37 Course of Redemption

"Sorry... I've made up my mind," I whispered as Misa fell into the ground.

I don't deserve it... I know I don't deserve redemption.

"Amber!" Damon burst through the door in a panic, "Thank the lords you're alright! I thought maybe Misa would've targeted you because you were the person that tried to stop her last time!" Damon hugged me tight not letting me breathe.

Suffocating me... "I can protect myself," I pushed him away... I don't need him... I don't need anyone. I never did. I never will...

"Hiroto, how long... how long will it take for me to heal completely?" I said, softly.

"2 weeks minimum," Damon replied.

"I didn't ask you," My voice was monotone and cold, "Just... get out of my way." There was no hesitation in my voice; I didn't let anything slip. It's mean... no, it's cruel, but it's best for both of us this way.

Damon alone would never join the demon king's forces. His sense of justice is too high, as high as Shin's if I had to guess, but I was there. The only thing I've ever done for that guy is drag him down.

He respected my wishes and walked away. What does that guy see in me?

Someone who was born in the light has no rights to be this deep in the dark. Even though they didn't say it, everyone wanted someone to blame for all this. They want a purely evil villain.

That group, they were all blaming the first generation heroes for the chaos, but I'm sure they have a reason. As humans, we never want to relate to a villain because after we do, they rarely remain villains in our eyes.

When we have no one else to blame we end up blaming ourselves. So all I have to do is shift the blame to me. It's easy being cold, being cruel, that's already me. Tears rolled down my eyes unknowingly as if it was second nature.

"Why am I... crying? I..." my voice shook in confusion. I don't get it.

"You're scared..." Hiroto stood up and patted my head and wiped my tears away, "Your body might've turned into a demon, but wanting to be liked is one of the most human things ever. Amber... I have something to say... I'm not rea-"

"Readable anymore? I know... ever since I woke up... I noticed that you've become unreadable. I can't tell what you're exactly thinking anymore... but it's fun! Trying different ways to read you again would be fun!" I smiled.

His eyes became surprised, but the shock became a sadness, "I'll be the one reading your mind from now on. After all... I'm apart of it,"

What does that even mean? Is that a challenge? "You wish!"

There's no way he can ever read my mind! I won't let him.

"There's no way he can ever read my mind! I won't let him," Hiroto chuckled as he said exactly what I was thinking.

My eyes widened in shock, that bas-

"Language," He smiled and winked, "Oh look, how the turn tables."

Goddammit... I hate the taste of my own medicine...

"I hate you..."

"Now you know how it feels! But seriously... don't go too hard on yourself. You don't have to feel like you were responsible for everything that happene-"

"But I didn't do anything! I led them to their capture. I led them to their doom! I... I wasn't strong enough to defy orders... I could've warned them... I could've done something... I just didn't!" I cried out.

I was the guide. They died because I didn't want to go back to that hell, that chamber-

"That's in the past. You're drowning in regret without even learning from it. You weren't brave then, but you can be brave now... you want redemption. I know you do."

I. Don't. Want. It. I don't want something I don't deserve!

"You want it! Be more selfish dammit! Life's too short for you to not do what you want," His voice slowly raised and so did mine.

"I... I CAN'T!" I yelled off the top of my lungs. Silence filled the room as my breathing stabilized.

"I just can't," I ended off the conversation and closed my eyes.

I didn't notice at first, but the echoes of that hell seemed to disappear. Now, when I close my eyes I feel this sudden emptiness in my heart. Like something is missing... this feeling that I've been missing something big...

Then I heard someone scream and my throat would hurt. Then I realized it was me that was screaming. I was holding on to someone. Tears were flooding down my eyes, but then I woke up. Not knowing who it was nor why I was crying

This time was no different, I opened my eyes again to find that the roof of that hospital wing was no longer. It replaced by the night sky filled with stars all over. The sounds of grass tips being pulled by the wind made a soothing lullaby for a nights rest.

As I started to drift off again I realized that this place wasn't a dream. I looked around to find Hiroto staring at the endless sky above, listlessly wandering in his thoughts.

"We're in the demon realm anymore... their skies are as black as the void. This is the human realm's night sky... how did I get here?" I asked, grabbing his attention.

"I carried you here. With them" He pointed towards the shadows that were hiding Misa, Kyle and Mia.

I don't get it... "W-Why?"

He raised his hand towards my forehead and... flicked his finger.

"Ouch! What was that for?!" I yelled

"If you're not gonna get what you want, then I will bring it to you." Hiroto said with a smirked and disappeared into the shadows.

"What the hell! Don't leave me!" I shouted as I tried to hold onto him, but I was too late. The only thing I grabbed was the air.

Gosh darn it, the coward left me!

"W-Where am I?" Suddenly Misa woke up...