»

«Even if it's pointless. At least I want to enjoy the time I have left with the one I love,» Sophia finished the sentence for me, pulling away from the embrace and smiling.

"...!"

Suddenly Amy's voice echoed in my head:

"Precisely because our lives could end at any moment, we have to make sure we enjoy every happy moment we can."

"When I falter... in the end you are the one who brings me back to the right path..."

«I will fight. Until the end.»

Sophia's eyes widened at the sudden change in my tone, but then her expression became serious again.

«I have no intention of giving up. This time I will make you a promise. I will get us both out of this school alive!»

«Sophia, you don't...»

«Yes. You said it... when you need me, I'm never there. I will make it up to you. If fate has shackled us to certain death, I will cut those chains!»

"..."

«I'm not sure if that sounded cool or... very lame.»

«Hey! It took me a long time to come up with that line!»

We both burst out laughing.

But suddenly I couldn't help but notice the scratches on her hands.

«Sophia... I'm sorry. I don't know what...»

«It's ok,» she interrupted me, «you had a breakdown. Given the circumstances... maybe I should have handled it differently... but the important thing is that you're better.»

«Sophia... thank you.»

«You're welcome. Now you must eat something. I'll see if I can find someone who hasn't eaten yet and ask them nicely for some food...»

"She's going to extort it..." I thought as Sophia disappeared down the corridor.

I pulled out my wand and cleaned up the mess I had made by throwing the tray on the floor.

"Once again I gave in to the pressure... Amy, I really wish I had your strength."

I had decided to keep her alive in me. I wanted to use her as an example to move forward.

Sophia returned shortly afterwards with an irritated expression on her face.

«I only found a piece of bread...»

«That's fine...»

«Eat slowly, your stomach is not used to it anymore...»

I obeyed under her stern gaze.

«Sophia, what's hap-»

«Not now. For today, rest and keep your head clear. We'll talk about it tomorrow. Anyway, classes are cancelled for this week and there won't be an elimination on Sunday, so don't worry.»

«Okay...»

Sophia smiled and ruffled my hair:

«I'm glad you're feeling better...»

«Thanks to you and... Amy.»

«I think it's more thanks to her... I don't think my words would have reached you otherwise. Now come on, get some sleep. We'll talk more tomorrow.»

But as she turned to leave, I grabbed her sleeve.

«Sophia...»

«Yes?»

«I can't sleep well... could you stay here with me... tonight?»

Sophia was silent for a moment, then answered:

«All right. Let me get some blankets and I can sleep on the cha-»

«No... come into bed with me and hold me like you did before.»

Another pause, a longer one.

Then Sophia sighed:

«I can't seem to be able to say no to you anymore... I'll get my pajamas.»

Sophia hurried out without showing her face.

Strangely enough, I was not nervous.

There was no ulterior motive behind my request. I just wanted to feel her close to me.

I prepared the bed and when Sophia arrived I made sure I was lying down with my face to the wall so as not to embarrass her.

«I'll turn off the light...» Sophia murmured.

I felt the bed lower again as the girl climbed onto it.

Her arms embraced me.

«Is this what you want me to do?»

«Come closer...»

«... ok.»

I felt her chest move closer to my back, but it wasn't enough.

I was the one who came closer, pressing my body against hers.

«This...»

«Does it bother you?»

«... no.»

«Sophia?»

«What is it?»

«Good night... and thank you again.»

«Good night Elizabeth.»

I woke up several times that night. But lulled by the warmth of Sophia's body and her rhythmic breathing I always managed to get back to sleep quickly.

I dreamt of Amy again, but this time it was me and her, back in our old town and we were both smiling.

***

The magic bed woke me. I immediately realised that Sophia was no longer beside me.

I stood up abruptly:

«Sophia!»

My heart was pounding.

«I'm here, sleepyhead.»

Sophia was sitting at the small table in my room, fully dressed.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

«Don't worry... I have no intention of disappearing. You'll have to put up with me till the end.»

«What have I done to deserve this?»

«I can think of lots of things.»

«Anyway... why do you have two trays?»

«Well, one is my breakfast and the other is yours...»

«Mine? But you couldn't get it for me...»

«Someone kindly gave it to us!»

«SOPHIA! You can't go around terrorising people for food like that!»

«Oh, what a shame... and I was going to serve you breakfast in bed...»

«I guess I could look the other way for once...»

«Idiot.»

Sophia approached with the tray.

"It's almost like... we're a married couple."

«What is that face?»

«Nothing...»

It was then that I made a drastic decision.

"I don't even know if a priest would be willing to bless us, but... if we get out of here... I'm going to propose to her."

«Here, eat it all.»

«My arms hurt...»

«Don't you remember what happened last time?»

«Come on... feed me for real this time! You said you couldn't say no to me anymore.»

«... what am I going to do with you?»

But as she knelt down by my bed, I quickly grabbed her chin and suddenly kissed her.

«... what?!»

«Thanks for the meal!» I said as I watched Sophia blush furiously.

From now on I would live every moment as if it were my last.

"I will have many new things to tell you when we meet again... Amy."