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It's hard. Living here.

Every day, people are deleted. Memories are deleted. You know you should be feeling something for these people, that you must have known and cared for them, but all that you feel is the fear of being next.

I don't want to be deleted. I have people I care about here, people who genuinely love me. I hate the idea that I will eventually disappear from their lives entirely.

But then I think about it. For all I know, I had another family member, another beloved friend, and they were deleted. I feel bad thinking about this. Knowing that it was entirely possible, yet I wouldn't even know if it happened. If my friend was deleted, I wouldn't even remember that they were a person, let alone that they were my friend.

Every day, these thoughts fill the heads of me and everybody else. Yet, none of us speak about it. It's like an unspoken taboo.

I feel so suffocated here in this place. Sometimes, I even wonder whether it would be better to be deleted. Not that I'd ever intentionally do something to cause myself to be deleted. No, I'm much too scared of deletion to do that.

I wish I were stronger. I wish I could stop the deletions. How did we even get here in the first place?

I'll bet lots of people ask this question every day, but no one has the answer. I for one can't even imagine a world apart from this.

My past memories have dried up and become wishful dreams that I can't be sure ever happened in the first place. I want to change this dreadful life, but I can't even think of another way it would be. I can't imagine a life where I don't feel a heavy fear of deletion at every moment. I can't even imagine what life would be like without the holes in my memory or this feeling of helplessness. It's as if it has become a part of me.

It makes me frightened, more so than I already am.

Given the chance, would I even be able to change anything? Would I want to?