Chapter: Four- Keep your family life hidden!

"Wake up Principessa." He whispers in my ear. The honey tone in his voice covering me, making me feel serene. Opening my eyes, I see I am at the clearing. The red checker blanket lying beneath me and the sun setting above us. As if a painter has colored the sky with purples and reds as the sun returns to its bed.

"How long have I been out?" rubbing the sand from my eyes. Clearly having been out for quite some time.

"Eight hours." He smiles down lovingly.

"Why didn't you wake me earlier?" I ask confused.

"So, why did you wake me?" I inquire unsure why this course of events has happened.

"Because I want you to see the sun set." Looking back out at the sky I can appreciate the view. "Aha" I turn my head into his side burying my face.

"What are you doing now?" He asks incredulously chuckling while trying to dig my face out.

"Going back to sleep." Exhaling loudly, he shakes his head.

"Sebastian?"

"Yes."

"Can we play a game?" I ask peeking my head out from underneath him.

"What game do you want to play?" he quirks his eyebrow.

"Twenty questions" I leave off unsure if he will go for it.

"How do you play?" looking straight at him incredulous that he doesn't know how to play such a simple game.

"Well, we take turns asking each other twenty questions of anything and the other person cannot lie. Everything that we say here though stays here." I say very firmly. Sitting up to make sure he understands that I am serious.

"Sounds doable. Can I go first?" He asks sitting up as well. That way we are facing each other sitting crisscross applesauce.

"Sure" I relent having wanted to go first.

"Who is your favorite singer?" He starts off throwing me a soft question.

"Selena, my turn. What is your favorite color?" I return the soft serve.

"Black. Why do you like Princess Jasmine so much?"

"I just always loved the way she is fearless and never let anyone take control of her." Continuing with our questions I realize I am wasting them on things that are not that important. "Why was jasper so mad that I was at your house?" I decide to ask wanting to get that question out of my head.

"He does not like the idea that I am in love with you. Our home is very sacred to us and the fact that I brought you shows that I want more for you and me. Jasper, well he has always imagined me settling with his sister Erica." He lets me know it all and I appreciate it so much, but I get stuck on one fact.

"Erica? The waitress Erica!" I cry out confused. Sure, they look alike with similar blonde hair, blue eyes, and same wicked smile on their lips. Ignoring me he continues on asking his question.

"Do your parents always fight?" Snatching me from my thoughts, I am thrown into shock and anger. Shock at the fact he would ask me this question again after I already answered it and anger because this time I cannot lie. Skirting around the truth a bit I decide to go with the answer "Not always." It is the truth since he is not always there and even when he is there are moments when he is so drunk that he is passed out. Hoping that would be it I start with my next question.

"How did you get into my room last night?" Now it is his turn to be shocked. He pauses taking a breath before answering.

"I climbed in through your window." My face becomes a distortion of confusion as I try to figure out how he could possibly have done it.

"How did you climb into my fourth story floor window?"

"I do believe it is my turn to ask a question. How often do your parents fight?" His face is blank as he asks me this very personal question.

"Frequent. Now, answer my question." Frustrated and flustered I demand of him knowing my cheeks are red and my face shows my emotions.

"I had a rope." Looking deep into his eyes to see if he is lying. I see nothing, no conflict behind his light brown irises as they stare straight into my own eyes.

"I think I should go home." I stare over at him readying myself to get up.

"We didn't get to finish the game." He tries to placate me, putting his hands out to hold me. Pulling away I say, "I know I just have a lot to do at the house." Getting up we walk back to the car and he drives me home. Getting out of the car before he fully stops the car, I run up to my house. In my room I sit down getting a hold of myself. Taking out my cell phone I give Ella a call.

"Hey Ella. Can you bring over my work for me? Actually- can I come over and stay over for a while? Thanks." Finishing my conversation, I hang up, and grab my backpack and stuff it with an outfit or two for the next few days. Having put everything in it I might need, I exit my room locking the door behind me. I run back down the stairs I had just fled up and almost into the chest of Jasper.

"Where are you going?" He asks leeringly.

"None of your business." Out maneuvering him I step around as he goes to grab my hand and continue running through the maze of walls to my friend's house.

