Bad, Bad Jokes

"You were right. That was super easy. I mean, we didn't even have to kill anybody!" Blaze announced when they reached the door to the dungeon without incident.

"Of course not! You shouldn't joke of such things." Mad said with wide eyes. 

Blaze refrained from pointing out that she hadn't been joking, and instead motioned toward the door after finding that pulling and pushing had no effect on it. "Do you have a key?"

"No, but I don't need one." Mad stepped forward and extended a hand toward the keyhole, and a vine quickly uncoiled from around the arm to penetrate the lock. The two girls waited for several tense seconds before a loud CLICK was heard, causing Blaze to clap her hands excitedly while the door swung open.

Unfortunately, she wasn't the only witness to the princess' picking of the lock. 

The door swung open to reveal a fat, greasy man sitting on a stool picking something from his teeth with a long, sharp bone. He froze when his eyes met those of the princess, then slowly turned his gaze to Blaze, then back again. 

"Hello there." 

Mad's words broke the man from whatever state of shock he had been caught in, and he tossed the bone to the side before stomping his feet on the ground and standing up with an audible groan heard from the joints supporting the fat stomach he was sporting. "Who're you?" Blaze initially thought he was speaking to her, even though he was looking at the princess, and Mad seemed to agree, as she introduced Blaze as a nun, but the man spoke again and dissuaded them of this false belief. "No, you with the fancy dress. Whot's your name? Why do ya look so familiar?"

  For once, Mad didn't seem to know how to respond, as she only stood there looking at the jailer with a confused expression. She opened her mouth a few times only to close it again, and eventually cocked her head to the side and regarded the ugly man with a frown. "When was the last time you left these horrid dungeons, dungeon master?" 

He scratched his butt and shrugged. "Whot's it matter to you? I asked ye a question, and I'm in charge down here, so I right well suggest you answer me question." 

Mad drew herself up and somehow managed to make her perfectly straight posture even straighter, and spoke in a voice that demanded respect. "I am the crown princess of Plateau City, and the Heir Apparent. It is considered very rude to ask someone's name without first offering your own, so I now ask that you remedy your mistake."

"If yer the princess, who's renowned for bein' responsible and an upstandin' role model for kids the world over, whot're ye doin' down here?" He crossed his arms. "I'm sure ye don't have permission ta be down here, otherwise ye'd have a bunch of guards with you. So I'm afraid I'm gonna hafta ask you ta leave. I don't want to get in trouble with yer father, ya understand? He's been good to me, and I want to return the favor." 

Mad looked taken aback by the logic the ugly, greasy man used whilst scratching his butt and occasionally picking his nose. 

Blaze had taken a liking to him. "You're right- we didn't ask anyone for permission. But we're just checking on some prisoners to make sure they're not my family." She explained. "And we're going to check, whether you want us to or not. So really all you've gotta do is decide whether you want to help your good king's daughter or get in her way." 

He pursed his lips. "To get in her way would be the wiser choice, and as you can see, is the one I've chosen, as I haven't moved a bit. I think the king will be happy with this decision." 

"If you don't get out of our way, I will have to kill you." Blaze warned.

"What! Blaze, I told you not to joke like that!" Mad scolded her before turning back to the jailer. "We won't kill you, but we will restrain you if you get in our way. We really are sorry to put such a difficult choice upon you like this, but it's an urgent matter."

"She don't look sorry." He pointed a finger with a dirty, cracked nail at Blaze.

"I'm not." She responded sharply, not sure why Mad had said she was sorry in the first place.

Mad gave her a pained look. "Look, this doesn't have to end in conflict. I am certain that my father will be happier if you aid us in our quest instead of engaging in a futile conflict and leaving us alone in the dungeon."

"Vyrakkyen." Was all he said after several seconds of contemplative silence.

"Pardon?" Mad asked politely.

"It's me name, princess. Remember it, because it's hard ta pronounce it and I don' like sayin' it too often cause of that." He took a deep breath and turned whilst waving for them to follow. "Me parents were peasants, and thought that makin' my name hard ta pronounce would make me sound like a noble." He grinned a gap-toothed smile over his shoulder. "Ya can hear exactly how noble I sound." 

"I think you sound very noble, now that you're helping us." Blaze offered.

Vyrakkyen laughed. "Yer honest. I respect that. Now what do these prisoners yer lookin' for look like?"

***

Several minutes later, they were standing outside of a box made completely of metal. It was located in the center of a large, open room and had the width of a small house and the height of a man. The ground surrounding the structure was cracked and broken, and formed random, unnatural shapes throughout the room. 

Mad gasped. "This room looks devastated." 

Vyrakkyen nodded. "If I were to venture to make a guess, I'd say the earthquake we all felt originated from right inside there." He gestured at the box.

"What's so special about the box?" Blaze asked.

"I believe it's what's in the box that actually has any amount of specialness to it." Mad said.

Vyrakkyen sneered. "Oh, the box is plenty special. It's made of steel, which none of the special characters inside are able to manipulate, and on top of that, it's-" 

He was cut off by the cacophonous sound of a new set of cracks spreading out in a haphazard pattern from the box. 

"That feels like… oh! Father is in there!" Blaze left the two wide-eyed Plateauians to rush to the box on the back of Destroyer's fiery form.

"You brought the daughter of that insane powerhouse into the dungeon?" He asked, and received a nod in response. "That don' seem like the best idea… unless you were plannin' to trap her down here with all of em? If that's the case, I can help ya out without no problems." 

"We will not interfere with the reunion, nor will we attempt to 'capture'," Mad said the word as if it left a bad taste on her tongue, "my new friend. We will simply watch and wait." 

A few seconds of silence passed between the two as they watched Blaze reach the box. "Wait for whot?"

Blaze wasn't able to hear the response, as she was too caught up in the reunion that was about to take place. She guided her mount over and around a few cracks still growing, and finally made it to the box, where she banged on it and hollered loudly. "Father, are you in there?" 

"Blaze?" Shiv's muffled voice was heard, and it almost sounded a bit slurred as well. "Are you OK? What's going on out there!" 

"I'm fine! I came to find you because you disappeared again." Blaze yelled. "You told me we're never supposed to leave each other's sides, remember?" 

There was a moment of silence followed by a choking noise and a croaked, "Yes." A bit more time passed before Shiv spoke again. "Your fire is much hotter than mine. Do you think you could melt the side of this box enough for me to smash through it?" 

Another familiar voice chimed in. "It's very dark in here, and we all know how afraid of Briggs the dark is." 

"You mean how afraid I am of the dark." Briggs sighed.

"Aha! So you admit it! You are afraid of the dark! You slimy coward." Duncan crowed.

"Of course!" Blaze responded with fervent gusto to Shiv's request. She slid off her mount and put her hands on the steel. She closed her eyes and frowned in concentration, focusing as much heat and power into the metal as she could. 

"I guess Blaze already knew you were afraid of the dark?" Duncan sounded confused. 

Suddenly, a yelp was heard, followed by an impact and a grunt. "You're an idiot." Briggs said.

"How was I supposed to know that I was leaning on the part of the wall that she was going to melt?" Duncan whined.

"No, you're an idiot for jumping on me." 

"It was either the alien, the hard floor, or a fat squishy thing. Naturally I chose the last of those."