Drown #1

It started raining  and just like the stories I've read and movies I've watched the rain kept pouring as it blend the tears in my face.

The weather matches my emotion, it partnered my pain.

It's cold and I'm shivering yet I didn't mind. My eyes is focused on the notebook I'm holding.

'Hey, Book. How did we end up like this?' I asked this little notebook as if it was him.

I sighed heavily and laugh. Damn, I so fuckin love that man.

They said love is like suicide, looking at me right now. I guess its true. I qmade a stupid action, a stupid negotiation with a devil.

Its either i let myself fall to that deep magnetic hole or put all my bet to the demon.

In my case, i took the risk. I took the devil's offer not knowing that having that kind of deal is way more painful than what i expected.

When a human is in love they do all crazy stuffs, even if they'll look like a fool and stupid mofos.

Have you ever beg for someone's affection?

Have you ever plead to someone so they could love you the way you love them?

I was staring at the ocean blankly when a warm jacket envelope my body. I look up and saw my cousin with his knitted brows.

"If only I could punch that guy's face multiple times without you getting mad at me? Damn, that would be heaven"

I gave out a loud sigh, not minding his words.

"How did you find me?" I asked.

He sighed before he answered my question. "You know I can easily find the two of you whenever I wanted, Audelia. My connections are endless."

He wrapped his hands over my shoulders ''Let's go, its so fucking cold here. How the hell did you manage to stay at this creepy place anyway?" He didn't ask me more like he's asking his self.

My body is shivering and I couldn't stand nor manage to walk properly so he decided to carry me.

And then moments later I saw Audrey standing meters away from King's car, holding an umbrella as she cries silently.

I shut my eyes and lean on King's chest.

Am I that broken that even the people around me felt the pain Im feeling?

Or they can't just stand the fact that their cousin is being pathetic as she fell in love with someone who can't love her back?

This is so cliché isn't? Just how many women have been hurted, left, and cheated on? with one sole reason, 'Not enough'

I gave all of me didn't I? To the extent where i couldn't even prioritize my self.

Ahh, yes maybe it wasn't really enough. That maybe just like what he said he's at fault. Because you won't be left if they truly love you, need you, care for you.

Right now, i want this loneliness gone. That's all i want.

~

Mute.

So this is it.

This is the end.

I thought it would sound like the screeching of tires

Or the splintering of glass

I never expected this quiet hush.

A whisper of silk

As your hand drops from my waist;

A whoosh of air

As my heart exhales.

No more finger pointing,

The business of blame is done.

How did it come to this?

How does love unravel with no sound?

(The Heartbreak Diaries page 28)

I am Wyett Audelia Roan, I've read in someone's book, "Writing things down, letting the words bleed onto paper and take shape like a personal Rorschach test helped me sort out and articulate the feelings I couldn't seem to say out loud."

This is my story of love, sacrifices and moving on.