<2> The Self in My Memories

Chapter 2: The Self in My Memories

What was this feeling? It felt as if his entire body was wrapped in something, swaying uncomfortably, nausea creeping in.

Why?

Eijun felt utterly out of sorts, caught in a state between dreaming and waking.

---Could this be sleep paralysis? No way! I don't want this!

Name: Sawamura Eijun. Gender: Male. Age: 25. Still afraid of ghosts and unlikely to ever grow into a reliable adult.

After struggling through an intense inner battle, Eijun finally managed to open his eyes.

He saw himself lying there, sleeping peacefully, and let out a breath of relief.

---Wait, no relief! Why am I seeing myself sleeping? And… why does it look like a younger version of me?!

---Something was off. Very off.

Taking a moment to calm down, Eijun looked around and realized he was back in his childhood home—the house where he had lived with his parents and grandfather.

The decorations were straight out of his middle school days.

Scattered manga lay everywhere, baseball gear was shoved into corners, and a red baseball jersey hung proudly on the wall.

Then, there was the sight of his younger self sprawled out on the bed, drooling, and fast asleep.

There was no denying it. The truth was obvious: he was back in his third year of middle school.

Whether this was a dream or something else, he didn't know.

But whatever it was, he wanted it to end soon.

As Eijun looked around the familiar room, the once-cherished sights didn't bring comfort or nostalgia.

Instead, they filled him with a desire to escape.

The pain, the memories, and even tears he thought he'd forgotten threatened to overwhelm him.

The shrill sound of an alarm clock at 4:50 AM startled both his younger self and his current self out of their respective reveries.

While young Eijun was roused from sleep, older Eijun remained immersed in his thoughts.

"Whoa! Is it that late already? I'm going to be late! Gotta hurry!" his younger self exclaimed in a still-boyish voice, scrambling in a panic.

Watching the scene unfold, Eijun couldn't help but feel like this world, vibrant and alive, was coming back to life.

He followed his younger self downstairs, watching him wolf down breakfast while his mother fussed over him and his grandfather and father bickered noisily in the background.

Somehow, the lively chaos settled Eijun's restless heart.

It was then he realized something strange—he seemed to exist in a peculiar space. He could perceive everything around him, but no one seemed to notice him in return.

Lost in thought, Eijun snapped back to reality when his younger self finished eating and got ready to leave.

"I'm off!"

"Be careful on your way!" his family replied.

"Ah, Eijun! Your lunchbox!" his mother called out in a mild panic as young Eijun almost forgot it.

Watching the scene unfold, Eijun unconsciously shouted, "I'm off too!" and ran after his younger self.

"Alright, take ca—wait, what was that?" His mother's voice trailed off, and she looked around, puzzled.

Eijun left the house a little later than his younger self but managed to find his way to the baseball field based on his memories.

Due to the school's impending closure, most clubs had disbanded, leaving only a few like the baseball and literature clubs still active.

The expansive field was sparsely populated.

When Eijun arrived at the baseball club's gathering point, he saw his younger self surrounded by teammates as they trickled in.

Looking at their youthful faces and the way everyone crowded around his younger self, Eijun suddenly remembered: back then, everyone had always revolved around him.

---When I left for Seidou, most of them and I started keeping our distance, simply watching from afar. Later, when I stayed in Tokyo for university, I rarely visited during holidays.

---After graduation, everyone got busy with their own work and lives, making it even harder to gather. Though our reunions were always warm, they lacked the carefree joy we used to share, like the kind we had back then.

"Hey, Ei-chan, what do we do? Tomorrow's the game, and I'm so nervous. Can we really win?"

"Same here! Just thinking about it makes me feel like I'm going to throw up."

"My mom heard I'm playing tomorrow and said she's coming to watch."

"Your mom too? Wait, are all the parents planning to come? Nooo!"

Seeing his nervous teammates, young Eijun puffed out his chest and declared loudly, "Hahaha, don't worry about it! All we have to do is play our own baseball. With everyone here, I don't feel like we can lose at all!"

"Ei-chan..."

"Ei-chan!"

"Ei-chan!"

Everyone looked at their ace, and a mutual smile spread among them. Yeah, as long as we have Eijun, we won't lose.

"Alright! Let's start running now! Our goal is to make it to Nationals—charge!" Fired up, young Eijun took off in a sprint, kicking off their morning training.

"Wait, Ei-chan, no false starts!"

"Why is our goal Nationals? Shouldn't it just be winning the first game?"

Despite their playful complaints, everyone ran after Eijun.

---Even though we're weak, even though we don't understand much, Ei-chan, as long as you're ahead of us, we'll chase after you. One day, we'll catch up to you, and we'll stand by your side. Someday, we'll be the ones supporting you.

Watching the boys run toward the sunrise, the older Eijun felt something wet trail down his cheek.

---No matter when, they've always been there. Eijun, it took me years to realize this. I only wish the me back then could have realized it sooner.

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