Chapter 1: Meet Me at The Bar

Anya Shepard had never been pursued romantically. She'd never had time for that, between missions and her dislike of flowers. However, over the past two months, her handsome lieutenant made it pretty clear how he felt about her. While he wasn't her most frequent pick for away missions, he always made sure to show Anya that he had her back. Kaidan took care of her plants any time she was away, he always was ready to support her after any tough missions, and he kept the best sports streams from Earth on hand. It was flattering, honestly, having her own personal admirer. She was starting to get a bit of a crush on him, too.

So how the hell did she end up here, stumbling over herself with her best friend on Noveria?

The second she met Garrus Vakarian, something between them clicked. They both grew up with strict military parents who expected them to grow into tiny versions of them. And every step they took to try to be their own person, the more they only seemed to affirm their parents' legacy.

Until they didn't.

When she looked in his eyes, she saw all those years of frustration, with her parents, with COs, begging them to look past rules and instead do the goddamn right thing. It took years and too many traumatic events to finally get heard, and seeing him argue with C-Sec authorities about Saren brought all those feelings right back.

And when she helped saved Dr. Michel, and he looked at her like he found his partner in anti-crime? Anya had barely left his side after that.

Sure, they grew up on two different worlds, and he liked cop noirs where she loved war movies, and the one time she tried some of his food she barfed for hours, but it was like she found someone that made her feel so comfortably herself. Garrus went on every mission with her and she'd never felt so sure that somebody had her back, not just watered the Ivy.

Anya may have been his commanding officer, and he treated her with endless respect, but he didn't know how much leaning on him helped her, too.

And here she was, rubbing her cheeks to try to burn away blush while they were on a frozen planet full of corporate assholes. Well, less corporate assholes, after what they'd accomplished.

She still couldn't quite wrap her brain around how she got herself here, getting drunk with him, him holding onto her waist, her losing her mind as it fritzed. Liara came on the mission to face her mother, but after Benezia's unfortunate demise, she decided to go back to the ship and spend some quality time with Chakwas and by herself.

She and Garrus, however, needed to warm the hell up from the frozen wasteland and the drinks at the hotel bar looked pretty nice. They promise to be back to the ship in a few hours, but were going to enjoy a non-Saren break. Shit was fucked enough without them ignoring all opportunities to blow off some steam.

Anya wasn't sure when the blushing started, though. Yeah, sometimes it happened when she drank. But only about three drinks in, and she was swimming in all the things he was saying. Instead of casual soldier banter or mission talk, they were stumbling into some very deep conversations. Things she hadn't talked about in years. She didn't even realize she should be embarrassed until after she'd already told him about how her mother caught her making out in a closet with her first boyfriend (a Drell by the name of Ryel) and, worse, how she'd been woefully unprepared for the effect that the kiss would have on her mental state, especially in front of said mother.

Garrus' laughter made it all go down smoother, but Anya wasn't sure if that was for better or worse, just quite yet.

While humans were new to the galaxy, and were far less adept in inter-species relationships, Anya had always managed to be able to find something attractive about most anyone. When she was in elementary school, she had a huge crush on an Elcor child she met because he spoke what felt like poetry to her young ears.

And sure, she'd had flirtations with turians before and even had a few suggestive encounters, but none of those men were Garrus so that made things a bit more complicated.

Why did her hormones have to go and get all flustered now?

His jaw had always been so defined, and his voice always rumbled like that. She always had enjoyed hearing him tell her stories and watching the way his markings laid across his skin. Hell, she even had an honest admiration for the way he moved, as a soldier and as a person.

But what was so different now that made those "nice" things suddenly magnetic?

Just as she was losing her brain to the abyss of embarrassment, he placed a hand on her shoulder. She almost jolted out of her skin. "Hey, Shepard, I think we both needed this. But it's about time we headed back to the Normandy, right? Can't get blamed for making the Captain go AWOL."

Anya choked out a laugh and shrugged off his hand, careful to ignore how it glided off her back... Mostly. "Right. Yeah. We should do that." Just as she pushed off the high table, though, she wobbled. Was she drunker than she thought?

A little too helpful and thoughtful, Garrus caught her by the waist and held her up. Her bones could nearly melt out, the way her skin was heating up. He just grinned at her and shook his head. "Shepard can't hold her liquor. Duly noted." He threw her arm around his shoulder and, after paying the bill, took the lead. "It's okay, I'll get us back nice and safe. C-Sec had me carrying heavier and drunker people home. You'll be easy."

In her own desperation, Anya tried to pull away a bit. "Garrus, you don't have to-"

"With how many times you picked my ass up from those Asari Commandos today, it's the least I can do. But don't you dare tell anyone else I admitted that."

Anya thought, to Hell with it, and leaned in. Literally. She leaned onto his sturdy shoulder and just let her brain get its fill of whatever bizarre shit it was on tonight. Maybe it really was just the booze, too strong to let her think straight.

She had an attractive biotic chasing after her, right? No need to go for guys who'd never want her.

While she had a bad habit for that, she especially didn't need that bullshit with her best friend.

She tried to latch onto that phrase with a ferocity, like the platonic nature of it could save her from the way she was flaring up right now. It didn't make sense. It had to not make sense.

If it did make sense, she had one too many problems that a probationary Spectre trying to run down another Spectre trying to destroy the galaxy needed. Christ, thinking that only made her feel like shit for daring to think of anyone romantically.

By the time she was paying attention, they were already back to the Normandy doors. Most people on the ship would be asleep, with the probable exceptions of Joker, Pressley, and unfortunately enough, Kaidan.

He often waited up for her when she went away.