Opening her front door to let me in she looks at me with shock, "Hey, that was fast."

"I ran. Thanks for getting my work for me." Walking in I head straight to her bedroom to put all my belongings away. Clearing out my backpack of anything that is not school related. Following me through her home she replies "Of course. It's in the living room." Grabbing my now nearly empty bag back up we head over to the couch and she hands me, my homework. Taking out her own assignments to complete. We work in silence getting most of our work done before she looks at me sideways finally breaking the quiet and asks "So, what happened today?" I relay the bittersweet tale of today and how what could have been a magical evening was soured by humiliating questions, to me running into Jasper on the way here. She nods then sighs understanding how I feel about my family. How we had gone through a similar ordeal when we were younger and just getting to know each other. How she had once tried spending the night at my house and it turned into me coming to her house for the next few days until her mom was okay sending me back. I was mortified and swore no one else would know, no one else would enter my house. I made the mistake last night of letting him stay. I should have turned him away and said it was not right for him to be in my room.

Seeing the wheels turning in my head Ella puts her hand on mine and asks, "You going to be okay?" sincerity in her words and her face has me near to tears.

"I don't know. I just need to clear my mind and stay here for a few days. That's still okay right?" I ask making sure. My insecurities peeking through.

"Of course, you can. We love you here." Smiling at each other we turn back to our work.

***

Waking up on the couch next to Ella I cannot for the life of me remember what I am doing here. Trying to search my memory for answers I am at a loss until it hits me like a ton of bricks. The whole day replaying in fast motion, the feelings lapping at me in waves. The happiness, the lust, the disappointment, the embarrassment, anger and ultimately the sadness. I realize exactly what it is that I have to do. Walking to the bathroom I grab a fresh towel from the linen closet and get ready for school. Stepping out of Ella's bedroom dressed and primped she looks at me with bags at the ready. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah" I grab my bag pre-packed with all my materials and we walk together to the bus. As we ride the bus, I tell her my plan and much to happiness she is fully on board. At school we head to our lockers and head our separate ways to our classes. The day passes by in a blur nothing grabbing my attention. I make it to my college classes and manage to stay awake throughout the course. Taking my notes but not participating or really caring. As the class comes to an end and I make my way across the green to the edge of the campus I see them waiting for me. Ella with her sweet strawberry blonde hair dancing in the cool September breeze and Sebastian waiting in his Mercedes across the street in his usual parking spot. Trying not to look, not to see his outline peer at me while I walk away from him and with Ella towards the bus stop. Boarding I sit at the window peering out watching as he follows us all the way to our destination stop.

Opening the door to Ella's house we go straight to the couch and do our work. Hours fly by as we finish our homework, clean up the house, and make dinner. I change into my clothes for work before calling out to Ella "Hey, I gotta go."

"Okay, see you later." She calls back to me barely looking up from her dessert. Walking out of her door the first thing I spot is his car at the end of her street. Parked there as if an open invitation when all he is really doing is not respecting my clear intentions. Crossing the black, dirty street I head off to my job with determination to leave him behind me.

***

Punching in my timecard I walk behind the cashier counter tonight to set everything up. Making sure the money is set in the till, the belt is turned on, and my stack of discount cards are all set up to greet my customers. Feeling a presence, I look up to see my first customer is already ready to be checked out. I greet her with our casual saying, "Good evening, do you have a store card?"

"No, I do not." Her voice is soft and sweet but very firm. Scanning the merchandise, I cannot help but feel like I have seen her before.

"I am so sorry, but what is your name?" I inquire, face contorted as I try desperately to place her face.

"Kyra." Her dark auburn hair lays loose around her oval, slim face. Her Hauntingly beautiful blue, grey eyes bore into me as if searching for something. Soft, full, pink lips set themselves in a disapproving look after she finds whatever it is, she has been searching for. Handing her back her bag of groceries I quickly turn to the next customer.

"Good evening, do you have a store card?" I recite my stores greeting mantra.

"No, I do not but I would like one." She replies sickeningly sweet.

"Of course! What is your name?" Pulling up the application on the computer while my other hand grabs a card from the stack.

