two

𝗗𝗘𝗘

𝗝𝘂𝗻𝗲 𝟭𝟴, 𝗠𝗼𝗻𝗱𝗮𝘆, 𝟭𝟭:𝟰𝟱 𝗮.𝗺.

I bit the nail on my thumb as I scrolled further down the post in kuraimiwako.com. It was titled 'Pale As Dead: The Beginning' and was posted over a year ago.

They were previously just a cover band, formed in Miwako in 2005. Three of their members—Crisostomo 'Chico' Chavez, the vocalist; Clark Sullivan, the lead guitarist; and Warren Amore, the drummer-now-manager—were alumni. Then, in 2010, the Vandalics joined them. The Vandalics were another band formed in late 2008. Their members were current students sa Miwako. Shiloh 'Shishi' Dominguez was the drummer, Paris Abrell was both the vocalist and the bassist, and Kyoya Matsuoka was the guitarist. It said in the post na tumutugtog pa rin silang tatlo as the Vandalics pero sa school lang.

I turned my phone off and stole a glance at the empty seat beside me. Umalis si Shishi when the clock ticked eleven kasi it was announced na wala ang teacher namin for that class.

Zach played drums too. And guitar. I thought they just had the same vibes, but it turned out that they had more similarities pa pala. Zach was not in a band, but he loved music so he taught himself how to play various instruments. It was because of him kaya nahilig din ako sa bands. He liked rock and all the other genres that fell under that umbrella.

I wished I had heard about PAD before but I tended to lean more on international bands. Ang alam ko lang na local bands ay yung mga pinapakinggan din ni Zach. Kapag naman pumupunta kami sa gigs, hindi ko rin natatandaan ang names ng mga bands na natugtog. Ang alam ko lang ay yung mga favorite talaga ni Zach.

Kurai Miwako was a website for hot gossips in the school. It said so in the description sa Home page. It was nothing too fancy. In fact, it looked quite sketchy. You had to be invited to create an account so you could post and read the posts. The girl who told me about this site sent me an invite.

There were forums as well, live chats, and you could add other users as friends. There was also an option to post videos na pwedeng ma-view ng lahat. Majority of the videos were of PAD's. Whether live performances nila, practice sessions, or mga clips lang ng daily lives nila. Parang ginawa nga yung site para sa PAD, eh. The background was the cover of their latest album that was titled Tagubtob. There were only a handful of topics in the Discussion Board na hindi tungkol sa kanila. And nakalagay rin naman sa description. It was a place where the religion was the band.

I was yet to tell my best friends about this, although probably alam na rin nila. Lunch was at twelve kaya bumaba na rin ako with my things. It was a slow first day but I still enjoyed it. Lahat kasi ay bago sa paningin ko. 'Wag lang talaga akong lilingon sa tabi ko kasi parang tumitingin ako sa doppelgänger ng ex ko. Hindi sila magkamukha—because, for one, Zach had long hair he tied all the time and Shishi had a clean cut—but still.

While I descended the stairs, tinali ko ang buhok ko. Centralized yung aircon sa buong building but naiinitan pa rin ako. Since the hallways had large windows, I saw the sun glaring at us from the outside.

"Dee!"

I stopped and turned. It was Gwen who called me and with her was a familiar face. It was the guy who was the reason that she spilt her soda on her shirt. Paris was his name. I was shocked din noong nakita ko yung picture niya from the post. Akala ko regular student lang siya, but he was a big shot pala.

Tiningnan ko saglit si Paris and pinigilan kong mapasimangot kasi nagtaka ako kung bakit tumigil din siya. "Where's Helen?"

"Clinic," Gwen said with a soft sigh. "She said medyo dizzy siya. This is Paris, by the way. He'd be our chaperone today."

Paris offered his hand quickly, like he had really been waiting for that introduction. "Hi. Nice to meet you, Dee."

I accepted it kasi mukhang okay naman na si Gwen so hindi na ako dapat nainis. "Hindi ba muna tayo maglu-lunch before the tour?"

"Baka mabitin oras natin."

"No, ayos lang yun," sabi ni Paris. "Study hall naman tayong lahat after lunch. Kain muna tayo tapos tour. Oks ba yun?"