Suddenly his antics were less charming and more felt like a desperate puppy. Though, being carried around by an attractive turian who was one hell of a shot probably didn't help with that.

Dammit. Scratch the attractive.

"Have you always been such a lightweight? The vids act like humans are professionals at drinking."

Anya tried to focus on the things he said versus the joking, friendly, comfortable way he said them. "No, but I guess it's been a long while since I was a young cadet passing time."

"You haven't been drinking since cadets?" Garrus chuckled and the way it rumbled against her side nearly set her body on fire. "Joker may say I have a stick up my ass, but maybe I'm not the only one."

"You don't have time to drink much anymore when all your old drinking buddies keep dying."

Just as they entered the Normandy airlock, Garrus gave her this sympathetic, heartbroken look. "I'm sorry, Shepard."

Anya laughed back at him again, like it helped cover up all the weird feelings that were bubbling up in her. If she was going to ignore the romantic ones, she guessed the miserable ones were the only ones left. "You don't even know what you're saying sorry about."

"I may have done some digging on you. I know about Akuze, and several other suicide operations that you survived." Garrus shook his head and a flash of anger came on his face as the decontamination stopped. 'They couldn't have sent anyone else, could they?"

"Part of the job." Garrus picked her back up and they moved into the Normandy. The lights were low, Joker wasn't even at the helm, and they started walking towards the nav system. Pressley was awake, as expected, but other than a raised eyebrow he let them pass, unbothered. She appreciated that right now, especially with the gloom fog rolling in over her head.

Garrus responded, "Sure, but even the best can only take so much." Leading her to the stairs, he didn't even ask before he slung her over her shoulder and walked her down the stairs. "We need to find you more hobbies, Shepard. Drinking doesn't seem the best option."

Staring down at his strong back and well-toned legs, with his face so close to her ass, Anya was a little overwhelmed by it all. She didn't even speak until they were at the bottom and he put her back on the ground. "Y-You didn't have to do that."

"I didn't. But maybe you deserve to be carried sometimes, instead of having to carry everything for everyone else." He started dragging her towards her room intently, but those words he just said overwhelmed her senses more than anything else.

Most people just praised her, awarded her, and then begged to see what more she could accomplish. They might want to support her, but only so she could push on further and further.

But here he was, Garrus Vakarian, wanting to carry some of her burdens, no promise of her saving the world for him.

"Garrus, I--"

Anya barely opened her mouth before that not-so-secret admirer was on them. "Shepard! You okay?"

All the more flustered, she felt overrun. However, instead of speaking over her, Garrus just looked to her like it was her place to figure out what she wanted here. Hell, he looked half ready to hand her off to Kaidan, like he expected her to want that. There might have even been a twinge of disappointment in his eyes, if she didn't know any better.

Coughing, she kept a hand on Garrus' side but straightened. "Garrus and I were just... celebrating surviving Noveria. I might have drank a little more than I should have."

"Well, don't worry about it. I got you. I can get you the rest of the way and Garrus can get to sleep."

Garrus let go of her waist like he expected her to walk into Kaidan's open arms, but something snapped in Anya. Kaidan's sweet attentiveness was still sweet and well-meant, but looking up at this alien man, she didn't want to budge an inch. "He's already gotten me this far so let's just keep going. But thank you, Kaidan. You should get yourself to bed."

The guy looked dejected, and it made Anya feel a little bad, but not bad enough. Especially when Garrus said nothing, but his arm found its way around her waist again and tightened.

He helped her into her room, set her in her chair, and shut the door behind him. Except, he didn't leave. He stayed in the room with her. When he turned back around, she was stupidly fumbling with her boots.

Garrus got on his knees and started pulling at her shoes. However, after getting one off, he just stared at her foot. "Why didn't you want to spend some alone time with the Lieutenant? It wouldn't have hurt my feelings. The entire ship knows he's in love with you."

"Yeah, but who said I was in love with him?"

For a moment, Garrus stilled and glanced up at her, like trying to figure out what she really meant by that. She didn't quite know what she meant by that. "Fair. Alenko does come on strong."

"Sometimes I think I'm going insane on this ship. Too many people idolize me. Kaidan and Dr. T'Soni are the only ones who try to take it romantic. It's sweet, but it still feels like so much." Anya didn't know what was happening to her, but she found herself tearing up into her clenched fists. "Eventually, it feels like you're not human anymore, just this unstoppable idea that needs to keep going because it makes everyone else stronger. Humanity is counting on me to be their representative to prove to the galaxy that we're worthy. But along the way, I forget what it's like to be a human in the first place."

Garrus ran a soft talon across one of the tears falling down her cheek. "Don't worry, Shepard. You'll always be a squishy, emotional human to me."

And she couldn't explain what came over her, but that's when she leaned forward and pressed her lips onto his forehead. Maybe she hadn't noticed how good it felt to have him by her side, but now all the emotions tumbled over her uncontrollably. Maybe there was a reason she gave up drinking for so long.

His blue eyes looked up at her with confusion. "Shepard..."

"Please, don't say it. I'm tipsy and we can forget about it tomorrow, go back to being friends. Best of friends, actually. It doesn't have to be anything more for you, but just don't leave. Not right now. I'm... inordinately human right now."

Garrus didn't give her any response to the kiss, but asked, "What do you need?"

"I just want to be held and forget these bad feelings. I just want them to go back where they came from, before the booze."

She crawled into her bed, at best expecting to be tucked in. Instead, Garrus laid down next to her. He opened his arms. "C'mere. I'll stay until you fall asleep."

Anya didn't ask questions. She just pulled herself into his arms, cuddled close, and let his breathing be what she fell asleep to. Sure, she had no damn clue what this meant for their friendship, but it was nice to be soothed, if only for a little.

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