"Angela O'Connor" She enunciates as if I cannot hear her standing right in front of me.

"Phone Number?" I ask trying to keep my voice lilting.

"three six four, eight five three, zero nine eight four" She relays, I type it in moving on to the next question.

"Your address?" Turning to look at her I can see a twinkle enter her eye as she readies herself to part with the information.

"999 Destined Road" she smiles before continuing and it dawns on me where I have seen these two women. They live with Sebastian in his huge place. I take a better look at Angela with her dirty blonde hair pulled tightly into a high bun. Clouded blue eyes looking down at me now in a mocking manner. A blatant smile spread across her blood red lips, the gloss shimmering on her small lips. Taking a small breath, I type in the rest of the address she no longer needs to provide, swipe the card to activate it and hand it to her.

"Is that it?" I stare back at her defiantly. Wondering if Sebastian or Jasper sent them and depending on which one what the intention is. Handing her, her bags she nods leaving the store with a look over her shoulder back at me. With a shake of my head I turn to my next customer repeating the process until very near the end of my shift. Counting the money, I place it in the envelope and hand it off to my boss.

"Sophie do me a favor and mop this area please." My boss asks as he recounts my count to make sure we get to the same number. Nodding I get out the mop and water bucket from the staff room to start wiping down the floors. Starting at the front doors I move my way toward my register then out again. Halfway done I see a pair of black loafers standing in my freshly moped area.

"Sir, please be careful the floor-" I start to say as I raise my head to see Sebastian standing in front of me. "is wet." I finish before continuing with my work pivoting, so my back is literally to him. I start going down aisle number three baby care moping as I go. I continue this way uninterrupted until I have finished mopping the following two aisles of feminine care and snacks aisle. Then return the equipment back to their proper place in the room behind the registers. Locking away my work gear in my locker I say good night to everyone before entering the now chiller night.

"Are you trying to avoid me?" He yells after me. Trying not to react as ice slides it way down my back making this already chilly night nearly unbearable. I continue walking down the street unwilling to give in, to look back at him and his beautiful face. Hands from nowhere grab me around the waist and pulls me down a dark alley. Spinning me around so I can face my attacker I see Sebastian's angered face, the sadness just below the surface. He demands "Why are you avoiding me Sophie?!"

"I just need time to myself okay!" I try my hardest to wrench myself from his arms, but he has me securely pinned to the wall. Slumping against it knowing I will not be able to leave until he has had his questions answered or lowers his guard.

"Why? Why are you staying at your friend's house? Why will you not talk to me?" His frustration bleed through a fraction. I can tell he is starting to become undone by this confrontation just as I am.

"Because you don't need to know!" I keep screaming. It feels good to let my anger out at him. To let him feel the anger I have towards him.

Frustration laces through him to the point he runs his hand through his hair as he asks "Do not need to know what? Sophie what are you not telling me?" Using that moment to break free I back away from him and all out of anger I just whisper. "I need to go, please jus- just go away." Spinning I run down the alley all the way to Ella's house. Letting my tears go as my feet pound the pavement not bothering to wipe them to clear my vision. I run straight to her room onto her bed planting my face into her pillows allowing the gut retching sobs to come out. Gradually I surrender to the pull of depression and sink deeper into the darkness. Seeing a light at the end of the tunnel I run for it not realizing until I am on top of it that in the center is his face. His sweet, precious face waiting for me.

***

Jumping up I shake slumber from my brow and get up. Changing into a solemn Sunday school dress and head off for Saint Mathews. Opening the heavy wooden doors, I enter the cathedral with my head low. The candles flames light the room with an ethereal glow. The stained windows telling the story of Christ. Above the alter hangs the crucifix, Christ's sorrowful eyes staring at me wherever I go. His skinny, beaten body hanging away from the cross as the nails keep him pinned to it. Walking over to a pew I genuflect before entering and kneeling on one of the cushioned kneelers. "Dear lord, help me to see your glory and your way for me. Father please send me a sign of what I am to do. Should I keep my family life a secret to him? Should I be with him still? What is your wish for me father? What is my destiny? Lord please I just pray you guide me to the truth. Amen." Bowing my head over my clasped hands I send my intentions upwards to the entity we are taught about who will guide us if we are open to it.

