Chapter 8: The Innocence Of The Night

This evening had been a real fiasco. I tried to distract myself and read Austen's Emma, but I just couldn't do it. My thoughts drifted to Alexander, that was his real name, I wondered how I had come up with Leopold. He was so selfless, he loved Austen, well, he had accepted her at least, and he wasn't too bad looking either, as much as I could just catch. I started to grin and put my book over my mouth. Were these feelings butterflies in my stomach? I looked at the ceiling, could I be falling in love so fast, this was so unbelievable. I grabbed a bookmark from my bedside cabinet and slid it into the intended page, then folded Emma closed and looked around my room. I left the bedside lamp on, it gave off a pleasant atmosphere, in a warm shade of yellow. I pulled the blanket a little closer to me and held it tightly, just as I held Alex's hand. My left hand was offended by the rudeness of Jaro's sides and I had to have it bandaged with a support bandage. In general, this evening had actually been quite nice, apart from the fact that Livius ignored me and didn't come to my rescue, and that Prince Jaro was a terribly annoying person. I'll ask mother or father if they know him, I'd be interested to know which country he came from. When I had already dozed off slightly, there was a knock on my balcony door, I winced and glanced slightly to the other side. There was a shadow behind the glass. I half-opened the blanket and rubbed my eyes sleepily. Who but the creature would climb onto my balcony in the middle of the night. It was well past midnight, there had been some rain, I could tell by the drops on the panes. Should I open the door for him, I mean he must be soaked. I wondered how long he had been standing there. I decided to get up. It took me exactly four steps to open the door. For a while we just looked into each other's eyes, he into my blue silver ones and I into his diamond ones. He lifted my chin again: "I'm sorry to disturb your sleep, but I had to see you." He asked me this time for nothing, not silence, or anything else. "Would you like to come in?", I whispered. He nodded, I waited until he went through, then I closed the door. He looked around. I walked slowly towards him. I was wearing only a nightgown, as I had been the last time we met. My braid had come loose a little and individual strands were becoming free. He came to me, it was like every time, I felt so attracted to him, I couldn't escape it. We stood near my bed, I knew he knew we were moving towards it. I was pressed against my covers, but only very thinly. "You are so hard to resist," he murmured. He put his lips on mine, not for long, but it was so intense that I gasped slightly. He stroked my neck and cheek, his fingers and lips were so cold, but I didn't mind, on the contrary, I wanted that coldness. I saw something white flashing, but it disappeared again. Please," I didn't believe I was really saying it, "kiss me..." My heart longed for it. I could see he was struggling. Still he did it, it became more intense, he stroked my hair, we wandered towards the end of the bed. I felt him with every fibre of his body. Heavens, what was I doing? He was so attractive, I couldn't argue with him, not now, not then. I suddenly felt something sharp, it was like two pinpricks in my tongue. With a shock, he broke away from me: "I should go now." He quickly disappeared. It took me some time to comprehend everything. With a charge of emotion, I rushed after him and just managed to hold him before he could jump. Don't go," I whimpered like a cat. I couldn't leave myself here and now, alone with my feelings. My breath was coming in short bursts, I didn't want to let go, not now. It was not going to end. "I...can't, I wouldn't be able to control myself," his voice was so intense in my ear, it only made things worse. "I wouldn't care, please stay here," I pleaded. I can't do that, I care too much about you," his voice became firmer. "Then don't just leave me here without anything," I growled lightly, "I'm like ordered and not picked up." He turned and smiled slightly: "You're just impossible!" Then he took my head in his hands and kissed me. It was very long again, then he broke away from me: ,,And do you still feel ordered and not picked up now?" She lightly pressed my cheek against his hand, I wanted to delay this moment. No...", I finally replied. May I go now?" he murmured. I nodded reluctantly. He moved away from me and then disappeared into the night.

I felt energised for what seemed like an eternity, so much so that I took Emma back to me and read, but I thought about this being, it was so attractive, what it triggered in me, that was more than I ever had with Livius. I think I should write Livius off, he had probably already done that. I felt used because of it, what did he see in me, apparently not much or he wouldn't have started with..., enough, I didn't want to think about him anymore.