"Oks," sabi ko, medyo natatawa. "But I don't think I wanna eat sa rooftop. Sobrang mainit today."

Medyo natawa rin si Paris. "Sa rooftop kayo dapat kakain?"

"Yeah, that was the plan," I answered. "But Helen's not here and I woke up really late kanina so I forgot my lunch at home. Panget na kumain sa rooftop."

"You're embarrassing us," Gwen whispered sharply into my ear but sinimangutan ko lang siya. So what? It was really the plan naman talaga.

"Ayos yun, ah," Paris said as we reached the main hallway outside Yon. There were fallen leaves scattered sa nilalakaran namin dahil medyo mahangin din naman, and they made the walk more aesthetically pleasing per se. "So sa cafeteria muna tayo ngayon? Nagugutom na rin ako, eh. Oks lang bang sumabay ako?"

Nagkatinginan kami ni Gwen saglit but we said okay.

"Cool. Kaklase mo si Shishi, 'di ba? Yung kulot na medyo kalbo na anak ni Aling Simang?"

"Sorry, what? I don't know any Aling Simang. Is that his mom?"

Biglang tumawa si Paris nang malakas. "Sorry, joke lang. Simang kasi simangot. Laging nakasimangot yung gagong yun, eh. Nasaan na siya?"

Hindi muna ako sumagot kasi medyo napahiya ako dahil ang slow ko. And nakakainis si Gwen kasi tawa siya nang tawa kahit ang corny ng joke. Eventually, I said, "He left no'ng eleven. Wala kasing class."

"Cutting na naman," mahinang sabi ni Paris. Maybe he meant to say it to himself, but I still heard it.

Paris led us to the cafeteria sa opposite side ng lockers inside the main building. Everyone na nakasalubong namin on the way greeted him, and he never failed to greet them back. I was itching to ask Gwen if she knew about his band, but nakakahiya naman magtanong nang kaharap si Paris. I thought mayabang siya dahil sa first interaction namin and dahil sa mga nabasa ko sa Kurai Miwako, but he was the opposite. Or baka façade lang because he was protecting his image.

"I've brought packed lunch," sabi ni Gwen as she showed us her lunchbox. We were surrounded by chattering from all directions. Some even pointed to us, which was rude, but most of those who noticed Paris only stared. Surely Gwen felt those eyes too. Twice she hung her head to study her feet, something she only did when she felt anxious. She continued with, "I'll sit here na para may pwesto na tayo."

"Ayos, salamat. Tara, Dee."

I looked over my shoulder once as I followed Paris and gave Gwen the middle finger kasi yung ngiti niya ay nang-aasar. Sobrang bilis maka-recover, it was almost unbelievable. I fished out my phone from my bag to text Helen para kumustahin siya. The message had just been sent when Paris turned around.

"Sa'n kayo dati? Bago dito sa Miwako?"

"Fairfield."

"Tiga-sa'n ba kayo?"

"I'm from Alabang, Helen's from Victoria, and Gwen's from Sta. Rosa."

"Oh. Ang layo niya, ah."

"Yeah. But gusto niya nagta-travel siya. Like, ako rin naman, pero hindi araw-araw para pumasok. Hassle kasi, 'di ba?"

He chuckled. "Kaya nga."

Noong nasa pila na kami, pinasingit ng girls sa harap namin si Paris. He asked them if okay lang na sisingit din ako. They glared at me—subtly, kasi ayaw siguro nilang makita ni Paris—but they moved back.

"You're so liked by everyone," I told him while we waited sa student who was already ordering bago pa kami pasingitin.

Napangisi si Paris pero sobrang liit lang like he found the situation kinda funny himself. "Sa banda lang namin 'yan. Nga pala, natugtog kami. Kasama ko si Shishi saka yung pinsan ko, si Kyo. May gig kami sa Sabado sa Toracco, sa Perez. Malapit lang yun dito. Nood kayo kung libre kayo."

"Really?" I acted too surprised yata. Ayoko kasing malaman niya na I kind of stalked them online kanina. "I love bands. I go to gigs din minsan. Sure, punta 'ko. I'll tell my friends."

He smiled. "Ayos."

