Chapter 5

5' 8"-5' 9"

"Sweety, do you eat enough?" Noah's mom sounded worried, trying to examine him through the computer's screen. "I think you've lost weight!"

"You say it every single time," Noah chuckled, leaving the web camera view to change from the pajamas into the ripped black jeans, the Japanese koi-printed white t-shirt, and a dark-green shirt. His curly square neckline, which Noah usually puts up in a ponytail, looked surprisingly good after the shower today, so the guy decided to leave it just like that.

"Trust me, I eat enough for three. Andrea gets really mad because of it," he reported. "Oh, who's finally awake here?" exclaimed Noah, feeling a touch. A fluffy black cat with a long tail rubbed his nose on his leg. Noah took the cat in his arms to show it to his mom. "Say hello to mommy!" he asked the cat, and, after receiving zero reaction, he started kissing its face. The cat laid back its ears uncomfortably, but he was bearing it, just like he bore Noah's sobbing the other day. A new message appeared in the anonymous university chat and notified that Noah Morgan's shop of indulgence will be closed for a week since he has to deal with the bouquet of STDs that he apparently got from his clients. It would be no big deal if one of the professors didn't see him off from one of the classes, ensuring that health is more important. The whole auditorium burst into laughter for a good ten minutes. Noah wanted to go bright red with shame, but he only managed to go back home and weep into his cat's back.

"God, Noah, remember I asked you not to kiss the cats! Don't forget that they are –"

"– Satan's disciples?" the guy guessed and laughed.

"Noah!" 

 "Yes-yes-yes, Satan's disciples that are licking their own balls. I always forget," Noah waved his mom's comment away and kissed Fluffy right on the nose. "They are my cats... Well, at list now. I don't mind them," he stated, and he put the pet back on the floor. Peanut was lounging around on the floor in the patch of sunlight that was coming through the blinds. Noah decided not to interrupt the cat, even to show his mom the third habitant of his small flat.

"How's the beginning of the school year? No problems?" mom asked with forced cheerfulness in her voice. Noah was fully aware what kind of problems she meant. Not those that he had, but those that he had never had. Unfortunately, Noah stopped trying to prove his innocence. So now he preferred to answer every time that he was fine, not going into details, so that he wouldn't accidentally get into another fight, which would be followed by new insults. Noah did love his parents. He thought that they were the most understanding people in the whole world. But he still felt shattered every time he remembered that once they had believed the rumors, not their own son.

"Yes, everything's great!" Noah assured his mom, since he decided not to tell her that his hobby of crying his eyes out every night returned right after the first school day. It was better not to tell his parents about some of his interests sometimes.

"Even though you say so..." it was difficult to fool mom's instincts. "I'm worried about you, son."

"Don't be, mom. I'm fine! Everything's great! I'm telling you!" Noah had to put in more effort in order to sound more cheerful.

"Wow, such an expression!" she sighed with relief, completely buying it. "What's the reason? Is it about a boy?"

Noah came out to his parents as gay on his 15th birthday. His parents just answered that they loved him no matter what, and the most important thing for them was their child's happiness. If that meant building a family with a man, they would fully support him. Those memories warmed his soul afterwards. Unfortunately, then came the, 'Darling, we've made you an appointment with a sexologist. Also, we'll give you a bigger allowance, but, please, don't ever…' 

Considering the fact that his parents were notified that their child, apparently, was working as a prostitute, their reaction automatically made them canonized. There was only one thing: Noah had never done anything like this before. Ever. But almost all of his friends, colleagues, university employees, and even his parents chose to believe that stupid gossip. The only people who didn't believe that were his grandma, Andrea, Scott, and Peanut with Fluffy.

"Silence gives consent?" Mom was smiling. Noah instantly returned from his bitter thoughts into the real world, and he needed a couple of seconds to catch the topic of the conversation again.

"Yes, the boy," he said, letting it slip.

"Oh, my God!" his mom flung up her hands. "Now, tell me, who is he, what's his name, and where did you meet? It's your first crush after Matthew, isn't it? I thought that you would never forget that slob!"

Noah winced after hearing about his ex.

"I wanna know everything!" his mother stated, not noticing the change in his son's mood.

