Naru-chan does international relations

"So what do you want for your birthday, squirt?" Jiraiya asked. "You're going to be five, just a year from Academy!"

Jiraiya himself, and his two teammates, had already been genin at six, but things like early enrollment had been banned shortly after Kakashi's little feat of entering at four and finishing at five. It was probably for the best. Greatest fan or not, Jiraiya had to admit that Kakashi wasn't all right in the head.

Not that Kushina would have allowed Naruto to enroll early anyway.

"Full set of Icha-Icha, special edition, with autograph," Naruto said, slurping up the last of his ramen.

"Haha, great choice!" Jiraiya laughed. And easy for him to do too— "Wait a minute! That's no good! Are you trying to get me killed?!"

Naruto rolled his eyes. "I'm not gonna read it, Ero-Sennin," he said, so dismissively that Jiraiya felt instantly insulted on behalf of his beloved novels. "I want 'em delivered to Marimo Books in Onodera Town. They're for a… friend."

Why do you have friends in a border town with Kusa, Jiraiya thought but didn't ask. This was a perfect opportunity to get some insight into the mystery of his cute little definitely-not-normal godson.

"Okay, I'll deliver them myself!" he declared.

~.~.~

The individual who came to pick up the books couldn't have been more suspicious — a tall, hulking figure completely swathed in heavy robes under a wide-brimmed hat. Jiraiya couldn't see a single distinguishing feature, aside from the impressive height.

It, whoever and whatever it was, clanked as it walked.

"So, pickup for Uzumaki Naruto?" Jiraiya said, putting on his most disarming grin. And wasn't that another interesting tidbit. Why had Naruto asked to use his mother's maiden name?

"…Yeah, that's right," the figure said, reaching out slightly trembling hands. Accepting the package with reverent care, the man — judging by his voice — fell to his knees in joyous adulation.

Well, that was actually pretty normal. Jiraiya had plenty of fans like that.

"Can I… Can I shake your hand, Jiraiya-sama?" the stranger asked.

"Haha, yeah, sure," Jiraiya said, puffing up with pride.

It was only after they had a nice long talk about the stranger's favorite scenes and he departed, clutching his new treasures, that Jiraiya realized he hadn't found out anything useful, at least as far as Naruto was concerned.

~.~.~

"Okay," Han declared, at the next bijuu-jinchuuriki pow-wow. "Cooperation, world peace, love, harmony, whatever. I'm onboard." He giggled disturbingly, and though it was hard to tell behind the faceplate, appeared to blush like a pervert. Which he was.

"I can't believe this is what it takes," Kokuou muttered. "Humans…"

"It's progress," Naruto decided optimistically. "Make sure you talk to that old beard guy too. He needs to be nicer to Son."

"Right-o," Han agreed, his mind clearly on other, perverted matters.

"Great. That just leaves Fuu-chan," Naruto mused aloud. B had promised to teach Yugito the right way to get along with Matatabi, and Yagura was keeping an eye on Utakata and his master. "And then we'll have everyone taking their partnerships seriously… and ready for Akatsuki, if it comes to that."

"Are bad guys really going to try to take Shukaku away?" Gaara asked. Sitting on Naruto's shoulders, he nervously clutched at blond strands and glanced between the older boy and the bijuu in question.

"Pwah! Let them come! This time we'll tear 'em apart!" Shukaku yelled, swinging its claws enthusiastically.

"Don't worry, we won't let that happen," Naruto promised, patting the little boy's leg. He definitely never wanted to see his friend's still body again. This time, having watched, if only in snatches, as Gaara grew up, it would be even worse.

"Humans are always like this," Matatabi said, deep in a different conversation with the other bijuu. "It's all romance and intimacy and sex with them. Yugito acts all serious on missions, but the moment she's off the clock, and it's mushy rom-coms and sighing over cute boys again." The great cat blew out a heavy breath.

"Cute boys, huh…" Choumei said thoughtfully, and speculatively eyed Naruto and Yagura. "You know, I think I have an idea about getting Fuu to play along…"

Naruto just looked confused, but Yagura, being faster on the uptake, protested, "I'm not a boy! I'm an adult man!" That was apparently the only part he cared about.

~.~.~

Kumo's treachery had shaken everyone, but Minato didn't give up so easily on fulfilling his teacher's dream of world peace. The only one more set on world peace, in fact, was Naruto, but his efforts to achieve it remained sadly unknown to almost everyone.

The first step, in Minato's estimation, was to preserve and strengthen the tentative alliance with Suna. It was for that reason that he made the decision to travel to Suna to observe the final round of the Chuunin Exams being hosted there.

The elders protested, of course, but Minato smiled and ignored them. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, as the saying went.

Besides, he was arguably the least likely person to actually be in danger, even if Suna tried something.

