TO BE PAINFULLY HONEST

3 MARCH, WEDNESDAY, CONTINUED

I had not expected today to become the day I had to take a good look at myself and admit, a first year music teacher who barely knew me was right about me. I was scared.

When it came to music, all my friends were far more talented than I was back home. When Florence had us kids perform as a choir, I had practiced and practiced at the top of my lungs every day. Mum said that Florence told her that she was impressed that I learned the words and sang so well, but I was never picked to sing to solo part. NEVER.

Usually, Florence would pick either Dean or Drew.

"It's because you need to learn special techniques to do the solo well." Dean told me, which made sense. I was good at fighting because Dad taught me special techniques too.

I was never very good at music. It just wasn't something you could run up and punch, you know?

"No one gets good at music overnight." Dean had told me when he was trying to teach me the guitar, "It takes a lot of passion and practice."

And I had seen my friends analyse video clips of live performances and study the technical specs of everything listed in the year end sale catalogues. I knew Dean, and later Drew and Ben all kept a guitar by their bedsides.

"Link does this." Dean had told me, "So he'll remember to practice every night."

But Link wasn't the best guitarist around. Everyone knew that he was a solid drummer though.

Anyway, my point was that I didn't really have what it took. Watching the videos in repeat was boring. Reading music shop catalogues was boring. Playing the same notes in succession repeatedly over and over again, adding a few new notes to extend the riff every day till you've mastered the entire riff was just too tedious.

I mean, the guys made it look so fun whenever they jammed together, but I knew it wasn't fun when no one was looking.

Or maybe I just didn't have the passion like they did.

I still quite liked going for choir practice as a pup. It was okay to be was just one of the voices in the background, because when we sang together, and everyone sang their parts just right, it was good.

I know I don't have Lola's nightingale voice, but if only the best bird sing, the forest would be an awfully quiet place. And I figured, wth, whatever I lacked in musical abilities, I was going to make up for it with alpha charisma. That was when I really sang.

I couldn't really explain it. I just pretended I was in Florence's children's choir and just sang out the words, sounding all the words to hit the right notes. I didn't try to drag any of the notes longer, or tried to sing fancy, or sound more rockish. I just sang it the way I sang since I was a pup.

When the music stopped, the room was suddenly silent. I caught my breath and waited for Bell to say something.

"That was..." Bell finally said, "better."

What did he mean, better? The band was now amazing! Who knew with just some cheats like a loop pedal and an electric violin, we managed to transform our noob band into something that actually sounded like a performance?

And then Bell went around with the individual appraisals, "Hen, your finger work is sloppy. If you can't hit the right note, just don't hit it at all. You were made redundant the moment the baseline is established. If you want to keep playing, you have to make every note drive the music forward, not drag it down."

If you thought that was harsh, it was because you hadn't heard what he said to Marcus next, "Marcus, f*** your sweaty palms. Drop your sticks again and you can drop dead yourself."

Apparently, Marcus had dropped the beat midway because one of the sticks flew out of his hands. I hadn't noticed though.

"The keyboard is okay." Bell said, "Just come in more confidently, and sustain your last note more obviously."

The band's relief on Janice's behalf was palpable.

"Fluff. Go back and practice. You need to play more cleanly at the crescendos. Also your bowing is messy when you do too many slurs."

"That's what my first mistress' violin teacher said too." Fluffy smiled.

Bell pointedly ignored him. To EJ he frowned, "You were sick, Red."

"Thank you?" EJ didn't look sure.

"You did a good save when you covered for Marc when he dropped the beat." Bell was not going to let Marcus forget about dropping the drumstick was he?

"When my princess hits the chorus, can you harmonize a back up?" Bell asked.

"I think so?" EJ still looked completely unsure.

"Let's try that in the next round. See if you can ease the sounds into the chorus backup. Marc, I need you to provide the fillers when Red sings backup." Bell instructed.

"Understood." Marcus nodded seriously.

When Bell turned away from EJ, the redhead melted against Fluffy, "I thought I was going to die...."

Surely he exaggerated.

And then Bell looked at me, "Princess..."

Gulp! Suddenly, I understood what EJ meant. It felt a little like I was standing in front of the firing line. I steeled myself. I knew my mate could be harsh, but his criticism so far was spot on.

"Why did you make the song sound so happy?" Bell asked.

It's not a happy song? I looked at the lyrics again... well, I guess not? But then again, I only knew how to sing this way.

Bell sighed, "Never mind."

He held out his good hand to the side, and Ki put a pen into it automatically. Bell was obviously the kind of alpha who expected their Betas to have predictive abilities.

Then Bell started drawing symbols I didn't understand on my sheet of paper, "Start strong from the beginning, Princess. Sustain the last note here. Your breathing was all wrong..."

