ACCEPTANCE AND DECISIONS

Master didn't return home yesterday. Apparently, he had some important things to do in the office. I helped Amy pack the table and do the dishes like every house maid will. Amy then went to her room after all that. She seemed quite upset about something. I asked her earlier what they did to me as Sasha when I passed out. She said just cold compress because Miss Gloire said I was going to be alright, and I wasn't too harmed. The silly Miss Gloire is giving me a bad energy. I feel she never liked Sasha. I want to know all about Sasha, but I fear how Amy may react after I ask her questions about Sasha. Because to everyone, I'm Sasha. I walk to my room, Sasha's room, step inside and lean behind her door. 

I can see my reflection in the mirror. Sasha is such a beautiful young woman. I can feel see the width of her waist even in this hideous maid uniform. her mismatched and beautifully shaped almond eyes are captivating, the left one is slightly blue and brown and the other is blue, small straight nose and perfectly proportioned lips. Her brown hair looks so healthy and well cared for, unlike my red hair which mostly suffered breakages and knotted easily, hers looked lustrous and thick. Sasha is only five foot 2. A captivating short woman. 

I look around her small room. I walk to the tiny wardrobe and open it. She has all her clothes perfectly packed. Her tiny suitcase is laying on top of the wardrobe. Sasha is really a woman of small things, or she is probably from a poor home. I walk around the room, then to the small study table by her bedside then I see a diary. I stare at the diary and look around. Is this a trap? I stare at the diary for a long while and decide. If I am in her body, then I'm entitled to anything that's hers. My curiosity wins. I sit by the table and open the diary. There is a writing on just the first page that says,

Dear ADINA, I'm sure you're thinking about all the things. asking the whys and how's. well, I write this to assure you not to think too much about it. I've had the chance to reincarnate, and I've had the chance to make others reicarnate.Yours might be unintentional or unplanned, mine was. with so much power, or magic, you might call it, I lived how I desired to. But I've grown tired of this body, and I've seen it in the fates, that this is yours. Use this body wisely Adina, a try again and a whish horse to ride, just one. well, wishes have become horses and yours, has been delivered to you. the choice is yours, yet again.

I read that over and over again. What does this mean. As I continue to think about everything, all the room lights go off. I get up abruptly from my chair, but I'm floating up in the air, then fall hard on the tiled floor with a loud thud. My eyes widen and my entire body goes rigid, like I've been held by an external force to remain immobile. My mind is flooded with memories, and even that of when I died and the whole ritual. Then like it never happened, I'm released and left breathless.

Amy rushes in immediately after that, with panic written all over her face. She runs to me on the floor and kneels on the floor, pulling me to her. I don't even realize that I'm sobbing till she says, " Shh stop crying, I'm here, you'll be fine," she says and rubs my back, and she adds, " I'm sorry if I've been distant lately, I'm sorry." I sob even louder. I can't explain why I'm even crying, but I just understand that I'm overwhelmed with emotions, and I feel comfortable, and it is getting me more relieved. Thoughts begin to flood my mind. I know who my dad is. I've seen his face and yea not dead. Mom is. I saw so many things that day in that dark room.

I still feel the chills I felt when that voice echoed through. Those bastards killed ne and Rosanna is just fine. I… the woman gave me a second chance.

I'm grateful. A try again. A wish horse to ride. Finally I rode a horse out of the stable. The beggar rode the wish horse. I sniffle, while Amy continues to rub my back in attempt to calm me. Amy . She's so beautiful and so is Sasha. Me. This is me now and I'm accepting it. The old lady gave me this new body because she knew it will help my new path. The new me. But I want to know where Rosanna is. The last time I saw her, she seemed so worried sick about me. She's always been the tough one, so I'm not surprised that she survived, I'm glad that she did, like she always does.

Now that I have a new body and I'm a new person, technically, going to derive means to make this work. To survive. To be. Achieve all the goals, by hook or crook. I'll take risks like Rosanna and I'll be dating. I'll do all I can.

I begin to calm and soon, I find so much comfort in Amy's arms. She tucks a stray lock of brown hair behind my ears. Then am I dead pops in my ear. Maybe because I'm going to learn all about Sasha into details and make sure not to flop even when it comes to tiny interests and favorites. I will blend in and I'll love again.

Wow ! How it feels like to be alive again. To get a second chance!

Right? How it feels like to be alive again and do it all over again. Even if it's not from birth, it's better it's almost like a clean slate- No! Not almost, it's a clean slate.

I rub Amy's back and say, " thanks so much for being there for me Amy, I'm grateful."

She breaks our embrace and looks at me, with a wide smile plastered on her face, " shush! We're sisters. Even if we're not related by blood, you're like a sister to me and I love you Sasha."

I give her a full teeth smile, a genuine full teeth smile, then this time around, I wrap my arm tightly around her which makes her make almost gasp. " now you're going to prevent air from getting to my lungs aren't you?" She says with a teasing tone.

I love her. I love that I love her. At least in this strange world, I'm developing love for someone. And I have some one to lean on when it gets tough. Maybe I haven't found a way or a plan or something yet, I have found a Rosanna in Amy and I'm glad.

****

A week has passed and I'm still adjusting to my new life and schedule and the people around me. Maybe the schedule is a bit similar to what I have, the people are quite different. Miss Gloire is a pain in the arse, but I'm finding my way around her. I've not yet seen the master because he had an emergency meeting in Russia and had to leave. Russia. He must be a busy man.

Asides that, I've developed a routine, maybe assumed a routine. Sasha's routine. All the house help jobs and I do them with Amy. That's the fun part. I've learnt a few things about her. Her favorite colour is green and she won't stop blabbering about how she will build a large walk in closet when she makes a lot of money in the future.

We laugh off about so many random things. Mr. Buck, the gardener is also a nice man. He looks almost 60, I wish he could take a rest. He is jovial and still very hardworking.

I walk back to main house and straight to the kitchen to assist Amy.

We hurry with the meals because finally the master is coming home. He just called in that he's on his way, that's what Amy said.

We make his varieties of meals and desserts. It's a feast. Maybe. Or it's just for the beauty of it because I'm never able to understand why one has to cook these many meals just for one person. He might be coming with his assist business partners. Perhaps.

Or it's just privileged people's habit. To waste food.

I push the food trolley behind Amy. We Walt to the empty dining table and arrange the food in the order in which he likes it. Just as we're about leaving the dining hall, a voice vibrates through the room. Not a youthful voice. But something about that voice makes my blood freeze to ice but I don't turn. Amy warned me countless times not to lift my head until I'm told to do so. Apparently, Sasha was quite problematic when it came to rules. I'm not about to get hit because I flaunted the rules. So I keep my head down. I try. But when he walks around us and takes a seat, I let curiousity take over victoriously. Then, like a deep blow to my stomach, I feel the air rush out of my mouth in shock. Life is shitty isn't it.