A MAD TEA PARTY

Dan knew he had fallen down the rabbit hole from the moment Lord Wolfgang had brought him here, but he was still surprised to find himself having tea with four cats (even the black one came out from under the bed for the occasion.)

Dan found the fridge stocked with fresh milk and cream. The pantry had coffee, tea, and a new tin of assorted biscuits too. The lemon cream sandwich cookies were particularly pleasant with tea.

Peony wanted one too, but Dan had to open it up for it to lick the cream,

"You may have the rest." The orange cat told him when he was done.

Dan made a face, "Thank you, Sir."

He placed it delicately on the side of his plate, "But I'm way too full for another bite."

"You humans really don't eat much." Peri observed.

"Well, we all can't be wolves." Dan shrugged easily. Now that his headache was gone and he had come to terms with the fact that he was hosting the Mad Hatter's party in his new room, he found himself relaxing a bit more.

"Hm." Peri regarded him carefully, "it seems you are more than meets the eye, Dan Lion."

"Oh, how so?" Dan Lion lifted a brow.

"On first sight you look to be only a weak human with a comely appearance." Peri explained, before grudgingly allowing, "But it seems that you are not without your charms."

"Are you admitting that you like me, Sir?" Dan teased the grey cat who preferred his tea with way too much milk, sugar, AND cream. It was the first time Dan had met someone who used all three.

"Like is a strong word." Peri was very grudging with affection.

Dan found himself smiling, "Then shall I endeavor to win you over?"

It was just a cat. When talking to a cat, one should have the freedom to flirt indiscriminately.

But the cat considered this proposition quite seriously, "Although my favor would benefit you greatly, it would be even more to your advantage to apply your charms to Alpha Henri."

Dan stopped and then he laughed. It sounded almost like Peri was telling him to seduce the alpha, but it was just a cat.

"I'll bear your advice in mind." Dan promised.

"Just do your best." Peony said, but not without betraying his misgivings. From the tips of their pointed ears to their very fluffy tails, and everything fiber in between, cats were not made to hide their feelings, "It's not that you're without your charms, and it's obvious you're easy on the eyes, but Alpha Henri isn't one to be impressed by superficial attributes."

"Oh?" Dan decided this was a good opportunity as any to glean some possibly useful information, "What kind of attributes would Alpha Henri appreciate?"

The cats thought about it. Dan could tell they were giving it real consideration because they stopped lapping their tea and cocked their furry heads to the side and were quiet for a moment.

Surprisingly, it was Ori, the black cat who spoke first. It had some cream around its mouth which it politely licked off with a small pink tongue before it spoke, "Strength."

Ori was very resolute about it. Now the cats were all regarding Dan with a critical eye.

"Never mind Dan Lion." Peony said, "Not everyone can be a warrior."

"There is more to a warrior than his physical strength." Was Peri trying to comfort him? "A warrior's true strength is in his courage."

"And his fight skill and indominable spirit." Ori was quite forthcoming when it came to warrior talk.

"Maybe Dan Lion might focus more on less strenuous displays of admirable traits." Peony proposed.

"Yes." Peri agreed, "Perhaps Dan Lion might consider exhibiting gentler traits like his intellect and refinement."

"Do you have glasses?" Peony asked, "I am told it made one looked more intelligent."

"I think..." Edel, the white cat spoke last, "I think we are going about this in the wrong direction."

"Really?" Dan asked, "How so?"

He hadn't gotten anything useful at all from the cats, but what did he expect from cats?

"I think Dan Lion shouldn't try to impress Alpha Henri at all." Edel explained its reasoning, "Alpha Henri is a wolf and a wolf is a hunter by nature. So if Dan Lion were to run, wouldn't the wolf naturally give chase?"

Dan laughed at that, "You mean like throwing a ball for a dog?"

"Yes." Peri wrinkled its flat nose," although the analogy is crude, wolves are very simple creatures."

"Unlike cats." Dan could not help himself. These cats were really the most entertaining creatures he ever had tea with.

Peri's ears flattened in displeasure and it's majestic tail thumped, "You're not cute when you're sarcastic, Dan Lion."

But Peri WAS cute when it was displeased. Dan smiled, "My apologies, sir."

There was a part of Dan that still felt like he must have lost his marbles, but there was also a part of Dan that didn't want to worry about lost marbles. He was actually enjoying himself atm.

"Thank you for all your good advice, sirs." Dan kindly thanked the cats, "I believe it would put me in good stead with the Alpha."

None of the cats looked convinced. Peony spoke on their behalf, "I wouldn't be so sure. But don't worry, you can always fall back on your good looks."

"Just sit back and look as disinterested as possible." Edel advised.

"And keep your sarcasm to yourself." Peri said.

Ori had been silent for a while now, but it seemed to have suddenly concurred with the others. It nodded it's black head and licked its paw. Showing his sharp claws, it said, "Sometimes pretending to be the prey is a good hunting strategy too."

"I'm not hunting." Dan tried to clarify. It wouldn't do if word got out that the human was here to hunt Alpha Henri, "I just want to meet the Alpha and discuss the possibility of opening a negotiation table or a possible trade agreement between our two lands."

"Good." Peri nodded, "That's a good bait. Alpha Henri would most certainly invite you for another meeting to discuss it further."

Even though it was a cat's word, it did give Dan hope that the door would not be shut in his face immediately. He needed this mission to stay alive.

"But look disinterested." Edel felt compelled to remind Dan.

"Not TOO disinterested." Peony said.

"Do not strike unless you are sure of victory." Ori said.

"And whatever you do, never lie to an alpha. They would KNOW." Peri felt to warn him. Dan nodded, he already knew that much, "I have no intention of deceiving your Alpha."

Again, none of the cats looked convinced.

"All's fair in love and war Dan Lion." Peri told him finally. It was something his King often quoted too.

"But I applaud your integrity." Which was something his King would NEVER say.

"Very well. We will stand by you." Peri concluded after a second thought.

Honestly, Dan would rather not have the cats stand by him when he met Alpha Henri. He needed to talk real business with the Alpha, not have another Mad Hatter's tea party.

"At least if you get rejected, you'd know you were being rejected for who you honestly are." Peony said.

Was that suppose to comfort him?

"He hasn't been rejected yet." Peri told the orange cat.

Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence.

"Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win." Ori quoted. Dan felt very sure he had read this somewhere before.

"Yes, Ori is quite right." Peri decided a pep talk was in order, "Dan Lion, we haven't given up yet, so don't give up on yourself. You might be weak and human, but you are handsome and charming."

"Even if those are rather superficial traits, it is better than being ugly and repulsive." Peony added.

"As long as the vase is beautiful, it's contents can be selected and arranged later." Peri said sagely.

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." Ori advised.

"Yes, not matter how many times you are rejected, you must not give up." Peri said.

"Don't forget to look disinterested." Edel reminded him firmly, "If you are disinterested, you won't be rejected."

"Yes," Peri agreed, "That would be your best strategy, Dan Lion. To avoid rejection, you must position yourself with a blasé air."

"Look disinterested." Edel paraphrased.

"But handsome." Peony said.

Exactly who's side were these cats on?

"Isn't Alpha Henri your Alpha?" Dan just had to ask.

"Yes," Peri said, "But we are not wolves. Once we were stars, now we are cats."

Which made no sense to Dan, but again, he was having tea with cats. What was he expecting?