Chapter 1

Driving in the Dark

By Elliot Louden

Battle of Eyes

My beautiful girl

With your snakelike eyes

You could conquer the world

With your smiling lies

The thorn on a rose

Rose from the pits of hell

Dwelling on the past, the present, and the future all at once

I watch you rise and grow

And lie and aim your golden arrows at your foe

You girl of beauty

So devilish and dead

You watch me die

And fall down this rabbit hole

Gaining strength from my pain

I lay slain upon the floor

No more am I living

I am only surviving

Though no longer am I dying

I am simply here

Listening

And waiting

Watching you glisten in the sun

From my spot in the shade

Oh beautiful girl with your snakelike eyes

Find me once more

And watch me try

To act as you do

And see it through

As a boy with catlike eyes

Ours meet in an infinite staring contest

Showing the true strength of us

Together we stand

Standing through our final ending

Oh my girl of snakelike eyes

The Mirror

I look in the mirror

And watch as it falls apart

Shattered into pieces

At the sight of me

It stares back

My reflection a better version of myself

It jeers at me

Listening to my rants with a judging face

It moves will gentleness and grace

But sometimes I must run from it in fear

Oh dear

Out of my head

I stand tall

Then crumble

I call out your name

Roll the dice, start the game

Fumble the ball

I'm done with this

Every reminder

Of every lost kiss

A swing and miss

Every reminder of every moment

Creating this

A ball of hate

Swirling and swallowing everything in the path

I'm done with this

I hate it

I'm sick and tired

Of all these reminders

Of you

For the last time

Get out of my head

Blood Red Rubies

We bleed the same blood red rubies

Slowly dripping and clicking on the floor

With every childhood scrape

Boring those memories into us

It reminds us we live

And tells us we die

Pulsing through our veins

It courses throughout us

Bestowing the power of emotion and life

Those blood red rubies are us

They form our foundation

They are us

We are laced with gemstones

Every movement we create is laced with gemstones

Our rubies match

They fit together

The cracks in the middle seal

To form one heart

It sits in our bodies

Connecting to our souls

That beautiful ruby heart is there

Bleeding

Internal despair

It leaks diamonds and sapphires and emeralds and amethysts

Gems of every kind

Flowing out from every unsealed crack that forms with hurt

Heartbreak

Loss

Pain of all kinds that traps us together

Until that day the other half is torn off and those gems flood

Flood out and away down a cold river of gold which flows as those gemstones do

As those same blood red rubies that we bleed do

The Gift of Love

Wrapping paper

Bubble wrap

Wrapped around my heart

Putting up a wall

Blocking them all out

Keeping me safe

Protected

I wish to never pop this bubble wrap so long as it keeps me safe

It is my fence

It keeps out the pain

And the hurt

Though the tissue paper is stained with the blood of that crack in my broken heart

It shells it

Keeping it safe

Until the next time that wrapping is undone

And my heart is gifted away

Pristine

Waterfalls and misty rivers

Flowing in the woods

The sparkle

And house many creatures

They hydrate us all

So beautifully they run through that forest

Then one day the water becomes muddy

It flows roughly

No longer pristine, both humans and animals turn away

Leaving it to suffer

To riddle itself with disgust

It no longer sparkles in delight it now simply lies in constant movement

And in time, it dies

Merry-Go-Round

Memories

Are a carousel

Spinning on loop

Replaying over and over

A constant reminder

We feed into our curiosity

And give into those scenes

There is no fast forward, rewind, or pause

Only watching

In real time we add another seat to our carousel

To seat a new memory

No

I love you

Or do I

I can't say it

I won't try

Sorry

But no

Ice Cream

Ice cream

Melting into snow caps

Melting into dew drops

Falling into rivers

Flowing in the woods

Creatures

Wading through the river

Dirtying their paws

Lovely

Flowers dying on the land

Hand in hand

We walk

And talk

And chat

And mock

The beauty of the world

Mock those dying flowers

And watch them crumble in our hands

As our ice creams melt and drip onto the soil of the land

Socket

An eye socket holds

The window to a soul

But those windows close

With each tired blink

From the last of its sleepless nights

Puppeteer

I am a puppet

There is no doubt

And in my puppet shows

I scream and shout

"Let me out,

let me out"

I say

But every minute I am still being used

To sing and dance

And talk and prance

For just some affection you can see

How easily I'll become your doll

You can make me do as you please with ease

Because no matter how much I am used

I will not stand up once I fall for you

The Stone Man

A tree that fell in the woods

Blocks a path

That a lonely man walks upon

He tries to pass the tree

But when he cannot he sits and cries

Time passes

And he continues to sit

Day by day

Night by night

Week by week

And year by year

Vines and insects grow

And cover him head to toe in moss and bugs

Having sat still for so long

He turned to stone

On which the moonlight shone

Illuminating the sad figure

Forever preserved with salty tears

Rot

A flower blooms along a road

Its flowers symmetrical

And glowing a bright, moon shade of yellow

Though beautiful, the true nature of the flower is not

Its intent is simply to watch the world rot at the hand of pain and sorrow

It waits for tomorrow to come

To watch one person crash

And another jump off the overpass

Why must this beautiful flower be so hideous

My Heart

My heart continues to beat when flooded with thoughts and memories

So why must it feel like it doesn't

Why must it feel as if it stops with every thought of you

I become blue

Not a beat rings through me

Choking me out from the inside

Simply because you hurt me

And that can never be undone

Ballerina

Silently she dances

Fueled by the warmth of the sun on her skin

And in her hair sits a pearl lined hair pin

Holding back a lock

Of her silky, smooth hair

That fights to be free

As she floats on the air

Blisters form

As do scrapes

With every fall

Like a rose with thorns

She spins and she leaps

And she stands on the tips of her feet

In the tall, green grass

Coated with used cigarettes and broken glass

Dirt stains on her purple skirt

But underneath her beauty

She hides a world of hurt

She cries with every turn

And sighs with each scratch

She dies in her mind

And lies in the grass

After hours and hours of painful, graceful practice

Fading away at the price of perfection

To become the perfect ballerina

To be who she must

To please who she stands beside

She doesn't even remember who she was

Before the world told her who she was supposed to be

She sees that world through shaky tears

Her eyes filled with love and spite

She is truly a wonder

Truly a sight

Who fights herself

And in the end the world wins

Sp she collapses into a spotlight of sun

Into the glass filled grass

And cigarette ash

Finally giving up

Evil

Bones and flesh and nerves

We are simply that

Lumps of functioning meat

That can be conscious

I believe our minds are naturally evil

And our bodies either fight that or embrace it

Do Demons Bleed

Demons lurk beneath our skin

Harvesting our hearts

And splattering our blood

Then brushing it into art

Stealing that precious gem from us

Then tossing our bodies onto the worm filled soil

These demons feed off of our love and positivity

By setting us free

From the burden of living

They take our chances and burn our opportunities

But tell me world

Do those demons themselves bleed

Alone

Alone I sit

Crying softly in the glow of the moon

Quiet movement on the cold concrete

My driveway is a place of peace

A place for me to be alone with me

I listen to the wind

And cry out into it

Destroying myself from the inside out

As I stand

A blade in my hand

As I walk to the park and sit on the bench

Pull out the knife

And try to take my own life

It doesn't work

Which kills me inside

As I stare at the slide

Sitting alone with myself