I am: what is worth?

The cold breeze touches my ears and goes away like it is playing with me, giving me that overwhelming feeling of being loved.

The feeling of being loved is what everybody desires in some form or another. It can be any 'type' of love. The love between a man and a woman, between families, or an adorable bond between siblings, and sometimes even an anonymous relationship, has love at its core. We all endeavor to love, need love, and deserve to be loved with no skepticism.

Many speak of self-love: If you think no one can satisfy your need for love, don't wait for others. "That's right! This is it." Fascinated by my thoughts, I lost track, and without realizing it, I came off the shoreline and struck my toe with a rock. A giant black rock surprised me and gave me dirty thoughts.

*Evil laugh* I looked around and collected some seaweed and white paint, turned the rock into a bride, impressed with my work of art. I resumed walking, with every tiny step, I was getting closer to the shore, and within no time a large wave came, which made me hold my breath for the first time since I came here. I could feel all the heaviness, making me sweat like a madman and break the mirage.

"So, it was a strange nightmare!" I don't want to have that feeling again.

*Annoyed* My hair is soaking wet even in winter. This is when I feel grateful to have short hair, which reduces a certain percentage of stress. The nightmare blessed me with sleeplessness, and it was enough for me to feel even more weary than before. "Wth! 12:25 A.M." Soliloquy decided not to waste this blessing in disguise. I looked around to find my sketchbook, filled with random sketches. I started turning pages to perceive a fresh page and began scribbling.

[ONE HOUR LATER]

"Done!" [I] finished doodling and ended up drawing my anxiety, but this didn't let me rest. It made me write my thoughts ( Did I ever tell you how writing can give you therapeutic effects? You should write to triage your feelings, it helps, trust me.)

" I saw you staring at the abyss,

Magnificent! Your eyes were shining and screaming,

However, who is prohibited from seeing?

Is prevailed by the devil."

Hmm ~~ it makes little sense but, no matter what, I'm the one writing these weird things, and I'll be the one reading them repeatedly. Sometimes, my brain amazes me, making me wonder why I am like this because I just wanted a normal life...This is the moment when questions like

"Am I not worthy?" Strikes. Uzel, lately, she's been zoning out frequently which is why my chances of telling her about how pathetic I am feeling about myself.

You must have heard the saying, 'Eyes never lie,' which explains why I can't control my tears anymore. The mental breakdown is getting a hold of me, and I disapprove of that. *Leaning to one side of the bed, holding the pillow tightly, she pulled her hair tightly*. It may seem childish, but my teacher from middle school talking about willpower said: "Suppose your head hurts and after, sometimes you even knock your knee. Now, your knee hurts, and the blessing in disguise of this situation acted as a cover that led you to forget about your headache." Moral- "Everything is in your head, don't concentrate on unnecessary things and they will not bother you." Weird, right? But it's true. Mild discomfort gets covered under the rags when big ones come, this is why whenever I cry 'the want' to hurt myself grows. It helps me cover the pain.

'The night was longer than ever. Tears dried until she slept.'

[NEXT DAY]

Today will be fine, be optimistic, if I smile then nothing bad will happen...Right? [She prayed for a good day.]