What if i don't want to say goodbye?

Chapter 9

Zafar had not contacted me after the entire studio incident. It is understandable… he was put in a very awkward situation. I would reach out to him but is it really worth it at this stage? I have a few months left before I get married to a stranger and I'm not willing to give up my

Japan opportunity any time soon.

I miss him though something I choose not to lie about, almost everything reminds me of him, another reason why I stayed away from the close friends' concept, excluding the backstabbing part.

We stopped calling, texting, and hanging out… we saw that the relationship was taking a wrong turn, and Islamically was not ready to deal with all the consequences. Elham was out of the hospital and back on track… she managed to kick depression in the face and attend her therapy successfully, I'm happy that she's finally taking care of herself, as for that jerk who did that to her...still no sign.

She invited me to one of her sessions, but I'm not the Feely type… I prefer action over words, the bonus is that they speak louder.

Her aside, the wedding arrangements have not stopped. My date has been Set, clothing have been picked, invites sent out… sadly I don't know who I'll be walking to when my father hands me over.

A year ago today I had not thought about anything of this sort... Who would have thought that I would become someone's wife, who would have thought the Elham would become one of the most important persons in my life, and who would have thought that I would become really attracted to a stranger I met a few months ago.

I shifted my focus away from everything, it was karate this and that for as long as I remember, I had not seen Zafar in the halls, the cafeteria, or anywhere near plain sight. I was furious, how can you abandon a relationship because of a little accident, but from his point of view it is understandable. If I were his wife to be, I would not want him around any other female.

Recently my mother gave my fiancé's number to me. She was persistent in the whole get to know him before you spend your entire life with him, he messaged me occasionally on WhatsApp but I replied late, or did not respond at all. I know it was selfish of me but I did not want to take that step with someone I was not with for years. He would really have to do something epic to get my attention.

I still painted my sunsets, and raced through construction sights… but it made the void grow. I yearned for his smile, his confused looks… I wanted to hear his voice and smell his perfume. I missed him and it was not going to go away anytime soon, I had to do something, even if it meant putting my petty pride aside.

I signed up for one of the upcoming biker events with a fake identity, and when the day came. I went against the alpha and managed to win this time.

" you got me, what would you like me to do for you?" he asked offering me a handshake

I remove my helmet dramatically pushing my hair into a bun. " a talk would be nice."

We finished the event and went to the newly build hideout near campus.

" before you ask why I'm here, or what I'm doing… I want to apologize for making you feel uncomfortable."

" no apology needed," he said gulping down a few bottles of water. " it was my fault, and avoiding you was childish…. But."

"but what?" I ask him leaning against a stool

"But we are both Muslims about to get married, and I do not want us crossing the line, I have a lot of respect for you Nura and I don't want you to end up being another antique on my collection of exes… and I respect my future spouse as well."

" Zafar," I say swallowing my anger. " I, clearly explained in the beginning that friendship is all I'm looking for…"

"I understand."

"no you don't, you made me one of your stupid little toys, maybe it's better this way. Don't ever come and see me, and let's pretend like we never met." I say rushing to my motorcycle making my way out at full speed.

I felt my heart race, this time it was not because I was about to crash, it was not due to me almost missing a stunt or getting a kick to the face during a fight. My heart did not race in the happiness it normally would, my heart raced in anger and disappointment.

I know we had not known each other for years but that is not how you treat any friendship whatsoever. My thoughts made me increase the speed of my bike, I felt my mind shift of the road from time to time. I felt like I was about to vomit like I was choking on my feelings.

I saw a flashing light before me and felt a thud on my head, my bike flung to the other side of the road, my body to the pavement. It was not a huge crash, but I laid there for a while watching the stars before the ambulance arrived.

I got a few scratches on my face and knees, and a little bruise here and there but overall I was okay, just mentally exhausted.

I lost myself for that moment but the next day I was back in shape and continued with life, living the way I did before Zafar, surprisingly an artist's work just improves with the amount of hardship they face, it adds meaning to your work.

So I turned my pain towards my work, I was featured here and there and won a few awards for my work. Months went by, and before I knew it I was seated for my final exam. I did pretty well so far and focused much of my energy on my work.

I also allowed myself to connect with my future spouse. We often spoke about our childhood and kept each other company over the phone, but for how long would I have to be like this?