While he ordered, I received a reply from Helen. She said she was fine but medyo na-overwhelmed siya sa bagong environment kaya she wanted to lie down muna. I apologized din kasi they would not be here naman if it wasn't for me. Nakaka-guilty rin kasi.

"Ikaw na," mahinang sabi ni Paris sa akin as he left, carrying his tray.

I scanned the menu from the overhead board. I did not like eating vegetables kasi unhealthy talaga ang lifestyle ko, aminado naman ako doon, but lahat ng food ay may halong gulay. So I chose set D, because why not. My name was Dee.

When I handed the cash to the concessionaire, she waved her hand and said, "Bayad na ni Paris."

Lumingon ako sa table namin. Nagkukwentuhan sila Paris at Gwen. They both had not touched their food yet. Maybe mabait nga talaga siya.

I sat beside Gwen, across from Paris, when I got back. After we finished our meals, we went out kasi he said he would tour us na. But as we exited the main building, he excused himself to take a call.

"So, mukhang magkaka-love life ka ulit," Gwen teased.

Nilingon ko si Paris kasi kinabahan ako dahil baka narinig niya pero malayo siya at mukhang hindi maganda yung takbo ng usapan nila ng kausap niya. He was frowning kasi. "Shut up. Baka ikaw."

"Yeah, no." Her eyes widened bigla. "Oh! Baka si Lenny?"

"Why?" Napatawa ako nang mahina. "What happened?"

"Nothing. I thought he hit on her kasi kanina. He said lover ni Paris si Helen sa myth."

I burst out laughing. "That was smooth. I bet nairita si Lenny."

"Yeah. Kaya nga siguro nasa clinic yun. I think 'di talaga siya nahihilo. Ayaw niya lang kasama si Paris."

Napailing na lang ako. That was really Helen. Sobrang daling ma-annoy.

"Who's Shishi?" Gwen nudged me on the side with her elbow. "May friend ka na pala agad sa room niyo, ha."

"No. He's this scowling guy sitting next to me. Paris' bandmate. There's like an underground social website or something dito sa school. One of my classmates sent me an invite and I created an account. I'll send you an invite later din. That's where I found out na may band sila. Paris is the bassist, Shishi's the drummer."

"Yeah, Paris invited the whole class kanina. They have this gig somewhere, I forgot the name of the place. But Helen and I agreed to tell you about it para pumunta tayo."

"Toracco. He told me about it." I nodded toward Paris. He looked naaasar pa rin kasi lalong nag-deepen yung frown niya. "They're really famous dito. The website said it was for school gossip, but it looked more like it was made for PAD."

Gwen grinned before shrugging.

"Sorry, tara na," yakag ni Paris pagkabalik niya after a while. "Sa labas muna tayo bago sa loob ng mga buildings para rekta classroom na lang pagkatapos. Okay lang ba?"

We said yes, so dumiretso na kami sa quadrangle.

∘ ⸻ ∘

𝗚𝗪𝗘𝗡

𝗝𝘂𝗻𝗲 𝟭𝟴, 𝗠𝗼𝗻𝗱𝗮𝘆, 𝟭𝟮:𝟰𝟬 𝗽.𝗺.

We finished touring the outside of the school and the only place left bago kami bumalik sa loob ay yung garden. It was beside the parking lot, sa left side when you entered through the gate. I thought it was the biggest area. Paris said he would take us sa usual spot nila doon para tumambay saglit.

"Dadaanan ba natin si Helen bago tayo pumunta sa ibang buildings mamaya?" Paris asked.

I looked at Dee first para i-consult siya, but she only shrugged. "I'll text her. Baka kasi gusto pa niyang mag-stay sa clinic."

"Okay." He led us past the row of benches. Everywhere, I could see mighty trees that provided great shade and luscious flowers that produced various sweet scents. "Dito kami natambay ng mga tropa ko kapag lunch, pagtapos kumain. Kumakain din kami dati sa rooftop kaso no'ng grade school pa yata kami yung last."

Dee giggled. "We haven't reached that point of maturity yet."

"Wala namang masama do'n," sabi ni Paris. "Live your life the way you want it, 'di ba. Hangga't masaya ka do'n."

