Cheesy Woman

Instead of getting up to execute the plan, the three men continued sitting there, looking out over the city filled with people they were planning to kill.

"I'm sorry for the things I said while I was drunk." Briggs spoke up suddenly, and his words made Shiv uncomfortable.

Thankfully, Duncan was there to answer for him. "Don't be. You didn't say anything wrong. Everything you said was completely factual"

'I take it back. I'm not thankful Duncan is here.' Shiv had a sour expression.

"Whether it was true or not, some things are better left unsaid." Briggs remained steadfast. "We have decided upon our course of action, and whining about it now won't change...."

The castle shook, causing Briggs to fall silent. Shiv didn't even notice it, and looked at the short man with confusion, wondering why he had stopped speaking. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a super small, strangely shaped man sneaking up on them from behind wielding two curved swords and wearing a cloth wrapped around his face.

Shiv turned his face back to the city, pretending he hadn't noticed anything. In the same tone as they had been speaking, he said, "there's an assassin sneaking up on us."

Briggs began to nod, but stopped and glanced at him with a confused expression.

Simultaneously, Duncan had thrown invisible blades of air behind him almost before Shiv had finished speaking. There was a grunt followed by a thud. The trio turned around at the same time to stare at the prone figure of the bleeding assassin.

"So… who are you?" Shiv asked in a politely curious tone.

"Don't be ridiculous. That question doesn't matter." Duncan scoffed. "We need to have him take off his mask."

"No, we need to figure out who sent her." Briggs stood with a sigh. "She is an assassin from the east." He walked over and pulled the cloth off of her head. "Don't relax yet. Where there's one, there's at least seven more of these criminals."

Abruptly turning a light shade of blue, she bared her teeth at the short warrior and suddenly lunged forward, swinging a sword. Briggs caught her wrist in his hand and squeezed hard enough that she was forced to drop the weapon.

"Woah!" Duncan's exclamation earned wary looks from the three other occupants of the room. "She's uh, hot, as Shiv would say."

Her teeth began chattering as her skin became even more blue and her clothes reddened from the blood spilling out of her wounds.

"Are you sure she's an assassin? She doesn't seem very powerful." Shiv walked over to crouch in front of her with a curious look.

With jerky movements, she stabbed a knife at him that appeared out of nowhere. He caught her wrist with a thoughtful expression and looked at her weapon. "It's got something smeared on it."

"She's not very powerful, but she doesn't have to be. She was quiet enough to sneak up on the three of us, and I suspect that not even I am immune to the poison her blades are drenched in." Duncan said in a subdued tone.

"I agree with him, for once. Her stealth skills are nothing short of incredible." He dropped her hand and stood up, ignoring her hatred-filled glare. "Besides, all of the assassins are suicidal. They don't care about their lives. All they care about is finishing the mission."

'We should find the rest of the assassins in the castle and take them out.' Shiv thought, then shrugged and said it aloud.

Neither of the other two had any objections to his words, though Duncan looked at him with a strange expression, so they agreed. "Let's kill her and go." Briggs summoned an elegant blade of ice and prepared to stab the angry woman.

'No!' Shiv thought strongly and stood up to block Briggs. "Let's save her for questioning."

Briggs raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Because she's hot!" Duncan yelled with gusto.

Shiv jumped when he felt the woman's hand brush his through a rip in his pants. After checking the spot to make sure he wasn't cut and scowling at the woman, Shiv spoke the thought he had just had. "Because we already have her effectively captured. Why spend a bunch of effort trying to catch another assassin when we already have this one within our grasp?"

Shiv shifted uncomfortably under the stares of his two companions. "What?"

"I think that's the smartest thing you've ever said." Duncan said solemnly, and Briggs seconded him.

"You're both idiots." Shiv responded with a brilliant insult and turned on his heel. He moved the earth into the form of a cage around the assassin and approached the door.

Briggs and Duncan glanced at each other, shrugged, and followed.