"My child. Oh, it has been a while since I have seen you." Sitting back into the pew I turn to greet the older gentleman sitting behind me.

"Father Gregory, how do you do?" I ask taking his outstretched hand in mine. His skin starting to take on that leathery feel of someone who has lived a good sun loving life. Rather than someone cloistered away in a church.

"Very well I should say. However, I am concerned for you. I have not seen you in sometime. Sunday choir is not the same without your angelic voice." Smiling down at me he pats my hand as if to say out with it.

"I have had many things that have taken my mind off the church. I am sorry father." I say skirting around telling him the full truth of it. How my life had become all about Sebastian and the things I could do with and especially to him.

"Do not be sorry. No, you came back and as God's children we all may stray from him for a time but what is important is that we do not stray so far as to not return." Pausing he shifts in his chair as if uncomfortable. "Tell me has your stepfather beaten you again?"

Hanging my head, I reply "Yes, but only if I step in front of my mother to protect her."

"You must leave that behind. Pray for his soul Sophie, pray that your mother might be guided to leave that union and be safe." Gripping my hand, I understand the urgency behind his voice. Father Gregory has been one of the few adults that has watched over the years as I have walked in and out with faded bruises.

"I do padre! Oh, I do! However, it seems that no matter how much I pray she does not seem to be guided away." I whisper yell near to tears. The thought of my mother dying one day at the hands of my stepfather because she will never leave him.

"Do not worry God will open her eyes when it is time. I must go mass starts in three minutes will you stay to hear?" Standing he pats my hand waiting for my answer.

"Yes, father I will be attending." I watch him leave as I settle into the pew. The congregation starting to file in around me. Mass begins and I peer around the room at the familiar faces. Anxiety and sorrow draining from me as the sweet calmness crashes over me. The safety and purity of the cathedral can always relax me. The candles play over the statues bringing them to life for the briefest of moments. All of it giving me a sense of security, of being loved, and special. Father Gregory stands from his chair near the alter in between the two Decan's seats. Moving swiftly over to the pulpit with the gospel in hand, he opens to St. Mathew chapter five verse three. Reading aloud the building gives way to his echoed voice. That fills our ears with the word of the Lord. As he finishes, we recite as if moved "Praised be to God, Lord Jesus Christ." Moving on we start to recite the beatitudes:

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall have their filled.

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God.

Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

Closing the good book and kissing the cover he walks away from the pulpit. "Who here can honestly say they follow one of these beatitudes." Several hands go up in the crowd. Keeping my eyes trained on him as he walks through the front of the room, I keep my hands folded on my lap. "How many would say you follow two?" some hands fall while others remain up. "and three?" more hands come down. He continues this as fewer hands descend until there is no one left. "For those of you that raised your hands would you truly consider yourselves meek? How many of you would honestly break up a fight to create peace or rescue the victim? Who here can forgive someone enough to pray for there souls when they are mean, rude and all together no good? I know I would have trouble forgiving someone who hit me. Wouldn't you? God tells us to forgive him to pray for him, to show him mercy. God says we don't have to worry. Genesis twelve: three says.

I will bless those who bless you,

And curse him who curses you,

And in you all the families of the earth

Shall be blessed.

He is saying he will take care of them. Will you bless and be blessed, or will you curse and be cursed?" Contemplating his final words, I find refuge in my mind ignoring the scene around me. I am left sitting while others kneel in prayer. Coming out of my thoughts just in time to rise with the rest of the parish to receive communion. Taking the Holy communion into my body I feel a sense of oneness with divinity. A natural state of euphoria comes over me. Sitting in my pew I wait as the congregation exits before moving over to the parish book of intentions. Writing inside the book my prayer, lighting the candle, and handing sister Veronica my three dollars.

"Sophie before you leave will you bless us with a song?" Sister asks handing me a guitar. Strumming it I feel the Holy Spirit surround me guiding me as the words of Ave Maria to flow from my lips and carry throughout the room.

