You will never leave me

I have been watching unsolved mysteries on Netflix and I got on a roll with the true crime stuff, plus I think about my closest near-miss almost everyday. I brought this incident up to my therapist once but for some reason I've never really dug into it. I think about this all the time and I have a terrible feeling of what-if, combined with intense guilt that washes over me, every time.

I've been swiped at as a teenager running in the park and one terrifying night near a Jamba Juice but what happened when I was 21 was the worst.

My friend and I had never gone out to the clubs before as we were newly 21 (we are straight edge, no fake IDs or anything). We didn't really understand the concept of free booze for girls so whenever we were offered a glass of champagne or a shot we were like - sure. We had a really fun night and we definitely were far too drunk (I want to say it was 6 drinks for me at least).

At the end of the night the clubs/bars were clearing out, my friend was kind of stumbling and I was supporting her and this guy came up and started talking to us and expressed that he was concerned. He asks if she's ok and starts telling us he's a doctor, so I'm suspicious and I ask where he went to medical school, what's his specialty, what hospital does he work at, and honestly I can't remember what he said (I've suppressed this memory), and I was polite and he was friendly but I sensed that he was lying.

I sat down with my friend and she was starting to get tired and sick, and I called my mom to come pick us up (we didn't use uber or lyft at the time) and I told her oh yeah we are ok, we are with this doctor, but we are in front of the downtown mall, and she was confused and as I found out later, terrified. Some marines approached us. They were incredibly trustworthy and looking back they had to have seen our vulnerability and did protect us. I had to pee really really badly, so we all walked over to the mall, but the bathroom was closed. We walked back to where we were sitting before and I said that I still really had to pee.

**Here's where I don't know why I did what I did** I split from my friend and walked off with the man maybe I thought that there were still cars on the road and it was ok, and I just felt the vibe that the marines were safe people, I don't know. I want to say that the man may have said that he knew where a bathroom was even. But we get blocks and blocks up the street and I actually squatted to pee in some gravel because nothing was open. When I was done I stood up and was ready to go back, he asked if I wanted to drive back and I said, no we can walk, it's not that far, and then he said "are you sure, my car's just around the corner?" and this was when, even as drunk as I was, that answer would always be a no. I said again, no it's fine, we can walk.

I get back to the open area and the marines are still caring for my friend and they give us their number in case anything else happens. I didn't notice, but the man was gone once I was with my friend again. My mom picks us up and she was really concerned bc my friend was super drunk still and super tired.

Thank the universe that the worst thing to happen that night was that we made ourselves hungover, but I constantly think about all of horribly stupid decisions I had made and the things that could have happened: How did I survive going blocks away with a stranger? Why did I trust anyone at all and split off from my friend? What would have happened if I followed that stranger to his "car", I live in a big city less than an hour from the border of Mexico (hope I'm not doxxing myself), could I have been murdered? Trafficked? I've heard that there are cross border abductions that happen, and I've always looked for more info but haven't found much.

What pains me the most is that I had split from my friend at all, and that I could have hurt my parents by being murdered or going missing. Writing this was hard because even thinking about it is traumatic.

So if you ever meet a suspicious man calling himself a doctor, you might not be so lucky, don't be polite.