***

Searching for assassins in a giant hanging castle proved to be much more difficult than Shiv had expected.

After a solid hour of searching, the three men had cleared out most of the living people in the building and returned to the throne room in the center.

"No dice." Shiv shook his head at the other two. "I say we head back to the girl we caught and just go ahead and question her."

"Too late, idiot." The girl in question spoke up from the throne Shiv was facing, behind the two short men.

Shiv blinked, and found that they were surrounded by more cloth-wearing, curved-weapon-wielding weirdos stepping out from behind the thrones.

"Look, guys. See all these dead bodies? This is what happened to the last group that surprise-attacked us in this room." Shiv motioned at the dead bodies of the judges.

"You were surprised?" Duncan had an incredulous expression.

"Well yeah. I just thought they were bureaucrats or something.' Shiv defended himself unsuccessfully.

"I agree with the girl. You're an idiot." Briggs narrowed his eyes up at her. ""But what made you say that he's an idiot?"

"The fact that his mind was so easy to enter and influence." She said with a nasty grin.

"I.. feel violated." Shiv didn't know what to say.

Thankfully, the assassins began their attack right then, preventing him from saying anything else retarded.

The assassins attacked with a variety of weapons and magics that Shiv had never seen before, but Briggs was… smiling. He seemed right at home dodging the star-shaped blades of fire and arrows of sand.

The fight was over surprisingly quickly, with only the original assassin they had encountered remaining alive. And that was only because she didn't participate in the harrowing fight that had ensued. Instead, she remained on her throne, her attractive face contorting more and more into a grotesque grin.

When the last of the foreigners had been killed, they turned to regard the woman who had become distinctly scary. "I'm sorry, miss, but smiling is not good for your looks. Not at all." Duncan informed her politely.

"Your short friend was right about one thing." Her grin grew even more. "We are suicidal." When she finished speaking, the building shook, and she began laughing, only to stop abruptly when Duncan cut off her head.

Without a word, they began running with Shiv in the lead. He ran straight at a wall, and at the last second, reached out to brush the tips of his fingers on it and manipulate it so that it opened up and provided an easy path for the trio to traverse. He did this with every wall that blocked their way, just focusing on getting out of the castle as fast as possible.

His efforts were rewarded when the last wall he moved opened up into open air. Carried by his momentum, he was unable to stop in time, and flew off the edge. He was given a spectacular view of ground and stalagmite portions of the city, and when he rolled over, of the crumbling ceiling of the castle.

Abruptly, he stopped and felt a sharp pain around his waist. If he had a normal body, he had no doubt that his spine would have snapped in two. But he was blessed by divinity, so he was able to survive the tug of the invisible rope and be pulled back into the castle.

When he was pulled over the edge by the two sweaty, huffing men, he simply rolled over and closed his eyes. "Have I ever told you guys that I'm absolutely terrified of heights?"

"Tell us about it after we get out of here." Duncan also fell onto the ground, though he was clutching his stomach with a pained expression. "You're going to have to carry us both." He groaned and said to Briggs.

Briggs rubbed his head tiredly. "I have a headache." With a sigh, he moved to the opening in the wall and scowled in concentration. A moment later, a bridge of ice began to form, stretching out toward the nearest stalagmite. When it was finished, he shoved both of his companions onto the bridge and watched them slide down. Duncan slid down in class, while Shiv flailed wildly and showed why Briggs had added rail guards. A moment later, Briggs followed.

They all tumbled and rolled several times before coming to a stop. Duncan and Briggs face up, and Shiv face down in the dirt.

"Out of all of that, I think there's one thing we can all agree on." Duncan announced after several minutes in which the only sound was the collapsing castle and shattering bridge.

"That Shiv's an idiot?" Briggs offered, his eyes closed.

Shiv gave a muffled protest that the dirt absorbed.

"That that lady said some of the cheesiest things anybody has ever heard." Duncan sighed.