Suicidal

At the Fortress of Solitude, Superman mulled over Deadpool's concepts, he wouldn't know about a multiverse or a league of other superheroes neither did he know about any sorcerers who could help him back to his planet.

Deadpool's eyes narrowed in defeat and steam lines concocted from his head. He slapped his fave and rubbed it down then a lightbulb popped up and he gripped it.

"If I knew better, I might be in f#%cking Acme," He found a piece of paper and wrote down a name, cleared his throat then raised his hand.

"It's gonna cost ya...but dare I say it..." (He mimicked Thor's voice )"Ahem, Mxyzptlk!"

Bat Mite appeared in a flowerprint shirt and he smiled drowsily.

"Brrr, it's chilly out here," He snapped his finger and his suit modified to a furlined cape with gloves, his bat ears had wool at the tips, dangling behind his head. A cigar swivelled inbetween his teeth and he puffed out

'I HEART BATMAN'

Reclining on a lounge chair in midair.

Superman was subjected to a 'hiatus' and Deadpool frowned looking around.

"What is your problem!?"

Bat Mite looked distressed "Oh I'm sorry, ever since I got stood up by Batsie, things have gotten a little lonely...I admit, but since you're a closer variant...or was it MoonKnight, he's a little unpredictable,"

He twisted a finger near his head while his pupils jiggled. "I could settle for you!"

"You've got one thing coming and its these nutz in your hole," He pulled out his blades and then he paused halfway.

Deadpool jerked several times as the pressure of Bat Mite's hold stopped him from slicing him to bits.

Bat Mite whisked his hand.

He warped to many versions of himself and he came back stunned and huffed.

"Oh my god, I think I just lived many alternate lives at once,"

His heart skipped many beats and he felt like he was going to pass out. He raised a shaky finger.

"Listen Sonic...how about we...speed this up so I can go home!"

"Hold that thought, this is my universe," He shrugged "There's no way I'm letting you get near that joker Mxyzptlk," He smirked and then gave a rousing belly laugh that added to Deadpool's chagrin, Bat Mite coked then jabbed his chest and coughed up smoke.

"Forgot I had a stick," He tossed it away and a drone blew up. Then he folded his arms.

"I'm gonna rip your head off and use it as a_,"

"You'll have to find a mage out there," (in my blueprint) he said aside winking "On your own, someplace, anywhere ha ha!" He slapped his thigh. "You're in for a gamble," He winked.

"Since he's out of your plans. Let's talk, you think you can make me more glamorous?" He crawled toward him and Bat Mite gave a long drawn smile.

"What a devil," He giggled and gripped a cocktail that appeared. Vanishing.

***

"Come back, I was gonna say screw a hole in your head and j$%k off," I guess context matters around here too, good job. He gave a thumbs up then dropped and legs plonked in the snow.

Superman revived from his hiatus and gripped his chest then glanced at him laying facedown In the snow.

"Great Rao,"

Lines came out of him when he flinched in alarm. Running to check on him. He was listless and then he looked startled when Deadpool sprawled his arms out moving against the snow.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm making snow angels," He rolled over and laid flat. His temperature dropped and he muffled when his pulse got weaker and weaker.

"It's a way of life around here," He managed to say. Come on, he thought. It didn't matter where he was. Maybe he was full blown schizophrenic now.

"Uhh, I hate this chapter, maybe I need to lie down and let it pass,"

Superman picked him up and zoomed off.

"I'm coming, papa," He drawled.

***

Martha held her hands together and stared at the man in red.

"Poor thing,"

"Did you have to bring him here, in our home?" Jon asked aggrieved.

"He's hypothermic," Superman 'Clark' explained "It's the only safe place I could bring him to,"

Martha looked considerate but she was half-hearted as well.

Jon said "You took a big risk procuring him in that condition, he could die,"

"Did somebody call my name?" Deadpool roused and the Kents held their breaths. His eyes opened and his vision cleared at them and he checked his pants and mask.

"I was really hoping for a %#ore with old people,"

"I can't believe it," Jon said in dismay and Martha smiled.

"Our son's an alien, what's there not to believe?"

"I'm your son?" Deadpool rolled over and swished his legs.

"Can I call you mom?"

Martha looked stunned and glared at Clark then he shrugged with a nervous smile.

"I'll get you some tea," She said dismissively and Jon gruffed.

"He needs our help, I think he's gone suicidal,"

"Quite frankly, CLARK, what does that mean for the rest of us?"

"Trust me dad, you're in good hands,"

"This lawn cloth?" He tossed off the blanket and he pulled his drab blue shirt and pajama pants, he grimaced at his bare feet. "It didn't work,"

"I see your point, I'll be at the shed, you know what keeps the bad impressions, is a good ole elbow grease,"

"Keep the cows out, please!"

He walked around the cosy family house and stretched his arms.

"Hold it," Deadpool raised his finger. "Where's my suit?"

He said and skipped to the table and Martha gasped when he took the tea cup by surprise.

"Is it my birthday? I kinda feel like it is," His toes wiggled in the slippers and he was about to take a sip when a door warped into the middle of the kitchen.

"Ah nuts,"

"What is this?"

He drank his tea and put down his mask.

"I don't wanna go, Mister Kent," He gripped Jon and the force dragged him in

***