Noah started frantically going through the guys that he could tell her about. Scott didn't work; mom would recognize him from a description. The guy from his literature class? Noah still couldn't remember his name, even though he seemed cute. There were guys from the sports department. Any pumped guy would suit perfectly for the role of an imaginary crush, but then he suddenly slipped.

"Ethan. His name's Ethan," Noah blurted it out and got embarrassed for some reason. Like he had actually told his mom a secret. "We met at the party. He was quite…m-m-m…interesting."

"His eyes?"

"Gray."

"His hair?"

"Light-brown." 

"His height?"

This kind of interview wasn't new for Noah. His mother could get really nosey sometimes. If he was interested in someone, she usually wanted to know about them even more than Noah. Considering the fact that Noah almost 'went into a convent', he forgot how they used to gossip about all of his potential boyfriends with his mom over a cup of hot cocoa in the evening. He used to even deny, 'No, he's way out of my league!' And his mom would object, 'No, you're out of his league! He's gonna pass out when he finds out that you like him!' But the guys usually blew Morgan off after he would tell about his feelings. And nobody passed out. After that, his mom would usually say that these fools weren't worth her precious son.

Anyway, now it seemed so far away, almost unreal. The evenings like those warmed Noah's soul way before college, Matthew, and nasty rumors.

"Five feet. And three inches," mumbled Noah, scratching the tip of his nose.

"My goodness, darling, I've always thought that you prefer"—she paused—"tops." Noah had just sipped some milk, so he choked on his beverage, and milk ran through his nose.

"Mother!" Noah sounded embarrassed. "First of all, it's none of your business! And, secondly, roles in a sex aren't being distributed on a height-basis!" he grunted.

"But it's not convenient!" his mom continued, poker-faced. "I've always preferred guys who were at least a half-head taller than me," she said with a thoughtful air. "I felt safe with them."

"Sure," Noah didn't want to waste time on some fight. Even on this kind of stupid fight. Especially on the stupid one. "Anyways, I don't feel like discussing gay sex with my mother!" he said, making a helpless gesture. "It's just a crush. We're not a couple. And we will never be one."

"Come on, darling, don't underestimate yourself."

"It's not that," Noah waved off.

"Is he straight?" his mom covered her mouth horrified, like the word 'straight' sounded the same as 'cannibal'.

"To be honest, I have no idea. Let's change the subject," Noah asked, giving the side eye to his watch. He didn't have to leave the house for another ten minutes. Noah could lie and say that he had to go now, but he didn't like lying in general, and this small and pointless lie almost felt like the first step on the bridge leading to Hell.

"Goodness, I almost forgot to tell you!" she flung up her hands. "I found out all the information about transferring from the University of California to the University of New York. It's not easy, of course, but not as difficult as I thought! So, once you're ready…" 

His dad got a raise a year ago, and they moved away. Parents were trying to persuade Noah to go with them, which was the best decision for him at that time, considering his problems at university. But he refused.

"We've already talked about this," Noah frowned. They've talked about it multiple times! "I'm not leaving grandma!"

"Sweety…"

"I'm serious, mom. I'm not leaving anywhere."

"I'm so proud that I've raised such a great son," his mom sighed, "But, darling, you need to understand that grandma doesn't care whether you're with her or not."

"It's not true!" Noah argued passionately.

"Son, do you remember the last time she recognized you?" the woman asked sharply.

Noah has opened his mouth to object and then immediately closed it, understanding that it didn't happen this year. Not even the last.

"I know you love your grandmother. We all do. But I don't want you to go through these adult problems while you're so young. You need to think about boys, go to parties, go on dates, and go to concerts, and not waste your weekends on…"

"Mother!" Noah interrupted her, "I'm not leaving anywhere," he articulated clearly. "Sorry, but I gotta go now."

"Okay, darling. Love you! And remember, Jesus is watching you."

"I hope not."

****

Noah had a chance to meet Andrea and Scott only during the lunch break. As soon as he entered the cafeteria, he could see a bush of hair waving at him. After that, he got excited to come to the cafeteria at such a great time, when there were almost no people in line, he bought seven buns, some awful coffee, and moved slowly to his friends.

"Look who has ruined my appetite just by coming in here," he heard from the side.

'The waves are rolling out to sea.'

