44

We arrive home and I haven't let go of Ryan

Jay went with Hank to interrogate Jerome, I just wanted to get her home

"How are you feeling baby?" I ask for maybe the millionth time

"I'm fine mom" she says annoyed swatting my hand away

"Can you please set me down?" She asks wiggling around till I set her feet on the ground laughing a little

"Ok I get to smother you a little considering you were just kidnapped" I say and she sighs before going to take her shoe off, her other one is in evidence right now still

I laugh as I hear banging on my door, I turn and I hear her footsteps, I chuckle opening the door to see Gabi and Matt

"Where is she?" Gabi asks shoving past me

"She's in her room now" I laugh as Gabi nods her head and runs to her room

"You ok?" Matt asks, I turn to him and shrug my shoulders

"I don't know" I sigh "a part of me feels like I should've gave her to Mrs. Greene, her grandmother" I sigh

"I mean she barely knew me when I first got her, and in a short time we've been in a car accident, shes been taken" I say, Matt comes closer and envelopes me in a hug

I let a sob out and start crying as Matt hugs me tighter

"I just feel like I'm not a good mom considering all the bad shit we have been through" I pull away using my sweaters sleeve to wipe the stray tears away

"You're a good mother Kennedy you are trying and that's what matters" Matt says "just give it a little time ok?" He says and I nod pulling back wiping away my tears

I pull away seeing Gabi and Ryan come out of the room both wearing tiarasI see the scar on her arm from the car accident and I look down after I was taking away they put her in a different ambulance, I was just glad that Jay rode with her even though he isn’t her biological father or guardian. Once she arrived they took the glass out and stitched her up then her and Jay came up after I was out of surgeryI smile as she looks my way smiling, I walk over Matt following closely behind as I sit on the couchI sigh placing my chin in my hands watching my daughter interact with my sister, I know she’ll be a good mom whenever her and Matt have kidsI sit and watch them for awhile till I hear the door open and I see Jay walk in holding 3 bags of groceries, I gave him my bank card knowing I wasn’t going to use it today, I was going to go shopping but he said he would since he was passing the store on his way here, I would’ve had to pass by my apartment to go shop since Ryan’s school was away from the middle of town “Hey!” he says kicking his shoes off beside mine on the mat and placing the 3 bags on the counter and walking over kissing Ryan on the head then walking over and kissing me,  he sits down pulling me into his sideIt’s crazy how fast Jay an I are moving but I don’t mind it, he makes me really happy and he cares for Ryan as if she was his own. He saved me in more than one way and honestly if he proposed tomorrow I wouldn’t say No.I lean further into Jay watching Ryan and Gabi sit on the floor, Ryan was 11 but she still had a spirit of a little child, she still loved to play dress up or play pretend and I loved that it makes me feel like she is that age but I know in reality I almost have a teenager which honestly scares the living shit out of me.I turn to Matt who had a sad look on his face and I look back to my sister and daughter, he still wants to be a dad but I think Gabi is still trying to get over loosing their baby and LouieI snuggle into Jay’s side feeling sad for Matt and Gabi, I look over to the table seeing my phone light upTONI‍♂‍Hey baby sis what are your plans for tomorrow?