Nightmares and goodbyes

Packing was agonisingly boring. It ate away my afternoon and my night leaving me with nothing but the thought of fighting and dying, either in space or on another planet. I've have always wanted to go into space just once before I died but I didn't want to actually die in space. Finding a husband, having children, growing old then finally dying in my sleep was no longer an option for me, it would be a miracle if that ever happened now.

As much as I did yearn for adventure, I don't think the concept of dying was truly there when these childish fantasy's of my mind danced across my thoughts. Now though it was very clear to me that this was real, I was going to war... adventure yes dying obviously, duh what else should I expect? Perhaps miraculously becoming the hero? PFFFT unlikely haha. I could see myself becoming the villain more than a hero, I just didn't have the bleeding heart a hero needed.

Sighing I put my last possession I was taking into my suitcase, a picture of my entire family. I guess as much as I hate to admit it I really will miss my brothers and I'll definitely miss my Mam and Dad. As absurdly bizarre as this family was it was my home, where the people I loved lived and where the people who loved me lived, I wasn't going to have that where I was going.

Looking at the clock I saw that it was eleven and I'd need sleep if I was going into space tomorrow. I probably wouldn't sleep till I was assigned a room in the interstellar soldier space school I was going to, so I'll get as much as I can while I can. Don't get me wrong I love my sleep probably just as much as food but sleep long now felt unusual, my body wanted me to sleep I mean when didn't it but not the paint it was my mind that was restless.

Reluctantly I got up out of my bean bad chair to turn the lights off and get into bed, sleep had never felt so hard before it was frustrating. I wanted to jump out of my window and leg it to another country but I know they'd probably kill my family for treason if I did that and as much as my heart was black it was still a heart that could love a select few like my family.

Why me? I mean there's plenty of people I can name who would be better for this or actually want this. Jeremy in my class for instance, the little shit would love the opportunity, I'd love to see him leave and never come back for good! One less proud peacock in the world to worry about. I stayed up just thinking till around about half past twelve till I finally started to doze off.

My dream that night was anything but normal, I was dreaming I was a ginormous beast... a dragon, well that's what it looked like anyway, I could only glimpse at myself in the reflection of the pools of blood at my feet, claws, paws... whatever. It had a gruesome charm, a beautiful impending doom sort of feeling.

I was tearing the enemy to shreds with my claws and teeth then burning the rest with my fire in a blaze of fury and horror. It was scary and exhilarating, l enjoyed every second of the slaughter and that terrified me. The iron smell of blood filled my nose and the scene of mutated monsters and humans littered the battlefield. My fire throwing ghastly shadows across the ground, bringing life to the deceased and a cruel light to the living. I relished in the dispare, agony and anger of the battle it gave me energy to keep ripping things to shreds and it fuled my fire to keep burning brightly.

The image of me fighting faded to black as I heard a booming voice fill my head.

"Thou art a child of dragon. Thy will burn thy enemy's to dust and fly freely in the sky. Rise my child and lay wast to all but dragons."

I sat up abruptly gasping desperately grabbing the sheets with my sweaty hands. What was that!? Panicking I looked at my hands checking to see if I was still human, finding nothing like scales or claws I sigh and relax back down, throwing an arm over my eyes covering them from the light the sun sone into my room, uninvited of corse. I want to sleep some more but seeing as I don't really want to experience that again I'll just get up. Looking at the old retro clock on my wall I sighed it was nine.

Groaning I turned to pick up my mobile and phoned my best friend Stacy, waiting for her to pick up was agonising. What do I tell should I say 'hay Stacy guess what? I'm going to become an interstellar soldier and get killed in battle! WHOO HOO!' Nope I couldn't say that.

"Hay Mara, what's up?" Her cheery voice was a contrast to my depressed mood.

"Well you see I kind of just had a bit of bad news yesterday." Great I was making it sound like someone died.

"Oh no, what happened? Don't tell me someone died?" Her cheery voice was replaced by a soft caring tone. Now this girl was a bleeding heart, she'd be perfect as a healer and ironically she was studying to be a doctor. I'm just glad it wasn't her who had to go die.

"No, no one died... yet." Oh god where was I going with this?