Noah turned around and looked at the person. He didn't know the guy, which wasn't surprising at all. Noah had understood a while ago that strangers could hate even more than people he knew. They just needed to break free from the negativity, and Noah seemed to be a great container for that.

"Forgot something, syph? Don't breathe on me, okay? I don't wanna catch anything from you," the stranger stated, and his friend sitting next to him chuckled quietly.

'The sea is rough — one.'

Noah couldn't understand why this was funny. He could be insulted in a much finer way. Sometimes Noah thought about whether he should write a study guide on how to humiliate a human's dignity. The guy talking to Noah didn't seem a pro in that. Morgan wouldn't be surprised if the stranger opened his mouth just to impress someone.

'Devil's Eye' moved slowly across the guy's face. Then to his neck and arms. Then it stopped on the waste.

'The sea is rough — two.'

"Syphilis doesn't spread by droplets. Even if I was sick, I could breathe next to you as much as I wanted, and you would be okay. Unfortunately," Noah broke into a smile. "And, by the way, syphilis doesn't mean it can't be cured, unlike the lack of intelligence."

"Screw you, you dumb ass fag!" the guy grunted, which made the other guy smirk again.

'The sea is rough — three.' 

Yeah, he shouldn't be talking like that, considering the skeleton he hides in his closet.

Noah started moving towards the guy, and he, thinking that his opponent was looking for a fight, jumped up from his chair and straightened his back, demonstrating his height supremacy. And showing off his broad shoulders. His pose was almost screaming, 'Try punching me! You'll regret it!'

"You need to be a suicider to—"

"You need to be an idiot to pretend to be a homophobe while being gay," Noah whispered, cutting off that awkward phrase.

The guy shrugged and turned white, like a piece of chalk. What, was it frightening to understand that your secret could become the public fare? Noah could say it louder. People wouldn't believe him. Not everyone. But rumors would start spreading from one student to another, from class to class, from chat to chat. Noah believed that the only person who could talk about their preferences was the person themselves. Even if that person was such a jerk like that guy who was trying to act like an ass to impress the guy he was terribly in love with.

"If you continue doing that, you will be jacking off to him until the Second Coming," Noah noted, and, not waiting for the answer, he turned away and continued walking to his friends. To be honest, the poor guy would probably jack off anyway, since the other guy was one hundred percent straight.

"What did he say?" Noah heard behind his back. It was probably 'one hundred percent straight' speaking.

"That I'm his type, and he's gonna blow me for half the price. I was even turned away by his words."

Noah wasn't surprised, but his mood was ruined anyway.

"Oh, God, there're just more and more buns every time!" Andrea flung her arms in righteous anger.

"But I bought some for you as well," Noah tried to defend himself.

"I'm on a diet!" Andrea noted immediately.

"And I have gastritis," Scott reminded him.

"Oh, no, now I need to eat everything by myself," Noah sighed theatrically and immediately started enjoying the first bun.

"How can you finish all that?" Andrea mumbled, eating her baby carrots with no appetite. She had always tried to assure everyone that she loved carrots. But, clearly, not for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Noah had already cramped his mouth, so he decided not to answer. He didn't know what to say anyway. Noah always had a good appetite. Since his childhood, his granny had been stuffing him with some goodies as soon as he would enter her house. That's why Noah was considered chubby until his fifteenth birthday. Then there was a sudden growth spurt. Noah lost weight rapidly and grew up. So now he was the opposite: no matter how much food he would eat, he would remain thin as a rail.

"By the way, we have a gig this Friday!" the friend notified Noah.

"So soon?" he asked, surprised. Classes started just a week ago. So did the rehearsals, because members of Andrea's band were going away to their hometowns for a summer break.

"Why not?" she shrugged her shoulders, "The manager of 'I want you deadly' has contacted us himself, can you imagine that?!"

"They're not doing well, I suppose," Noah laughed.

'I want you deadly', despite the wild name, was quite a small location, with a small menu and even a smaller number of regulars. But especially because of that, Andrea had a chance to perform on their tiny stage with her band. Any other place would reject them after hearing a couple of seconds of their demo. Even for free. Andrea and her band didn't sound really harmonious, but Noah liked it. He admired his friend, looking at how her fingers were dancing over a keyboard. He also watched Scott fascinatingly play his bass guitar. He bounced his head to the beat of their drummer. The only person Noah didn't like was Steve, their front man. He was a creep. He seemed picky and demanding, with some sort of imaginary crown on his head. He sang well, of course, but... there was no soul. But surely there was something stinky about him.