Hitting the last note; I open my eyes to see a small crowd of nuns, Decans, and Father Gregory around me. Clapping as they chime in together in awe, "That was beautiful Sophie". Handing back the guitar I leave the safety of the Church to walk through the valley of the dead. Unsettled but not scared I wander in the dark back to Ella's. Around the corner from the church Sebastian stands waiting for me. "You have a beautiful voice." He states with a smile.

"Thank you." Being kind even though I do not want to be. Taking into account the lesson I had just learned from Father's homily today. Continuing my journey down the rode he easily catches up to me, matching his stride to mine.

"Please let me in." He pleads wanting to place his hand on me but unsure if he should.

"I'll let you in when you tell me why Jasper was in my building when you dropped me off the other night. I'll let you in when you tell me why two people from your house came to my job and stared at me like they have a vendetta against me. I'll let you in when you let me in." I practically yell at him my anger getting the best of me. All the good feelings from mass dissipating before him.

"I cannot tell you why they were there. I do not know." Searching his eyes, I know he is lying. He had not had enough time to compose his face to his normal serene mask before finding my answer.

"Keep your secrets and I will keep mine!" running away in my Sunday shoes chafe at my feet but I welcome the pain. It is better than the pain I feel in my heart. More tears run down my cheeks and I can taste them before they have the chance to drip off my chin.

***

Climbing back into Ella's bed I get out a small flashlight and my bible, hoping that I can once again receive the calming affect it normally has on me. Opening the book, I let the pages fall where they may, letting God tell me what he wants me to know and do. It opens to the book of Psalms chapter ninety- two, verse four catches my eye. I settle in and read

For you Lord, have made me glad through your work; will triumph in the works of your hands

Oh Lord, how great are your works! Your thoughts are very deep.

A senseless man does not know, Nor does a fool understand this.

When the wicked spring up like grass, and when all the workers of iniquity flourish,

It is that they may be destroyed forever.

Closing the book, I lay there in the dark waiting for the sweet unknown to take me over. When it arrives, I submerge myself into it completely, letting go of all my worries.

As the week continues passes by, I continue to ignore Sebastian even though he never gives up. Every day he would come to my job to try and start a conversation or to the school to pick me up. Every day I either left with Ella or ran to her house leaving him in my wake. No matter how much I ignored him that week and how much I ran away from him I knew that I could not fully run away from the problem. He wasn't allowing me to, and I would have to face the day he would find out the truth about my home life. Just as I had to face the fact that I would have to return to the house soon. Saturday greets me to find me in a sour mood returning to my house. Walking in the door I can hear their screams the same as I remember. Going straight to my room I unpack everything and get my laundry together. Putting the soap in the laundry bag packed with clothes I head out of my room and straight into sailing fists. One hits me square in the jaw as I reel backwards to find another one coming down at me. It feels as if he takes his time pounding into my face before he leaves.

Opening my eyes as far as they can go, I pick myself up and stumble into the bathroom to see the damage. My face is red and puffy looking like someone took a baseball bat to it. Not allowing the tears that ache to spill out I return to my room and call Ella then Mari letting them know that I will not be attending school for a while. Covering up I grab a sweater, baseball cap, and sunglasses. Before deciding on adding a decorative scarf to wrap around neck, mouth, and cheek. Leaving the house, I leave the laundry bag where it lies and head straight to St. Mathews Cathedral.

Walking through the doors I head down the aisle to the front pew, immediately going to the kneeler. I pray for help and assurance, I pray for my abuser to become sober, and I pray for a way to conceal this all. I can hear foot falls coming closer to me down the lane stopping beside me. "Sophie? Sophie. It is good to-" breaking off mid- sentence as he looks down at my still semi covered face. Father Gregory falls to his knees taking off my cover up, revealing my swollen, puffy, distorted face. "Madre Mia. What happened to you?" Father cries for the first time seeing the full extent of the beatings I have received over the years.

"I came home to a surprise, Jimmy's fists. Please let me cover myself again." Grabbing my belongings back from him I place them all back on. Covering up my hideous face.

"Do not go back there. Please Sophie do not go back there. Stay with a friend but whatever you do, do not go to that apartment." He begs of me.

"I have to. I have to stay for her." I say removing my hands from his tight grip. Getting up I walk out of the church leaving Father Gregory kneeling by the pew shaking his head in sadness.