Chapter 3 - Following my heart

"---SHE'S STILL NOT HOME!!" Ashna enters her house to the remark of her father.

The same man who once had sweetness for his daughters only, so much that it made up for the little restrictions he put upon them. Now, there are more restrictions, less trust and deafening screams. And no sweetness.

Even when she wishes not to, she knows what must have been pointed out before these words were yelled.

That 'it's fucking eight-thirty", and 'she is no man', 'why don't you look after your daughter? You want her to follow your elder daughter too?' As if her mother made their daughters alone. She scoffs at the thought.

But her mother did make something happen his father would have never, even over his dead body, let happen. Maybe that was love too.

The opening of the door had silenced the screams but a taunting comment still floated in the air, coming to hug Ashna when no one in the family did. "Go feed your lovely daughter, like you fed your traitor one, that little bitch of a woman!"

This is not how things used to be.

They were tangled, twisted and painful before too but that was occasional. Even then, nothing compares to how low of a home this place has become now.

There used to be laughter, happiness, care and togetherness, and they used to be a family. A flawed one, yet a family. Until it became just a place where some people related by blood live.

This is what love does to a family, or better say, love marriage does, when it should not.

When two years back, Ivanya returned home happily asking to marry the love of her life, she could have never thought what life had in store for her. Or what dearth had in its pit for her.

Nor had she thought she would receive the writhing treatment she did. Even Shekhar's turning into an alcoholic and abuser could not have shocked Ivanya as much as her father's reaction did. Nothing could ever make up for the forever pendant pain of the slap her father had, with all his strength, thrown at her.

Nothing could compare to the betrayal she felt from her parents or the betrayal her parents felt from her most loving daughter.

Nothing could ever fathom the months long of eternal pain, hatred, disgusted stares and taunting words, until the family finally agreed to marry her to the man she wanted to.

Maybe he belonged to the same caste, or maybe because he was from an extremely well-off family. Afterall, those things play a role.

Certainly, because her mother could not see her dear daughter in pain anymore and there was a reason which could not be surpassed. It's deafening how the price was the most expensive ever paid.

The worst thing about a love marriage, if it's something not widely accepted in the society, is that you are not left with an option to return to anyone, not even your own family.

You are abandoned, as Ivanya was.

Because you have chosen it. And Ivanya really had fucked up in making the right choice. Even if she had not as Shekhar was a good man at that time ignoring all the red flags which she misinterpreted for love, fate played its part in making it one extremely flawed choice ever.

That had been the greatest reversal in life for the sweet, young, little Ivanya. But the reversal of each good thing in life dragged along with her the lives of her entire family. Of her parents and of Ashna.

Ashna silently walks out of her shoes, opening its ties. She knows what follows.

Her mother comes out of the door of the room from which screams had come running from a moment back as if they were trying to save themselves too.

Ashna's mother looked older than her age.

Although a short woman in her forties, she used to look just fine a few years back. The way wrinkles have covered her face, they never did before.

She often blames it on her health issues. If she turns brave enough to accept though, she would come to the sad realization of how she had little of these health issues before.

Her eyes are red as if she has just cried yet she tries to smile at her daughter. Sometimes, this is what Ashna hates. She always tries, which is very unlike her father who just leaves things be.

As if he does not care, as if they do not matter as much. At least not as much as her mother overthought everything. So much that it made her cry. But was it any new? She cried every day now.

Ashna looks down at her shoes again, away from her face. It is in these moments, Ashna despises herself.

Ramya, Ashna and Ivanya's mother, walks closer to Ashna, trying to keep an arm around her daughter or on her back or maybe her cheek, somewhere to caress but neither she could do so nor Ashna waits enough for her to be able to do so.

She quickly removes the shoes and climbs the stairs in front of her that lead to her room. Her house is a comfortable large space, clean and wooden floored.

Ashna would have climbed two steps when her mother asks, her voice low as if she's scared that ghosts around her could hear, "Dinner?"

The past times she had asked was an order, now she just questions as she mentally prepares herself to hear exactly what Ashna answers, "Not hungry".

"Have eaten," Ashna lies ahead, her voice low but clear, "At Iyanya's," before she quickly runs upstairs. Her mother nods an "okay" her way before the words register in her mind.

She had totally forgotten Ashna visited her sister today, after so much nudging by her mother. A small happy smile makes way on her face, of satisfaction and hope. She suddenly felt livelier than she did a moment back. It was this smile, this hope Ashna had lied for. When all she herself had was hopelessness.

Getting inside her room, Ashna simply lays down on her bed, throwing off her phone on the bed as she removes it from her pocket.

The exact moment her body hits the mattress does she realise how eternally tired and exhausted she felt. Her body ached and her eyes felt heavy. Her head was in pain.

She lies down looking above at a hanging, rotating fan on the roof. The only light in her room was from the dim shimmer of the pale moon, which had come out from the veils of the clouds, through her window.

She sighs, then takes a deep breath when her phone buzzes beside her.

Riri<3

**Hey! Just got home tonight**

**Wanna catch up, love?**

A small, perched smile makes way on Ashna's face. She sighs. Maybe, this was the love she had nothing against. And definitely from this person, she loved being called love. Ashna replies with an 'okayy'.

Lying down straight on her back, her head supported by a soft pillow on which her braid lies in a swirl like a snake, she looks up at the roof, at the forever rotating fan, the day playing itself in her head.

Rishika, who she lovingly calls Riri, was her good friend since class seventh in school but she became her best friend since class ninth in school. And to eternity, she will remain even when they don't meet as much, even when there is less time, and more work now. Even when things had been hellish.

She sticks by her side. She is somebody Ashna knows she can get back to whenever and after whatever. She knows her so well. Sometimes, Ashna wishes she did not. Maybe she can avoid some conversations by talking about Sashi and Ivan.

His unclear and blurred eyes and face in the dim light, his frame, posture, his beautiful trembling hands, his hoarse voice; all come rushing into the head of Ashna.

Then she remembers his receding figure until it had merged into the shadows. 'Who leaves like that?' A voice in her head ponders as a pang of hurt, she knows not why, hits her.

Her eyes feel heavier but the moment her tired eyes close, her phone buzzes again. Irritated, she grabs it from the nightstand and looks at the screen flashing at her.

Instagram.

Her partially closed eyes open full, while something tugs at her heart, all irritation evaporating.

follow request from ivankapoor_.

She opens Instagram, still unsure as to why? Yet she goes through his posts, for his account was public. Maybe it was out of curiosity, or maybe for no specific reason.

Maybe because suddenly she was not that sleepy and stalking his profile seemed like a perfect pastime. 'I ain't stalking, I'm looking.'

There were not many posts.

Just a few, each a different kind of unclear but all of them showcase the background more than him.

From none of all those posts can anyone make out how he really looked except a one or two. This one was black and white with him in a checkered shirt, he had his teeth showing through a really perfect, genuine smile; his hairs a little long and messy. Ashna feels her heart skip a beat.

She would have looked at that picture for a minute before she realised she actually was.

Accepting the follow request and following back, she kept the phone back at the little table. She would have done so nonetheless because he was a classmate. But if there was an additional reason to it, Ashna had no realization of it.

Until this little follow back in life takes her to that realization.

Of love, which she hates so much.