"I thought the same," Andrea nodded with no offense. She always considered the level of her band impartially: "Although I still hope that..." the girl suddenly stopped staring at something or someone behind Noah's back. He turned around and also froze for a moment. He lost his breath, and his pulse suddenly went higher.

"What's he doing here?" Andrea mumbled with interest. There was Ethan Thomson sitting on the opposite side of the cafeteria. Despite the crowd, he was sitting alone at his table, and nobody seemed to risk it.

Noah turned back again to his friends, feeling his cheeks turning red, even though Ethan didn't even glance at him. Thomson was way more interested in what was happening on his phone than in the people around him.

"Do you know him?" Noah asked carefully, trying to hide the confusion from his friends.

"After the fight at Hughes' party, everybody who was there knows him," Scott shrugged his shoulders.

"Oh yeah, he was pulled to pieces," Andrea confirmed.

"And what were they saying?" Noah asked, like it wasn't a big deal.

"That he's weird," Scott said, making a 'cuckoo' sign.

"And that his sister is doing drugs," Andrea added.

'Aah, that's why...'

"But those are just rumors," Noah pointed out angrily, being that same exact person to show the example that sometimes people tend to picture others the way they want, not the way they actually are.

"We get that," Andrea assured Noah, "We're just giving clear answers to the clear-cut question. I, personally, don't care whether Audrey was doing drugs or not. It's her life, and it doesn't concern me," she waved off her hand.

"But Ethan is weird," Scott mumbled in response, "Always wearing those medical masks. What if he's sick? Tuberculosis. Or even AIDS."

"Don't you dare to assume something like that," Noah snapped surprisingly angrily, "He doesn't have any illnesses," Noah said eagerly.

"And how do you know?" Scott asked mischievously.

Noah and Ethan were let out of the winter garden only at the end of the party in the early morning. Noah was aware that if Andrea found out that he was locked somewhere, she would start such a scandal that even Ethan would get jealous. Noah didn't want any of that, so he texted his friends that he had already left while actually sitting in silent company watching the stars.

"He has taken his mask off in front of me," he responded, completely failing to remember that he hadn't told them the truth, even though he planned to the next morning.

"And when did that happen?" Scott narrowed his eyes, and Noah felt for a second that there was the same thing in his eyes that Morgan's haters had when they were about to trash him again. And then he remembered how he had burst into tears on a friend's shoulder a couple of times before and how Scott was awkwardly trying to cheer him up a little. Yes, Noah was wrong. Scott was just teasing him, and Noah was taking his words way too seriously due to his anxiety and big trust issues.

"At the party," Noah mumbled, and then he briefly told his friends what had happened. Andrea was furious. Scott just looked surprised.

"I'm gonna choke Hughes as soon as I see him!" his girlfriend promised.

"Please, let's keep it with no killings," Noah begged, "That's why I didn't tell you anything back then."

"You're too kind!" Andrea stated it tartly.

"I just don't want my problems to be yours also."

"These are ours anyways! We're your friends, Noah! We can't ignore the way people treat you!"

"So, you've seen Ethan without a mask?" Scott immediately changed the subject, since he knew how furious Andrea could become in such moments. With that attitude, she could've easily inspired a multi-million-person army to conquer a nearby planet. Or she could've summoned the demons from the bottomless pit. Once Andrea winds up, nothing can stop her. Thankfully, Scott had put down a fire of justice just in time.

"Yes, I have," Noah confirmed, even though he decided not to specify that Ethan didn't let him come too close. And that was indeed…weirdish. 

"And how was it?" Andrea immediately switched from the role of the warrior into the role of the matchmaker. If Noah was around some guy for longer than two seconds, Andrea would graciously put him on the list of potential Morgan's boyfriends. "How does he look with no mask?"

"Quite handsome," Noah mumbled, hiding his scarlet face in his palms.

