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Dirty Deeds Done 4 Cultivation

Funny valentine gravitates into a new world of infinite possibilities!

Daoist933959 · Anime & Comics
Not enough ratings
21 Chs

Death Thirteen and Talking Heads Part 2

Tengu pov:

"Wait! I gotta finish my side of the story or else it isn't gonna make any sense!", I said.

"Fine, but don't make it complicated. I don't want your thoughts mixed in with the actual events, just tell me what happened simply", replied Valentine.

"Fine!"

Third pov:

Tengu kept taunting Death 13 after he killed the orphan. Death 13 was furiously clutching his fist in absolute anger.

"How could you kill a kid that easily?!", it yelled.

"It was actually quite simple actually. The kid had no qi so-"

"Shut up! Get ready for the next problem you donkey!", Death 13 interrupted.

[Cut yourself with your weapon or pray to god for forgiveness]

Without a second thought, Tengu took out his axe and slightly cut his arm.

"Y-you!"

"Hey I just thought of something. Since you're a stand or whatever, your user must be close right? How else would he be specifically targeting me after all?", Tengu inquired.

"Lali-ho", Death 13 said threateningly.

[Rip off your arm or burn down an orphanage]

"Hehe, you bastard looks like I'm right", Tengu said before running to the orphanage.

Luckily for him, he had some talent in the fire element. Anyone could use most of the elements, but they might not have enough talent in them. Most people decide to specialize in a certain element they have the most talent with.

Tengu finally noticed that there was a timer right in front of him continuously going down.

[23]

Realizing that this was how much time he had left to burn the orphanage, he sped up. He was already preparing a fireball in his hands.

When the orphanage came into view, he finally released his attack. His attack reached the top of the orphanage and started to quickly burn. Screams could be heard from the inside of the orphanage.

"Hahahaha! Another easy choice! This is fun!"

"You really are a huge dummy! Look back at the orphanage!", Death 13 exclaimed.

"What?", Tengu responded.

To his absolute shock. Someone used their water element to extinguish the fire! He couldn't believe that there was a bastard who would save a stupid orphanage! He panicked as he looked at the timer.

[13]

He quickly started to charge another fire attack. He had to burn this orphanage as fast as he could!

Out of nowhere, someone punched him! It was a woman who had the same clothes from the city academy. She had black hair and black eyes. Next to her was a child. Right now her expression was one of pure fury.

"How dare you try to burn down a sanctum for poor kids!", she yelled.

"You bitch! You pretty much got me killed!", Tengu yelled back.

He looked horrified at the timer slowly going down to 0. He knew he had to start running, and fast. That's when he actually looked towards the woman. What surprised him was the child right next to her. That little freak was actually smiling! It wasn't a normal smile though. It was a sadistic smile you would only see in psychopaths whenever they win at something.

"Times up my dear player!", Death 13 yelled with absolute glee.

"W-what is that thing?", the woman asked.

"That's the thing that's gonna murder me you broad! You could've at least taken me to a date before you screwed me so hard!", Tengu yelled back.

"Lali-ho!!!"

Quickly, Tengu's form began to change. He started to become smaller, to the point where his clothes barely hung on. His hair grew longer, and his form more feminene.

Terrified, he slowly reached into his crotch. His eyes filled with tears as he realized his worst nightmare came true. Becoming the thing a douchebag such as himself objectified the most.

He became a little girl!

Naturally, he started to bawl his eyes out in pure despair. He called for the first thing a normal human would call out in their time of despair. He cried for his mother…

The woman who stopped him was naturally shocked at this display. Gathering her composure, she faced the deadly force who managed to do such a shocking display, who was now hanging over the child who told her about the orphanage burning.

"I thought I told you to kill him! Now he's a little girl!", yelled the child at Death 13.

"Well I thought it would be more amusing considering how many kids he killed!", retaliated Death 13.

"Kid! Listen to me! I need you to slowly walk away from that thing while I handle it!", yelled the obviously stupid woman.

"Huh? What are you-", before the kid could say anything, he was interrupted by the yelling of Tengu.

"Miss! Watch out! Above you!", desperately yelled Tengu, who was just a pathetic little girl.

The woman tightly held her sword facing upwards. She was ready to strike at whatever came at her. The only thing she could process though, was the loud crack she heard behind her.

"Oh, it seems like it was just your spine breaking", coldly said Tengu.

Even with "her" small frame, Tengu could still pick up his axe using his qi. Said axe had its curved blade lodged inside the middle of the woman's back.

Without mercy, he circulated the qi inside his axe to summon a small tornado inside the woman. More cracks were heard as the small tornado ripped through the woman's ribs, tearing through any organ in the way. The tornado threw all of these things at the little kid who was talking to Death 13.

Not expecting this, he couldn't do anything, but take the full force of the organs and bones that smashed into him. Fortunately for him, he instinctively turned his torso into mushrooms, protecting him from getting punctured or bruised there.

Tengu slowly approached him with his axe over him. Strangely, he didn't look mad, happy, belligerent, or emotional. He only looked… bothered.

"It was entertaining at first, but this is just annoying", Tengu said frankly.

"W-what is wrong with y-you", the kid asked, clearly afraid.

