Life Before

They say you die twice. Once when your soul leaves your body, and finally when your name is said for the last time.

Death is unfortunately, forever. Therefore, no matter how hard you run from it or where you try to hide, it always reaches you sometime or later. You can never matter forever, but you can matter in the now. there are always opportunities to mean something for a little while. And that, is the fun of living. The meaning of life is whatever meaning you give it.

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-Please! Somebody help me! I can't go!-

-I don't want to go! What if I don't make it?-

-Don't leave me! Please! I can make it if I try again! Please wait for me!-

Marius had been waking to the same nightmares for the past week, a deathly void of all consuming destruction. He had known that it meant something, but he never could focus on it for longer than a minute without feeling a pain in his head.

After getting off his bed, Marius turned on the channel to the news to provide white noise while he got ready for school. He was in the final 2 weeks before his graduation, and then after a month later he'd find out the results to the exams he had taken a few weeks earlier.

-Freedom at last.-

The news was describing the weather whilst he was in the shower, major accidents when he was getting dressed, and by the time he'd sat down to have his cereal, it was describing how an unexpected increase in blackouts had caused a pause in the state election whilst the pre decided leader was put into government.

-Huh, didn't know he was still still popular. Eh, doesn't effect me.-

The bus to school felt unchanging, like a mental foothold that kept Marius grounded, allowing him to realize that school was only three big bumps and one turn away. The people in his school had been changing constantly, however the mood was always the same, boring slog on entry.

"Sup shitstain!"

-Some things never change.-

"When did you get out of bed today?". Gavin: too short for bullying, too fit to be bullied. Comedic, no matter the situation. A good friend in boring times. "well that depends, if I was with your mom I would have been five minutes late, but here I am, six minutes early." Marius retorted.

"Nice one, did you spend all night researching it or did you find it on a cringe online forum written by a loser who thinks he's smart?". Gavin was always good with quickfire rebounds, however today Marius had one more sentence to end the banter:

"Gay."

"homophobe."

"maybe, what's it to you? Tryna kiss or something?"

"maybe if you didn't smell like a dumpster full of rotting eggs."

"do not."

"yes you do."

"Ass."

"Bitch."

By the time they made it to the school, the banter had already been reduced to single-word insults, which was only stopped by a teacher giving them a scorn-filled mouthful. "So which University are you gonna try and join?" Gavin asked. "well, I'm thinking of taking a gap year to work and get enough money to actually pay for college" Marius replied. "and let me guess, you aren't staying here and are instead moving to a posh European college instead?". "you betcha'." Gavin responded.

Gavin was smart enough to get a really high score on his previous years exams, allowing him early entry into his preferred school in France. Marius also had around the same score however he didn't want to go to university, all he wanted was to escape.

"so what are you going to say for graduation? personally, I'm just gonna say 'thank you to everyone' and then leave, no one really needs to hear what I think about school. Also, I don't want the graduation to go on fo-" said Gavin until he was interrupted by the principal of the school lurking behind him

"ah-hem. Boys, I think that you should enjoy your education meeting its end, and even though this is an end in reality it's really just the-"

-Blah blah blah something something responsibility-

"- and that is why your graduation speech shouldn't be just a few words, instead it shou-"

-Oh my god when is she gonna stop?-

"-so, I hope you take my message with care and use that responsibility as leaders of the school. Now get to class please.". "Jesus, she never stops once you get her going does she?" Gavin was not fond of the principal as she had once given him an hour lecture on chewing gum, ultimately resulting in his newfound love for messing with the principal in every way he could.

"Anyway, back to what I was saying. What are you going to say?".

"I don't know man, probably just thanking my friends and family and stuff.". Marius only really wanted to thank his friends and teachers, but knew that his parents would get mad at him for not mentioning them. They always got mad at anything they could, according to Marius.

"alright well, I'll see your boring ass at lunch, loser."

"Piss-stain"

"Poo sniffer"

They said their usual goodbyes and then headed off to their respective classes, Gavin going to computer science and Marius going to economics. His economics teacher was an enthusiastic blonde Scottish man whose teaching was often overlooked as fast paced and confusing for those who didn't pay attention.

"a'right, so today since we have no content and all of you's are graduatin', we're goin' ta' play some monopoly for this period, and whoever wins gets a snickers bar from yours truly." The teacher always played games for the end of the year, and today it was monopoly.

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After classes finished for the day, Marius went back home via the bus. Unlike the morning bus this one felt like tension, like a bridge hanging by a thread, like side-shuffling across a mountain face, where only doom awaited beneath

Marius was given food, clothes, access to a good education, and a steady allowance, however he was never given love. His parents often verbally abused him or outright ignored him, always discrediting his accomplishments and always trying to control where he was at all times.

The bus arrived at the stop with an extra bounciness, and left Marius and three other passengers out on the curb. He began walking home, hoping that his parents would be out doing something, but knowing that they would be there, inside waiting for him.

-Welp. Nothing better to do.-