Chapter 11 his Conviction

  After telling the truth, that no matter what I did I will never reach her level. I felt hopeless, and I could only know that no matter how hard I tried I would fail. and yet my heart couldn't stop beating fast as all of my body reacted to that challenge that I couldn't become like her.

'I have that kind of preference... no, no, no, no, no I couldn't have that kind of preference!!!'

  After reconfirming my belief that I couldn't have a preference to like feel pain, I asked Celestine what to do first for my method of training.

"thanks to your body constitution and your aura that is still incomplete, normal training was not a good option."

'*ugh*... what she said was true that my body and aura were hopeless, not only that but she herself recommended a good training method for knowing such condition... she's kind to think a good training method for me... but, is still kind hurt the heard such a truth.'

"Well, for you it's best choice to strengthen your stamina first, after that endurance, and finally strength. because of that, I believe jogging, running and swimming was your best option. and strengthen your posture and fundamental physical fighting technique was necessary."

  Well, what she said is correct, no matter how strong one is if one depletes their stamina and is not strong enough to endure the pain it could make you lost in the long run. After all, what we fighting is an anomaly that is usually dealt with by a team if we conclude from her words this far. because of that a long fight will be something that I need to deal with, so I could slay anomalies with a higher chance of survivability. and strengthening my fundamentals and posture will be necessary, after all, I was an aura user, not a magic user that usually deals with formula and chanting which is usually done by the rear not the front type like me.

  after that, she taught me some of her stretching techniques. her stretching technique was unique because she used some sort of magic to relax my muscles and nerve system. I could feel not only my body which was light, but I could feel that my aura circulation became much more stable. 

  after several minutes of stretching, she started to tell me to do some push-ups, lay-ups, and other things that you could find in P.E. class.

'...*huh*... a think... *huh*... thanks to her ability... *huh*... it makes my body more resilient and easily adapt to this kind of training... *huh*... because if that was my body... *huh*... from several days ago... *Huh*... I would faint immediately.'

  after trying to calm my breath and heart that beating hard, I thanked Celestine for doing her job. after several minutes of cooling my body down, Celestine spoke.

"Now after you had done from cooling of your body. if you don't mind. would you please run in that track?" While pointing to one of the tracks in the training ground.

"Okay, no problem."

  After saying that, I went to the track that she was pointing to. then I took a stance for running and waited for her to give me a signal, *dor* I heard Celestine signaling me to run and I ran as much as I could.

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  after teaching him several minutes of stretching, I suggested he do some workouts first. I make him do push-ups 10,000 times in less than 10 minutes, the same condition for lay-ups and sit-ups without giving him time to rest. is so I could see how much his endurance and stamina are, and yet through that training, that means to test someone's strength where is not expecting that the participant would succeed.

  even though in front of such odd, he succeeds in it and showcases the impossibleness. even though I helped him during the training to develop his muscle and nerve system to help him to adapt to this kind of situation, but still my help was something that was mandatory. everyone before him was receiving my help too, and yet those who didn't have gifts physically would never succeed. and yet, he was born with a weak body and not even a single gift for physical activities. succeed, through his own willpower to just try and give out everything that he can. he succeeded, while others before him would fall.

  I would give you credit that you are different from 'her' and all before you... but... do you understand that there is no meaning in it... everything that you have achieved those far will crumble, in front of the cold reality we working with... I know what I'm going to do is nothing but break the very idea of my 'creation'... but, I want him to know that he should just give up already. After all, whatever the CEO would give it was nothing when came to problems that we were dealing with... do you think, that people coming before you were not someone that had some sort of gift... and yet even with their amazing gift, they couldn't safe themself from the real terror of Abnormalities. some died during a mission while others chose to end their life by themselves...

  after strengthening my resolve, I asked him to run as much as he wanted. he started running. running. running. running. and running for several minutes. but then, his body starts to give out anytime soon, his eyes start to close, and his feet start to waver. suddenly, after pushing his body to its limit. his left is slipped off, and his body started to collapse because of him losing his balance. his eyes close, to knowing his own limit.

'see everything that has its limit, just stop your trying and go back to your home. where you are safe.'

  after knowing what going to happen next, I closed my eyes... but I couldn't hear the sound of someone that was collapsing... what I could hear was panting, and the sounds of someone that was running... I, who couldn't believe my ears started to open my eyes...

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  I know that I could just give up, and nothing will happen. after all, I believe from her action that this is just her own action, not something that is mandatory by the company. if so then why did she do this? well, I have one theory that she doing this out of her own feelings. that I should just give up, and stop doing my job.

  I wanted to follow her cry to stop trying, I could feel my own body start to give up... there is no problem for giving out right? After all, she wanted me to give up... it hurt. I want to stop. I want to just sleep and forget about everything. just stop. just stop. just stop. just stop. just stop. just stop. just stop. just stop. just stop. just stop. just stop. just stop. just stop. just stop. just stop. just stop. just stop. just stop. just stop. just stop. just stop. just stop. just stop. just stop. just stop. just stop. just stop. just stop. just stop. just stop. just stop. just stop. just stop. just stop it, there is no meaning in it.

  during such thinking, suddenly I lose focus. and my left foot slipped off, I lost my balance my body start to collapse. see, at the end of the day, this was just my limit. just stop it, I have done enough. then I close my eyes and just give up for trying.

'you see I believe that there is meaning to our suffering.'

'...*huh* ...f*ck... I hate myself.'

  I started to balance my body by using my right foot and running for several minutes when I thought I had done enough truly and was satisfied with the result. i stopped and collapsed on the spot.