I got the air into my lungs alright didn't I?

"Inhale here, here, here... you need to sustain the last note here too."

In summary, I sang everything wrong.

"Let's just try out the chorus with Red as backup." Bell decided, "From the last line before the chorus, 4, 3, 2, 1!"

Wait, wait... I hadn't deciphered all the slashes and insert arrows and underlines Bell had scribbled on my lyrics yet!

The music started on Bell's cue, so I had no choice but make the best of it. Luckily the chorus turned out to be the easier part. I belted it out, EJ peeking over my shoulder at the notes Bell has scribbled. We did sound better together.

"Something like that..." Bell nodded, "Let's start from the top now."

Wait, wait! I wasn't ready yet!

But the music started again. Baseline was now on loop - that was the sign everything had to go. Okay, start strong right? So I let Boo out to play right up from the start. I gave up following the scribbled notations in front of me. I mean seriously! I was the alpha! I didn't need to be told when to breathe!

"Adjust yourselves." Bell ordered the moment we finish, "You know where you went wrong. Once more."

Did I tell you how my Luna was a slavedriver?

So we went through the song once more.

"That was messy. Hen and Marc, clean up your act. Red, you were clashing with the base. Princess, you're breathing at all the wrong places. One more time." Bell ordered.

So we did it again. This time I focused on breathing where Bell made the insert arrows. At first I felt like it was tripping me up, but by the second half of the song I got the pattern and realized that it let me sustain the note much better.

"Don't just blast through the entire song, Princess." Bell was suddenly behind me. Too close! Too close! He reached around me to draw on my paper, "Control your volume. Quieten here, sustain here. Belting it out here was good, but wait, let me show you."

He adjusted the mic stand to his height, and then signaled the band - signaled! Harvey had taught us this! But he was the first person who actually did it. Luckily Marcus caught it and tapped the cymbals, and Henry was quick enough to start the baseline. And we were off, this time Bell sang.

"Watch the mic, princess." He said just before he started. He started very close to the mic.

K...KKKKi... kiss.... omo

And then pulled away when he hit the high and loud notes.

After the first chorus, he signaled the band to stop. We stopped, but in a faltering way, like not everyone caught the signal. Janice pretty much played a whole extra line before she realized everyone else had stopped.

"Now you do it." Bell lowered the mic stand and placed it back in front of me.

This was not natural.

"Try singing closer to the mic, but you need to pull back a bit when you blast." Bell instructed.

Okay...

"One more time." Bell said and signaled. This time the band started on his cue.

I tried putting the mic right up to my lips.

{Indirect kiss.}

I tried not to let it bother me. I also tried not to let the heat crawling up my face bother me.

And then the rest of it got easier because it was no longer the first time or even the second time I was singing this song. I remembered the breathing points after the first chorus, and other than that, I was getting the feel of the song. It was about the small things that showed you were cared for. Even though most of the chorus had no real words, going "Nananana..."

I had sung it like a pup, just belting it out like I was in the shower, but suddenly I realized the song was a lot like Bulliet. It started off like a rock song, with the crazy drums, strong baseline, and angry violin, but the singing wasn't just lalala "I'm a little teapot, short and stout" kind of singing. It was a love song.

I had always been a "If you're happy and you know it sing a song" kind of singer, but when we were done, I signaled another round, "One more time, I wanna try something."

This time, I tried just singing softer, pulling the mic in so that the volume stays consistent. And I tried to picture Bell, coming to my show (which he did), bringing me roses (which he also did), and explain that I loved him without saying the words because this song didn't have those three words.

When we were done. I found myself clutching the mic stand, catching my breath, I looked up from the lyrics sheet. Beta Pete was filming. He showed us a good sign.

Another silence all around the room, all eyes on Bell. His expression was stony.

And then he spoke, "That was... not bad."

"YES!" EJ punched the air, "We nailed it!"

I felt my legs go wobbly. I had no idea singing was so nerve wrecking. Did we really nail it? What the hell was "not bad"?

Bell turned away, completely ignoring EJ and the rest of us, "Pete, send me the last vid."

"Yes, alpha." Beta Pete nodded obligingly.

"I need to go. I still have some business in the Black Packlands." Bell told Henry. They fist bumped and Beta Pete quickly put away his phone to send off the vampire queen.

"Thank you for your guidance, Alpha/Luna!" The other guys yelled in unison, only deviating on what they called Bell.

I watched Bell leave, with Ki at heel, and then Stephan and Theo and the guards... OMO I forgot they were there!

That was embarrassing - I can't believe I serenaded Bell in front of all of them! Okay, no, calm down Sam. You were just rehearsing! And it wasn't a serenade - more like a rock song - a rock song that he wanted a copy of the video of! YES! WE NAILED IT!