Nagkatinginan kami ni Dee bago kami tumingin ulit kay Paris. Likod lang niya ang nakikita namin kasi nauuna siyang maglakad. But lumingon siya and he continued with a grin.

"Paboritong sabihin yun ng ate ko kapag nagda-doubt siya sa sarili niya."

"That's nice," sabi ko. "Dito talaga kayo nag-aral mula grade school?"

"Yup. Majority ng estudyante dito gano'n. Kami nila Shishi at Kyo. Pati si Kuya Chico, yung bokalista namin. Sila Kuya Clark at Kuya Warren, fourth grade na yata nag-transfer dito. Graduate na sila, mga three years ago na yata."

"I read PAD's bio sa Kurai Miwako," Dee said kaya nagbago yung expression sa mukha ni Paris. He looked amused kasi his lips opened slightly and his thick eyebrows arched. "Your old band got subbed a few years ago? Pa'no yun?"

"Natugtog pa rin kami as Vandalics. Pero sobrang dalang. Sa school events lang. Tumugtog kami dati sa school tapos saktong naghahanap ng bagong members sila Kuya Chico. Ayun, na-invite kami." Paris gave us a smaller smile this time, but it got wider when he looked ahead and saw the two guys sitting in front of a circular table. He clucked his tongue so loud that it caught their attention. "Sabi ko sa cafeteria tayo, eh!"

"Ayaw ni Kuya Shishi, eh," said the guy who was in middle school. I knew it because his tie was light blue. Napatingin siya sa amin ni Dee at ngumiti siya. "Hi."

The other guy lifted a canned Red Horse to his lips but he did not say a word. Instead, he glared at Dee and shoved a Piattos chip into his mouth before looking away. I guessed this was Shishi, the guy who always scowled according to Paris.

"Kyo. Pinsan ko." Paris put his hands on the younger guy's shoulders to introduce him to us. Then he nodded over to the other. "Yun si Shishi. Eto na Vandalics."

After the introduction na hindi nag-participate si Shishi, napansin ko yung table nila. It had a lot of stuff written on it. Yung iba, written using markers. Yung iba, naka-engraved. I could not read everything but they looked like quotes. Some were unfamiliar names. But in the middle and written the biggest in bold letters was the name of their old band.

"Classmates kayo ni Kuya Paris?" Kyo asked. He stood up and offered the vacant seats to us. There were three kasi, all chopped tree trunks. Shishi did not move at all, so dalawa yung free. We thanked him, but we remained standing.

"Si Gwen lang," Dee said. "Si Shishi ang classmate ko."

Shishi visibly scoffed as he wiped his nose with his finger and sniffled. Hindi ko talaga maintindihan yung reactions niya. And, like, bakit siya nag-iinom in the middle of the day inside the school? Was he trying to make a point or was he really just a stupid gangster-wannabe?

"Gusto ko 'yang pin mo." Kyo pointed to the Chopper button pin sa backpack strap on my left shoulder. "Favorite ko One Piece, eh."

Maybe my eyes bulged too blatantly kasi muntik nang matawa si Dee. One Piece was a very popular anime, but no one ever talked to me about it outside my circle of friends. "Um, yeah. It's my favorite too. I still can't get over the fact that Ace died like that."

Kyo chuckled. "Ako rin. May club na ba kayo?"

I was about to answer but Dee let out a restrained cough as the smell of cigarette smoke reached my nose. Between his index and middle fingers, Shishi held a lit cigarette stick.

"Tol," Paris called, nodding to Dee like a sign, but Shishi ignored him and took a long drag instead. "Patayin mo na 'yan. May kasama tayo."

"Hindi ako ang mag-a-adjust," Shishi said. He gave us a fleeting look, but it was see-through. Parang wala kami dito.

"Um, Paris, we'll just wait outside the garden na lang," I said. "May asth—"

"Sorry, I just can't really stand smoke," sabi ni Dee and she ushered me away bago pa makapag-react yung guys.

I looked back at Vandalics once and saw Paris and Kyo watching us go further. Kyo waved at us and Paris nodded. Shishi had his eyes set somewhere else.

"What's up with that guy?" I blurted. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, but don't tell them I have asthma. Don't tell anyone. I didn't put that in my form, 'di ba?"