"Yet? Mara what happened?" The worry in her voice made me feel guilty.

"You see some interstellar soldiers came by yesterday day to tell me something..." I paused and waited for her to respond when she didn't say anything I carried on. "Look Stacy I don't know where I'm going but I can't see any happy ending for me... " my words wore broken and I could feel a knot in my stomach form and tighten. She let out a gasp but I didn't let her say anything. "I'm being forced to be an interstellar soldier..." I couldn't take it now I broke into sobs the reality crashing into me suddenly. " I'm going to die." My broken sentence was hardly audible but I'm pretty sure she heard it.

"Don't go anywhere I'm coming over!" Was her only reply before hanging up.

I sat there in silence huddled up into the corner of my bed, my knees to my face as my arms wrapped around them keeping them in please so I could make my self as small as possible. I was tough, I knew that, but there was a limit to it and the thought of getting tortured for information or dying mercilessly on the battlefield In the mud as my corpse is left to decompose, then listed as MIA because the damage done to me was so horrific I was unrecognisable, almost sent me into hysterics. I was brought back to reality when a knock on my bedroom door came to my ears. I wiped my tears away, sniffed then cleared my thoughts.

"Come in." I cursed at my shaky words but what could I do? I was braking down and that was never a pretty sight. Stacy poked her head in, her long wavy brown hair falling like water over her shoulder while her deep blue eyes looked into mine with sadness.

"Hay." She said gently, as she walked into the room with quiet steps with was surprising considering every floorboard wanted to constantly creek. She sat on my bed and held her arms open. "Come here." I dived into her arms sobbing as she patted my head, threading her fingers soothingly though my hair. She was like my sister we where the same age but she alway felt older. We stayed like that till my Mam called us down for dinner, I sighed after all that crying I was feeling hungry and slightly tired. "Come on let's go get some food." She smiled and I mirrored it but it didn't quite reach my eyes.

"Yeah." My moth felt dry and my words were scratchy but I didn't care. "I'll go wash my face first." The stickiness of my dry tears were starting to itch and I hated that felling. When I entered the bathroom I looked at my reflection and saw the state all that crying left me in. As I splashed my face with water I swore to myself to not cry ever again no matter what. The puffy blood shot eyes and red cheeks did nothing for me it just outlined my dull grey coloured eyes.

Dinner was acward, all conversation stoped as soon as I walked in, Nathan was going to say something but stoped short when he noticed my red rimed eyes. After finishing my meal witch was in fact stake my favourite but it all tasted bland to me, me and Stacy went back up to my room to play a computer game to cheer me up. When it was half past five I got up from sitting on the floor in a considerably happier mood.

"Well I guess I've got to get ready." I smiled down at Stacey. "I can't stay depressed forever." It was true, I'd be damned is that ice princess saw me upset and gave ma a condescending look!

————————

Six rolled round faster than I wanted it to and I found myself at the door waiting to be picked up. A black armoured jeep pulled up and honked, turning round I gave my family and best friend a big smile. I hugged each and every one of them even my brothers hugged me back when they don't usually do that. Just goes to show they do care.

"I'll see you all latter." My stomach tied itself into a knot again realising that I might not see them ever again. That what I said might very well be a lie. I felt like crying but I wasn't going to brake my promise to myself so soon, so I sucked it up besides I didn't want the ice princess to say anything about being a cry baby because I certainly wasn't.

I waved good bye as I dragged my suitcase down the front yard to the jeep. The diver got out and put my stuff into the boot then opened a door for me to get in.

"I'm taking you're room while you're gone!" Shouted Adam as I got in.

"I swear to god if you do that you're ass is as good as dead!" I shouted back

"Hahaha! Jokes on you! You'll be gone for a few years!" He smiled, I'm glad he did that it left me with a happy memory of leaving.

I stuck out my tongue. "When I'm back the joke will be on you!" With that I closed the door it sounded loud and only surged to emphasise the separation, the driver started the engine and we were off. Depression started to set in as we left the town I grew up in and a frown appeared on my face. Well I won't be back here for awhile. Not that I'll miss this crappy town but my family was back there so it was different.

[chapter 2!! Enjoy!!]