"Oh, even qu-i-i-te handsome?" Scott stretched his question, trying to become matchmaker number two.

"Damn, it wasn't something I wished for you," Andrea shook her head, looking just like someone's mom.

"What do you mean?" Noah didn't get it.

"Do you remember what I said at the party? Tall and handsome! Ethan is almost a head shorter than you. He's almost a dwarf," she stated. Noah even clenched his teeth in anger.

"Not a head shorter; he's only a half-head shorter. And, by the way, he's taller than my mom," he exhaled, leaving out the fact that he was only half an inch taller. "Do you think my mom is a dwarf, too?"

"Oh," Andrea got confused, "but it's not the same!"

Noah just grunted skeptically. Anyway, even if Ethan was a dwarf, what's wrong with that? It's only Noah's business who to fall in love with!

Wait a second. To fall in love?

"FYI, I don't mind dwarfs at all. I would easily hook up with Peter Dinklage! He's sexy!" she stated, which made Scott frown like he usually did when Andrea would talk about guys who were sexy. "I'm sorry, but it's just too difficult for me to imagine you and Ethan in bed. It seems…awkward."

"Oh, my dear Lord! As if you colluded... Is this day cursed or something?! I would be really grateful if you stopped trying to picture me in bed with anyone!" Noah groaned. 

"But I'm serious!" Andrea just didn't seem to stop, "You were always nuts about tall, pumped machos full of testosterone! I know that because we have the same taste. But Ethan…"

"Let's talk about something else," Noah asked, stuffing another bun into his mouth and looking like a chipping squirrel with a stash of nuts in its mouth.

"I agree," Scott said, supporting Noah.

"But it's an important question," Andrea didn't want to change the subject, "Because we all know that you're a bottom!"

Noah choked on a bun and was trying to clear his throat for over a minute, then catch his breath again. He wanted to say that this fact hadn't been proven yet, but... In his sexual fantasies, he did prefer picturing himself as a bottom. He didn't know why. But now he knew that he should be careful with the amount of alcohol he drank, not only at the parties but also with his friends. Because that was exactly how Andrea fished for this intimate information.

"Do we really have to discuss it, like Ethan and I are about to start dating?" Noah got angry, "We didn't even exchange numbers. And we've never talked since! And I… I don't feel anything towards him. I just said that he's objectively handsome! An objectively handsome guy who doesn't remember me, I'm 100% sure."

"Doesn't remember you, you're saying," Andrea scratched her chin, "So, you're positive that a future lawyer who's studying on the other side of campus, where they have their own cafeteria, is out of the blue sitting here, in the art critics' block? Absolutely not on purpose?" his girlfriend asked.

"Yes, I'm positive. Ethan's visit here doesn't have to do anything with me," Noah frowned, frustrated that he couldn't let himself even dream of something like this. "He was probably just passing by."

"Hah, have you heard him?" Andrea laughed, pointing her finger at Noah.

"Holy fool," Scott agreed with a smile.

"Let's leave Ethan alone and return to your gig at 'I want you deadly', shall we?" Noah asked with a sigh.

"Oh!" Andrea shook up, "You should invite Ethan to our gig!" she screamed, fully excited about this idea.

"Excuse me?"

"It's gonna be so sick!" she assured Noah.

"Firstly, as I've already said, we're not talking. Secondly, how is it gonna be sick if everybody thinks he's weird?" Noah made a helpless gesture.

"If everybody thinks he's weird, it doesn't mean that nobody thinks he's interesting," Andrea said. "There's something about him that makes us wanna know more about him. Trust me, he's quite a character."

"If he's quite a character, why have I never heard anything about him before?" Noah was surprised.

"Well, he's from another university department," Andrea waved that comment aside. "And he's not a master of communication, as you might've noticed. On the contrary, he's super passive and aggressive; that's why people gossip about him quietly, always checking on the surroundings," she added, moving her head demonstratively. "Go there and say hi. Now!" she demanded. "And casually invite him to our concert."

"I don't want to," Noah frowned in despair, "He's gonna say no."

"If he says no, then he says no! Not a big deal!" Andrea shrugged her shoulders. "There's no harm in trying!"

'Oh, of course there's harm in trying!' Noah was desperate, leaving his seat. 'Because I don't want him to say no!'