"I'm just absolutely annoyed that someone like you would impact my life like this. I despise it when inadequate individuals impact my life without my control. Valentine was a chance encounter that changed my boring life, but you're just cannon fodder. Do you know how disgusted I feel because of you, you incompetent swine?"

He already got close enough to the kid to strike. Once he realized how close Tengu was, he finally acted and started to run as hard as he could. Before Tengu could give chase, another box appeared in front of him.

[Get away or cut off your legs!]

'If I run away now, I could probably reach him if I use enough of my qi. I have no clue how he targets people with his stand, but I could make a gamble and try to sneak attack him. I want to see this pathetic bastard beg for death already', Tengu thought.

He started to run out of the stand's range, while still keeping an eye out for the running kid. Meanwhile, the kid started running to where he sensed his partner.

'Ba-san would know what to do! She always knows what to do in these types of situations! I just need to find her!', the kid thought.

It took him a few minutes to reach her, but when he arrived, he was shocked to see her in a giant block of ice. Fun and Bingchi were still interrogating her.

[Break the ice or break your bones]

"What is this?", Bingchi questioned.

"It's the other stand user. We have to do one of the options or else we'll be killed by the stand", answered Fun.

He quickly broke his finger, holding back the pain he felt.

"W-wait what?!", Bingchi exclaimed.

"Just break a finger, simple"

"B-But it's an essential part to the human body!"

"She'll kill us if we release her"

"F-fine", Bingchi finally relented.

Without thinking, she mindlessly released her ice block.

"W-what?! I didn't mean to do that?!", she exclaimed.

"Hahaha! I guess you fools still haven't found out about my ability Talking Heads.", the woman exclaimed, free of her prison.

"Ba-san!", yelled the little kid at the woman.

"Oh hi my little adorable Shisan", the woman fuaned over her partner.

"I'm guessing you killed off that other guy right?"

"T-that's the thing! Death 13 turned him into a girl, but he's way too scary!"

Before 'Ba-san' could reply she felt an immense killing intent coming from behind her. She managed to form some mushrooms on her back before she was attacked by Tengu. She managed to only get hurt slightly thanks to this.

Before the partners could gain their composure, they were attacked by Tengu and Fun. Even though Fun wanted to ask questions, he knew it was better to deal with these enemies first.

Using his axe as a catalyst, Tengu kept throwing deadly rotating wind balls at the two. Fun was taking every opportunity to stab them when they tried to dodge the wind balls. Bingchi started to throw icicles too.

"Shisan do something! My defense can't keep up with all of them, and I'm still slow from the ice!", the woman yelled.

[Stop attacking or stab each other]

Fun and Bingchi stopped attacking, while Tengu started to rush to the stand users!

"Why aren't you stopping!?", the kid, Shisan, yelled confused.

"Well it's because I realized a humongous flaw in both of your abilities", Tengu said coldly.

With a combination of qi and using wind to propel himself, Tengu had no problems going at extreme speed. Ba-san tried to shield her partner, but she didn't realize who Tengu was actually going for.

Taking advantage of his now small frame, he slid in between her legs and turned back to stab her in the back! He used wind to push her back, leaving her partner completely unprotected. Shisan was completely panicking. He realized that Death 13 wasn't affecting Tengu somehow! The timer had stopped!

"Why doesn't Death 13 work!!! You cheated! How did you cheat you bastard!? HOW?!", he threw a tantrum.

"Well it was actually really simple. All the box said was to stab each other, but it didn't specify who. Also, I'm just the biggest counter to both of your stand abilities. I don't hesitate to hurt other people if given the option, and that other chick's ability only makes people do what they actually want to do right? Like that ice girl subconsciously released the ice because she didn't want to break a finger", he explained calmly.

"Wait! Don't hurt Shisan please!", the woman pleaded.

"If I kill him fast enough, it won't hurt right?", Tengu said with a smile.

"Use your ability on me. What do you think I want to do right now?", he continued with his axe near Shisan's neck.

"All you have to do is knock him out to reverse the effects of his stand! You don't have to hurt him, please!", she started to beg.

Fun helped Bingchi restrain the woman, while Tengu used the flat side of his axe to slam the kid's skull. Eventually, Tengu started to grow back as Death 13 started to disappear. It let out one last 'Lali-ho'.

Valentine pov:

"Ok I understand what happened. I forgive you for the property damage, but there's still one thing that I can't figure out", I said.

"Oh? What is it? Is it my incredibly awesome display of power? My cool moves? My general disregard for human morals and ethics?", Tengu said boastfully.

"No. I'm just wondering how you managed to offend one of the royal's fiancés?"

Tengu paled a little after that.

"Well you see, it actually turns out that the leader of the fungus group or whatever was actually him! And his stand was so crazy! It had a-", before Tengu could continue his idiocrasy, Fun stopped him.

"Tengu was so full of himself, he started to spit and curse at any noble he saw, just to prove that he could. He chose the richest looking one and ran when he saw the guy's guards after he spit on him"

"Hey it wasn't my fault the guy looked so spittable! And I saw you smiling with that girlfriend of yours!"

It seems I accidentally surrounded myself with a complete moron.