When Minato arrived in Suna, the Kazekage was almost as disbelieving as the elders had been. He eyed Minato almost if he expected the Hokage to suddenly turn out to be made of explosive tags. Minato kept his best benevolent leader smile firmly in place.

Was the idea of seeking peace really that strange? Well, yes, Minato admitted to himself. Some days, he wasn't sure he believed it. Or rather, he wasn't even sure what it was he was trying to reach. What did peace even look like? It was like stumbling onward stubbornly, blind and deaf.

But, to Minato's relief, the Kazekage was at the very least taking the entire affair seriously. Before they could proceed to the stadium, Minato was presented the entire advisory council, and also the Kazekage's three children. The older two eyed Minato almost as distrustfully as the geezers, but the youngest stared up with wide, awed eyes.

"Naru! Naru, you came!" he exclaimed and latched on to Minato's legs.

"Gaara!" the girl hissed, scandalized.

The Kazekage sighed heavily, and reached out to try to pry Gaara off. "That is not your imaginary friend," he scolded. "How many times do I have to tell you he's not real?"

A wave of sand rose up to block his hands, and Gaara just continued to rub his cheek against Minato.

"Oh, I see," Minato murmured, as it finally clicked. He knelt next to the little boy and smiled. "Gaara, right? My name is Minato. It's nice to meet you."

Gaara blinked at him in confusion for a moment. Then, his eyes glazed over a little as he seemed to get lost in thought. It was an expression Minato recognized easily. "So you're Naru's…" He trailed off, pouting as if he had been chastised.

"You know, I have a son your age," Minato said, more for everyone else's benefit. "His name is Naruto."

"My age?" Gaara repeated, his face scrunching up in confusion.

"I hope you two can become good friends," Minato continued.

He could feel the sheer skepticism and disbelief from the Suna councilors. A Konoha-nin and a Suna-nin, friends? Impossible. But Gaara only pouted. "Naru and I are already friends," he huffed, shooting Minato a look of put upon annoyance.

Finally, his older sister managed to lead Gaara away. Straightening, Minato watched as the boy glanced over his shoulder, smiled, and waved. The Hokage smiled and waved back.

"My apologies," the Kazekage said, sighing in a way that was familiar to every parent. "Gaara is… still a child."

"Your son is very cute," Minato told the Kazekage happily. "My Naru-chan is a handful too. I really do hope the two of them can be friends. …They have a lot in common."

He didn't know what peace looked like. Probably, he wouldn't recognize it even if he found it. But that was okay. Somehow, Minato was sure that Naruto knew, and that was enough. Even blind and deaf, he would be able to follow Naruto's lead.

"As jinchuuriki," Minato concluded, watching as the Kazekage's eyes widened, understanding sinking in.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

~.~.~

When the treaty proposal arrived from Kiri, the elders and jounin council erupted in protests and accusations.

Peace? With the Bloody Mist? It was just another trap, like Kumo's so-called treaty!

Minato listened to them patiently, despite having already made up his mind to go. "What do we know about Nami no Kuni? Why did the Mizukage suggest it as the meeting location?" he asked, during a lull.

"You can't be seriously intending to go," Koharu said snappishly. "You are the Hokage. Think of your position."

"The fact that the Mizukage wishes to attend in person is a sign of how serious he is about this treaty," Minato pointed out. "And by all accounts, the Yondaime Yagura has a very different view of Kiri's future than his predecessor. Kiri is becoming unified — and stronger. It would be in our best interests to learn more about them and to build an alliance."

His logic, a mix of self-serving practicality that the elders would understand and his own ideology, was hard to refute.

"Nami no Kuni is a small nation off our coast, almost directly east," Shikaku supplied thoughtfully. "It has never held much strategic value and doesn't appear on most maps. But it could serve as a could trading point in the future, if negotiations pan out."

"Hopefully, it'll be on every map from here on out, as the place where Konoha and Kiri first entered into an alliance," Minato said, ignoring the disbelieving snorts of the elders and several jounin.

~.~.~

No one could dissuade him, of course, but the argument about who would accompany him and with what kind of force dragged on long enough to try even Minato's patience. In the end, Minato threatened, very politely, to just sneak out in the middle of the night with a guard or two, which put an end to the most ridiculous demands.

It was all meaningless in the end. The Mizukage Yagura was good at his word. There was no deception in his gaze or his tone as he respectfully greeted Minato at a local lord's castle.

The two Kiri shinobi accompanying him, both bearing swords that marked them as members of the Seven Ninja Swordsmen, eyed Minato's entourage distrustfully and received equally distrustful looks in return.

Minato and Yagura beamed at each other.

The talks were just preliminary — Yagura had his own council to answer to — but Minato allowed himself a certain small measure of optimism, which was very helpful when Yagura asked him to take a short walk with him, without their guards.