"Fine, but do you need to go to the clinic?"

"No. Naubo lang naman ako. It's not like it was an attack."

We stood outside the garden, under the shade of the acacia tree na nasa pinakabungad. The quadrangle had less students than I remembered when our tour started, but I guessed that was because lunch was over. There were three sections lang for high school freshmen. All of us had the same scheduled time for study hall.

"Why did you blush kanina, ha?" Dee poked me on my side, smiling at me teasingly. "Ikaw, ah. Na-noticed lang ni Kyo yung pin mo, you blushed na agad. 'Wag kang masyadong marupok."

I shook my head. "The fuck are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about. Anyway, kahit ako naman siguro. Ang cute kaya ni Kyo."

"I thought si Paris ang naka-caught ng attention mo."

"No, I don't like pretty boys."

"Okay. So si Shishi? He kinda emits Zach-like energy. Yung parang brooding na ewan."

"Don't say bad words!" Dee clasped her hand over my mouth which I quickly pushed away.

"Eww, pasmado!"

"Don't say that name to my face. Minamalas yung buong araw ko."

"You've got only one preference talaga," I said. "Yung parang bad boy, na parang sasapakin ka na lang bigla when you sneezed without telling him first. You know?"

"I don't like him. See how rude he was? Yeah, no thanks."

"Yeah, walang manners."

"Let's not be so high school and stop talking about boys sa first day natin."

Natawa ako sa sinabi niya. "Fine. Did you text Helen?"

"No." Dee frowned. "Sabi mo ikaw ang magte-text sa kanya?"

"Did I? Okay, fine. Usok-ilong ka agad."

She gave me the middle finger which I returned before shooting Helen a text. Helen replied agad and said she would stay sa clinic. While waiting for Paris, Dee and I talked about the club that Kyo mentioned and she said na may list ng clubs na available sa manual na binigay sa amin kanina. Like her, I threw mine away. So si Helen ang pag-asa namin.

Dee showed me the underground website as well. She sent me the invite link so I created an account and browsed it on my own phone. She was right. The whole site only talked about PAD. There was even a poll about the possible release date ng next single nila. We both entered the live chatroom, but all everyone talked about was us. Yes, us. Kasi we were spotted hanging out with Paris kanina sa cafeteria. There was even a sloppy picture of him and Dee habang nakapila sila. We laughed it off na lang kasi it was so amusing how we were featured agad on our first day. Nakakainis, but mas nakakatawa.

"So when will your parents fly out?" I asked after naming itago ulit yung phones namin. Medyo natatagalan si Paris, but we did not mind. Wala na ring students sa quadrangle kasi nag-bell na so mas peaceful. The sun burned bright and high in the sky, but mahangin din at the same time kaya hindi nakaka-bother.

"I don't know. But it won't be soon. We just buried Mommy Alicia over two weeks ago so nasa mourning stage pa kaming lahat."

"I know. Are you really okay? I mean, wag kang mao-offend, ha. It's like parang okay ka na agad since we got here today. Like, parang pumasok ka sa portal and you left everything behind. I know how much you loved your lola. Look, we all grieve in different ways so I'm not judging you or anything."

"Yeah. But I was already dead inside when she died. I can't be deader than that, 'di ba?"

Silently, I cleared my throat as I felt the heavy weight pulling down the inside of my chest. If she would talk about it again, baka hindi ko kayanin kasi ayokong makitang malungkot or nasasaktan ang kaibigan ko. I might even break down crying again.

"I can't surrender too. Baka maglaslas na lang ako." Dee laughed emptily. "Right? Life goes on until I feel alive again."

But like the bell, Paris' arrival saved me before we completely went back to that night when the three of us all cried our hearts out until the light of dawn.

"Sorry, natagalan," he said. "May pinag-usapan lang kami ni Shishi. Tara, sa loob naman tayo. Dadaanan ba natin si Helen?"

"Sabi niya sa clinic daw muna siya until next period," nakangiting sabi ni Dee as we followed Paris.

She was smiling, but I knew that look. It was the same look I saw in her eyes when we learned that Zach left. Then I saw it again when she found out she was carrying their child.