Once they were alone, Yagura hesitated for a moment before starting. "Did you know… the bijuu can communicate with each other, regardless of distance or seals?" he asked, turning away from the seascape to watch Minato closely.

The fact that the Yondaime Mizukage was a jinchuuriki was an open secret. It was how he had first distinguished himself — singlehandedly subduing the Sanbi after it reformed.

Minato understood his meaning immediately. "Jinchuuriki too," he said, with quiet certainty.

Suddenly, a lot of things made sense. Minato had suspected something of the sort, but the confirmation was enough to allow several pieces to finally slide into place and click together.

He almost missed Yagura's nod. "If they are close enough to their bijuu," he said, some small measure of tension easing. "I wasn't sure if he had told you… But that makes it easier. I had another reason for wishing to speak with you. It involves that masked man, who attacked your village five years ago…"

~.~.~

When he returned to Konoha, the first thing Minato did was find Naruto and sweep the little boy into a tight hug.

"Thanks for all your hard work," he said.

He wasn't talking about Naruto's efforts to turn the Hokage Monument into an expressionist art exhibit, again.

~.~.~

The first jinchuuriki to meet Naruto in person was Fuu.

Unfortunately, it was only after an entire spectacle. As usual, Kurama muttered dryly.

First, a little backstory. Fuu had been born a few years before Naruto and was firmly in the preteen on the verge of puberty stage.

Her status as a jinchuuriki was a continued source of bewilderment to the other people of Takigakure — it had happened somewhat like Naruto's situation, out of necessity to do something about a rampaging bijuu rather than out of any desire for such a weapon. They were a small village, who prided themselves on stealth and subtlety, rather than power. What were they even supposed to do with a jinchuuriki?

Most of them preferred to forget Fuu was any different from other young kunoichi.

So Fuu had grown up mostly okay, if somewhat isolated and as a result rather prone to dramatics. The ability to fly and generate her own glitter showers probably had something to do with it too.

She had developed the biggest crush on one of the top jounin in the village. He was strong, handsome and something like fifteen years older than her. When Fuu tried to approach him, he had glanced at her and said, "Who are you again? Listen, run along, little girl, your sensei must be looking for you."

There was only one thing to do. Fuu fled in tears. Initially, she disappeared into the dense forests around the village to mope, but pouring her broken heart out to the squirrels got old fast, and she relocated back into Taki proper. Taking perch on top of the administrative center, she wailed melodramatically and sobbed about her woe.

Unfortunately, the other residents of Taki seemed to have little sympathy for the trials of a young girl's heart — at least when she insisted on caterwauling about them literally day and night, increasingly loudly — and one old woman finally resorted to throwing her sandal at Fuu's head, shouting, "Stuff it, you little trumpet! Kids these days!"

Clearly, they did not understand her plight.

Well, fine then! Fuu would just have to go to the one man who had always listened to her patiently, shared her love of the dramatic and happened to be strong, handsome and older than her, though not quite by as much!

In other words, she flew off to find Uzumaki Naruto.

(Incidentally, Naruto had never managed to break himself of the habit of using his mother's maiden name. Part of the problem was that everyone he met already knew who he was, so he didn't need to introduce himself. Part of the problem was that the few times he messed up, Kushina had been too gloatingly pleased to correct him.)

The Konoha Sensor Corps was thrown into completely panic as something passed through the barrier high up in the sky, but Fuu didn't know anything about that. Instead, she flew straight to the biggest, flashiest building.

There, she saw a tall, good looking blond — and proceeded to glomp him. (The ANBU freaked out almost as much as the Sensor Corps.)

"Naru-tan! Let's forget this cruel world and run away together!" Fuu declared dramatically, tightening her hug.

There was a moment of profound silence.

"Um… I don't think my wife would agree to that, miss," the person Fuu was enthusiastically embracing said awkwardly.

That voice was not Naruto's.

Fuu drew back. She patted the man on the sides and the shoulders — standing on her tip toes to reach. Too broad. She tugged at his hair's side tails. Too long. She pinched his cheeks. No markings.

"Aaaaah!" Fuu screamed, jumping back. "I got the wrong person! …But this one is pretty good looking too…"

A thick chain made of pure chakra stabbed into the ground between her and Minato. "Back off, you jail bait!" a furious redhead — the wife — roared as she arrived on the scene.

The ANBU abandoned their posts and fled in terror. No one blamed them.

~.~.~

They did eventually sort things out, though it didn't help much. If anything, Kushina was even less happy about Fuu "targeting" her baby boy than about her being after Minato.

"You know, I really wonder why everyone expects you to be so much taller," Minato told Naruto as the two of them watched Fuu and Kushina argue — it was getting vicious, since Fuu had called Kushina an old hag with a bondage fetish.

"Eh," Naruto shrugged. "I'll get there some day."

~.~.~